If I could have ANYTHING for Christmas, it would be to get away for a week or two with my dog, somewhere where I know no one, no one is going to bother me, and if I really feel like chatting I can take a long walk to a coffee house to meet people and then go home alone.
I could ALMOST pull this off in the city if I didn't have my dog. Since we have no yard, I must take her for a walk down the street a few times a day to do her business. A little chit chat with other dog owners doesn't really bother me but I don't know how to ignore friends when I see them. It's just that I would like to NOT SPEAK, to not use my vocal chords, and enjoy RELATIVE SILENCE, which is so rare these days.
I think I could do this for a week or two without feeling lonely.
Instead we will have our citified holiday. I plan to make a whole chicken with apple and shallot stuffing in a slow cooker and eat it with rice, cranberry sauce, and a couple drinks. I bought RUM which I haven't had for years, coconut milk and pineapple juice and nutmeg, and will try a drink recipe made from those ingredients.
My dog is so funny. I do slow cooking at least once a week and my dog has to smell the cooking all day. When I come through the door she is excited and practically attaches herself to my ankle going from room to room so that when I start putting the slow cooked food on a plate I won't forget her.
Of course I share, mindful of the foods on the taboo list for dogs.
She mostly has dry kibble.
This year though I bought her a little SALMON and already she has her new BLUE PUPPY DOG to play with. She shows off how she has been playing with it so that I know she knows it is hers.
Slowly, I'm easing into the holidays with some BOOKS to read in the evening while me and the dog linger under blankets together.
What my dog does all day when I'm not home, I don't know.
My friend who put a BabyCam on her dogs so she could see them from work said hers mostly slept.
I suspect mine mostly does that too.
11/23/15
COMMITMENT PHOBIC ???? THE THANKSGIVING A RELATIVE TRIED TO MATCHMAKE ME WITHOUT SHOWING RESPECT FOR ME FIRST
I'll never forget the Thanksgiving that I showed up at a relatives for dinner and discovered that she had invited a single man to match make me. No she never mentioned this to me when she was extending the invitation or at any time before I walked in there. The man was a nice man, a good man, and he had a good income. All that was true and perhaps for her that was ENOUGH to make him eligible. But she never asked me if I had a boyfriend, if I was seeing anyone, if I was involved, or at all interested in being match made.
And when I couldn't hide my displeasure I heard her go to him and explain that I had a problem with commitment.
BULLSHIT!
It might not surprise you to know that I no longer keep a relationship with this relative who I discovered to be dishonest in the sense that she was always manipulating and designing rather than being straightforward and candid.
Besides all this, the fact was that this man was very interested in getting married and having a family.
She told him I was family oriented. That was true. To my existing family. I had no interest in actually becoming pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, or raising children though. Still don't.
One thing that didn't happen?
I did not go out with him to please her.
I did not go out with him against my own instincts or wishes, where I would feel ensnared and possibly feel I had to come up with explanations and apologies for not being interested.
And though he possibly felt he had wasted HIS time and been duped, I didn't worry so much about his feelings in the moment to spend time talking to him; possibly he knew that she had made an error.
So you may wonder, HAVE I EVER MATCHMADE ANYONE?
The answer is no.
And when I couldn't hide my displeasure I heard her go to him and explain that I had a problem with commitment.
BULLSHIT!
It might not surprise you to know that I no longer keep a relationship with this relative who I discovered to be dishonest in the sense that she was always manipulating and designing rather than being straightforward and candid.
Besides all this, the fact was that this man was very interested in getting married and having a family.
She told him I was family oriented. That was true. To my existing family. I had no interest in actually becoming pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, or raising children though. Still don't.
One thing that didn't happen?
I did not go out with him to please her.
I did not go out with him against my own instincts or wishes, where I would feel ensnared and possibly feel I had to come up with explanations and apologies for not being interested.
And though he possibly felt he had wasted HIS time and been duped, I didn't worry so much about his feelings in the moment to spend time talking to him; possibly he knew that she had made an error.
So you may wonder, HAVE I EVER MATCHMADE ANYONE?
The answer is no.
10/26/15
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE 1% WHO ARE ASEXUAL?
HEALTH- US NEWS : ASEXUALITY INVISIBLE ORIENTATION
EXCERPT: About 1 percent of the population is asexual, according to research by Anthony Bogaert, a psychology professor at Brock University in Ontario, Canada. In comparison, 1.6 percent of Americans identify as gay or lesbian and 0.7 percent identify as bisexual, according to a 2013 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey of adults 18 and older.
EXCERPT: About 1 percent of the population is asexual, according to research by Anthony Bogaert, a psychology professor at Brock University in Ontario, Canada. In comparison, 1.6 percent of Americans identify as gay or lesbian and 0.7 percent identify as bisexual, according to a 2013 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey of adults 18 and older.
10/24/15
DEMISEXUAL? GREYSEXUAL? LITHROMANTIC?
