SENIORS WHO GAVE THEIR CHILDREN "EVERYTHING" and STILL DO NOT GET VISITS

I was talking to someone about this the other day and they said, "Sister, you do not know what the relationships were like. Maybe these parents abused their children and don't deserve a relationship."  He had a point, but as a NMNK I have looked in on a few seniors in my neighborhood who went to live in Assisted Living.  I looked in on people who

NEVER MARRIED OR HAD KIDS

Had children who were disabled and were in some way not capable.

Had children who hated them; sometimes the reasons were questionable.  Such as the woman whose daughter hated her because she also had a son who was ill and needed her attention much more.

Had children who were given cars, college educations, and help financing starter homes, but who still rarely visited their parents.

That the children were "too busy" or "have their own life," were the reasons given.

I just thought that maybe these children were only too glad they didn't have to take time off from their jobs or careers or their travel or whatever because their parents were in what was considered a safe place.

However even the so called "exclusive" building was not a great. For instance, at one place they had chicken almost every night for dinner, there was theft going on and it was probably staff blaming residents, and I walked in on an employee having a very long personal phone conversation who let the front desk - and taking calls from residents go without attendance.

I'm meeting more only children who have the full responsibility for BOTH parents as they age now.

One woman has parents who divorced, a mom with memory loss, who are in two different places.  She is NMNK and burdened with this unshared responsibility though she is intelligent, educated, and loves her parents.

Without judgement on what sort of relationship a parent has with their children,  I can say that HAVING CHILDREN IS NO GUARANTEE THAT THEY WILL BE ALIVE, WELL, INTERESTED IN YOU, or THERE FOR YOU IN SICKNESS and in AGE.

HAVING CHILDREN ONLY BECAUSE YOU THINK SOMEONE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET OLD is NOT A REASON TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Sister

NMNK in 2023 REVIEW: ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

 Hello my friends, NMNK and otherwise.

This year I ...

Had to tell a man who has a daughter but otherwise has been divorced for years without any intent to remarry what NMNK means.  (It was funny because he thought maybe I was trying to tell him about my sexuality)  Never Married No Kids.

Met more people who are having trouble paying their rent (even when they have had several children who are NOT helping their parents).  I met divorced or unmarried persons who are stuck in inadequate housing... such as living in a room or living with one or more roommates rther than having their own apartment or home.

Was proposed to by a friend since he said, neither of us have ever married.  (But he had a ten year relationship with a woman he did not marry, who left the relationship to marry someone else.  I thought he was sincere but have no romantic or sexual interest in him.  I had to remind him that crushes don't last and that living together or getting married is serious.

Had a crush of my own - Yes it happens.  But I suppose the interest was not mutual because this man did not make a move. 

Met a NMNK man, who has had sex with a LOT of women but came closest to marriage with a ten year relationship that ended badly, tell me about how when he was 30 he ad his then girlfriend decided upon an abortion.  He said sometimes he thinks that he could have a child who would be 40 now, but that there is no way that he could have supported a child in his profession.  (Lot's of people work hard and cannot afford to bring a child into the word or raise it.)

Met a man, a senior who said that he is not willing to consider dating for two reasons.  One, he physically cannot have sex anymore, and secondly that if he married and it did not work out then he would loose his condo, which is basically his safety, security, and net worth.

ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

Sister

INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

 

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

 POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Linking here to Population Services International, the organization that Ashley Judd works for and writes about so vividly in her new book, just out, called ALL THAT IS BITTER AND SWEET. Some people feel that we should be concentrating on the problems of our own country when we are in such deep doo-doo economically, and perhaps on our way to being a 3rd world country, others that spending billions to help other people in other countries out of desperate poverty; this book is also about children and women held as sex slaves (she uses the term enslaved prostitutes throughout) DO YOU DO VOLUNTEER?

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

ALONE NOT LONELY

 

SINGLE BY FATE? GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU TO BE ALONE AND LONELY?

Have you ever met someone who was convinced that GOD has a PLAN for their life and interprets every bad thing as some part of a grand plan that will end OK for them?  Have you ever met someone who talks this belief aloud and interprets everything that has happened and is happening for you the same way?

Recently I met such a person, a woman, while waiting for a bus with her after just missing one.  It was a too hot day, I was tired, and worried that my dog had been home alone too long. 

At first I appreciated the empathy but as she began to throw on the GOD'S PLAN interpretation of being stranded for a half hour and then my life, I felt sorry that I had been so frustrated that I'd spewed information aloud.

I felt uncomfortable and was unable to be honest and tell her that I personally DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS PLANNED THE MICRODETAILS OF MY LIFE, and certainly not a GRANDE SCHEME.  I think it is a very passive interpretation of life, and I think we should be striving towards goals, even if we are not so successful.

When I got home I began to think about how many people think that if they marry or not it's up to GOD.  So many of these people are also so fatalistic that they actually think Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to knock on their door, introduce themselves, and proceed towards marriage.  These people are maybe shy, or afraid to take risks, or took risks and lost.  This is why it is best to STRIVE!

