NMNK in 2023 REVIEW: ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

 Hello my friends, NMNK and otherwise.

This year I ...

Had to tell a man who has a daughter but otherwise has been divorced for years without any intent to remarry what NMNK means.  (It was funny because he thought maybe I was trying to tell him about my sexuality)  Never Married No Kids.

Met more people who are having trouble paying their rent (even when they have had several children who are NOT helping their parents).  I met divorced or unmarried persons who are stuck in inadequate housing... such as living in a room or living with one or more roommates rther than having their own apartment or home.

Was proposed to by a friend since he said, neither of us have ever married.  (But he had a ten year relationship with a woman he did not marry, who left the relationship to marry someone else.  I thought he was sincere but have no romantic or sexual interest in him.  I had to remind him that crushes don't last and that living together or getting married is serious.

Had a crush of my own - Yes it happens.  But I suppose the interest was not mutual because this man did not make a move. 

Met a NMNK man, who has had sex with a LOT of women but came closest to marriage with a ten year relationship that ended badly, tell me about how when he was 30 he ad his then girlfriend decided upon an abortion.  He said sometimes he thinks that he could have a child who would be 40 now, but that there is no way that he could have supported a child in his profession.  (Lot's of people work hard and cannot afford to bring a child into the word or raise it.)

Met a man, a senior who said that he is not willing to consider dating for two reasons.  One, he physically cannot have sex anymore, and secondly that if he married and it did not work out then he would loose his condo, which is basically his safety, security, and net worth.

ARE YOU NMNK BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

Sister

NMNK HOMELESS SINGLES ARE PUNISHED FOR NOT BRINGING CHILDREN THEY CAN'T AFFORD INTO THIS WORLD

NMNK singles are the LAST to receive help when it comes to shelters, housing, and so on. The local "intake" people prefer to help people with children, in particular women who are mothers who have no husbands contributing to household income.  When a social services agency gives a housing voucher to such a person, they get the credit for housing several people at at time.  Their stats go up. And no one wants children to be on the street, it's dangerous.  How can you succeed in school while sleeping in a car or living in a tent.  I get it.

That said, a person who is NMNK and becomes homeless has nowhere to turn.  Meeting a person who works for an agency that claims to help the homeless get into housing. I learned that the single's expert was basically the SENIORS expert.
Age discrimination in the workplace, an episode of bad health, these are the things that can bring a previously self supporting and productive individual to the street. The street can make a person emotionally or mentally ill.  Such persons are encouraged to try to SSI or SSDI so that they can have an income.  It sometimes takes years to get these benefits.  Meanwhile they are on GR (a couple hundred a month) and their food benefits can run out before the end of the month.  Then, if they do intake at a social service agency that gets the housing vouchers, they may be out there for two or more years. The situation doesn't get better for seniors because there are not enough government subsidized housing projects and the ones that exist are full and not even taking applications.

The sympathy is just not there for people who have no family, have not created a family, who are childless by fate or choice. They are not a priority.  They may have been law abiding citizens, they may be educated, they may have supported themselves, but basically when it comes right down to it, they are out of luck.  And so, SOME NMNK who as responsible individuals did not bring children into this world they could not afford, feel PUNISHED for being that responsible.  They begin to resent all those who didn't use contraception even though they could not afford to bring a child or children into this world.  Sure, contraception isn't perfect, but let's face it.  Some people start having babies as teenagers and keep having babies. 

ARE YOU A NMNK person who feels discriminated against in this or any other governmental program?

DEEP INSULTS BECAUSE I'M NOT A MOTHER

I happened again.  I was told that I had no right to judge, that I didn't know a certain family member's child "like we do," and so on, and that basically I have no right to an opinion because I am not myself a mother. I was also mocked about how well I take care of my dog.  Actually, after a few months of tolerance in which I pretended not to hear and chose to blame immaturity, months in which I had sympathized and empathized and been supportive, I was beginning to feel angry myself.

Let me explain this deep insult, from a so called feminist yet.  We real feminists know that it does not take giving birth or having a personal child, or being a mother, to know when we are dealing with a spoiled brat.