HUFFINGTON POST - SEXUALITY TERMS YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW by Noah Michelson - full article
EXCERPTS:
According to Asexuality.org, romantic attraction "is an emotional response that most people often feel that results in a desire for a romantic relationship with the person that the attraction is felt towards." The site notes that "many asexual people experience romantic attraction even though they do not feel sexual attraction" and though romantic and sexual orientations often "match," "it is common to find mixed combinations of romantic and sexual orientations" in the asexual community.
EXCERPTS:
According to Asexuality.org, romantic attraction "is an emotional response that most people often feel that results in a desire for a romantic relationship with the person that the attraction is felt towards." The site notes that "many asexual people experience romantic attraction even though they do not feel sexual attraction" and though romantic and sexual orientations often "match," "it is common to find mixed combinations of romantic and sexual orientations" in the asexual community.
10/21/15
ASEXUALITY IS NOT THE NEW NORMAL BUT IT IS BEING RECOGNIZED AS A SEXUALITY CATEGORY
One of the things that horrified me in my teens was the new knowledge that, if you got married, then you were signing on for being sexually active with the same person for the rest of your life and you HAD to satisfy them. At the time I wasn't sexual with anyone and most girls seemed to be intent on fending off boys who were supposed to be the "horny" ones. It seemed to be our jobs - and our reputations - to stop them. I hated the pressure and the feeling of being pursued madly. It felt to me like all boys were stalkerish.
Married for life: This is how just about everyone who surrounded me seemed to be doing it, being married and faithful and loyal. Divorce was rare among the people in my community. Perhaps I was too young to understand that married people had all sort of understandings and contracts between them, things that sustained them, and that all marriages were really not alike, even if these people had the traditional roles of man as breadwinner and woman as wife and mother.
I had no idea really about my parents' sexuality. Or anyone's. It was a private matter, not discussed, which I agree with actually. Parents should not be talking their intimate lives with their children. It was a shocker years later to find out that one of my friend's parents had divorced after three children because he was actually homosexual and his rejection of his wife had lead her to drink and sleep around.
Still, when you're just trying to figure things out for yourself, it can be daunting to imagine that you might have to have sex for the rest of your life with the same person, granted a person who you supposedly love and who supposedly loves you, and who you made a (sacred) commitment to for life. If you have some sexual experiences with boys who have not a clue what they are doing and remain unsatisfied yourself, sex feels like a chore, an obligation, a duty, and a danger.
Well, I've got lots of love to give, always have. But I never met that "special someone" who I could imagine being committed to, in love with, and sexual with, for the rest of my life. Nor did he find me.
Am I asexual?
I've been reading around this subject and actually I don't think so. The reason I don't think so is that from what I'm reading it sounds like asexual could be a natural state one experiences their entire life. Such a person just never is very interested in sex.
Maybe we all go through questioning, doubts, and experiences, and eventually we come to come to a decision about our ORIENTATION, and our GENDER. What about when people get older and find themselves with much less libido? They are still likely to self identify themselves based on all the experiences they had as younger people.
Still, I know some asexual (by self identification) people have read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT and left comments in the past, explaining to me that this is WHY they are NMNK.
Early on in this blog I tried to identify the various groups of people who are NMNK including priests and nuns. I said being NMNK could be a temporary lifestyle or something you have no choice in, though I myself am NMNK by choice.
So in the next few posts I'm going to look into the latest on ASEXUALITY.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community All Rights Reserved
Married for life: This is how just about everyone who surrounded me seemed to be doing it, being married and faithful and loyal. Divorce was rare among the people in my community. Perhaps I was too young to understand that married people had all sort of understandings and contracts between them, things that sustained them, and that all marriages were really not alike, even if these people had the traditional roles of man as breadwinner and woman as wife and mother.
I had no idea really about my parents' sexuality. Or anyone's. It was a private matter, not discussed, which I agree with actually. Parents should not be talking their intimate lives with their children. It was a shocker years later to find out that one of my friend's parents had divorced after three children because he was actually homosexual and his rejection of his wife had lead her to drink and sleep around.
Still, when you're just trying to figure things out for yourself, it can be daunting to imagine that you might have to have sex for the rest of your life with the same person, granted a person who you supposedly love and who supposedly loves you, and who you made a (sacred) commitment to for life. If you have some sexual experiences with boys who have not a clue what they are doing and remain unsatisfied yourself, sex feels like a chore, an obligation, a duty, and a danger.
Well, I've got lots of love to give, always have. But I never met that "special someone" who I could imagine being committed to, in love with, and sexual with, for the rest of my life. Nor did he find me.
Am I asexual?
I've been reading around this subject and actually I don't think so. The reason I don't think so is that from what I'm reading it sounds like asexual could be a natural state one experiences their entire life. Such a person just never is very interested in sex.
Maybe we all go through questioning, doubts, and experiences, and eventually we come to come to a decision about our ORIENTATION, and our GENDER. What about when people get older and find themselves with much less libido? They are still likely to self identify themselves based on all the experiences they had as younger people.
Still, I know some asexual (by self identification) people have read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT and left comments in the past, explaining to me that this is WHY they are NMNK.
Early on in this blog I tried to identify the various groups of people who are NMNK including priests and nuns. I said being NMNK could be a temporary lifestyle or something you have no choice in, though I myself am NMNK by choice.
