Showing posts with label Valentines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Valentines. Show all posts
2/14/23
2/13/23
LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AS THEY ARE
VALENTINES DAY can put a lot of pressure on devoted Never Married No Kids types. That's because this is the big American celebration of couplehood. But you CAN send Valentines to your very unmarried friends and let them know you LOVE THEM AS THEY ARE!
2/6/23
VALENTINES DAY NIGHTMARE? OR A CELEBRATION OF FRIENDSHIP?
(first posted February 6, 2008)
Valentines Day is a nightmare for many NMNK. It's the height of the season for romance and you don't have any, not that you really mind, but you can feel acute condemnation about now from all those people who think your Big Mistake was not getting married.Fortunately Valentines Day is NOT JUST FOR THE COUPLES. It is a day to express love and appreciation for ANYONE in our lives who is special.
Why Not Send Out a Dozen Valentines to Friends?
2/14/19
1/26/19
WARNING! VALENTINES DAY IS AHEAD
Valentine's Day is ahead and already NMNK are feeling the societal pressure to be included in the mushy love fest that this day has become. Not dating? Not interested in dating? Have no one "special." Haven't "made love" in ages - especially because you only attract people who see sex a different way? Well, consider that there are many ways to love and that includes PLATONIC.
Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.
Spend it with friends. Or don't go out at all.
Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.
Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.
Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.
So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.
Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...
If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED. You'll be considered cheap if you forget. But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.
Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.
Spend it with friends. Or don't go out at all.
Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.
Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.
Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.
So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.
Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...
If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED. You'll be considered cheap if you forget. But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.
2/14/18
A VALENTINE'S DAY WITHOUT A VALENTINE IS ... GREAT!
VALENTINE's DAY, like so many other holidays, has been marketed as a gift-giving day, a day you have to spend to prove you like or love someone. I think this day has put pressure on people to make a commitment or not too. So I decided to do a little research and one site actually has a stat that FEBRUARY is the month that has the MOST BREAK UPS. November isn't a great month for relationships either. Let's face the fact that if someone doesn't want to be with you for the holidays - because they want to go to parties to meet someone else alone or don't want to spend money on you, November (right before Thanksgiving) is a great month to break up. February is the month when the person has decided SPRING will provide them more opportunities to meet others.
If you're dating someone and they are missing in action for Valentine's Day, then it's probably true that you are not a priority, and they don't want the relationship to go forward. They may even be breaking up with you, or at least seeing how much you're going to put up with. However, Valentine's Day should not be used to pressure a person to make a commitment, to give them a deadline. When you get that commitment, especially if it's the day you get engaged, then for the rest of your relationship (note I did not say LIFE!), every Valentine's Day you've got that celebration pressure. You will have to come up with gifts - so soon after Christmas and New Years - and go out to dinner - and all that - competing with the other couples for reservations. And if the relationship does not work out, then every Valentine's Day you'll think about that. All those decorations hanging up, forcing this day at you, will remind you. You're better off choosing another day for firsts to celebrate.
I'll tell you, it feels GOOD to not have those pressures.
It feels GOOD to not be thinking or worrying "Does he love me?" or "Will he propose?"
It feels GOOD not to be in ring competition with other women; I once had a very nice ring that I bought myself. Since I lost it I have nor replaced it. I'm now ring free.
What of your friends who say things about marriage like, "We'll it's only a STARTER MARRIAGE!" or "Wonder if she'll EVER get married?"
I've got to tell you that people who think this way are not people who can be friends.
Sister
Pixneo.com image
If you're dating someone and they are missing in action for Valentine's Day, then it's probably true that you are not a priority, and they don't want the relationship to go forward. They may even be breaking up with you, or at least seeing how much you're going to put up with. However, Valentine's Day should not be used to pressure a person to make a commitment, to give them a deadline. When you get that commitment, especially if it's the day you get engaged, then for the rest of your relationship (note I did not say LIFE!), every Valentine's Day you've got that celebration pressure. You will have to come up with gifts - so soon after Christmas and New Years - and go out to dinner - and all that - competing with the other couples for reservations. And if the relationship does not work out, then every Valentine's Day you'll think about that. All those decorations hanging up, forcing this day at you, will remind you. You're better off choosing another day for firsts to celebrate.
I'll tell you, it feels GOOD to not have those pressures.
It feels GOOD to not be thinking or worrying "Does he love me?" or "Will he propose?"
It feels GOOD not to be in ring competition with other women; I once had a very nice ring that I bought myself. Since I lost it I have nor replaced it. I'm now ring free.
What of your friends who say things about marriage like, "We'll it's only a STARTER MARRIAGE!" or "Wonder if she'll EVER get married?"
I've got to tell you that people who think this way are not people who can be friends.
Sister
2/14/17
LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH - HAPPY VALENTINES TO ALL OF YOU WHO NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS!
LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH ALL THE TIME - YOU!
I know that some of you really are selfish, self centered, self concerned, all the time, but I'm betting most of you are NMNK for other reasons. PROVE YOU LOVE YOU!
