DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

 DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

Well friends, I did!  I got my turkey a week early and decided to thaw out and cook it the next day.  I stuck it in a crock pot and hours later I had a meal and a lot of left overs.  I remember the days when Turkey was only for holidays but now, due to low fat diets, more of us are eating it regularly.  Not as special.

Also not as special.  Going out shopping on Thanksgiving!  Is NOTHING sacred?

Not me.  There was not a chance in hell that I was going to do Thanksgiving as greed and materialism and Black Friday as more greed and materialism.  I know there were deals out there but in my town people were camping out in store parking lots over night to beat other consumers.

I went to the local library the day before and came home with a dozen DVD's.  Some films I wanted to watch, others to take a chance with, including documentaries.  Then, as I watched these over a FOUR DAY SELF IMPOSED HOLIDAY, I did some hand sewing. 

Over my holiday I took my doggie for a long walk and bathed her.  I started to read a really interesting book called YOUR DOG IS YOUR MIRROR, just out, that tells us that dogs are living in the moment and emotionally at all times. (Enough of this dog training via the dominance model!)

Actually I had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, but hey, washing the windows and hanging new draperies I'd made by myself was fulfilling, and I can put the Halloween decorations away another time.

At no time did I feel sorry for myself or lonely!

In fact, I turned down an invitation to go to a friend's family for Thanksgiving.  My friend is always complaining about all the family members who would be there, so I saw no reason why I needed to meet these people who cause her so many issues all year.  I'm sure she meant well, but I preferred my own company.

Now the Christmas Holidays are upon us.  I plan to craft a very few personal gifts to give at year's end, along with a LOT OF THANKS for those people I really do appreciate. To me even Christmas is OPTIONAL when it comes to being social.  It's great to be able to do as I like rather than be socially obligated!

Sister

(First published November 26, 2012)

WOOPS...DID I MISS CHRISTMAS? MARRIED PEOPLE WHO FEEL ALONE IN THEIR MARRIAGES

I certainly missed POSTING for Christmas.  The Holidays. 

So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."

Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness.  In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.

Before I could feeling sorry for myself,  I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them.  Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.

My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years.  He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities.  His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession.  Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there.  He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home.  I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not.  He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.

My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else.  He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall.  I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house.  I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons.  Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.

Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships. 

As I must too.

Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold.  I understand it.  I do.  So far I haven't been offended. 

Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.

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THE HOLIDAYS FOR ONE!

Here we are closing into the last cluster of Holidays - Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, and New Years, and I haven't got a date and I don't care.  I'm not depressed.  I don't feel bad for myself.  I like being single and unattached.  I have freedom compared to most people I know who are overworked from having jobs and having families.  Many of these people say they do it all for their children, but rarely have quality time for those children.  Everything they do is in a rush. It's chaos most of the time.  Most of them overdose their children with gifts to make up for the time they don't have to spend with them. Most of these children are spoiled.

As far as visiting other people goes, me and my doggie are planning on a three mile walk that will allow us to visit my 92 year old senior citizen friend some time soon.  He lost a wife he met while a young teenager and thus knew for over 60 years when she died and has children and grandchildren but is mostly alone most of the time.  I respect him because he reads and writes, keeping his intellect.  He gets out of the house more than most people his age and refuses to use a cane.  At the senior living home he's in there are 10 women for every one man and he's still keeping all of them at arm's length.  His wife was it for him and I get that.

I feel happy that I have all my (minimal) shopping done.  That my cupboards are stocked with food.  That I have a bunch of old movies I want to watch and a plan to eat healthy while I watch them, doggie at my side.   Wishing my readers Happy Holiday for ONE!   Sister

ONWARD TO 2013!

I see we have survived 12 -12 - 2012 and 12 -21- 2012....

and so...

see you in 2013!

Sister

ALONE BUT NOT LONELY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

MY NMNK Friends, I haven't posted in a couple weeks because my entire abode seems to be falling down around me!

Two weeks ago I intended to cook a wonderful Thanksgiving meal and have over a few friends who have nowhere special to go, but here is what happened.

