ALL IN A ROW

 

INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

 

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

 POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Linking here to Population Services International, the organization that Ashley Judd works for and writes about so vividly in her new book, just out, called ALL THAT IS BITTER AND SWEET. Some people feel that we should be concentrating on the problems of our own country when we are in such deep doo-doo economically, and perhaps on our way to being a 3rd world country, others that spending billions to help other people in other countries out of desperate poverty; this book is also about children and women held as sex slaves (she uses the term enslaved prostitutes throughout) DO YOU DO VOLUNTEER?

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

ALONE NOT LONELY

 

SINGLE BY FATE? GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU TO BE ALONE AND LONELY?

Have you ever met someone who was convinced that GOD has a PLAN for their life and interprets every bad thing as some part of a grand plan that will end OK for them?  Have you ever met someone who talks this belief aloud and interprets everything that has happened and is happening for you the same way?

Recently I met such a person, a woman, while waiting for a bus with her after just missing one.  It was a too hot day, I was tired, and worried that my dog had been home alone too long. 

At first I appreciated the empathy but as she began to throw on the GOD'S PLAN interpretation of being stranded for a half hour and then my life, I felt sorry that I had been so frustrated that I'd spewed information aloud.

I felt uncomfortable and was unable to be honest and tell her that I personally DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS PLANNED THE MICRODETAILS OF MY LIFE, and certainly not a GRANDE SCHEME.  I think it is a very passive interpretation of life, and I think we should be striving towards goals, even if we are not so successful.

When I got home I began to think about how many people think that if they marry or not it's up to GOD.  So many of these people are also so fatalistic that they actually think Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to knock on their door, introduce themselves, and proceed towards marriage.  These people are maybe shy, or afraid to take risks, or took risks and lost.  This is why it is best to STRIVE!

C 2021

Sister

EVERY WHICH WAY

 

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

 

A FAMILY OF FRIENDS

 

DUEX

 

SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

 SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

SPRING HAS SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON FERTILITY, especially at Easter Time - all those hens and chicks, eggs, bunnies - symbols of reproduction and fertility - I wonder if this is the worst time for people who find themselves to be infertile.

The inability to have children when you want them is one of the unintentional causes for being a NMNK person, you could say it's FATE.

We're used to hearing about modern medical miracles and assume that because such things as invitro fertilization are possible that everyone has access (money / insurance) to receive these medical treatments and services.  We hear about all the children who are in need of being adopted and we think that is something anyone with enough love and maturity to raise a child can do.  Then we find out that it's usually expensive, at least if you want to adopt a baby, difficult, that you have to go to another country if you're older and older means 40ish!  (Foster care options may be better for the NMNK's who want to nurture another human being into adulthood.)

I was thinking of an old friend of mine the other day, Lori.  She was sure she didn't want children and her husband seemed to be OK with that.  Then, seven years into their marriage, after they had acquired a home and had a healthy savings account, suddenly, she very much wanted children. 

I've never had such a change of mind myself, but I wanted to be supportive of her.

Strangely, our friendship ended in part because she felt I was not sympathetic enough when their efforts to adopt were not successful.  I admit I didn't really understand but I did try to and anything I said was probably more in error because she didn't want to hear it.  I told her about someone I knew who adopted a child, about five at the time, a child who was then raised in typical family, without violence, had a lot of therapy anyway, and still turned into the kind of teenager that rages and physically abuses his own parents. 

Lori, I'll call her, was not all that happy in her marriage.  She was the wife who made much more than her husband, and who allowed him to continue in work that didn't support them.  Personally I have nothing against one person being a stay at home mom or dad, or one person paying more or all of the bills. 

One of the demands she made prior to trying for a baby was that he be the main breadwinner while she gave up her business.  He managed to get a job due to connections that his father had, and so he was able to support them.  However, Lori also didn't like the fact that he had to work overtime and she sometimes cooked dinner for them and he did a no- show.  I told her that he probably could not be the only man at the office that went home to his wife.  The man he worked for wanted to take the whole staff out a whole lot.  I guess I felt she couldn't have it all her way, so the hell with the cold meatloaf and be happy she had a husband who could support them.

Some time after she withdrew her friendship, which hurt me, I found out that SHE HAD DIED.  Now, if they had successfully adopted a child, that child might have suffered the loss of its adoptive mother.  How much really was her husband into this adoption?  Let's say that his BOSS even tried to help them get an attorney who would make their dreams of having a child come true.

Years later I realize that Lori was not happy in her life.  I'm not putting her down for this.  I'm just saying that was the case.  She didn't want the life she had.  She wanted ... more.  And she didn't get it before she died.

Has her husband remarried?  I don't think so.  At least I haven't found him on the Internet posing with a new wife or new woman.  OMNK = Once Married No Kids?

