INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

 

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

 POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Linking here to Population Services International, the organization that Ashley Judd works for and writes about so vividly in her new book, just out, called ALL THAT IS BITTER AND SWEET. Some people feel that we should be concentrating on the problems of our own country when we are in such deep doo-doo economically, and perhaps on our way to being a 3rd world country, others that spending billions to help other people in other countries out of desperate poverty; this book is also about children and women held as sex slaves (she uses the term enslaved prostitutes throughout) DO YOU DO VOLUNTEER?

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

EVERY WHICH WAY

 

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

 

DUEX

 

SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

 SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

SPRING HAS SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON FERTILITY, especially at Easter Time - all those hens and chicks, eggs, bunnies - symbols of reproduction and fertility - I wonder if this is the worst time for people who find themselves to be infertile.

The inability to have children when you want them is one of the unintentional causes for being a NMNK person, you could say it's FATE.

We're used to hearing about modern medical miracles and assume that because such things as invitro fertilization are possible that everyone has access (money / insurance) to receive these medical treatments and services.  We hear about all the children who are in need of being adopted and we think that is something anyone with enough love and maturity to raise a child can do.  Then we find out that it's usually expensive, at least if you want to adopt a baby, difficult, that you have to go to another country if you're older and older means 40ish!  (Foster care options may be better for the NMNK's who want to nurture another human being into adulthood.)

I was thinking of an old friend of mine the other day, Lori.  She was sure she didn't want children and her husband seemed to be OK with that.  Then, seven years into their marriage, after they had acquired a home and had a healthy savings account, suddenly, she very much wanted children. 

I've never had such a change of mind myself, but I wanted to be supportive of her.

Strangely, our friendship ended in part because she felt I was not sympathetic enough when their efforts to adopt were not successful.  I admit I didn't really understand but I did try to and anything I said was probably more in error because she didn't want to hear it.  I told her about someone I knew who adopted a child, about five at the time, a child who was then raised in typical family, without violence, had a lot of therapy anyway, and still turned into the kind of teenager that rages and physically abuses his own parents. 

Lori, I'll call her, was not all that happy in her marriage.  She was the wife who made much more than her husband, and who allowed him to continue in work that didn't support them.  Personally I have nothing against one person being a stay at home mom or dad, or one person paying more or all of the bills. 

One of the demands she made prior to trying for a baby was that he be the main breadwinner while she gave up her business.  He managed to get a job due to connections that his father had, and so he was able to support them.  However, Lori also didn't like the fact that he had to work overtime and she sometimes cooked dinner for them and he did a no- show.  I told her that he probably could not be the only man at the office that went home to his wife.  The man he worked for wanted to take the whole staff out a whole lot.  I guess I felt she couldn't have it all her way, so the hell with the cold meatloaf and be happy she had a husband who could support them.

Some time after she withdrew her friendship, which hurt me, I found out that SHE HAD DIED.  Now, if they had successfully adopted a child, that child might have suffered the loss of its adoptive mother.  How much really was her husband into this adoption?  Let's say that his BOSS even tried to help them get an attorney who would make their dreams of having a child come true.

Years later I realize that Lori was not happy in her life.  I'm not putting her down for this.  I'm just saying that was the case.  She didn't want the life she had.  She wanted ... more.  And she didn't get it before she died.

Has her husband remarried?  I don't think so.  At least I haven't found him on the Internet posing with a new wife or new woman.  OMNK = Once Married No Kids?

- Sister

(First published March 27, 2012)

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

One of my friends recently suggested to me that the great number of men who have been coming on to me - in various ways - over the last year and a half are doing so because word is out that I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS! You see, she thinks I'm THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YET. One of these men posed as my friend for months. One day he told me "All the guys figure that one day you are going to give in. Someone is going to get you. They figure they may as well try." Actually, that worried me. A competition for me? I suppose if a woman wants to be married she might find a way to exploit the competition. But I've never been that way and I don't trust people who only want you because it seems everyone does. Are there any men out there who would like to comment on this? 

