DID AN EARLY HEARTBREAK STOP YOU FROM DATING EVER AGAIN?

Sister has this question for you.  

Did an early heartbreak stop you from dating ever again?

I had a friend who had an engagement broken while she was in college.  She has never dated again.  To be honest, she also overate and became obese.  Still, she is an educated and beautiful woman and many people who are obese date and marry.

THE SINGLE KILLER - A TRAGIC COMEDY

SINGLE?  Then you must be SUSPECT!

A FRIEND's VIEWS ON MARRIAGE CLASH WITH MY OWN - I'M THE CONSERVATIVE!

Over the last few months I've been getting to know - again - a friend who left town in '07, lost touch with me in '09, and has returned.  I say friend because essentially that is what it was, even when we dated a short while, and most certainly is, now that he's tried to get back into my life by playing the "we used to date" card.

I know people change.  I have.  But back in '07 - '09 I actually thought there was some good commonality in the relationship that might sustain it.  So I decided to give the relationship another try, but without any high hopes that it might return to romance.

So it hasn't.

But worse, this man has convinced me that it is I who is the conservative!
What with my "first comes love, then comes marriage, and then the baby carriage (if ever)," ideals.

In my family of origin my not marrying and not having children is considered lesbian or not natural.  As I've mentioned by own godmother backstabbed me with gossip, telling others that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to hold a baby.  (You can sort through these posts and find my retort.)  The purpose of this blog was to support people like me who have made many micro-decisions and some big ones to not be a birth mother or parent, while knowing that there are so very many ways and reasons to be NMNK.

Now when he tells me that I'm some sort of fossil for such ancient (not just old fashioned) beliefs, because "nobody" this and that and "everybody" this and that, get's married that way, or even has those EXPECTATIONS, I feel he is mostly talking about himself.

Sure there are places on this earth and in this country, mostly places where the cost of living is low, where there are women who not only wait for love, then marry, and then have children, but also do not have careers outside the home but instead make motherhood and being a wife their career.  Their choice.

I decided he and I are utterly incompatible!

Because I noticed that he lets me make dinner (and do the shopping, preparing, clean up and sending him home with left-overs) about ten times for every one time he cooks or takes me out to dinner.

I find his relationships and the "family" he has taken his ex step children to be as unstable and risky.  I mean, do these now adult children who had him in their lives a few short years when they were growing up, when they all lived together, but didn't get married, actually make them think of him as dad, as in a dad that may need visitors in an assisted living someday, or a dad that needs people to bury him?

Apparently so.

I love the notion of "family as friends."  I've tried it and it didn't work in a crisis.

But OK,  my opinion doesn't count since it is his life.

What do I really think all this way along?  That this man has been very happy for girlfriends to buy him things when they were the ones who had the money from inheritance or earning, and that is a comfort that in his generation was rare.  Not exactly a free-loader but nowhere near the kind of man who marries and supports a wife and children.  So he hasn't had any, while putting me down for not wanting any.  You know, if you Really Want Children, there is a Very Good Chance, you Can, meet someone who Also Wants Children, and Have Them.

So he's a CLOSET NMNK!


C 2015  Sister / Never Married No Kids BlogSpot  All Rights including International and Internet Rights reserved.

A VALENTINES DAY WEDDING CANCELLED!

Sister here!  It has happened to a friend.  She decided last year that she was going to get married this year.  She said that God had given her visions and had ordained that she marry.  Well, a mutual friend (who had a long distance relationship at the time, an engagement) was her first target.  It didn't work out because he went on the road.  Then she met a much younger man.  How much younger?  Let's say less that 20 but more than 15 years younger.  And out of a rehab when she herself has never had an addiction.  After several months of dating she determined that this was the man who God had planned for her.  But her siblings objected to the man and the speed of the engagement.  For her the engagement meant that it was OK to have sex.

Fast forward to about a month ago when she announced that another year had gone by and for sure the two of them were getting married.  ON VALENTINE'S DAY.  Considering that they had broken up only recently when she discovered that he had broken his sobriety, I was shocked.

But you want to be happy for someone else when they find LOVE right?  It turned out that trying to find a minister and a place to hold the wedding at the last minute is near impossible, because VALENTINES DAY is a POPULAR DAY to be married!  And it turned out that his drinking, that break in sobriety, was not a one time mess up but the start of a lot of partying, particularily as the wedding day got closer.  Let's face it.  He can't face life without a drink.  Even the prospect of marrying her was not cheering enough.

So the wedding is cancelled.  She's probably smart not to go forward with this wedding, or this relationship, and I feel for her, because she is laying in bed crying and depressed!

But this is what happens when you are DESPERATE to be married and you make the very next person who comes into your life MR or MRS RIGHT!

Sister

2010 NATIONAL SEX SURVEY !

The CENTER FOR SEXUAL HEALTH PROMOTION is behind this survey, which made the news as the largest survey in many years.  Click to the link and then, if you want to, click to the graphs that show, by age category what sexual activities were reported by men and women (not identified as straight or gay).

PLAYBOY and PLAYGIRL MONTH

Sister here: Let me tell you about a casual platonic friend I have, who I'll call Jay, one of those NMNK who's a PLAYBOY. (I want to avoid the term PLAYER here because it has come to mean PIMP.  I'm not talking pimps or prostitution here, I'm talking about promiscuity, which seems to be indulged in for fun, without abusing the lover in any way!)

 When you know how Jay lives, loosing his virginity young and never since celibate, often in love but rarely moving a relationship into what he calls "getting stale," you have met the consummate PLAYBOY.  I have yet to hear him talk negatively about any of the women he's been involved with though he does LET THEM GO!  When he talks about enjoying sex, he talks about how beautiful women are, how good they smell, and how, after an orgasm, he loves to just look into their eyes.

Jay is almost 42 and has never been married and has no known children, despite the fact that he has, for years, had at least four three-month-long relationships a year, and is often sleeping with more than one woman at a time; you'd expect that someone's contraception would have failed by now.  He is handsome, charming, talented, and goes through bouts of being penniless, but women don't seem to care.  They are willing to pay for dates, buy him presents, and let him share their apartments without paying rent.  Those women are PLAYGIRLS too!

To be fair, we have to devote a month to those NMNKs who ARE PLAYBOYS (and PLAYGIRLS) like Jay!  These are people who do not seem to be easy come easy go!
Where to start?

It seems that many people, usually in their youth, make PLAY an experience BEFORE finding a life partner or "settling."  Many people believe it is only through playing they will meet such a person!

Is Jay a heartbreaker, "in love with love?,  a man who "really loves women?"  A bum?  What about the women he gets involved with, several who have also been honest about being involved with other men at the same time!

We'd like to hear from the PLAYBOYS and PLAYGIRLS out there!

Sister

C 2011 All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

PURITY BALL : GIRLS PLEDGE TO REMAIN VIRGINS

until they are married... But what if you don't marry ever? Why is this celibacy fashionable while long term celibacy is not? LINKED TO IAFRICA article.

WHAT DO CELIBATES DO ? HE WANTED TO KNOW...

Someone recently asked me what celibates "do" sexually. The term used to mean a person who avoids sexuality, including self pleasure and fantasy. A person who would not or could not be stirred. As science gets more sophisticated we realize that medically some people have low sex drives and some have high - maybe some people have none. Let's say it's rare to get through a whole life without experiencing the body and the body contains desire, expressed or not.

I usually say that a celibate person is someone who has natural drives but who CHOOSES not to act upon it.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?