NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - An Intentional Community: NMNK lifestyle

Showing posts with label NMNK lifestyle. Show all posts

9/1/23

ALONE NOT LONELY

7/10/23

SINGLE BY FATE? GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU TO BE ALONE AND LONELY?

Have you ever met someone who was convinced that GOD has a PLAN for their life and interprets every bad thing as some part of a grand plan that will end OK for them? Have you ever met someone who talks this belief aloud and interprets everything that has happened and is happening for you the same way?

Recently I met such a person, a woman, while waiting for a bus with her after just missing one. It was a too hot day, I was tired, and worried that my dog had been home alone too long.

At first I appreciated the empathy but as she began to throw on the GOD'S PLAN interpretation of being stranded for a half hour and then my life, I felt sorry that I had been so frustrated that I'd spewed information aloud.

I felt uncomfortable and was unable to be honest and tell her that I personally DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS PLANNED THE MICRODETAILS OF MY LIFE, and certainly not a GRANDE SCHEME. I think it is a very passive interpretation of life, and I think we should be striving towards goals, even if we are not so successful.

When I got home I began to think about how many people think that if they marry or not it's up to GOD. So many of these people are also so fatalistic that they actually think Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to knock on their door, introduce themselves, and proceed towards marriage. These people are maybe shy, or afraid to take risks, or took risks and lost. This is why it is best to STRIVE!

C 2021

Sister

7/1/23

EVERY WHICH WAY

6/23/23

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

6/3/23

ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT

PHILANTHROPY NEWS DIGEST: ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECTS

Excerpt: Founded 1998

Mission: The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a national nonprofit organization advocating for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who chose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage. While ATMP opposes marital status discrimination it is not anti-marriage... Essentially, it believes that everyone should have the option of choosing to marry or not...

3/27/23

DUEX

3/22/23

LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

LISA SMITH ASEXUAL AND LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP DAILY MAIL ARTICLE includes interview and video.

" After trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed."

(First published March 22, 2013)

3/21/23

DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

Well friends, I did! I got my turkey a week early and decided to thaw out and cook it the next day. I stuck it in a crock pot and hours later I had a meal and a lot of left overs. I remember the days when Turkey was only for holidays but now, due to low fat diets, more of us are eating it regularly. Not as special.

Also not as special. Going out shopping on Thanksgiving! Is NOTHING sacred?

Not me. There was not a chance in hell that I was going to do Thanksgiving as greed and materialism and Black Friday as more greed and materialism. I know there were deals out there but in my town people were camping out in store parking lots over night to beat other consumers.

I went to the local library the day before and came home with a dozen DVD's. Some films I wanted to watch, others to take a chance with, including documentaries. Then, as I watched these over a FOUR DAY SELF IMPOSED HOLIDAY, I did some hand sewing.

Over my holiday I took my doggie for a long walk and bathed her. I started to read a really interesting book called YOUR DOG IS YOUR MIRROR, just out, that tells us that dogs are living in the moment and emotionally at all times. (Enough of this dog training via the dominance model!)

Actually I had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, but hey, washing the windows and hanging new draperies I'd made by myself was fulfilling, and I can put the Halloween decorations away another time.

At no time did I feel sorry for myself or lonely!

In fact, I turned down an invitation to go to a friend's family for Thanksgiving. My friend is always complaining about all the family members who would be there, so I saw no reason why I needed to meet these people who cause her so many issues all year. I'm sure she meant well, but I preferred my own company.

Now the Christmas Holidays are upon us. I plan to craft a very few personal gifts to give at year's end, along with a LOT OF THANKS for those people I really do appreciate. To me even Christmas is OPTIONAL when it comes to being social. It's great to be able to do as I like rather than be socially obligated!

Sister

(First published November 26, 2012)

3/20/23

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

3/19/23

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

(First published August 29, 2012)

3/17/23

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

... "I expect to live single all the days of my life..."

