WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!

 WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?  NOTHING!

What's WRONG?  What's wrong is all those people who think that by PESTERING YOU, INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, and otherwise being RUDE or IGNORANT, think they deserve an answer to such a question?  But we know that most of them won't take "NONE OF YOUR (DAMN) BUSINESS" as an answer.  So we have to come up with an answer that is satisfying.  I know some of you take pride in not stooping to someone elses level, but when they aim to hurt, aim right for your sensitivities, do they really deserve to be treated with respect they won't give you?

First tactic.  Turn the question around!

 "What's wrong with you that... you have children?  You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)?  What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?"  "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"

"What's wrong with you for asking? " 

"Do you lack social skills?"

"Do you need a personality transplant?"

You get the idea.  I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!

(First published May 21, 2011) 

ARE YOU SOMEONE WHO DISCOVERED YOU CANNOT HAVE CHILDREN ? ARE YOU HAPPILY INFERTILE?

 Are you a person who has learned that for some biological reason you cannot have children and are PERFECTLY FINE WITH THAT?

The media is full of stories of people who heroically go through medical intervention so they can conceive or carry their "OWN" children.  But what of those who learned they could not have children and thought "That's fine with me!"

I would love to hear from those of you who accepted your body or your fate, rather than fight being childless.  I know this is bit different than being CHILDLESS BY CHOICE...

I know you may have options such as adopting, becoming a step-parent, fostering or in some other way you can create a parenting experience for yourself, but what if you DON'T WANT TO?

And as we NMNK's know, there are many ways to love others and to be a nurturer or a teacher.

Sister

UNHAPPILY INFERTILE and an NMNK?

Early in my blogging here at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT, I said that being NMNK is sometimes NOT A CHOICE, but just how a person's FATE is.  

I know some people who are NMNK really did not and do not WANT to be.  I can only assure them that a person can so have a good life without marriage or children.

I understand that sometimes people experience a seachange and want what they did not before.  This can include marriage or having children.  Because so many people are having multiple committed relationships today, including marriage-like living-together without the papers experiences, who is NMNK gets more difficult to define.  My own person feeling, which came upon me young, that I did not WANT to have children, that I did not WANT to be married in a conventional way - be a stay at home mom - does dominate this blog. For a long time I was open to the idea that I might experience a relationship and a new desire for children but it hasn't happened and I no longer give it that chance that it will.

My experience with infertility is NOT PERSONAL but vicarious, based on knowing people who have had that seachange, wanting children after years of marriage, or as a person gets into her thirties without any husband.  These women have sometimes waited until they are at an age when fertility is naturally in decline.  Then it seems they get desperate fast.

I still think it's ridiculous to become a single mother on purpose and without significant familial or friendly commitment to help raise a child or children and without a high income or huge savings.  I feel it's a prerequisite to afford a child or children alone.  I'm being realistic. You'll have to pay for childcare for years as you work.  You'll have to afford so much alone.  

Even friends who were married and then divorced with children and high incomes I feel suffer in the single mom lifestyle.  They are always running, always stressed, always to some degree anxious and insecure. They are eager to put my choices down by saying that I could not possibly understand since I don't have children, or even it's because I have never given birth.  I think I can see what's happening clearly.

Their children for the most part have taken full advantage of their parent's guilt over not giving them a two parent family and the parents and other caregivers compensate with spoiling materially and giving into them.  These children rule the house and I can only hope that there's a natural maturing process in place. I dread a younger generation of demanding brats: Narcissist Personality Disorders on the rise.

If you are a person who has wanted children and cannot have any due to infertility and expensive medical options are not yours, there are still many ways to be NURTURING.  I suggest volunteering working with children or being involved in a mentoring program such as Big Sisters Big Brothers programs.

Here is a link: Big Sisters Big Brothers

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YOU CAN LOVE YOUR MOM WITHOUT WANTING TO BE ONE

It's True, you can love your mom and be Happily Infertile, Childfree By Choice,  Celibate... or simply NOT READY TO HAVE CHILDREN. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED.  Yes you can be a NMNK and still love your mom.

But you may not like your mom much if she's one of those pushy women who is trying to get you married so you can have "her" grandchildren.  ...Matchmaking you when you don't want to be, telling other people that you have a problem with commitment when you don't...nagging at you...

I have a cousin with a mother like that. (Luckily she isn't the side of the family that supplies me my genes!)

I told my cousin, "She has no right to demand or expect that of you."

But Mom Z. does.

It's time for this mom to go find something else to do with her elder years than wait around to be a grandma or live her life through others, even if it's her own daughter. 

Not only does Mom Z. have her daughter's life planned out for her daughter, she has her daughters life planned out for herself!  SELFISH!

Mom Z. has been a control freak and overly involved in her daughter's life for a long time. 

As some of you know I haven't posted for several weeks, which is probably an all-time record of absence since I began this blog.  I noticed it slip down in rank because I wasn't posting and - to my horror - I saw so very many more sites that are ALL ABOUT WHAT'S "WRONG" with a person that they are 30 and still not married, 40 and still not married, 50 and still not married... It's pathetic!

ALTERNET on WOMEN WHO CHOSE STERILIZATION BEFORE THEY HAD ANY CHILDREN

You can link to a good 2006 article here about women who tied their tubes before they ever had any children, knowing they were not the mommy type.  I wonder how many men do so!  More ought to! There are just too many men who are irresponsible about their sexuality and their fertility and as a result their parental duty.

LINK TO CHILDLESS.COM. AU

LIFE WITHOUT BABY is a good networking opportunity for NMNK!

“Who's going to take care of you when you're old?”


"This is one of those arguments that's easy to shut down if anyone suggests it as a reason for having children. One peek in your local nursing home, or frankly, on the streets of any major city, will give you all the evidence you need that having children is no guarantee of care in your old age. But with all possibility removed, do you have plans for your later years?"

There are two links on this post, for the same writer, and she is very insightful.  One above and one, on wordpress, here : http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/page/9/

MAY IS HAPPY TO BE INFERTILE MONTH

Are you HAPPY that you are infertile? 

Is this your natural state or did you do it on purpose? 

Happily Infertile defies all the emphasis on Motherhood at (almost) any cost.  These days there is so much focus on celebrities and their adoptions and baby bumps.  There are endless sites on the web determined to ease your pain of being infertile ("Can your marriage survive infertility."  "Is this God's will? - a Cross to Bear?")

THIS IS TO LET THOSE OF YOU DESPERATE TO HAVE A BABY that there are people on this planet who are INFERTILE and HAPPY ABOUT IT.  (Some of them think this is God's will too!)

Are you happy and you know it, never mind?