The other day I thought of a woman who I had been friends with for over a decade. I had some time to spend so I decided to look her up on the Internet. To my surprise I learned she had died an early death a year ago, leaving behind a teenage daughter, a husband (still), and a skeleton crew of relatives and friends. I found a picture of her, a testimonial that she had survived a new innovative treatment, and reason to believe that at least some of the things she wanted out of life had been achieved.
BUT HER ROTTEN MARRIAGE was one of those marriages that reinforced my feeling that marriage was not a lifestyle I was very interested in.
If you think she married for all the wrong reasons, she didn't. At least at the time she told me she liked, loved, and was in love with her husband to be. And my friend was an only child, not spoiled, but used to having her way. She married another only child who was spoiled, and used to having his way. It became a battle of wills, and because she was "not a feminist," slowly but surely this bright, talented woman, who held an executive position (the irony!) was doing everything his way, including not having sex most of the time because he didn't want it.
I could go on and on, but the point is, when I found out she had died, I found myself swearing at her husband. What kind of life did she have, living around you and your wants and needs (and not needs)... My friend should have known better but she even forked over her executive paycheck and let him invest it and most of the time had no idea where their money was.
I found her daughter's MY SPACE, and there was a sad, "I just lost my mother" look in her eyes. My friend had wanted children, but he wouldn't let her until she had put 20 years in at her company and had the big retirement.
It's really easy for women - wives - like these to not face the reality that their relationship is UNDESIREABLE - and that the Never Married No Kids life is not all bad and in fact can be very good.
Most of us do not say that to the parties involved. We'll say to ourselves "It's their relationship, so stay out of it." But when we go home from the party alone, sometimes as we shut out the light to go to sleep we say to ourselves "I am just lucky I'm not in a marriage like that!"
Sister
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