Let's call the spoiled brat, who I was previously told is a chronic liar and narcissist and drama queen and so on, "Melanie."  Melanie is someone I had not seen since she was in diapers, that is true.  In fact, her single mother (no father in the child's life ever, but a man who not only hid out rather than pay child support but apparently has fathered EIGHT children at this point, a real inseminator!) was acting so weird towards me back in the day that I decided I WOULD NOT SEE THEM AGAIN UNTIL THIS CHILD WAS A LEGAL ADULT.  By weird I mean that this single mother took my interest in her child to be jealousy that she had her and I had none.  Needless to say I was not jealous of her.  I tried to respect that fact that she had not had an abortion and felt confident that she could do it all alone.

Now the child is an adult of 18, I have met her, I have spent time with them, I was warned she was screwed up, and I sadly got a triple dose of her obnoxious behavior, which I'm not supposed to react to or comment on.

Upon meeting me she did a news flash.  "I don't believe in bras or marriage," she said.
I thought "That's interesting."  Later I realized she had said this because she thought that would put her in good with me.  Actually I have always worn bras, though not always the most concealing ones.  Not all women need them all the time. But damn if this young woman went and eloped soon after, came back home and expected her mother to continue to support her financially.  She argued that it was OK if she and her husband slept together in their house when they were just dating, why not now?  Wasn't mom and other family members supposed to keep them in medical insurance, the latest laptops and cell phones, continue to pay for their college tuition, world travel,  vegetarian foods, and so on - so they could stay in school? Neither she or her young husband thought marriage meant you go live together elsewhere - get your own place - land in the same bed every night together - and afford it on your own!

This was just the beginning of her lies to me - someone new in her life as an adult - distantly related - which added on to the lies - whole plots of them - that she told her mother and other relations.

For the next few months the entire family and household was in an uproar as one thing led to another.  If perhaps we might think "OK, she is NOT your child, so there should be a boundary there, well, I cared, I tried to stay out of it, I tried to be the rational voice, and I tried to be realistic. Sure her single mother was going to go through empty nest syndrome.  Sure her single mother had sometimes worked two jobs to keep her in a private school, send her to special activity summer camps.  She also sent her to stay elsewhere when she had a man over.  Didn't she deserve one night a week just for herself, to relax, have sex, etc? She also was career oriented and could be exhausted or seem to be in her own space.  Was she actually neglectful?  Not really.

 When had the chronic lying and other behaviors begun and WHY?

I was told "When she hit puberty and her father's genes ignited!"

I think rather that it was about this "birds and the bees" point in her own reproductive life that she really began to realize that she was illegitimate and had no father in her life at all.  Never mind if a loving grandpa tried to be "dad."

Let's say we understand her reasons why.  Still chronic lying is NOT OK. It is at this level a symptom of mental illness or she has been and is MANIPULATING EVERYONE.  She does argument, she does emotional blackmail, she does verbal abuse, she blocks conversations.  But it is also a sign that a child that needed to be raised not to lie.  This child needed to be corrected.  If religious school was only to be rebelled against, then there is Godless psychotherapy. Clearly my arrival had nothing to do with YEARS of lies.  Of other people who should know better raising her to allow her to lie to them, to go without responsibility into adulthood, and without any consequences or punishment.

So, I was stunned to hear that now I am officially not involved, after being asked to talk to her, asked to research, asked to be involved.

I am glad I never had a child.  If I had a child though, I know for sure that mine would not be a spoiled brat!

C 2018  All Rights Reserved  NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT.
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JENNIFER ANISTON - BRAD PITT - and ANGELINA JOLIE and ALL THOSE CHILDREN

Though JENNIFER ANISTON, the actress, does not qualify as NMNK since she has been married twice, she has gone through hell as a woman who has never had children, and for that I can relate.  Though the years her childlessness has been used against her, not only in attacks on her character (when she has conducted herself as a lady throughout!), but as the reason hunky BRAD PITT left her for the snarky ANGELINA JOLIE, or as the excuse for cheating on her.  (Jolie had done her first adoption before the two met.)  IT HAS BEEN ASSUMED THAT PITT's DESIRE FOR CHILDREN and ANISTON's RELUCTANCE (blamed on selfishly wanting her career as an actress more) or INABILITY, made her defective.  TABLOIDS have had a go on all of them for years, and now all those children are being dragged through a divorce and the question of who has custody, who gets to visit, how often, and when.


