CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY - PLEASE!

This past weekend I went with a friend to a Natural History Museum. We paid twelve dollars each to get into the museum - less than a movie but not nothing. I hadn't been to a Natural History Museum in years and this one boasted a newly configured dinosaur exhibit. In order to control the numbers of people going through the exhibit, the Museum was controlling how many people could enter every hour with a special ticket. I wish instead they had staged a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY! The entire afternoon in the museum was a disaster! There were many small screens - computers and projections - with speakers on. But we couldn't HEAR any of them because of all the shrieking children. I got hit into three times by kids who were running around and not paying any attention, once hard enough to leave a bruise. And their rotten parents were not controlling them or disciplining them. Where were the security guards to put an end to this insanity? Yes, I think a CHILDFREE MUSEUM DAY is a great idea! Once a week, adults should be able to go to a museum and proceed quietly and with dignity. 

Sister

(First published September 6, 2011)

 

CONDALEEZA RICE is NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

 CONDALEEZA RICE is NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

Link here to a bio on Condaleeza which mentions that she has never married or had children, and may have only partnered (at least financially) with one person - a room mate.  A woman of accomplishment and importance, not to mention extreme controversy, she seems to be able to handle it all and CONDALLEZA RICE is NMNK like us!

(First published on June 5, 2011)

As of October 2022 she remains NMNK.  

Note: Over time I have sometimes published about someone who was NMNK and some of those persons have married, often "late" in life, and had a child or children, sometimes by surrogate.

THE JEALOUSY OF THOSE BURDENED BY CHILDREN - IT TAKES STRENGTH TO REMAIN NMNK WITH SO MUCH PRESSURE TO MARRY

Although sometimes being NMNK is portrayed as selfishness - or complete freedom - that fact is anyone human has connections to other humans and some sort of duty or obligation. 

For instance, it is my observation that it is often the child who has no children or the child who is the only child or the oldest or the youngest who may have delayed or given up having a partner who takes on the care of aging parents. It's true that those with children, if they are responsible human beings, will do their best to raise those children to become honorable adults.  Sometimes the siblings who have marriages and children are the ones who expect the NMNK to take on the parents.

This morning when I thought about writing on this subject - the jealousy I've experienced because I'm NMNK - I thought of a particular relative of mine who in a traditional way seems to have, if not all, a whole lot more than me.

Her parents paid for her college education, she became a teacher, and while teaching met a much older and wealthy man who was divorced.  Not saying they didn't both work hard or were not deserving, but soon enough they bought property and started building a dream home.  The husband was responsible to his ex wife and children by her, and proceeded to have three children with my relative.  Their children were raised knowing their half-siblings and consider them family.  She wanted land, a dream home, and children.  In fact, she seemed to think that this was only natural.  Her children are healthy, smart, and also have had the advantage of education.  They all seem to be doing quite well.  After they were well raised, she went back to college and earned an advanced degree.  She lives on horse property and her much older husband is still alive.  I'm sure many people envy her.  She can sometimes come off as princessy or snobby.  She once said, "I got everything I wanted."

Yet, one time when I admitted I was having a difficult time, she sent me a one liner in the mail.

It said, "YOU'RE SINGLE! YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE!" I felt the sting that was intended.

Did she not know that I did not have her advantages?

Actually I could not go anywhere, not even on vacation.  I could not have afforded to up and move just anywhere, or even to the closest city. I did not have sponsorship or contacts.  I was stuck financially.  It's not true that being NMNK means you will have a career or earn enough money.  However, I was determined to not marry if it meant being significantly compromised and the men when I was still interested in dating, were not for me - nor me for them.

In fact, I think - still think - that society is set up to force women into relationships with men for their own survival. Anything as exploitative as prostitution and being sex trafficked to staying married to an abuser to simply being not paid as well as men in the same employment and not able to make it on one's own.  This is reflected in also being poor or poorer and not being able to retire.

Over time I've seen how people who want to get married and have children seem to think that at about  age 26 one should take whatever or whomever they can get, just to partner and get started.  I think this attitude is one of the reasons there is so much divorce.  Really, if you cannot afford to raise children on your own, you might consider not having any because so many of you will end up being the sole support. 

