ALL IN A ROW

 

NMNK in 2023 REVIEW: ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

 Hello my friends, NMNK and otherwise.

This year I ...

Had to tell a man who has a daughter but otherwise has been divorced for years without any intent to remarry what NMNK means.  (It was funny because he thought maybe I was trying to tell him about my sexuality)  Never Married No Kids.

Met more people who are having trouble paying their rent (even when they have had several children who are NOT helping their parents).  I met divorced or unmarried persons who are stuck in inadequate housing... such as living in a room or living with one or more roommates rther than having their own apartment or home.

Was proposed to by a friend since he said, neither of us have ever married.  (But he had a ten year relationship with a woman he did not marry, who left the relationship to marry someone else.  I thought he was sincere but have no romantic or sexual interest in him.  I had to remind him that crushes don't last and that living together or getting married is serious.

Had a crush of my own - Yes it happens.  But I suppose the interest was not mutual because this man did not make a move. 

Met a NMNK man, who has had sex with a LOT of women but came closest to marriage with a ten year relationship that ended badly, tell me about how when he was 30 he ad his then girlfriend decided upon an abortion.  He said sometimes he thinks that he could have a child who would be 40 now, but that there is no way that he could have supported a child in his profession.  (Lot's of people work hard and cannot afford to bring a child into the word or raise it.)

Met a man, a senior who said that he is not willing to consider dating for two reasons.  One, he physically cannot have sex anymore, and secondly that if he married and it did not work out then he would loose his condo, which is basically his safety, security, and net worth.

ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

Sister

INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

 

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

 POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

Linking here to Population Services International, the organization that Ashley Judd works for and writes about so vividly in her new book, just out, called ALL THAT IS BITTER AND SWEET. Some people feel that we should be concentrating on the problems of our own country when we are in such deep doo-doo economically, and perhaps on our way to being a 3rd world country, others that spending billions to help other people in other countries out of desperate poverty; this book is also about children and women held as sex slaves (she uses the term enslaved prostitutes throughout) DO YOU DO VOLUNTEER?

POPULATION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

ALONE NOT LONELY

 

SINGLE BY FATE? GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU TO BE ALONE AND LONELY?

Have you ever met someone who was convinced that GOD has a PLAN for their life and interprets every bad thing as some part of a grand plan that will end OK for them?  Have you ever met someone who talks this belief aloud and interprets everything that has happened and is happening for you the same way?

Recently I met such a person, a woman, while waiting for a bus with her after just missing one.  It was a too hot day, I was tired, and worried that my dog had been home alone too long. 

At first I appreciated the empathy but as she began to throw on the GOD'S PLAN interpretation of being stranded for a half hour and then my life, I felt sorry that I had been so frustrated that I'd spewed information aloud.

I felt uncomfortable and was unable to be honest and tell her that I personally DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS PLANNED THE MICRODETAILS OF MY LIFE, and certainly not a GRANDE SCHEME.  I think it is a very passive interpretation of life, and I think we should be striving towards goals, even if we are not so successful.

When I got home I began to think about how many people think that if they marry or not it's up to GOD.  So many of these people are also so fatalistic that they actually think Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to knock on their door, introduce themselves, and proceed towards marriage.  These people are maybe shy, or afraid to take risks, or took risks and lost.  This is why it is best to STRIVE!

C 2021

Sister

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

IT'S MY LIFE : TALK TALK

 

ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT

PHILANTHROPY NEWS DIGEST: ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECTS 

Excerpt:  Founded 1998

Mission: The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a national nonprofit organization advocating for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who chose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage.  While ATMP opposes marital status discrimination it is  not anti-marriage...  Essentially, it believes that everyone should have the option of choosing to marry or not...

A FAMILY OF FRIENDS

 

SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

 SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS

SPRING HAS SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON FERTILITY, especially at Easter Time - all those hens and chicks, eggs, bunnies - symbols of reproduction and fertility - I wonder if this is the worst time for people who find themselves to be infertile.

The inability to have children when you want them is one of the unintentional causes for being a NMNK person, you could say it's FATE.

We're used to hearing about modern medical miracles and assume that because such things as invitro fertilization are possible that everyone has access (money / insurance) to receive these medical treatments and services.  We hear about all the children who are in need of being adopted and we think that is something anyone with enough love and maturity to raise a child can do.  Then we find out that it's usually expensive, at least if you want to adopt a baby, difficult, that you have to go to another country if you're older and older means 40ish!  (Foster care options may be better for the NMNK's who want to nurture another human being into adulthood.)

I was thinking of an old friend of mine the other day, Lori.  She was sure she didn't want children and her husband seemed to be OK with that.  Then, seven years into their marriage, after they had acquired a home and had a healthy savings account, suddenly, she very much wanted children. 

I've never had such a change of mind myself, but I wanted to be supportive of her.

Strangely, our friendship ended in part because she felt I was not sympathetic enough when their efforts to adopt were not successful.  I admit I didn't really understand but I did try to and anything I said was probably more in error because she didn't want to hear it.  I told her about someone I knew who adopted a child, about five at the time, a child who was then raised in typical family, without violence, had a lot of therapy anyway, and still turned into the kind of teenager that rages and physically abuses his own parents. 

Lori, I'll call her, was not all that happy in her marriage.  She was the wife who made much more than her husband, and who allowed him to continue in work that didn't support them.  Personally I have nothing against one person being a stay at home mom or dad, or one person paying more or all of the bills. 

One of the demands she made prior to trying for a baby was that he be the main breadwinner while she gave up her business.  He managed to get a job due to connections that his father had, and so he was able to support them.  However, Lori also didn't like the fact that he had to work overtime and she sometimes cooked dinner for them and he did a no- show.  I told her that he probably could not be the only man at the office that went home to his wife.  The man he worked for wanted to take the whole staff out a whole lot.  I guess I felt she couldn't have it all her way, so the hell with the cold meatloaf and be happy she had a husband who could support them.

