PLATONIC MALE FRIEND PROVES TO BE SELECTIVELY DEAF! : SISTER SPEAKS!

 PLATONIC MALE FRIEND PROVES TO BE SELECTIVELY DEAF

SELECTIVELY DEAF!  That's what I call my platonic friend who just recently landed a bouquet of flowers on me (secretly; no one seems to know how they got there) with a card that called me his "princess" and his "dream."  and was signed "your secret admirer."  When I made no reaction (at that point not sure who or where they came from!) he went and asked me if I had gotten them.  He turned pink. 

I said "Thank you, but that was really not necessary."  He asked "Well, who else would have sent them?" (The truth is there must be at least a half dozen men here and there who make passes at me or suggest that they would be interested in me and I could think of 5 men who might have.) My friend was on a "fishing expedition". 

HE ONCE SAID "When I woman doesn't talk about a boyfriend I figure she doesn't have one.  And I had said, "I don't talk a lot about boyfriends. Then I said that I had been dating someone for a year before I had mentioned this to anyone in our social group and first met him and I saw no reason to detail my encounters or my feelings. 

I don't have anything against getting a bouquet of flowers (you can tell that from my Meez avatar above!) but I DO HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST A MAN WHO APPARENTLY HAS NOT HEARD ME WHEN I HAVE SAID in recent times that I AM CELIBATE, THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING MARRIED, THAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND... When I have complained about one man or another looking for unwarranted hugs or a neighbor trying to practice foot massage therapy on me. When I have said that I would not want to live with or marry another person in our same profession...

It's true this man and I have long discussions about various intellectual subjects, but he drives me a little crazy because he's professorial and one of those people who thinks interrupting a discussion to correct pronunciation isn't unkind. He's interesting on his subjects but a bit of a know it all. I can only take so much of him and I don't confuse all this with a relationship developing more sexually. It's also true that I told him about the (above mentioned) relationship when it was well over, explaining to him that it had become long distance and thus unworkable but that this person still occupied my heart. I was not sure what would happen if he moved back to town.

JUST TO MAKE THE BOUQUET EVEN MORE EVIDENT OF SELECTIVE DEAFNESS, he had said that he could not imagine being with a woman who was not a devout Christian, which I am not.  So, of course, I thought he was declaring us incompatible on that basis.

I thought we were hanging out KNOWING that platonic friendship was the only possibility for us.

NOW I FEEL THAT TO EVEN TAKE HIS CALLS or GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM will be leading him on, since I have no interest or intention of taking this once upon a time friendship to another level!  

CAN YOU RELATE?

Sister

(First Published September 11, 2010)

C 2010  Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

VALENTINES DAY NIGHTMARE? OR A CELEBRATION OF FRIENDSHIP?

(first posted February 6, 2008)

Valentines Day is a nightmare for many NMNK. It's the height of the season for romance and you don't have any, not that you really mind, but you can feel acute condemnation about now from all those people who think your Big Mistake was not getting married.

Fortunately Valentines Day is NOT JUST FOR THE COUPLES. It is a day to express love and appreciation for ANYONE in our lives who is special.

Why Not Send Out a Dozen Valentines to Friends?

WARNING! VALENTINES DAY IS AHEAD

Valentine's Day is ahead and already NMNK are feeling the societal pressure to be included in the mushy love fest that this day has become.  Not dating?  Not interested in dating?  Have no one "special."  Haven't "made love" in ages - especially because you only attract people who see sex a different way? Well, consider that there are many ways to love and that includes PLATONIC.

Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.

Spend it with friends.  Or don't go out at all.

Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.

Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.

Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.

So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.

Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...

If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED.  You'll be considered cheap if you forget.  But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.

BROKE NOT CHEAP - AND WHY I DO NOT WANT A MAN

Why is it that when a man hears that I need (to earn more) money, he recommends I need a man?
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?

And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?

It's not that I don't need people.

I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.

I don't like that.  I'm not like that.

One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.

I'm conscientious about that though.

I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.

He is not a "boyfriend."

Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.

When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)

I said, "Not at this time of my life."

"But you NEED someone," he said.

"I have friends," I said.

He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"

He meant take me in.

I have been taken in by friends in the past.

Generally it didn't work so well.

I didn't say that.

I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."

C 2019  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

WOOPS...DID I MISS CHRISTMAS? MARRIED PEOPLE WHO FEEL ALONE IN THEIR MARRIAGES

I certainly missed POSTING for Christmas.  The Holidays. 

So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."

Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness.  In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.

Before I could feeling sorry for myself,  I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them.  Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.

My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years.  He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities.  His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession.  Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there.  He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home.  I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not.  He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.

My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else.  He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall.  I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house.  I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons.  Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.

Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships. 

As I must too.

Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold.  I understand it.  I do.  So far I haven't been offended. 

Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.

C 2018  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved.

NMNK CHELSY DAVY and the HARRY and MEGHAN WEDDING : NEWS COVERAGE WAS JUST SO WRONG!

MAY 2021

I guess all concerned are married now so this is a VINTAGE ARTICLE!

********************************

Chelsy Davy is NMNK.

Chelsy Davy is one of US!

Damn if she wasn't the target of some speculative "news" reportage as she attended the recent royal wedding of long time bachelor Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the American actress who is giving it all up - willingly - including her acting career, her religion, her U.S. citizenship, and her NK status, to be the wife of this royal.