I know that more of you are being responsible about having children with partners because so very many people who want children but see the need to afford them reportedly delayed having children during the uncertainty of Covid.  I know that no-one is perfect.  I also know people can grow and change.

However, I can testify that every one of the men I had as platonic friends or dated briefly, who illustrated some serious flaw, including being horribly sexist, opportunistic or a user, or who had personality disorders or some form of mental illness that went unaddressed or untreated, every one of them has married someone.  I don't know anything about these relationships.  However, if these men did not change their thinking or their ways or get help, what of these women?

One time a woman friend told me it was better socially to be divorced than to be NMNK and I think that's sad.  

The pressure to be married is strong.

But it takes a person who is strong to remain NMNK as the best choice as well.

RACHEL CARGLE'S CHILDFREE BY CHOICE

TODAY : CHILD FREE BY CHOICE - WHY WOMEN OPT OUT OF PARENTING 

Article about Rachel Cargle by Kait Hanson, Today (online)

EXCERPT : Curry added that common myths about women without children involve the idea that a woman inevitably will regret a life without children, that not raising children will lead to less happiness, meaning and/or fulfillment in life, that not raising children results in greater selfishness, and that it leads to more hardship in old age due to the unavailability of adult children to provide care.

"In actuality, there is no evidence to support any of these beliefs, as pervasive as they are," she said.

REVISITING KIDFREE AND LOVING IT

KIDFREE AND LOVING IT - RESOURCES including TERMINOLOGY   (EVER WANT TO KNOW WHAT DIAPERWHIPPED MEANS?!

YOU CAN LOVE YOUR MOM WITHOUT WANTING TO BE ONE

It's True, you can love your mom and be Happily Infertile, Childfree By Choice,  Celibate... or simply NOT READY TO HAVE CHILDREN. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED.  Yes you can be a NMNK and still love your mom.

But you may not like your mom much if she's one of those pushy women who is trying to get you married so you can have "her" grandchildren.  ...Matchmaking you when you don't want to be, telling other people that you have a problem with commitment when you don't...nagging at you...

I have a cousin with a mother like that. (Luckily she isn't the side of the family that supplies me my genes!)

I told my cousin, "She has no right to demand or expect that of you."

But Mom Z. does.

It's time for this mom to go find something else to do with her elder years than wait around to be a grandma or live her life through others, even if it's her own daughter. 

Not only does Mom Z. have her daughter's life planned out for her daughter, she has her daughters life planned out for herself!  SELFISH!

Mom Z. has been a control freak and overly involved in her daughter's life for a long time. 

As some of you know I haven't posted for several weeks, which is probably an all-time record of absence since I began this blog.  I noticed it slip down in rank because I wasn't posting and - to my horror - I saw so very many more sites that are ALL ABOUT WHAT'S "WRONG" with a person that they are 30 and still not married, 40 and still not married, 50 and still not married... It's pathetic!

LINK TO CHILDLESS.COM. AU

LIFE WITHOUT BABY is a good networking opportunity for NMNK!

“Who's going to take care of you when you're old?”


"This is one of those arguments that's easy to shut down if anyone suggests it as a reason for having children. One peek in your local nursing home, or frankly, on the streets of any major city, will give you all the evidence you need that having children is no guarantee of care in your old age. But with all possibility removed, do you have plans for your later years?"

There are two links on this post, for the same writer, and she is very insightful.  One above and one, on wordpress, here : http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/page/9/

CHILDFREE BY CHOICE - check out this link

According to the article/website for CHILDFREE BY CHOICE, being childfree is a "growing phenomenon."

"According to the National Center for Health Statistics, in 1975 about one in eleven women was childless by the age of 44. By 1993, that number had risen to approximately one in six. 34.9 million American families were childless and only 33.3 million families had a child under the age of 18."

CHILDFREE BY CHOICE

"Do women who have fewer or no children live longer? A study of genealogical records kept by British aristocrats for 1,200 years shows that nearly half of all women who survived past 81 were childless. Similar results held for men. One explanation, says Thomas Kirkwood, a biologist at the University of Manchester, is that when the body commits more of its resources for reproduction, fewer might be available to support a long life."
--Discover Magazine,4/99 quoted above...

FRIENDS, rush over to see CHILDFREE BY CHOICE, by clicking on the title above!

Sister