ANISTON seems to have left town for New York to be out of the way as much as possible through this latest divorce with children debacle, and I'm feeling sorry for BRAD, who probably has gotten angry with a spoiled brat child and lost his temper at least once.


(FRIENDS OF MINE WHOSE PARENTS WERE VERBALLY ABUSIVE TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY HAD CHILDREN THEY FORGAVE THEIR PARENTS AND UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT IS TO HAVE A CHILD YOU WORK  YOUR TAIL OFF TO SUPPORT BEING A SASSY ASS OF A KID!)


With the vast wealth of both JOLIE and PITT,  there is really no reason why their children need to be seen out in public, looking depressed, as all this goes on.  And if the couple were not world famous, it is unlikely the FBI, which has better things to do, like work against terrorist cells in the United States, would spend five minutes interrogating the apparently blind sided Pitt, who no doubt is probably SICK over the prospect of being separated at all from his brood.


I FULLY EXPECT, in the future, that all six children will write TELL ALL BOOKS ABOUT THEIR PARENTS, and how hard it was to grow up as they have.


It's not fair, what do I know?  I think the children should live with BRAD!


JOLIE IS WRONG that children do not need structure or discipline.  Discipline is possible without ABUSE.  I know this because I know of people who have well behaved and respectful children who have never been verbally or physically or otherwise abused.  AND IF I HAD CHILDREN, those are the CHILDREN mine would be allowed to play with!


Let me focus though on JENNIFER ANISTON.  Here is a beautiful and accomplished woman who has worked hard to have and keep a career, and she has had so much projected on her.  The day the news of the pending divorce came out, speculation became gossip became "truth" as she supposedly said, to an unnamed "friend," that Brad was getting his KARMA.  I suspect she has long ago moved on and into her new marriage and doesn't much have Brad on her mind at all.  Additionally, the poor woman cannot gain a pound and the pregnancy speculation begins...


IT WILL BE OK IF JENNIFER ANISTON DOES NOT HAVE CHILDREN, NOT ONE, NOT EVER!


ABC NEWS ENTERTAINMENT ANISTON AND KIDS


Sister

THE JOLIE-PITT DIVORCE and BAD PARENTING

MAY 2021 THE DIVORCE IS STILL NOT OVER.  I think Angelina is dragging it out to keep Brad in her life!

The Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorce is hot in the news, and I've been reading around it.  It seems there is a major difference in these two when it comes to their own childhoods and parenting styles.  Brad grew up with discipline.  Angelina, according to certain articles I read, was even allowed AT THE AGE OF 14 to have sex in their own home by her mother; the star says she was going to have her way and her mother preferred she have it at home than some other place.  Other articles say that the six children these two will be effecting by their divorce, three  who were adopted, and three born of the couple, each have a nanny, have been tutored and traveled the world but never spent a day in school, and are, well, BRATS. 

Frankly, I've been sick of Jolie for a long time for a lot of reasons but I'll stick with her desire to be seen as the world's best mother, her motivation for having the innards of her breasts removed and later the removal of her ovaries, because she's convinced she will die young like her own mother.  Unlike one British publicist who has written that Jolie should have settled down and been a wife to Brad rather than a globe-trotting activist and careerist (who supposedly wants to live in England, give up her citizenship, and follow in the footsteps of Lady Diana), because she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, I have nothing in particular against a woman having high career aspirations.  But I do have it against people who have children, DO NOT SOCIALIZE THEM, have them and do not want to PERSONALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM, and who basically use their children to THEIR OWN EGO ADVANTAGE.

Granted the Jolie-Pitts are very wealthy, and they can afford to do world travel, have nannies, and tutors.  However, it is up to the parents to oversee that their staff brings up all the children consistently and socialized, which means in sync with the way people treat other people in this world.

I do not think all children are brats.  And, as I've said in this BlogSpot before, not personally wanting or having children doesn't mean I cannot have an opinion on what it takes to have children, what they deserve, and how they should be raised.