(First published December 2, 2012)

3/16/23

SOUL MATE : A FILM BY ANDREA WILEY : A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE: A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE a film by Andrea Wiley is C 2006 Clean Heart Production

Review by Sister - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

This is a documentary that focuses on successful, independent, beautiful, and Christian African American women, 40ish, who have never married and, listening to them speak, never had children. According to the stats which must have been from the 2000 U.S. census, 42.3% of Black women had never been married. Worse, and this is not according to the U.S. census, Black women are contracting HIV/AIDS from Black men on the low down (that means these men are also having sex with men, though they may be macho and not stereotypical or recognizable as gay), and bringing this home to their wives - a tragedy. First, the women in this film are exceptionally accomplished and well spoken about their thoughts and feelings about their lives. I don't know that they represent average African- American women. It's more like "if these women can't find husbands then who can?" One of the women who speaks is a Christian minister with a growing following while two of the men who speak are also Christian ministers. There is some take about "BC" as in Before Christian. Implied is that these women (and men) have taken a vow of celibacy until they are married. This is a vow to God and there is hope in these women that God will find them a husband or that they can accept His Will that they not be chosen for this role. Some are brave about their future. One breaks into tears of loneliness. Considering that so many African-American children are born outside marriage and don't have much fatherly presence in their lives, these women are holding out for a spiritual tradition and lifestyle that is less common than is being played out in the African-American communities where babies mamas and babies daddy are being played out. The African- American women I've met through the years expressed to me great frustration with African -American men, but also seemed to have a less entitled attitude than most Caucasian-American women I've met. I felt sorry for them because they seemed to have much less selection than Caucasian- American women. This is in part to the fact that African-American men marry Caucasian-American women at a rate five times higher than African-American women marry Caucasian-American men. This film also has a little bit about how slavery destroyed African-American families. However, personally, 150 years (a few generations from slavery) I think this has become an excuse. Many ethnic groups have had terrible struggles, for instance the Jewish-Americans who came as refugees due to the Holocaust, and simply, there has been time for African-Americans to address these issues in their culture. Coming from a heritage where poverty was no excuse for bad behavior of any sort, and certainly not for having children outside marriage, I think of this as a cultural problem that must be addressed within that culture. What I've heard about and observed is, sadly, African-American men taking full advantage of their rarity to exploit women who are desperate for them. I'm aware that telling a woman to hold out for a better sort of man in her life is telling her to remain celibate, single, and possibly childless. I personally think this is a better life than being married to Mr. Wrong or finding out you've been sharing a cheater with other women. The quality of this film was excellent. Watch it. You might have a different opinion!

(First published September 4, 2012)

Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community,NMNK lifestyle,Andrea Wiley,United States of America,Sister Speaks,Black Woman,Never Married Women,Christianity,celibacy,

3/15/23

TO MY NMNK READERS AROUND THE WORLD : WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE NMNK IN YOUR CULTURE?

I was looking at my readership which Google Blogger provides free in Statistics. I noticed that readers have been checking in from around the world. I would like to hear from some of you about what it's like to be NMNK in your country and culture.

I have readers from the English speaking countries of US, UK, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. English speaking countries tend to have the most modern western "liberal" attitudes. I also have readers from Germany, Russia, Sweden and Denmark : MY GUESS IS THAT IN THESE COUNTRIES THERE IS NOT SO MUCH PRESSURE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, especially not while still in your twenties.

Of these it is most difficult to get contraception in Russia. In the west we hear Russians are having many painful abortions because contraception is not so easily available and that even the diaphragm is not to western standards and painful to use for the woman. I also have readers who I suspect are having a more difficult time living the life they choose. These readers are in Ireland, Serbia, and Romania, where the difficulties of obtaining contraception and attitudes against abortion would make celibacy the only way to surely avoid pregnancy until married. Even more difficult, I suspect, is being NMNK in the countries of South Korea, Philippines, India, and Indonesia where some of my readers also read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS on the Internet.

My western understanding of the attitudes in these countries, especially towards women who remain unmarried (and are not in convents, nunneries, or monasteries) is that they face hostility. I've installed the latest GOOGLE TRANSLATOR to help you read this blog. If you want to leave a comment in your language, I will try to translate it also!

Sister

(First published on May 21 2012)

3/13/23

ARE YOUR PETS YOUR FAMILY OF CHOICE?

Recently I became aware of all the dog and cat rescue groups that are trying to find homes for pets who have been abandoned or picked up by the dog catcher.

I toured a couple facilities in two different towns near me, both which were running "sales." I noticed that one shelter's web site had over 300 animals at any one time. I went there and saw maybe 50 dogs, mostly Pit Bulls and Chihuahuas. Although Pit Bulls have a bad rap, one of the Pit Bulls I saw was beautiful, healthy, expertly trained, and gentle - enough to sit with a baby. It was only two years old. But it had no collar, tags, or microchip on it, so it was listed by the street it had been picked up on. Why had no one come to pick it up? Well, the shelter employee I spoke with said something like "I've been here ten years and most of the time owners do not come in to pick up their pets, even when they are licensed and micro-chipped."