C 2021

Sister

EVERY WHICH WAY

 

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

 

ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT

PHILANTHROPY NEWS DIGEST: ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECTS 

Excerpt:  Founded 1998

Mission: The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a national nonprofit organization advocating for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who chose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage.  While ATMP opposes marital status discrimination it is  not anti-marriage...  Essentially, it believes that everyone should have the option of choosing to marry or not...

A FAMILY OF FRIENDS

 

DUEX

 

SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

 SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

SPRING HAS SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON FERTILITY, especially at Easter Time - all those hens and chicks, eggs, bunnies - symbols of reproduction and fertility - I wonder if this is the worst time for people who find themselves to be infertile.

The inability to have children when you want them is one of the unintentional causes for being a NMNK person, you could say it's FATE.

We're used to hearing about modern medical miracles and assume that because such things as invitro fertilization are possible that everyone has access (money / insurance) to receive these medical treatments and services.  We hear about all the children who are in need of being adopted and we think that is something anyone with enough love and maturity to raise a child can do.  Then we find out that it's usually expensive, at least if you want to adopt a baby, difficult, that you have to go to another country if you're older and older means 40ish!  (Foster care options may be better for the NMNK's who want to nurture another human being into adulthood.)

I was thinking of an old friend of mine the other day, Lori.  She was sure she didn't want children and her husband seemed to be OK with that.  Then, seven years into their marriage, after they had acquired a home and had a healthy savings account, suddenly, she very much wanted children. 

I've never had such a change of mind myself, but I wanted to be supportive of her.

Strangely, our friendship ended in part because she felt I was not sympathetic enough when their efforts to adopt were not successful.  I admit I didn't really understand but I did try to and anything I said was probably more in error because she didn't want to hear it.  I told her about someone I knew who adopted a child, about five at the time, a child who was then raised in typical family, without violence, had a lot of therapy anyway, and still turned into the kind of teenager that rages and physically abuses his own parents. 

Lori, I'll call her, was not all that happy in her marriage.  She was the wife who made much more than her husband, and who allowed him to continue in work that didn't support them.  Personally I have nothing against one person being a stay at home mom or dad, or one person paying more or all of the bills. 

One of the demands she made prior to trying for a baby was that he be the main breadwinner while she gave up her business.  He managed to get a job due to connections that his father had, and so he was able to support them.  However, Lori also didn't like the fact that he had to work overtime and she sometimes cooked dinner for them and he did a no- show.  I told her that he probably could not be the only man at the office that went home to his wife.  The man he worked for wanted to take the whole staff out a whole lot.  I guess I felt she couldn't have it all her way, so the hell with the cold meatloaf and be happy she had a husband who could support them.

Some time after she withdrew her friendship, which hurt me, I found out that SHE HAD DIED.  Now, if they had successfully adopted a child, that child might have suffered the loss of its adoptive mother.  How much really was her husband into this adoption?  Let's say that his BOSS even tried to help them get an attorney who would make their dreams of having a child come true.

Years later I realize that Lori was not happy in her life.  I'm not putting her down for this.  I'm just saying that was the case.  She didn't want the life she had.  She wanted ... more.  And she didn't get it before she died.

Has her husband remarried?  I don't think so.  At least I haven't found him on the Internet posing with a new wife or new woman.  OMNK = Once Married No Kids?

- Sister

(First published March 27, 2012)

VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER

VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER

Vicious?

I have a bad memory of visiting many times at an "exclusive" senior living building where the new resident was a ex woman executive from New York City, who had married late in life and then been widowed. 
The senior I was visiting was male and NMNK.  He was pitied.

The other women - her generational peers - were very mean spirited to this childless woman.  When their children and grandchildren came to visit this ex-executive was friendly and talkative with them.   She was trying to fit in and acknowledge their families.  After all, they all sat in the common area with the fancy decor much of the day.

The traditional stay at home mother senior citizens who were living there would accuse her of jealousy and resent her friendliness to their "loved ones."  I spoke to this woman several times before she moved elsewhere.  I HAD TO WONDER HOW MEAN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SHE HAD ALSO NEVER MARRIED.  WOULD THEY HAVE ASSUMED SHE WAS QUEER?

She was very proud of her career and had career advice for me.  She dressed very well compared to these other women, who were also coming from wealth, in that she still suited up every day.  Criticism of what she wore and pretty much anything she did was so prevalent, I doubt there was anything she could do right.  They despised her - her type - right away and it went downhill from there.
She had money, money she earned and put aside, as well as money from her husband's estate, enough to live elsewhere and she made that choice, and I felt sad for her that these other women were so unfair to her and hoped the next exclusive senior building she went to had kinder people.  She struck me as the most intelligent woman among them.

I also learned during my visits there that a lot of these women were still supporting some or all of their children and that many of them had been generous to their children but rarely got visits...  That reinforced for me that no person should be motivated to have children based on the idea that these children will "take care" of them in old age.

I WONDER IF THE RESENTMENT THAT TRADITIONAL STAY AT HOME MOTHERS OF THAT GENERATION FEEL IS WORSE than generations following when women overall have had more choices.

(First published October 13, 2012)

 

WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!

 WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?  NOTHING!