Some time after she withdrew her friendship, which hurt me, I found out that SHE HAD DIED.  Now, if they had successfully adopted a child, that child might have suffered the loss of its adoptive mother.  How much really was her husband into this adoption?  Let's say that his BOSS even tried to help them get an attorney who would make their dreams of having a child come true.

Years later I realize that Lori was not happy in her life.  I'm not putting her down for this.  I'm just saying that was the case.  She didn't want the life she had.  She wanted ... more.  And she didn't get it before she died.

Has her husband remarried?  I don't think so.  At least I haven't found him on the Internet posing with a new wife or new woman.  OMNK = Once Married No Kids?

- Sister

(First published March 27, 2012)

WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!

 WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?  NOTHING!

What's WRONG?  What's wrong is all those people who think that by PESTERING YOU, INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, and otherwise being RUDE or IGNORANT, think they deserve an answer to such a question?  But we know that most of them won't take "NONE OF YOUR (DAMN) BUSINESS" as an answer.  So we have to come up with an answer that is satisfying.  I know some of you take pride in not stooping to someone elses level, but when they aim to hurt, aim right for your sensitivities, do they really deserve to be treated with respect they won't give you?

First tactic.  Turn the question around!

 "What's wrong with you that... you have children?  You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)?  What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?"  "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"

"What's wrong with you for asking? " 

"Do you lack social skills?"

"Do you need a personality transplant?"

You get the idea.  I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!

(First published May 21, 2011) 

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?

One of my friends recently suggested to me that the great number of men who have been coming on to me - in various ways - over the last year and a half are doing so because word is out that I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS! You see, she thinks I'm THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YET. One of these men posed as my friend for months. One day he told me "All the guys figure that one day you are going to give in. Someone is going to get you. They figure they may as well try." Actually, that worried me. A competition for me? I suppose if a woman wants to be married she might find a way to exploit the competition. But I've never been that way and I don't trust people who only want you because it seems everyone does. Are there any men out there who would like to comment on this? 

Sister

(First published November 2, 2009)

LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

 LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP

LISA SMITH ASEXUAL AND LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP  DAILY MAIL ARTICLE includes interview and video.

" After trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed."

(First published March 22, 2013)

DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

 DID YOU STAY HOME ALONE FOR THANKSGIVING RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE RELATIVES? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

Well friends, I did!  I got my turkey a week early and decided to thaw out and cook it the next day.  I stuck it in a crock pot and hours later I had a meal and a lot of left overs.  I remember the days when Turkey was only for holidays but now, due to low fat diets, more of us are eating it regularly.  Not as special.

Also not as special.  Going out shopping on Thanksgiving!  Is NOTHING sacred?

Not me.  There was not a chance in hell that I was going to do Thanksgiving as greed and materialism and Black Friday as more greed and materialism.  I know there were deals out there but in my town people were camping out in store parking lots over night to beat other consumers.

I went to the local library the day before and came home with a dozen DVD's.  Some films I wanted to watch, others to take a chance with, including documentaries.  Then, as I watched these over a FOUR DAY SELF IMPOSED HOLIDAY, I did some hand sewing. 

Over my holiday I took my doggie for a long walk and bathed her.  I started to read a really interesting book called YOUR DOG IS YOUR MIRROR, just out, that tells us that dogs are living in the moment and emotionally at all times. (Enough of this dog training via the dominance model!)

Actually I had a long list of things I hoped to accomplish, but hey, washing the windows and hanging new draperies I'd made by myself was fulfilling, and I can put the Halloween decorations away another time.

At no time did I feel sorry for myself or lonely!

In fact, I turned down an invitation to go to a friend's family for Thanksgiving.  My friend is always complaining about all the family members who would be there, so I saw no reason why I needed to meet these people who cause her so many issues all year.  I'm sure she meant well, but I preferred my own company.

Now the Christmas Holidays are upon us.  I plan to craft a very few personal gifts to give at year's end, along with a LOT OF THANKS for those people I really do appreciate. To me even Christmas is OPTIONAL when it comes to being social.  It's great to be able to do as I like rather than be socially obligated!

Sister

(First published November 26, 2012)

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

DEBBIE HARRY and FRANZ FERDINAND - LIVE ALONE

 

(First published August 29, 2012)

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

LINDA RONSTADT AND DOLLY PARTON : I NEVER WILL MARRY

  ... "I expect to live single all the days of my life..."

(First published December 2, 2012)

CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

This past weekend I went with a friend to a Natural History Museum. We paid twelve dollars each to get into the museum - less than a movie but not nothing. I hadn't been to a Natural History Museum in years and this one boasted a newly configured dinosaur exhibit. In order to control the numbers of people going through the exhibit, the Museum was controlling how many people could enter every hour with a special ticket. I wish instead they had staged a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY! The entire afternoon in the museum was a disaster! There were many small screens - computers and projections - with speakers on. But we couldn't HEAR any of them because of all the shrieking children. I got hit into three times by kids who were running around and not paying any attention, once hard enough to leave a bruise. And their rotten parents were not controlling them or disciplining them. Where were the security guards to put an end to this insanity? Yes, I think a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY is a great idea! Once a week, adults should be able to go to a museum and proceed quietly and with dignity. 

Sister

(First published September 6, 2011)

 

RUDE !

 RUDE !

Can you believe that some guy came up to me at a party and said "Are you queer? That you never married or had children? What's wrong with you?" HE WAS TOO IGNORANT TO EVEN RESPOND TO! But it stung because everyone looked my way...

(First published  October 7, 2009)

 

SOLOGAMY