Rumors were that Chelsy was shocked to not be invited to the wedding receptions.  What went on there - toasts to Harry remarking on his wild times - his women - might have been insulting to her.  (Were they pointed at her?)

But Chesy was invited to the Wedding itself.

There is she was, along with so many family members, close personal friends, and celebrities - who were invited to one or both of the receptions.

I tried to understand.  Was this meant to include her or to rub salt into wounds?

Chelsy Davy was once in a very long term relationship with Prince Harry.
Neither were married.  It was not suggested that this educated woman with a lawyering background and who is now a jewelry designer, was ever Harry's Mistress.  But OK, a half century ago she might have been assumed to just that.  Let's be clear: it was like she was Harry's first wife, but since they never married they did not divorce.  In fact, they became friends.

As I see it FRIENDSHIP IS VALUABLE.  When someone is a good friend to you, you don't just throw them away.

Rumor has it that her invitation came but so did a "last phone call" from Harry saying - have a nice life - to her, ending the friendship.  If so, you know what?  That stinks!

Have YOU been dumped by a friend - male or female - that you once dated or were once involved with - because they got married?

What?  Your friend will be too busy f*cking to remember to call you on your birthday or get together with you once in a while for coffee and not include you when they have a party?
Your friend will not introduce you to someone else you might want to date?

If so, you know what?  That's really shitty!

Granted Harry and Meghan are going to be two of the busiest people in the world.  They will tour the British Commonwealth and be Good Will Ambassadors, they have their charity work, and they are busy f*cking to start a family ASAP, since the Bride is ancient at 36 to start a family.  (I will not be surprised to learn that fertility treatments have begun, just as I suspect Charlene, Prince Albert II's wife had them.) Meghan is as qualified to fry it up a pan and make him feel like a man as any careerist woman, I suppose, but what happens if the two of them prove to be unable to have children naturally?

Chelsy was fine about the wedding.  Supposedly after this call she cried her eyes out, got it together, arrived with a smile on her face, like she was out for a good time, with her extra (called a plus one in Britain), a brother.  But then her face was invaded by photographers and video cameras and she actually appeared disturbed, like she was holding back tears.  These photos supposedly revealed what was going on in her mind.  Such as thinking "it could have been ME!"

Actually I doubt that's what she was thinking.  When a person who has been a good friend for years, and who had a difficult time finding someone who would marry him finds that person, it's emotional for you when you think they finally found happiness.  Chelsy had years to accept that she and Harry would never marry.  As his close friend and confidant I'm sure that he did talk to her about other women he dated.  I read that Meghan gave her a warm hug.  Meghan is confident in her position and does not seem to be putting in a big objection to Harry having women friends. 

Maybe Chelsy was feeling invaded and maybe Chelsy was thinking it was shitty to set her apart and not invite her to the reception.  After all, when Harry was depressed or in trouble because he once again did a Big Blooper, and he was infamous for them, did he actually call Oprah Winfrey?  Why was she there?

I have no idea if, at 32, Chelsy desires marriage to anyone or motherhood, but consider that she may not.  It's possible that her almost wifely status in Prince Harry's life intimidated other men from dating her.  They are like that about royals in Britain.  They don't want to effect their own status by even accidently tripping on Princely turf.  But consider the husband of Camilla Parker Bowles who had a "take my wife, please!" attitude when Prince Charles took interest in her.  Consider another favorite over in Britain, the recently and finally wed Pippa Middleton. who gave in to the man who had long loved her and wanted her, so married him and became pregnant almost immediately.  Consider the uninterested in marriage James Middleton.  Consider the long term relationship Princess Beatrice who is NMNK but also dated someone for years who broke with her and married someone else was in.

Aging in Place.  Aging with Grace!

It is my hope the reportage was "rubbish" and Prince Harry will call Chelsy on birthdays, meet to have coffee, invite her to parties, and introduce her to his friends, rather than snub a very nice and fun young woman who was important in his life for many years.

CHELSY is OK NMNK!


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FRIEND BEATS AGE 50 DEADLINE - IMPORTS CHINESE BRIDE

OOOOH how I hope this is a "miracle of love" situation.  I've learned a friend of mine, a man who never seemed to find a Ms. Right, though he met a lot of possibilities, imported a woman from China to be his wife.  She's an intelligent woman and speaks English. Much younger than him (I should say "of course").  Young enough that she could stay married to him for a decade, get a nice social security retirement out of it, divorce, remarry.

How did they meet?

Chinese-American friends made the match, then they were using Skype or equivalent for courtship.  He went there to marry her, and at the same time they honeymooned as tourists, saw the Great Wall.

I'd be completely rude if I didn't wish them a wonderful life.  Don't think I can't be happy for him/them because I can.  Hope springs eternal.

It's just that me and my girlfriends are a bit suspicious when an American man has to import.  We see the woman far from her family and support system, sometimes financially unable to leave if she wants to.

My old friend is someone who always has to have his own way.  He needs someone to live around him and make his life easier.  He's not someone who has ever physically abused another person, but he can be passive aggressive.  He has a good sense of humor.  Sometimes it's a bit wicked.

A mutual friend said, "Come on Sister, he's an A-hole!  The reason you're not close anymore is that as the years went by he became less and less flexible, less willing and able to meet you half way on anything.  You two used to go to films a lot.  It got to where if he wasn't picking the film, he wasn't going!"


Yea.


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