SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

SPINSTERS WALTZ performed by EVAN LURIE

VALENTINES DAY NIGHTMARE? OR A CELEBRATION OF FRIENDSHIP?

(first posted February 6, 2008)

Valentines Day is a nightmare for many NMNK. It's the height of the season for romance and you don't have any, not that you really mind, but you can feel acute condemnation about now from all those people who think your Big Mistake was not getting married.

Fortunately Valentines Day is NOT JUST FOR THE COUPLES. It is a day to express love and appreciation for ANYONE in our lives who is special.

Why Not Send Out a Dozen Valentines to Friends?

I GOT CALLED A SPINSTER TODAY and... LOOSER TRAUMA

 I GOT CALLED A SPINSTER TODAY and...

the guy who called me that (because I am never married, no children) informed me that it used to be if you were not married by 25 this was the appropriate word. Well, I know that some women are IN YOUR FACE calling THEMSELVES SPINSTERS... but I have to admit I was feeling offended by this guy. He has five children. Three in marriage, two not. And he has nothing to do with any of them at this point. He says that is their choice. Their mothers are with other men, other fathers. Now I don't know enough to judge him or I don't want to judge him badly about this. But he seemed to think I was terribly old fashioned. He told me that in marriage you have about 10 minutes a day with your partner and he called that BED TIME! Is there something wrong with wanting a lot more than 10 minutes a day and a life revolving around duty towards children?  

(First published February 4, 2008)

LOOSER TRAUMA

The other morning a man who has five children, three in marriage, and says he may have more he doesn't know, about called me a looser for having never married. Well, I haven't brought ANY CHILDREN into this world, and I think, considering that he has no contact with ANY of HIS children, that I am the one who has behaved responsibly. He said I was "afraid of life." He said celibates were not normal. (My argument that there is a full range of sexual expression, including celibacy was something he was not going to hear. He admitted that he has a big porn collection.) WHAT LINGO or LABEL is BEST for those of us who have never had a child? HOW ABOUT NON-PARENT?

(First published February 13, 2008)

 

UGLY PORTRAYAL OF A SPINSTER

This came up when I put the word SPINSTER

into the search engine... 

She is unsmiling and therefore portrayed as unhappy.  The term comes from one of the earliest opportunities women had who were "skilled labor." Spinning yarn and thread to be woven into clothing, pre Industrial Age machinery.  Now a fine and rare art. The term indicated that the poor woman would have to earn her own living.  Though the clothing is from the pre 1920's age of beginning liberation, today the term SPINSTER is still used to describe women who remain unmarried - with a negative judgement of them for their lack of conformity to the norms. Bachlorette is an improvement. Never Married No Kids - NMNK - is the best term for women and men who remain unmarried and childless.

Things have changed though.  

It used to be that a woman who showed her intelligence was an undesirable partner.  As a result education opportunities were limited or nonexistent. The term "BLUESTOCKING" was used for women who showed their intelligence. Women were raised to be dependent and go into marriages they could not escape.  What a horrible way to be forced into 'faithfulness' and 'loyalty.

Even elite women went to school only to be turned into wives and mothers.  A little needlepoint.  A little French.  But not math or science.

Now so many are depending on themselves and so many are the sole earners supporting and raising children. More men are looking to be stay at home dads and be supported by their wives who have education and careers. 

C 2023  Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

THE HORROR OF THE CARD GAME "OLD MAID"

I was shocked when friends of mine, a happily married couple who are HOMESCHOOLING their grandchildren, both with advanced college degrees ( a Masters and a Doctorate) and as WOKE as one can get, decided it would be appropriate to teach their granddaughters the card game OLD MAID. The object of this classic card game is to not be the one "left out" so it teaches the "normality" of marriage and basically enforces OUT DATED NOTIONS THAT IT IS UNDESIREABLE TO BE UNMARRIED, especially if you are a female.  I was so stunned I blurted, "Don't be POLITICALLY INCORRECT.  Be sure to teach them OLD BACHELOR!"

Really, there is no reason anyone should be teaching their children, whatever gender, that if you don't marry you're a looser.

By the way, this couple have one of the best marriages I've ever known of.

C 2021 NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

SPINSTER MONTH

THAT'S WHAT I AM!

SISTER HERE!  SPINSTERS started out as women who spun yarn ; It must have been one of the first ways a woman could make some money to support herself, or at least earn money she didn't have to ask a father, brother, or husband for though very likely she was not supposed to actually live alone.  Maybe these women just LIKED their relative independence.  Maybe they made enough money to be free of marriage, childbearing, and all that.

TODAY SPINSTERS ARE HAVING A MUCH BETTER TIME OF IT!  Visit again because we are going to have a lot of fun with spinsterhood!

HAVE YOU BEEN TREATED DIFFERENTLY IN YOUR PARENTS WILL BECAUSE YOU NEVER MARRIED

Some of the old spinsters got the family farm... Some got ignored because the husband they never had was supposed to "take care" of them... and you?