What's WRONG?  What's wrong is all those people who think that by PESTERING YOU, INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, and otherwise being RUDE or IGNORANT, think they deserve an answer to such a question?  But we know that most of them won't take "NONE OF YOUR (DAMN) BUSINESS" as an answer.  So we have to come up with an answer that is satisfying.  I know some of you take pride in not stooping to someone elses level, but when they aim to hurt, aim right for your sensitivities, do they really deserve to be treated with respect they won't give you?

First tactic.  Turn the question around!

 "What's wrong with you that... you have children?  You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)?  What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?"  "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"

"What's wrong with you for asking? " 

"Do you lack social skills?"

"Do you need a personality transplant?"

You get the idea.  I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!

(First published May 21, 2011) 

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

One of my friends recently suggested to me that the great number of men who have been coming on to me - in various ways - over the last year and a half are doing so because word is out that I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS! You see, she thinks I'm THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YET. One of these men posed as my friend for months. One day he told me "All the guys figure that one day you are going to give in. Someone is going to get you. They figure they may as well try." Actually, that worried me. A competition for me? I suppose if a woman wants to be married she might find a way to exploit the competition. But I've never been that way and I don't trust people who only want you because it seems everyone does. Are there any men out there who would like to comment on this? 

Sister

(First published November 2, 2009)

LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

 LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

LISA SMITH ASEXUAL AND LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP  DAILY MAIL ARTICLE includes interview and video.

" After trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed."

(First published March 22, 2013)

DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

 DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

Well friends, I did!  I got my turkey a week early and decided to thaw out and cook it the next day.  I stuck it in a crock pot and hours later I had a meal and a lot of left overs.  I remember the days when Turkey was only for holidays but now, due to low fat diets, more of us are eating it regularly.  Not as special.

Also not as special.  Going out shopping on Thanksgiving!  Is NOTHING sacred?

Not me.  There was not a chance in hell that I was going to do Thanksgiving as greed and materialism and Black Friday as more greed and materialism.  I know there were deals out there but in my town people were camping out in store parking lots over night to beat other consumers.

I went to the local library the day before and came home with a dozen DVD's.  Some films I wanted to watch, others to take a chance with, including documentaries.  Then, as I watched these over a FOUR DAY SELF IMPOSED HOLIDAY, I did some hand sewing. 

Over my holiday I took my doggie for a long walk and bathed her.  I started to read a really interesting book called YOUR DOG IS YOUR MIRROR, just out, that tells us that dogs are living in the moment and emotionally at all times. (Enough of this dog training via the dominance model!)

Actually I had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, but hey, washing the windows and hanging new draperies I'd made by myself was fulfilling, and I can put the Halloween decorations away another time.

At no time did I feel sorry for myself or lonely!

In fact, I turned down an invitation to go to a friend's family for Thanksgiving.  My friend is always complaining about all the family members who would be there, so I saw no reason why I needed to meet these people who cause her so many issues all year.  I'm sure she meant well, but I preferred my own company.

Now the Christmas Holidays are upon us.  I plan to craft a very few personal gifts to give at year's end, along with a LOT OF THANKS for those people I really do appreciate. To me even Christmas is OPTIONAL when it comes to being social.  It's great to be able to do as I like rather than be socially obligated!

Sister

(First published November 26, 2012)

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

 

(First published August 29, 2012)

SUSAN JACOBY 'S NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL : NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BOOK REVIEW

SUSAN JACOBY 'S  NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL

Linking to a YouTube video  (sorry but the video expired so I took it down Nov 2 2023) in which author Susan Jacoby explains her viewpoint. Will our old age be so different than that of our parents or grandparents? New Agism has taken over. Just read a devastating book, written by a secular humanist Susan Jacoby, who looks at the facts not the spin on old age. NEVER SAY DIE, THE MYTH AND MARKETING of THE NEW OLD AGE, put out by Pantheon Books this year, looks at issues like Baby Boomer finances (especially severe for old women), Alzheimer's, and other issues that the people promoting 80 as the new 50 don't want you to try on. While reading this book I was thinking of the recession we're in and the fact that many women never have the kind of employers who provide retirements. So many are already hurting, already working hard and unable to save. I was thinking that fear of being alone and broke in old age IS STILL NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO HAVE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN OLD AGE . In visiting seniors living in retirement homes, board and cares, and nursing homes, I already know that many of those who had children - and grandchildren - still do not get the visits they need. I notice those ads that have vital active and young looking grey haired seniors enjoying their retirement years. They rarely seem to show real residents, people with walkers and wheel chairs. This book is not light summer reading, but it is reading that will make you think and activate. '

Sister

(First published  August 30, 2011)

C 2011 - 2023 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot 

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

  ... "I expect to live single all the days of my life..."