First I put the heater on one crisp morning, just before I stepped into the shower, but the heater burned up enough dust that the fire alarms went off while I was shampooing!

I sprung out of the shower, found my footstool, as the alarm blared loud enough to wake the neighbors, and reached up and hit the button again and again, but the fire alarm would not stop.

So I hit the circuit breakers, which worked at my last place, and the alarm kept sounding, as well as the panick button. I got back up on the footstool and pulled the batteries out of the alarm. That worked. But what didn't work, when I put all the circuit breaker switches back on was the electricity. Somehow, half the outlets were no longer operational. You know how you walk around with a little lamp checking? Nothing!

Just to make it all more fantastically upsetting, my towel rack in the bathroom fell and hit my toe. I was simply removing the towels for the laundry when it fell, but it's metal and ooouch!

I did the laundry and when I put a dozen hangers loaded with clothing on my closet pole, the entire shelving unit came out of the wall!

I know you are laughing now!

A friend came over to try and solve the mystery. We went back outside where the leaves are all over the ground and did not realize we had stepped in dog shit. That's supposed to be good luck, right? Well, we noticed when we brought it in on the carpeting.


So here I am, two weeks later with electricity that is back on, and a lot of holes in the wall where the carpenter attempted to find pre-building code studs, that need to be patched and repainted.

Now I'm thinking I will just stay home alone on Thansgiving and make myself some TURKEY TACOS! I need a break! Sister

HALLOWEEN CELEBRATION OF OUTRAGEOUSNESS

Over the years I've grown increasingly disinterested in celebrating Halloween, which is probably the biggest holiday of the year in the United States, except for maybe Christmas. Maybe this is because increasingly Halloween is associated with outrageousness rather than the spiritual time it's connected to - a celebration of the ancestors and those who have passed before us. Therefore, I am sitting this Halloween out as I have many years, staying home - alone , and enjoying some cider and harvest foods, while quietly reading my spiritual books. Sister

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO THE NMNK - MAY YOU ACCEPT OR DECLINE INVITATIONS

Dear NMNK...

Christmas is probably more than any other American Holiday  focused on Children. As a NMNK you may be an honorary aunt or uncle... You may love the children your relatives and friends have. You may even be unintentionally childless and feel your life is empty without children. Maybe you've even been "trying" to become a single mother or father.

Whatever the case, you may also be unfairly battling the stereotype that you are a selfish person because you chose not to have children, too picky to marry, or even that you hate - despise - children. 

For those of you who have NMNK friends, be sensitive!  Do not leave your NMNK uninvited because you think we have "nothing in common" with your friends who have children.

Invite us and leave us to decide if we accept or reject an invitation to be at a social event where children may be swirling around the dance floor.  (Even those of us who "hate brats" are usually too well mannered to actually say so to the parents or the brats!)

One of the things I have experienced is being considered all those things - selfish - picky - hateful by parents who have had children for the wrong reasons and are resentful of those who are not encumbered with responsibility.  I also feel it is entirely wrong to expect NMNK not to have OPINIONS about how children should be raised or behaved; too often I have been told "What do you know, you have never given birth!"

As always, be understanding and kind and giving to yourself.  There is nothing shallow or superficial in treating yourself with respect due.

See you in the New Year!

Sister

HIATUS!

I'm working two jobs and am going on hiatus with this blog. I will be checking in about once a month just to see if any of you have left comments or e-mailed me. I hope that you will look through my archives and find something that inspires you to remain proud of your NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS status!

It seems like those words mostly bring up dating clubs and lonely hearts mourning their fate or feeling angry (as I do sometimes) by being so discriminated against! I hope that the two years that I've been blogging this issue has moved us to awareness, if not resolution of those problems.

Remember you can use comments or e-mail to get in touch with me.

Sending my Best Wishes to My NMNK Brothers and Sisters!

HAPPY 2010!

Sister

VALENTINES DAY : THE WORST PRESSURE YET !

VALENTINES DAY can put a lot of pressure on devoted Never Married No Kids types. That's because this is the big American celebration of couplehood. But you CAN send Valentines to your very unmarried friends and let them know you LOVE THEM AS THEY ARE!