Get enough sleep! No easy thing in todays world but necessary for your immunity and overall heath. To do it you have to try and keep a regular schedule which may mean limiting how much time you spend on the phone, or getting into a routine when it comes to household have to's. Sit down with yourself and think over your priorities. There is only so much time in the day and you can't get straight A's when you're taking too many units.
Have A Few Close Friends! While I think we should take emergency calls from family or our few truly close friends, generally I prefer to meet with a person for coffee or have dinner together to have revealing conversations and use the phone for making plans. Once in a while reassess. Have you been a taker or a giver? With who? Why?
Date - Honestly. Freudian Psychology be damned. If someone isn't compatible and companionable with you, make them a friend, or give them up so they can move on to someone better for them and free you up. If you have to end a relationship that's going nowhere, or only held together with sentimentality, be kind about how you do that.
Put Your Parents In Their Place! If your parent(s) are pressuring you to "settle down and get married," or give them a grandchild or do anything that and you don't want to, it's time to take mom or dad out to lunch, and tell them you no longer wish to discuss your personal romances with them, no longer want to be nagged, and that they will be the first person to know if you change you mind! Come out with it. Refuse to be guilt tripped into anything. Set your boundaries.
Treat Yourself! Gift yourself some pleasure like a vacation trip, spa day, or upgrade of your computer or cell phone, something that is a reward for work, and will help you relax and be a bit more organized.
2/14/16
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all you NMNK!
Looking through an old scrapbook of Valentines I received as a child, I'm reminded that not so long ago FRIENDS, SIBLINGS and RELATIVES, PARENTS, AUNTS and UNCLES, CLASSMATES - everybody gave everybody Valentines. They could be cute, funny, dumb, corny, clever... the cards didn't have to BE ROMANTIC to be APPRECIATED.
Which means, you CAN SO CELEBRATE THIS DAY, without being involved romantically with ANYONE!
Sister
2/21/15
SKIPPING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ
I kind of skipped Valentine's Day this year. In the past I've made it a point to celebrate the day by acknowledging my better friends, but this year I was feeling it was time to be on the receiving end.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
2/9/15
50 SHADES OF EVIL and THE TURN OFF OF SEX - SISTER SPEAKS!
I've been following the controversy of the books and upcoming movie, entitled FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, which depicts an S and M (Sadistic and Mean!), bondage, power-over, "relationship" between a recent college graduate who is unbelievably naïve and stupid, and an extremely powerful billionaire who is more than intimidating. He's a stereotype of a "successful" businessman, if you only consider material success as success. He is "brilliant" but also into his power and has a very dark side. He picks the naïve and stupid college grad to teach lessons to.
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
2/14/11
A VALENTINES DAY WEDDING CANCELLED!
Sister here! It has happened to a friend. She decided last year that she was going to get married this year. She said that God had given her visions and had ordained that she marry. Well, a mutual friend (who had a long distance relationship at the time, an engagement) was her first target. It didn't work out because he went on the road. Then she met a much younger man. How much younger? Let's say less that 20 but more than 15 years younger. And out of a rehab when she herself has never had an addiction. After several months of dating she determined that this was the man who God had planned for her. But her siblings objected to the man and the speed of the engagement. For her the engagement meant that it was OK to have sex.
Fast forward to about a month ago when she announced that another year had gone by and for sure the two of them were getting married. ON VALENTINE'S DAY. Considering that they had broken up only recently when she discovered that he had broken his sobriety, I was shocked.
But you want to be happy for someone else when they find LOVE right? It turned out that trying to find a minister and a place to hold the wedding at the last minute is near impossible, because VALENTINES DAY is a POPULAR DAY to be married! And it turned out that his drinking, that break in sobriety, was not a one time mess up but the start of a lot of partying, particularily as the wedding day got closer. Let's face it. He can't face life without a drink. Even the prospect of marrying her was not cheering enough.
So the wedding is cancelled. She's probably smart not to go forward with this wedding, or this relationship, and I feel for her, because she is laying in bed crying and depressed!
But this is what happens when you are DESPERATE to be married and you make the very next person who comes into your life MR or MRS RIGHT!
Sister
Fast forward to about a month ago when she announced that another year had gone by and for sure the two of them were getting married. ON VALENTINE'S DAY. Considering that they had broken up only recently when she discovered that he had broken his sobriety, I was shocked.
But you want to be happy for someone else when they find LOVE right? It turned out that trying to find a minister and a place to hold the wedding at the last minute is near impossible, because VALENTINES DAY is a POPULAR DAY to be married! And it turned out that his drinking, that break in sobriety, was not a one time mess up but the start of a lot of partying, particularily as the wedding day got closer. Let's face it. He can't face life without a drink. Even the prospect of marrying her was not cheering enough.
So the wedding is cancelled. She's probably smart not to go forward with this wedding, or this relationship, and I feel for her, because she is laying in bed crying and depressed!
But this is what happens when you are DESPERATE to be married and you make the very next person who comes into your life MR or MRS RIGHT!
Sister
2/9/09
VALENTINES DAY : THE WORST PRESSURE YET !
VALENTINES DAY can put a lot of pressure on devoted Never Married No Kids types. That's because this is the big American celebration of couplehood. But you CAN send Valentines to your very unmarried friends and let them know you LOVE THEM AS THEY ARE!
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