(First published December 2, 2012)

SOUL MATE : A FILM BY ANDREA WILEY : A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE: A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE a film by Andrea Wiley is C 2006 Clean Heart Production 

Review by Sister - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS 

This is a documentary that focuses on successful, independent, beautiful, and Christian African American women, 40ish, who have never married and, listening to them speak, never had children. According to the stats which must have been from the 2000 U.S. census, 42.3% of Black women had never been married. Worse, and this is not according to the U.S. census, Black women are contracting HIV/AIDS from Black men on the low down (that means these men are also having sex with men, though they may be macho and not stereotypical or recognizable as gay), and bringing this home to their wives - a tragedy. First, the women in this film are exceptionally accomplished and well spoken about their thoughts and feelings about their lives. I don't know that they represent average African- American women. It's more like "if these women can't find husbands then who can?" One of the women who speaks is a Christian minister with a growing following while two of the men who speak are also Christian ministers. There is some take about "BC" as in Before Christian. Implied is that these women (and men) have taken a vow of celibacy until they are married. This is a vow to God and there is hope in these women that God will find them a husband or that they can accept His Will that they not be chosen for this role. Some are brave about their future. One breaks into tears of loneliness. Considering that so many African-American children are born outside marriage and don't have much fatherly presence in their lives, these women are holding out for a spiritual tradition and lifestyle that is less common than is being played out in the African-American communities where babies mamas and babies daddy are being played out. The African- American women I've met through the years expressed to me great frustration with African -American men, but also seemed to have a less entitled attitude than most Caucasian-American women I've met. I felt sorry for them because they seemed to have much less selection than Caucasian- American women. This is in part to the fact that African-American men marry Caucasian-American women at a rate five times higher than African-American women marry Caucasian-American men. This film also has a little bit about how slavery destroyed African-American families. However, personally, 150 years (a few generations from slavery) I think this has become an excuse. Many ethnic groups have had terrible struggles, for instance the Jewish-Americans who came as refugees due to the Holocaust, and simply, there has been time for African-Americans to address these issues in their culture. Coming from a heritage where poverty was no excuse for bad behavior of any sort, and certainly not for having children outside marriage, I think of this as a cultural problem that must be addressed within that culture. What I've heard about and observed is, sadly, African-American men taking full advantage of their rarity to exploit women who are desperate for them. I'm aware that telling a woman to hold out for a better sort of man in her life is telling her to remain celibate, single, and possibly childless. I personally think this is a better life than being married to Mr. Wrong or finding out you've been sharing a cheater with other women. The quality of this film was excellent. Watch it. You might have a different opinion!

(First published September 4, 2012)

Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community,NMNK lifestyle,Andrea Wiley,United States of America,Sister Speaks,Black Woman,Never Married Women,Christianity,celibacy,

TO MY NMNK READERS AROUND THE WORLD : WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE NMNK IN YOUR CULTURE?

TO MY NMNK READERS AROUND THE WORLD : WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE NMNK IN YOUR CULTURE?

I was looking at my readership which Google Blogger provides free in Statistics. I noticed that readers have been checking in from around the world. I would like to hear from some of you about what it's like to be NMNK in your country and culture. 

I have readers from the English speaking countries of US, UK, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. English speaking countries tend to have the most modern western "liberal" attitudes. I also have readers from Germany, Russia, Sweden and Denmark : MY GUESS IS THAT IN THESE COUNTRIES THERE IS NOT SO MUCH PRESSURE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, especially not while still in your twenties. 

Of these it is most difficult to get contraception in Russia. In the west we hear Russians are having many painful abortions because contraception is not so easily available and that even the diaphragm is not to western standards and painful to use for the woman. I also have readers who I suspect are having a more difficult time living the life they choose. These readers are in Ireland, Serbia, and Romania, where the difficulties of obtaining contraception and attitudes against abortion would make celibacy the only way to surely avoid pregnancy until married. Even more difficult, I suspect, is being NMNK in the countries of South Korea, Philippines, India, and Indonesia where some of my readers also read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS on the Internet. 

My western understanding of the attitudes in these countries, especially towards women who remain unmarried (and are not in convents, nunneries, or monasteries) is that they face hostility. I've installed the latest GOOGLE TRANSLATOR to help you read this blog. If you want to leave a comment in your language, I will try to translate it also! 

Sister

(First published on May 21 2012) 

 

CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

This past weekend I went with a friend to a Natural History Museum. We paid twelve dollars each to get into the museum - less than a movie but not nothing. I hadn't been to a Natural History Museum in years and this one boasted a newly configured dinosaur exhibit. In order to control the numbers of people going through the exhibit, the Museum was controlling how many people could enter every hour with a special ticket. I wish instead they had staged a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY! The entire afternoon in the museum was a disaster! There were many small screens - computers and projections - with speakers on. But we couldn't HEAR any of them because of all the shrieking children. I got hit into three times by kids who were running around and not paying any attention, once hard enough to leave a bruise. And their rotten parents were not controlling them or disciplining them. Where were the security guards to put an end to this insanity? Yes, I think a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY is a great idea! Once a week, adults should be able to go to a museum and proceed quietly and with dignity. 

Sister

(First published September 6, 2011)

 

ARE YOUR PETS YOUR FAMILY OF CHOICE?

ARE YOUR PETS YOUR FAMILY OF CHOICE?

Recently I became aware of all the dog and cat rescue groups that are trying to find homes for pets who have been abandoned or picked up by the dog catcher. 