I've encountered more than one lousy, spoiled, brat in my life - other people's children.  These brats didn't have the effect of making me not want children.  They had the effect of my stepping aside the parents.

To discipline a child does not require abusing them physically or otherwise. 

For instance, one of my professors in college had one of those bothersome mandatory potlucks at the end of the semester.  This woman was not a single mother, though her husband was nowhere in sight at the potluck.  Her children were running all over the place, and one of them struck me with a long plastic dagger, which could have blinded me.  I said, "You're kid just struck me with that."  The professor said, "She always does that."  Was I to say, "Could you mind your bratty child and discipline them that they should not use their toys to possibly injure someone?"  She was giving me grades. 

In a work situation, a twelve-year-old son of the business owner, studying for his Bar Mitzvah yet, came in and with his hands on his hips, told me how I work for HIM and bla bla bla.  They just stood there and let him talk to me this way.  I hear the kid has grown up to be a doctor.  I wonder how bad a parent he is.

One of my friends with a high powered and exhausting career, married and had two children, but her husband cheated on her and they divorced.  His willingness to parent was not remarkable, he was mostly the absent father who stood up the kids when he was supposed to be seeing them.  However, the kids took full advantage of the situation and their nanny didn't dare discipline them, and when I came to visit or called, they were selfish and demanding, screaming and yelling, and at best negotiating for material rewards for activities such as doing their homework.  They defied her every wish that they not have friends in the house when she wasn't home.  Last I heard from her, she realized that "professional help" was needed; therapists.

So Angelina Jolie was and is a SPOILED BRAT herself, and her idea of parenting is that an adult cannot tell a child what to do, can never get angry, can never tell them off.  And she wants to use Brad's anger that he felt with their oldest son, a young teenager, against him in the divorce.
I hope by some miracle that the six children of this union turn out to be adults who can get along with others from all walks of life and know how to share, rather than egotistical, demanding materialistic and greedy.  If they are truly as has been reported, it will take a miracle.

Contrast this with the reports of the children of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, who have been seen using an active listening technique to discipline and teach their royal children to behave.


C 2016  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

SISTER SPEAKS : DEATH OF A (LONG AGO LOST) FRIEND REMINDS ME OF WHY MARRIAGE CAN BE A BAD IDEA

The other day I thought of a woman who I had been friends with for over a decade.  I had some time to spend so I decided to look her up on the Internet.  To my surprise I learned she had died an early death a year ago, leaving behind a teenage daughter, a husband (still), and a skeleton crew of relatives and friends.  I found a picture of her, a testimonial that she had survived a new innovative treatment, and reason to believe that at least some of the things she wanted out of life had been achieved. 

BUT HER ROTTEN MARRIAGE was one of those marriages that reinforced my feeling that marriage was not a lifestyle I was very interested in.

If you think she married for all the wrong reasons, she didn't.  At least at the time she told me she liked, loved, and was in love with her husband to be.  And my friend was an only child, not spoiled, but used to having her way.  She married another only child who was spoiled, and used to having his way.  It became a battle of wills, and because she was "not a feminist," slowly but surely this bright, talented woman, who held an executive position (the irony!) was doing everything his way, including not having sex most of the time because he didn't want it.

I could go on and on, but the point is, when I found out she had died, I found myself swearing at her husband.  What kind of life did she have, living around you and your wants and needs (and not needs)... My friend should have known better but she even forked over her executive paycheck and let him invest it and most of the time had no idea where their money was.

I found her daughter's MY SPACE, and there was a sad, "I just lost my mother" look in her eyes.  My friend had wanted children, but he wouldn't let her until she had put 20 years in at her company and had the big retirement.  

It's really easy for women - wives - like these to not face the reality that their relationship is UNDESIREABLE - and that the Never Married No Kids life is not all bad and in fact can be very good. 

Most of us do not say that to the parties involved.  We'll say to ourselves "It's their relationship, so stay out of it." But when we go home from the party alone, sometimes as we shut out the light to go to sleep we say to ourselves "I am just lucky I'm not in a marriage like that!"

Sister


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