Sister

(First published November 2, 2009)

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SUSAN JACOBY 'S NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL : NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BOOK REVIEW

SUSAN JACOBY 'S  NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL

Linking to a YouTube video  (sorry but the video expired so I took it down Nov 2 2023) in which author Susan Jacoby explains her viewpoint. Will our old age be so different than that of our parents or grandparents? New Agism has taken over. Just read a devastating book, written by a secular humanist Susan Jacoby, who looks at the facts not the spin on old age. NEVER SAY DIE, THE MYTH AND MARKETING of THE NEW OLD AGE, put out by Pantheon Books this year, looks at issues like Baby Boomer finances (especially severe for old women), Alzheimer's, and other issues that the people promoting 80 as the new 50 don't want you to try on. While reading this book I was thinking of the recession we're in and the fact that many women never have the kind of employers who provide retirements. So many are already hurting, already working hard and unable to save. I was thinking that fear of being alone and broke in old age IS STILL NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO HAVE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN OLD AGE . In visiting seniors living in retirement homes, board and cares, and nursing homes, I already know that many of those who had children - and grandchildren - still do not get the visits they need. I notice those ads that have vital active and young looking grey haired seniors enjoying their retirement years. They rarely seem to show real residents, people with walkers and wheel chairs. This book is not light summer reading, but it is reading that will make you think and activate. '

Sister

(First published  August 30, 2011)

C 2011 - 2023 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot 

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

  ... "I expect to live single all the days of my life..."

(First published December 2, 2012)

TO MY NMNK READERS AROUND THE WORLD : WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE NMNK IN YOUR CULTURE?

TO MY NMNK READERS AROUND THE WORLD : WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE NMNK IN YOUR CULTURE?

I was looking at my readership which Google Blogger provides free in Statistics. I noticed that readers have been checking in from around the world. I would like to hear from some of you about what it's like to be NMNK in your country and culture. 

I have readers from the English speaking countries of US, UK, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. English speaking countries tend to have the most modern western "liberal" attitudes. I also have readers from Germany, Russia, Sweden and Denmark : MY GUESS IS THAT IN THESE COUNTRIES THERE IS NOT SO MUCH PRESSURE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, especially not while still in your twenties. 

Of these it is most difficult to get contraception in Russia. In the west we hear Russians are having many painful abortions because contraception is not so easily available and that even the diaphragm is not to western standards and painful to use for the woman. I also have readers who I suspect are having a more difficult time living the life they choose. These readers are in Ireland, Serbia, and Romania, where the difficulties of obtaining contraception and attitudes against abortion would make celibacy the only way to surely avoid pregnancy until married. Even more difficult, I suspect, is being NMNK in the countries of South Korea, Philippines, India, and Indonesia where some of my readers also read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS on the Internet. 

My western understanding of the attitudes in these countries, especially towards women who remain unmarried (and are not in convents, nunneries, or monasteries) is that they face hostility. I've installed the latest GOOGLE TRANSLATOR to help you read this blog. If you want to leave a comment in your language, I will try to translate it also! 

Sister

(First published on May 21 2012) 

 

RUDE !

 RUDE !

Can you believe that some guy came up to me at a party and said "Are you queer? That you never married or had children? What's wrong with you?" HE WAS TOO IGNORANT TO EVEN RESPOND TO! But it stung because everyone looked my way...

(First published  October 7, 2009)

 

BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND...

 BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND...

Have you ever had that terrible feeling at a wedding that you need to leave before the bride throws the bouquet - at you? (Men may feel this way about the garter being thrown at them!) It's happened to me. I was on my way out when the bride yelled my name and threw! How embarrassing. Especially because I had told this friend more than once that I had NO INTEREST IN GETTING MARRIED. Everyone in the place looked to find me! I suppose it's just silliness but for some it's superstition! And for some it's one of the many pagan - fertility enhancing - mini-rituals in the Western wedding tradition, along with throwing rice, confetti, popcorn, or bird seed at the bride and groom so they will soon be pregnant. In an overpopulated world fertility rituals should be the personal endeaver of the proven infertile. (Instead we should have a ritual that will prevent conception until we are ready to be parents.) 

Sister

(First posted October 21, 2011)

 

70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND CABARET SINGER PAM SHAW THINKS SHE'D LIKE TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE

 70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND CABARET SINGER PAM SHAW THINKS SHE'D LIKE TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE

What a fun article and a fun lady! Pam Shaw has been busy with her sexy cabaret act but is (still) a virgin! Pam Shaw was always too busy with her cabaret singing career to find herself a man. And, as she is against sex before marriage, a casual fling was out of the question.It's all a world away from her onstage person as The Sexational Pam, with her daring outfits having turned many a head during her years on Britain's club circuit.But, as she told the Sun, she's not looking for just any old man. She said:'Now's the time. I'm ready to take the plunge for the right bloke. 'My standards are still very high, though. I'm hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire..." 