I toured a couple facilities in two different towns near me, both which were running "sales." I noticed that one shelter's web site had over 300 animals at any one time. I went there and saw maybe 50 dogs, mostly Pit Bulls and Chihuahuas. Although Pit Bulls have a bad rap, one of the Pit Bulls I saw was beautiful, healthy, expertly trained, and gentle - enough to sit with a baby. It was only two years old. But it had no collar, tags, or microchip on it, so it was listed by the street it had been picked up on. Why had no one come to pick it up? Well, the shelter employee I spoke with said something like "I've been here ten years and most of the time owners do not come in to pick up their pets, even when they are licensed and micro-chipped." 

The reason may not just be economics. Right now a lot of people are loosing homes - and backyard. People are becoming homeless. It costs to pick up your animal. Just like a car that's been impounded the fines ad up. Maybe the owner knows the dog has medical issues that will cost them. For some people getting a new animal may be less expensive. 

I think also that people are offended when a pet runs away from them, though many simply ran because they were startled by a loud sound - an earthquake, fireworks, a truck backfiring. 

(First published August 5 2012)

RUDE !

 RUDE !

Can you believe that some guy came up to me at a party and said "Are you queer? That you never married or had children? What's wrong with you?" HE WAS TOO IGNORANT TO EVEN RESPOND TO! But it stung because everyone looked my way...

(First published  October 7, 2009)

 

ALL THOSE DATING BOOKS ARE WORTHLESS TO THOSE WHO HATE DATING

ALL THOSE DATING BOOKS ARE WORTHLESS TO THOSE WHO HATE DATING

Those who are not interested in being married are sometimes not even interested in DATING.

There are so many books on the shelves of bookstores and libraries these days that are intended to help you get partnered.

Those of us who are taking a vacation from dating, for now or for life, find reading these books to be a bit amusing.

That's right! AMUSING!

We are thought of as rather without heart (though we can put love into our work, our volunteerism, our hobbies and sports, our friends and family.

I'm going to tell you one of my PET PEEVES. I can't stand it when people try to "make family" as if they need to prove they are not really unmarried or childless, by having their dogs and cats and other pets stand in as children. You see this often on the back flap of a book by certain authors. Never mind that this person has authored and published a book which is an accomplishment in itself. Their bio reads "She lives in Maine with her dog." Please! Stop the apologies already!

If the fact that the world is overpopulated, and that so many children are brought into this world by biological parents who think love is enough (and many don't even have that!) and that you may have been lucky or responsible enough NOT TO BE ONE MORE SINGLE MOTHER WITH A "BABIES PAPA" what is it going to take for you to stop apologizing for not being a breeder?

Sister

(First posted February 25, 2012)

 

BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND...

 BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND...

Have you ever had that terrible feeling at a wedding that you need to leave before the bride throws the bouquet - at you? (Men may feel this way about the garter being thrown at them!) It's happened to me. I was on my way out when the bride yelled my name and threw! How embarrassing. Especially because I had told this friend more than once that I had NO INTEREST IN GETTING MARRIED. Everyone in the place looked to find me! I suppose it's just silliness but for some it's superstition! And for some it's one of the many pagan - fertility enhancing - mini-rituals in the Western wedding tradition, along with throwing rice, confetti, popcorn, or bird seed at the bride and groom so they will soon be pregnant. In an overpopulated world fertility rituals should be the personal endeaver of the proven infertile. (Instead we should have a ritual that will prevent conception until we are ready to be parents.) 

Sister

(First posted October 21, 2011)

 

SOLOGAMY

 

ARE FAMILY MEMBERS USING YOUR NMNK LIFE AS A CAUTIONARY TALE TO YOUNGER FAMILY MEMBERS?

 ARE FAMILY MEMBERS USING YOUR NMNK LIFE AS A CAUTIONARY TALE TO YOUNGER FAMILY MEMBERS?

Have you ever had the experience of overhearing or otherwise finding out that certain family members are using you and your NMNK lifestyle as an example to others - maybe their children - of what not to be?

I've had this experience.  While I want to respect that other people choose marriage and/or children, I have never had the same respect - mutual respect - and that can make me feel defensive.

I HAVE BEEN SHOCKED BY THE WAY CERTAIN WOMEN DEMAND THEIR CHILDREN GIVE THEM GRANDCHILDREN!

(First posted October 20, 2012)

Note:  When the family you are related to through genetics does not approve of you simply because you are not marriage prone or have no children, sometimes it's best to separate from them and have a Family of Friends or a Family of Choice instead.

70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND CABARET SINGER PAM SHAW THINKS SHE'D LIKE TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE

 70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND CABARET SINGER PAM SHAW THINKS SHE'D LIKE TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE

What a fun article and a fun lady! Pam Shaw has been busy with her sexy cabaret act but is (still) a virgin! Pam Shaw was always too busy with her cabaret singing career to find herself a man. And, as she is against sex before marriage, a casual fling was out of the question.It's all a world away from her onstage person as The Sexational Pam, with her daring outfits having turned many a head during her years on Britain's club circuit.But, as she told the Sun, she's not looking for just any old man. She said:'Now's the time. I'm ready to take the plunge for the right bloke. 'My standards are still very high, though. I'm hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire..." 

HUFFINGTONPOST UK 70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN PAM SHAW

(First posted May 11, 2012)

CYNDI LAUPER : GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

CYNDI LAUPER : GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

PLATONIC MALE FRIEND PROVES TO BE SELECTIVELY DEAF! : SISTER SPEAKS!