The reason may not just be economics. Right now a lot of people are loosing homes - and backyard. People are becoming homeless. It costs to pick up your animal. Just like a car that's been impounded the fines ad up. Maybe the owner knows the dog has medical issues that will cost them. For some people getting a new animal may be less expensive.

I think also that people are offended when a pet runs away from them, though many simply ran because they were startled by a loud sound - an earthquake, fireworks, a truck backfiring.

(First published August 5 2012)

3/10/23

ALL THOSE DATING BOOKS ARE WORTHLESS TO THOSE WHO HATE DATING

Those who are not interested in being married are sometimes not even interested in DATING.

There are so many books on the shelves of bookstores and libraries these days that are intended to help you get partnered.

Those of us who are taking a vacation from dating, for now or for life, find reading these books to be a bit amusing.

That's right! AMUSING!

We are thought of as rather without heart (though we can put love into our work, our volunteerism, our hobbies and sports, our friends and family.

I'm going to tell you one of my PET PEEVES. I can't stand it when people try to "make family" as if they need to prove they are not really unmarried or childless, by having their dogs and cats and other pets stand in as children. You see this often on the back flap of a book by certain authors. Never mind that this person has authored and published a book which is an accomplishment in itself. Their bio reads "She lives in Maine with her dog." Please! Stop the apologies already!

If the fact that the world is overpopulated, and that so many children are brought into this world by biological parents who think love is enough (and many don't even have that!) and that you may have been lucky or responsible enough NOT TO BE ONE MORE SINGLE MOTHER WITH A "BABIES PAPA" what is it going to take for you to stop apologizing for not being a breeder?

Sister

(First posted February 25, 2012)

3/4/23

CYNDI LAUPER : GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

3/1/23

DAISY WREATH

2/28/23

UNMARRIED IN JAPAN

In countries such as Japan where the pressure to marry is immense because singlehood is so unacceptable, I've read that the rates of earlier death for single people are higher than for marrieds. Such statistics are often used to show how wonderful marriage is, how normal. Get married and you will be so happy you'll live a longer, healthier life is the story. But you have to look at how many of those never married Japanese commit suicide because of the social stigma of being unmarried. Japan is the most Westernized country in Asia and we hope that the attitudes against Never Married No Kids are changing! ARE YOU A JAPANESE MAN OR WOMAN WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN MARRYING OR HAVING CHILDREN? We'd like to hear your story!

(First published November 10, 2008)

2/27/23

IS IT YOUR FATE TO BE NMNK ? SISTER SPEAKS!

I haven't posted much on those who are VERY UNHAPPY being NMNK, who are NMNK because of infertility for instance, but who really do want to be married and have children and feel that life has passed them by because they haven't achieved these things.

I feel there is just so much on the Internet in support of those of you who have this life experience. And just so much on the Internet by you - lamenting your circumstances in life. NMNK who are in constant mourning over their fate of unpartnered and childless life are usually considered to be "normal." They're given a lot of sympathy - and pity. These NMNK can be aggressively proactive about finding a partner. They may be joining dating sites, having their friends match-make them, and saying prayers before they fall asleep hoping that God or Goddess will arrange for them to meet their "soul mate"!

Sometimes these are the NMNKs who are investigating adoption or enjoying being used as a baby sitter by friends and family.

Still they fit into the category I'm part of and write about ; NMNK

Frankly, I think that while we all grieve when our expectations of life go unmet, it's best to go with what it is fate has dealt you and make the very best of it. People can have worthy lives without being part of the status quo. Lots of things can and do go wrong in life and we don't have total control of what happens, so while it's a good to know yourself and acknowledge that being unmarried and childless is causing you a lot of personal pain, it's ridiculous to let this wreck the rest of your life. I'm not suggesting that if you put on the rose colored glasses, go into denial, or dance on the sunny side of the street you're going to stop wanting what you want. I'm suggesting that reviewing your life and noticing what's good as well as what's bad is the way to go! If you really want children but can't (and sometimes that means you can't adopt either because you're single, too poor, or too old) find ways to mix with children in some other healthy way, such as volunteering to work with disadvantage kids, become a Big Sister or Big Brother, or lead a scout troop.