- Sister

(First published March 27, 2012)

VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER

VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER

Vicious?

I have a bad memory of visiting many times at an "exclusive" senior living building where the new resident was a ex woman executive from New York City, who had married late in life and then been widowed. 
The senior I was visiting was male and NMNK.  He was pitied.

The other women - her generational peers - were very mean spirited to this childless woman.  When their children and grandchildren came to visit this ex-executive was friendly and talkative with them.   She was trying to fit in and acknowledge their families.  After all, they all sat in the common area with the fancy decor much of the day.

The traditional stay at home mother senior citizens who were living there would accuse her of jealousy and resent her friendliness to their "loved ones."  I spoke to this woman several times before she moved elsewhere.  I HAD TO WONDER HOW MEAN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SHE HAD ALSO NEVER MARRIED.  WOULD THEY HAVE ASSUMED SHE WAS QUEER?

She was very proud of her career and had career advice for me.  She dressed very well compared to these other women, who were also coming from wealth, in that she still suited up every day.  Criticism of what she wore and pretty much anything she did was so prevalent, I doubt there was anything she could do right.  They despised her - her type - right away and it went downhill from there.
She had money, money she earned and put aside, as well as money from her husband's estate, enough to live elsewhere and she made that choice, and I felt sad for her that these other women were so unfair to her and hoped the next exclusive senior building she went to had kinder people.  She struck me as the most intelligent woman among them.

I also learned during my visits there that a lot of these women were still supporting some or all of their children and that many of them had been generous to their children but rarely got visits...  That reinforced for me that no person should be motivated to have children based on the idea that these children will "take care" of them in old age.

I WONDER IF THE RESENTMENT THAT TRADITIONAL STAY AT HOME MOTHERS OF THAT GENERATION FEEL IS WORSE than generations following when women overall have had more choices.

(First published October 13, 2012)

 

WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!

 WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?  NOTHING!

What's WRONG?  What's wrong is all those people who think that by PESTERING YOU, INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, and otherwise being RUDE or IGNORANT, think they deserve an answer to such a question?  But we know that most of them won't take "NONE OF YOUR (DAMN) BUSINESS" as an answer.  So we have to come up with an answer that is satisfying.  I know some of you take pride in not stooping to someone elses level, but when they aim to hurt, aim right for your sensitivities, do they really deserve to be treated with respect they won't give you?

First tactic.  Turn the question around!

 "What's wrong with you that... you have children?  You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)?  What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?"  "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"

"What's wrong with you for asking? " 

"Do you lack social skills?"

"Do you need a personality transplant?"

You get the idea.  I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!

(First published May 21, 2011) 

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

One of my friends recently suggested to me that the great number of men who have been coming on to me - in various ways - over the last year and a half are doing so because word is out that I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS! You see, she thinks I'm THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YET. One of these men posed as my friend for months. One day he told me "All the guys figure that one day you are going to give in. Someone is going to get you. They figure they may as well try." Actually, that worried me. A competition for me? I suppose if a woman wants to be married she might find a way to exploit the competition. But I've never been that way and I don't trust people who only want you because it seems everyone does. Are there any men out there who would like to comment on this? 

Sister

(First published November 2, 2009)

LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

 LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

LISA SMITH ASEXUAL AND LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP  DAILY MAIL ARTICLE includes interview and video.

" After trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed."

(First published March 22, 2013)

DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

 DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

Well friends, I did!  I got my turkey a week early and decided to thaw out and cook it the next day.  I stuck it in a crock pot and hours later I had a meal and a lot of left overs.  I remember the days when Turkey was only for holidays but now, due to low fat diets, more of us are eating it regularly.  Not as special.

Also not as special.  Going out shopping on Thanksgiving!  Is NOTHING sacred?

Not me.  There was not a chance in hell that I was going to do Thanksgiving as greed and materialism and Black Friday as more greed and materialism.  I know there were deals out there but in my town people were camping out in store parking lots over night to beat other consumers.

I went to the local library the day before and came home with a dozen DVD's.  Some films I wanted to watch, others to take a chance with, including documentaries.  Then, as I watched these over a FOUR DAY SELF IMPOSED HOLIDAY, I did some hand sewing. 

Over my holiday I took my doggie for a long walk and bathed her.  I started to read a really interesting book called YOUR DOG IS YOUR MIRROR, just out, that tells us that dogs are living in the moment and emotionally at all times. (Enough of this dog training via the dominance model!)

Actually I had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, but hey, washing the windows and hanging new draperies I'd made by myself was fulfilling, and I can put the Halloween decorations away another time.

At no time did I feel sorry for myself or lonely!

In fact, I turned down an invitation to go to a friend's family for Thanksgiving.  My friend is always complaining about all the family members who would be there, so I saw no reason why I needed to meet these people who cause her so many issues all year.  I'm sure she meant well, but I preferred my own company.