 PLATONIC MALE FRIEND PROVES TO BE SELECTIVELY DEAF

SELECTIVELY DEAF!  That's what I call my platonic friend who just recently landed a bouquet of flowers on me (secretly; no one seems to know how they got there) with a card that called me his "princess" and his "dream."  and was signed "your secret admirer."  When I made no reaction (at that point not sure who or where they came from!) he went and asked me if I had gotten them.  He turned pink. 

I said "Thank you, but that was really not necessary."  He asked "Well, who else would have sent them?" (The truth is there must be at least a half dozen men here and there who make passes at me or suggest that they would be interested in me and I could think of 5 men who might have.) My friend was on a "fishing expedition". 

HE ONCE SAID "When I woman doesn't talk about a boyfriend I figure she doesn't have one.  And I had said, "I don't talk a lot about boyfriends. Then I said that I had been dating someone for a year before I had mentioned this to anyone in our social group and first met him and I saw no reason to detail my encounters or my feelings. 

I don't have anything against getting a bouquet of flowers (you can tell that from my Meez avatar above!) but I DO HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST A MAN WHO APPARENTLY HAS NOT HEARD ME WHEN I HAVE SAID in recent times that I AM CELIBATE, THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING MARRIED, THAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND... When I have complained about one man or another looking for unwarranted hugs or a neighbor trying to practice foot massage therapy on me. When I have said that I would not want to live with or marry another person in our same profession...

It's true this man and I have long discussions about various intellectual subjects, but he drives me a little crazy because he's professorial and one of those people who thinks interrupting a discussion to correct pronunciation isn't unkind. He's interesting on his subjects but a bit of a know it all. I can only take so much of him and I don't confuse all this with a relationship developing more sexually. It's also true that I told him about the (above mentioned) relationship when it was well over, explaining to him that it had become long distance and thus unworkable but that this person still occupied my heart. I was not sure what would happen if he moved back to town.

JUST TO MAKE THE BOUQUET EVEN MORE EVIDENT OF SELECTIVE DEAFNESS, he had said that he could not imagine being with a woman who was not a devout Christian, which I am not.  So, of course, I thought he was declaring us incompatible on that basis.

I thought we were hanging out KNOWING that platonic friendship was the only possibility for us.

NOW I FEEL THAT TO EVEN TAKE HIS CALLS or GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM will be leading him on, since I have no interest or intention of taking this once upon a time friendship to another level!  

CAN YOU RELATE?

Sister

(First Published September 11, 2010)

C 2010  Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

ASEXUALITY : A HOT TOPIC : HOW IT'S DIFFERENT FROM CELIBACY ?

ASEXUALITY : A HOT TOPIC : HOW IT'S DIFFERENT FROM CELIBACY ?

I get a whole lot of hits on my post about ASEXUAL CELEBRITIES. A person who is asexual feels as though they are devoid of sexual motivation or sexual nature. They may be a very loving person, a sensual person, but they just don't get into sex. They can love deeply but see no need or have little to no interest in taking that love into the physical. This is the perfect way to be if you're a person who is spiritually based and participating in religious life that requires celibacy. A person may be asexual for a while or for life. They may be married and have children but no longer be interested. CELIBACY is not participating in sexual contact with other people as a chosen lifestyle, at least temporarily (the sexual fast after a break up and before another involvement for instance.) The person might like sex, even love sex, but feel that for now it's time out. While many asexuals are celibate, many celibates struggle with attractions, despite their decisions. I think the difference is motivation or attitudes. NMNK is a blog for everyone who is NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS, and being asexual or celibate are two possible ways to be NMNK.

(First published June 12, 2012)

DAISY WREATH

 

UNMARRIED IN JAPAN

UNMARRIED IN JAPAN

In countries such as Japan where the pressure to marry is immense because singlehood is so unacceptable, I've read that the rates of earlier death for single people are higher than for marrieds. Such statistics are often used to show how wonderful marriage is, how normal. Get married and you will be so happy you'll live a longer, healthier life is the story. But you have to look at how many of those never married Japanese commit suicide because of the social stigma of being unmarried. Japan is the most Westernized country in Asia and we hope that the attitudes against Never Married No Kids are changing! ARE YOU A JAPANESE MAN OR WOMAN WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN MARRYING OR HAVING CHILDREN? We'd like to hear your story!

(First published November 10, 2008)

IS IT YOUR FATE TO BE NMNK ? SISTER SPEAKS!

 IS IT YOUR FATE TO BE NMNK ?  SISTER SPEAKS!

I haven't posted much on those who are VERY UNHAPPY being NMNK, who are NMNK because of infertility for instance, but who really do want to be married and have children and feel that life has passed them by because they haven't achieved these things.

I feel there is just so much on the Internet in support of those of you who have this life experience. And just so much on the Internet by you - lamenting your circumstances in life. NMNK who are in constant mourning over their fate of unpartnered and childless life are usually considered to be "normal." They're given a lot of sympathy - and pity. These NMNK can be aggressively proactive about finding a partner. They may be joining dating sites, having their friends match-make them, and saying prayers before they fall asleep hoping that God or Goddess will arrange for them to meet their "soul mate"! 