HUFFINGTONPOST UK 70 YEAR OLD VIRGIN PAM SHAW

(First posted May 11, 2012)

ASEXUALITY : A HOT TOPIC : HOW IT'S DIFFERENT FROM CELIBACY ?

ASEXUALITY : A HOT TOPIC : HOW IT'S DIFFERENT FROM CELIBACY ?

I get a whole lot of hits on my post about ASEXUAL CELEBRITIES. A person who is asexual feels as though they are devoid of sexual motivation or sexual nature. They may be a very loving person, a sensual person, but they just don't get into sex. They can love deeply but see no need or have little to no interest in taking that love into the physical. This is the perfect way to be if you're a person who is spiritually based and participating in religious life that requires celibacy. A person may be asexual for a while or for life. They may be married and have children but no longer be interested. CELIBACY is not participating in sexual contact with other people as a chosen lifestyle, at least temporarily (the sexual fast after a break up and before another involvement for instance.) The person might like sex, even love sex, but feel that for now it's time out. While many asexuals are celibate, many celibates struggle with attractions, despite their decisions. I think the difference is motivation or attitudes. NMNK is a blog for everyone who is NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS, and being asexual or celibate are two possible ways to be NMNK.

(First published June 12, 2012)

DAISY WREATH

 

UNMARRIED IN JAPAN

UNMARRIED IN JAPAN

In countries such as Japan where the pressure to marry is immense because singlehood is so unacceptable, I've read that the rates of earlier death for single people are higher than for marrieds. Such statistics are often used to show how wonderful marriage is, how normal. Get married and you will be so happy you'll live a longer, healthier life is the story. But you have to look at how many of those never married Japanese commit suicide because of the social stigma of being unmarried. Japan is the most Westernized country in Asia and we hope that the attitudes against Never Married No Kids are changing! ARE YOU A JAPANESE MAN OR WOMAN WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN MARRYING OR HAVING CHILDREN? We'd like to hear your story!

(First published November 10, 2008)

IS IT YOUR FATE TO BE NMNK ? SISTER SPEAKS!

 IS IT YOUR FATE TO BE NMNK ?  SISTER SPEAKS!

I haven't posted much on those who are VERY UNHAPPY being NMNK, who are NMNK because of infertility for instance, but who really do want to be married and have children and feel that life has passed them by because they haven't achieved these things.

I feel there is just so much on the Internet in support of those of you who have this life experience. And just so much on the Internet by you - lamenting your circumstances in life. NMNK who are in constant mourning over their fate of unpartnered and childless life are usually considered to be "normal." They're given a lot of sympathy - and pity. These NMNK can be aggressively proactive about finding a partner. They may be joining dating sites, having their friends match-make them, and saying prayers before they fall asleep hoping that God or Goddess will arrange for them to meet their "soul mate"! 

Sometimes these are the NMNKs who are investigating adoption or enjoying being used as a baby sitter by friends and family. 

Still they fit into the category I'm part of and write about ; NMNK

Frankly, I think that while we all grieve when our expectations of life go unmet, it's best to go with what it is fate has dealt you and make the very best of it. People can have worthy lives without being part of the status quo. Lots of things can and do go wrong in life and we don't have total control of what happens, so while it's a good to know yourself and acknowledge that being unmarried and childless is causing you a lot of personal pain, it's ridiculous to let this wreck the rest of your life. I'm not suggesting that if you put on the rose colored glasses, go into denial, or dance on the sunny side of the street you're going to stop wanting what you want. I'm suggesting that reviewing your life and noticing what's good as well as what's bad is the way to go! If you really want children but can't (and sometimes that means you can't adopt either because you're single, too poor, or too old) find ways to mix with children in some other healthy way, such as volunteering to work with disadvantage kids, become a Big Sister or Big Brother, or lead a scout troop.

Sister

(First published March 17, 2012)

C 2012 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

SPINSTER MAGGIE KUHN : FOUNDER OF THE GREY PANTHERS : A NMNK ROLE MODEL

SPINSTER MAGGIE KUHN : FOUNDER OF THE GREY PANTHERS : A NMNK ROLE MODEL

Maggie Kuhn (1905 - 1995) was the founder of the Grey Panthers.

She once quipped: "Many people asked me, "You're not married -- how does it happen that a woman like you never married?" And my standard response is, "Sheer luck."

(First Published September 8, 2010)

DINING OUT OR IN ALONE? ALONE DOES NOT MEAN LONELY

 DINING OUT OR IN ALONE? ALONE DOES NOT MEAN LONELY