MATCH MAKING? THE JEWISH MATCHMAKER IN AN OLD NEIGHBORHOOD

I lived in a Jewish neighborhood for a while and actually encountered a match maker.  A tradition.  Usually a Jewish woman who makes it her business to know who is unmarried, looking for marriage, and who is eligible.  As in the romantic old film "Crossing Delancy Street."

She told me that her services extended to referring men in particular for make overs and especially some better clothing.  (Ah but after marriage either his wife dresses him or he goes back to slovenly looks.)

She said that it is believed in the Jewish faith that if you match make three couples, then you go to heaven.  She had match made two couples.  You see she got into this late and wasn't sure she would go past three.

Since then I've learned that Jewish people seem to put a lot of pressure on their own to be married.  Married is the way people are supposed to go through life, it is believed.  Though there is a LOT of intermarriage with other faiths, primarily Christians, there is also a lot of pressure for the Christian spouse to convert; if a person really believed in Jesus this would be impossible.  But it's thought to be better after all to be unified religiously if you're going to raise children.

There are ALWAYS people who do not marry, for any number of reasons.  Matchmaking works on the problem of actually meeting people in general.  It can be helpful to those who are not too social maybe because they are too busy with education and work.

SKIPPING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ

I kind of skipped Valentine's Day this year.  In the past I've made it a point to celebrate the day by acknowledging my better friends, but this year I was feeling it was time to be on the receiving end.

And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.

But I did have a Valentine.

A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine.  He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes.  Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.

I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship.  I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.

I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.

I don't even feel like dating.

But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional. 

DO YOU HATE DATING? YOU CAN'T BE MATCH MADE

Is this you?

You can't be match made.  

When someone tries to match you, you feel uneasy, even angry.

You don't want to go out to clubs, unless you just want to dance or listen to the music, but you would happily hang at a table and talk, or dance and say "Thanks! but no Thanks" because you do not want to give out your phone number or ask for anyone else's number.  You do not want to pretend that you will call someone to see them again, unless maybe just as friends.

But you've noticed that when you say "I'm just looking for friends" most of the time you are not believed.  If someone is interested in you more than you are interested in them, saying that you're just interested in meeting people for friendship usually results in them trying to change your mind - now you're a challenge! 

So if you're simply nice, because you aren't trying to be mean, just honest, the whole club scene just results in follow up and follow through you aren't really interested in.

You're not anti-social.  You just don't want to date.  Not now.  Maybe not ever.  You need to get over you past experiences  or you need a break.  Maybe the problem is sex.   You don't like it or you want to wait until marriage or you think it's over emphasized.

Maybe you want to try going a year  or longerwithout having sex at all, because you find that sex seems to complicate things. 

You are not interested in meeting on the Internet either.  The whole experience leaves you feeling like you're in a beauty competition and marketing a product when you're a person.  It feels unnatural to you - and a time waster. 

Or you've tried it and it didn't work for you.  You spent your time meeting people who just wanted to e-mail, or who you met in person and didn't want to actually date you after all that.

IS THIS YOU?

Sister

(All original writing on this blog is C Sister/ Never Married No Kids Blogspot)

SATURDAY NIGHT ISN'T DATE NIGHT FOR THE NMNK!

Some of you are more COMMITTED to the NMNK lifestyle than others. For some dating, sex, relationships are part of life but getting married and having kids is not the goal. Having fun, getting to know others - and yourself - better, focusing on creating and establishing a business, making it through Grad School, or focusing on volunteer work may be the established goal of your life. You might think of being NMNK as temporary.

As always I find NMNK - An Intentional Community - gets lost in dating clubs and woe-is-me web sights, all focusing on what is wrong with life as is (or else why would someone spend time complaining?). I only wish those who are desperate to be in a relationship were as RESPECTFUL to my lifestyle and choices as I must be to them.  That is simply not the case even though record numbers of individuals are not getting married or having kids, which just might be GOOD FOR THE WORLD when it comes to limiting the population.

For many MARRIED WITH KIDS means there will hardly ever be a date night for the spouses.  Which shows it can be done.

For me Saturday night has long ago ceased to be a night that I plan to be out.  I prefer in, especially because I have so many interests and hobbies that I like to pursue.  Sometimes I ask a friend over.

Alone but not Lonely,

Sister