Sometimes these are the NMNKs who are investigating adoption or enjoying being used as a baby sitter by friends and family. 

Still they fit into the category I'm part of and write about ; NMNK

Frankly, I think that while we all grieve when our expectations of life go unmet, it's best to go with what it is fate has dealt you and make the very best of it. People can have worthy lives without being part of the status quo. Lots of things can and do go wrong in life and we don't have total control of what happens, so while it's a good to know yourself and acknowledge that being unmarried and childless is causing you a lot of personal pain, it's ridiculous to let this wreck the rest of your life. I'm not suggesting that if you put on the rose colored glasses, go into denial, or dance on the sunny side of the street you're going to stop wanting what you want. I'm suggesting that reviewing your life and noticing what's good as well as what's bad is the way to go! If you really want children but can't (and sometimes that means you can't adopt either because you're single, too poor, or too old) find ways to mix with children in some other healthy way, such as volunteering to work with disadvantage kids, become a Big Sister or Big Brother, or lead a scout troop.

Sister

(First published March 17, 2012)

C 2012 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

SPINSTER MAGGIE KUHN : FOUNDER OF THE GREY PANTHERS : A NMNK ROLE MODEL

SPINSTER MAGGIE KUHN : FOUNDER OF THE GREY PANTHERS : A NMNK ROLE MODEL

Maggie Kuhn (1905 - 1995) was the founder of the Grey Panthers.

She once quipped: "Many people asked me, "You're not married -- how does it happen that a woman like you never married?" And my standard response is, "Sheer luck."

(First Published September 8, 2010)

DINING OUT OR IN ALONE? ALONE DOES NOT MEAN LONELY

 DINING OUT OR IN ALONE? ALONE DOES NOT MEAN LONELY

SUSAN B ANTHONY 19th CENTURY FEMINIST WAS NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

 SUSAN B ANTHONY 19th CENTURY FEMINIST WAS NMNK 

Here's the scoop on SUSAN B. ANTHONY, early in American History of Feminism, and a ROLE MODEL who probably paid a higher price for her radicalism than any Feminist of the 20th century.  And who appears on a United States dollar coin.'

Not so long ago a woman who was uninterested in marriage or motherhood was often considered to be either a Lesbian and/or a Feminist.  How far have we come? Feminist wasn't generally thought of as positive label.  Women seemed to always be explaining they believed in "equal pay" but were not "one of those women who..." Feminist were considered to be "angry" women as if anger invalidates a person's thoughts and feelings. 

Linking here to a bit about SUSAN B. ANTHONY!
WHY NOT BE ANGRY?

Anger can also be a motivational force! 

(First published May 21, 2011)

SOUL MATE: A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE: A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE a film by Andrea Wiley is C 2006 Clean Heart Production 

Review by Sister - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS 

This is a documentary that focuses on successful, independent, beautiful, and Christian African American women, 40ish, who have never married and, listening to them speak, never had children. According to the stats which must have been from the 2000 U.S. census, 42.3% of Black women had never been married. Worse, and this is not according to the U.S. census, Black women are contracting HIV/AIDS from Black men on the low down (that means these men are also having sex with men, though they may be macho and not stereotypical or recognizable as gay), and bringing this home to their wives - a tragedy. First, the women in this film are exceptionally accomplished and well spoken about their thoughts and feelings about their lives. I don't know that they represent average African- American women. It's more like "if these women can't find husbands then who can?" One of the women who speaks is a Christian minister with a growing following while two of the men who speak are also Christian ministers. There is some take about "BC" as in Before Christian. Implied is that these women (and men) have taken a vow of celibacy until they are married. This is a vow to God and there is hope in these women that God will find them a husband or that they can accept His Will that they not be chosen for this role. Some are brave about their future. One breaks into tears of loneliness. Considering that so many African-American children are born outside marriage and don't have much fatherly presence in their lives, these women are holding out for a spiritual tradition and lifestyle that is less common than is being played out in the African-American communities where babies mamas and babies daddy are being played out. The African- American women I've met through the years expressed to me great frustration with African -American men, but also seemed to have a less entitled attitude than most Caucasian-American women I've met. I felt sorry for them because they seemed to have much less selection than Caucasian- American women. This is in part to the fact that African-American men marry Caucasian-American women at a rate five times higher than African-American women marry Caucasian-American men. This film also has a little bit about how slavery destroyed African-American families. However, personally, 150 years (a few generations from slavery) I think this has become an excuse. Many ethnic groups have had terrible struggles, for instance the Jewish-Americans who came as refugees due to the Holocaust, and simply, there has been time for African-Americans to address these issues in their culture. Coming from a heritage where poverty was no excuse for bad behavior of any sort, and certainly not for having children outside marriage, I think of this as a cultural problem that must be addressed within that culture. What I've heard about and observed is, sadly, African-American men taking full advantage of their rarity to exploit women who are desperate for them. I'm aware that telling a woman to hold out for a better sort of man in her life is telling her to remain celibate, single, and possibly childless. I personally think this is a better life than being married to Mr. Wrong or finding out you've been sharing a cheater with other women. The quality of this film was excellent. Watch it. You might have a different opinion!