Now the Christmas Holidays are upon us.  I plan to craft a very few personal gifts to give at year's end, along with a LOT OF THANKS for those people I really do appreciate. To me even Christmas is OPTIONAL when it comes to being social.  It's great to be able to do as I like rather than be socially obligated!

Sister

(First published November 26, 2012)

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

 

(First published August 29, 2012)

SUSAN JACOBY 'S NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL : NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BOOK REVIEW

SUSAN JACOBY 'S  NEVER SAY DIE TELLS THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING OLD ALONE BROKE and ILL

Linking to a YouTube video  (sorry but the video expired so I took it down Nov 2 2023) in which author Susan Jacoby explains her viewpoint. Will our old age be so different than that of our parents or grandparents? New Agism has taken over. Just read a devastating book, written by a secular humanist Susan Jacoby, who looks at the facts not the spin on old age. NEVER SAY DIE, THE MYTH AND MARKETING of THE NEW OLD AGE, put out by Pantheon Books this year, looks at issues like Baby Boomer finances (especially severe for old women), Alzheimer's, and other issues that the people promoting 80 as the new 50 don't want you to try on. While reading this book I was thinking of the recession we're in and the fact that many women never have the kind of employers who provide retirements. So many are already hurting, already working hard and unable to save. I was thinking that fear of being alone and broke in old age IS STILL NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO HAVE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN OLD AGE . In visiting seniors living in retirement homes, board and cares, and nursing homes, I already know that many of those who had children - and grandchildren - still do not get the visits they need. I notice those ads that have vital active and young looking grey haired seniors enjoying their retirement years. They rarely seem to show real residents, people with walkers and wheel chairs. This book is not light summer reading, but it is reading that will make you think and activate. '

Sister

(First published  August 30, 2011)

C 2011 - 2023 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot 

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

  ... "I expect to live single all the days of my life..."

(First published December 2, 2012)

SOUL MATE : A FILM BY ANDREA WILEY : A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE: A DOCUMENTARY FILM ABOUT BLACK SINGLE WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

SOUL MATE a film by Andrea Wiley is C 2006 Clean Heart Production 

Review by Sister - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS 

This is a documentary that focuses on successful, independent, beautiful, and Christian African American women, 40ish, who have never married and, listening to them speak, never had children. According to the stats which must have been from the 2000 U.S. census, 42.3% of Black women had never been married. Worse, and this is not according to the U.S. census, Black women are contracting HIV/AIDS from Black men on the low down (that means these men are also having sex with men, though they may be macho and not stereotypical or recognizable as gay), and bringing this home to their wives - a tragedy. First, the women in this film are exceptionally accomplished and well spoken about their thoughts and feelings about their lives. I don't know that they represent average African- American women. It's more like "if these women can't find husbands then who can?" One of the women who speaks is a Christian minister with a growing following while two of the men who speak are also Christian ministers. There is some take about "BC" as in Before Christian. Implied is that these women (and men) have taken a vow of celibacy until they are married. This is a vow to God and there is hope in these women that God will find them a husband or that they can accept His Will that they not be chosen for this role. Some are brave about their future. One breaks into tears of loneliness. Considering that so many African-American children are born outside marriage and don't have much fatherly presence in their lives, these women are holding out for a spiritual tradition and lifestyle that is less common than is being played out in the African-American communities where babies mamas and babies daddy are being played out. The African- American women I've met through the years expressed to me great frustration with African -American men, but also seemed to have a less entitled attitude than most Caucasian-American women I've met. I felt sorry for them because they seemed to have much less selection than Caucasian- American women. This is in part to the fact that African-American men marry Caucasian-American women at a rate five times higher than African-American women marry Caucasian-American men. This film also has a little bit about how slavery destroyed African-American families. However, personally, 150 years (a few generations from slavery) I think this has become an excuse. Many ethnic groups have had terrible struggles, for instance the Jewish-Americans who came as refugees due to the Holocaust, and simply, there has been time for African-Americans to address these issues in their culture. Coming from a heritage where poverty was no excuse for bad behavior of any sort, and certainly not for having children outside marriage, I think of this as a cultural problem that must be addressed within that culture. What I've heard about and observed is, sadly, African-American men taking full advantage of their rarity to exploit women who are desperate for them. I'm aware that telling a woman to hold out for a better sort of man in her life is telling her to remain celibate, single, and possibly childless. I personally think this is a better life than being married to Mr. Wrong or finding out you've been sharing a cheater with other women. The quality of this film was excellent. Watch it. You might have a different opinion!

(First published September 4, 2012)

Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community,NMNK lifestyle,Andrea Wiley,United States of America,Sister Speaks,Black Woman,Never Married Women,Christianity,celibacy,