(First published September 4, 2012)

NEIL DIAMOND : SOLITARY MAN

 

NMNK LINKED TO IMMATURITY? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE ECONOMICS?

 NMNK LINKED TO IMMATURITY?  HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE ECONOMICS?

Recently I heard about an article on the Internet from Britain which said that the reason so many young people are NMNK is that they refuse to grow up! 

The number one reason I feel is that economic times are difficult.  It's not easy to be in your twenties and have the kind of job that allows you to be self-supporting and put money away for the day you can be married - especially not if you want to be married, have children, and have a stay-at-home mom or dad!  So many young people graduate college, and after that bout of freedom and responsibility from family, come home and move back into their bedroom in their parents' home.  Then what?

I think there is another consideration besides economics though, and that is these days families are smaller and parents and children are optioning for an extended family.  Instead of children leaving the family home permanently after college graduation (or the age of 18), and perhaps living so independently that they rarely see their parents, instead parents are helping raise grandchildren and children are staying to do elder care for their parents, sometimes inheriting the house a result.  The interdependency is what family is all about.

Whatever the case, I object to the idea that it is never mature to live with your parents, return to your parents after college, and so on. It takes maturity to make it through four or more years of grinding college classes, to succeed at that.  It also takes maturity to know that you cannot afford to live in an apartment even with roommates, or that you don't want the lifestyle that having roommates often brings.  It takes maturity to know that you do not want marriage, or marriage and children at any time in your life, that you cannot afford to do so and that you would not want to burden other people as a result of your behavior. 

Sister

(First posted December 15, 2012)

C 2012 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

TRACY MCMILLAN : WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED : A REVIEW OF STEREOTYPES SHE BELIEVES IN (THIS WILL MAKE YOU ANGRY!)

TRACY MCMILLAN : WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED : A REVIEW OF STEREOTYPES SHE BELIEVES IN

This article, linked here, is by Tracy McMillan, and appeared in the Huffington Post, is called "WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED." Mcmillan is a single mother living in Los Angeles and the Huffington Post is owned by a woman who has been suspected of marrying a homosexual so that when the divorce came (inevitable) she'd be rich. The Quick List: You're a Bitch, You're Shallow, You're a Slut, You're a Liar, You're Selfish, You're Not Good Enough. (Ready to vomit?) If anger hasn't moved from your feet into your head by now, nothing will provoke you. McMillan is presenting all the worst "reasons" while holding out hope for us. NO SHE'S NOT A HUMORIST.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-youre-not-married_b_822088

(First published  April 10, 2012)

VISITING SOLO SENIORS : FAMILY OF CHOICE FAMILY OF FRIENDS

 VISITING SOLO SENIORS : FAMILY OF CHOICE FAMILY OF FRIENDS

One of the nicest things an NMNK can do is go visiting NMNK seniors.

I think we can learn a lot from those who are senior to us and many of us have parents or grandparents who have already passed away.  There is an increasing number of people who were only children who will go into their senior-hood without parents or siblings.  While some of these people have other blood relatives who may look in on them and be there to stand up for them, many depend(ed) on a FAMILY OF FRIENDS.

I first heard the terms FAMILY OF FRIENDS or FAMILY OF CHOICE (MADE UP OF FRIENDS) while having contact with many gay males in business.  I became friendly with some of these men and learned that though their family of birth had kicked them out because they were living a gay lifestyle (which usually meant no marriage, no children), they had formed family with others in the same situation.  They provided each other mutual support, but it wasn't all talk about problems, it was actually BEING THERE for each other through unemployment, hospitalizations, and so on.

Why not go to a senior building or assisted living in your area and volunteer, or ask the staff if you can be involved in casually visiting seniors there?  Maybe take your dog too.

You may make some friends - of choice.

(First posted on June 6, 2013)

SUSAN JACOBY 'S NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL

SUSAN JACOBY 'S  NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL

VIDEO EXPIRED taken down Nov 2023

Linking to a YouTube video in which author Susan Jacoby explains her viewpoint. Will our old age be so different than that of our parents or grandparents? New Agism has taken over. Just read a devastating book, written by a secular humanist Susan Jacoby, who looks at the facts not the spin on old age. NEVER SAY DIE, THE MYTH AND MARKETING of THE NEW OLD AGE, put out by Pantheon Books this year, looks at issues like Baby Boomer finances (especially severe for old women), Alzheimer's, and other issues that the people promoting 80 as the new 50 don't want you to try on. While reading this book I was thinking of the recession we're in and the fact that many women never have the kind of employers who provide retirements. So many are already hurting, already working hard and unable to save. I was thinking that fear of being alone and broke in old age IS STILL NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO HAVE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN OLD AGE . In visiting seniors living in retirement homes, board and cares, and nursing homes, I already know that many of those who had children - and grandchildren - still do not get the visits they need. I notice those ads that have vital active and young looking grey haired seniors enjoying their retirement years. They rarely seem to show real residents, people with walkers and wheel chairs. This book is not light summer reading, but it is reading that will make you think and activate.

Sister

(First published  August 30, 2011)