So in the next few posts I'm going to look into the latest on ASEXUALITY.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community All Rights Reserved
10/14/15
MATCHMAKE YOURSELF? TWO YEARS OF BLISS and then ON YOUR NERVES?
The other night I told a friend of mine that I'd been thinking of a writing a list of questions which I could hand out to anyone who thinks they want to have a relationship with me. I mean men, who if they answer enough questions right could be friends with me or if they answered ALL the questions right, could actually have a Relationship with me, or at least start one. The reason for this is that suddenly I've attracted three potential Relationships with men I've met in recent months. I see how easy it is for having flowing conversations, a few laughs, or a good time, can make people skip over all the important issues, and become too involved, and then break up anyway.
WHO NEEDS THAT?
I decided the list of questions would be, not tricky, but the reader would not necessarily know where I was coming from so they couldn't guess what answers I hoped for. I would warn them to be honest since they had no idea.
The inspiration for this idea was a recent article that explained why everything you like or love about a person WILL BE ON YOUR NERVES in two years. Well, what happens is that the characteristic you liked or loved seems exaggerated at that point. He was neat. Now he's excessively neat and on your back about dishes in the sink. You loved her long hair. Now you go crazy waiting the two hours it takes for her to shampoo, condition, set, and comb out before you go out. Etc.
So I'm not going to tell you all the questions on my list. I'm going to tell you ONE and encourage you to make your own list, if you think that you'll have the courage to actually present it upon someone new in your life.
1) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LAS VEGAS?
WHO NEEDS THAT?
I decided the list of questions would be, not tricky, but the reader would not necessarily know where I was coming from so they couldn't guess what answers I hoped for. I would warn them to be honest since they had no idea.
The inspiration for this idea was a recent article that explained why everything you like or love about a person WILL BE ON YOUR NERVES in two years. Well, what happens is that the characteristic you liked or loved seems exaggerated at that point. He was neat. Now he's excessively neat and on your back about dishes in the sink. You loved her long hair. Now you go crazy waiting the two hours it takes for her to shampoo, condition, set, and comb out before you go out. Etc.
So I'm not going to tell you all the questions on my list. I'm going to tell you ONE and encourage you to make your own list, if you think that you'll have the courage to actually present it upon someone new in your life.
1) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LAS VEGAS?
10/1/15
MATCH MAKING? THE JEWISH MATCHMAKER IN AN OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
I lived in a Jewish neighborhood for a while and actually encountered a match maker. A tradition. Usually a Jewish woman who makes it her business to know who is unmarried, looking for marriage, and who is eligible. As in the romantic old film "Crossing Delancy Street."
She told me that her services extended to referring men in particular for make overs and especially some better clothing. (Ah but after marriage either his wife dresses him or he goes back to slovenly looks.)
She said that it is believed in the Jewish faith that if you match make three couples, then you go to heaven. She had match made two couples. You see she got into this late and wasn't sure she would go past three.
Since then I've learned that Jewish people seem to put a lot of pressure on their own to be married. Married is the way people are supposed to go through life, it is believed. Though there is a LOT of intermarriage with other faiths, primarily Christians, there is also a lot of pressure for the Christian spouse to convert; if a person really believed in Jesus this would be impossible. But it's thought to be better after all to be unified religiously if you're going to raise children.
There are ALWAYS people who do not marry, for any number of reasons. Matchmaking works on the problem of actually meeting people in general. It can be helpful to those who are not too social maybe because they are too busy with education and work.
She told me that her services extended to referring men in particular for make overs and especially some better clothing. (Ah but after marriage either his wife dresses him or he goes back to slovenly looks.)
She said that it is believed in the Jewish faith that if you match make three couples, then you go to heaven. She had match made two couples. You see she got into this late and wasn't sure she would go past three.
Since then I've learned that Jewish people seem to put a lot of pressure on their own to be married. Married is the way people are supposed to go through life, it is believed. Though there is a LOT of intermarriage with other faiths, primarily Christians, there is also a lot of pressure for the Christian spouse to convert; if a person really believed in Jesus this would be impossible. But it's thought to be better after all to be unified religiously if you're going to raise children.
There are ALWAYS people who do not marry, for any number of reasons. Matchmaking works on the problem of actually meeting people in general. It can be helpful to those who are not too social maybe because they are too busy with education and work.
9/22/15
A FRIEND's VIEWS ON MARRIAGE CLASH WITH MY OWN - I'M THE CONSERVATIVE!
Over the last few months I've been getting to know - again - a friend who left town in '07, lost touch with me in '09, and has returned. I say friend because essentially that is what it was, even when we dated a short while, and most certainly is, now that he's tried to get back into my life by playing the "we used to date" card.
I know people change. I have. But back in '07 - '09 I actually thought there was some good commonality in the relationship that might sustain it. So I decided to give the relationship another try, but without any high hopes that it might return to romance.
So it hasn't.
But worse, this man has convinced me that it is I who is the conservative!
What with my "first comes love, then comes marriage, and then the baby carriage (if ever)," ideals.
In my family of origin my not marrying and not having children is considered lesbian or not natural. As I've mentioned by own godmother backstabbed me with gossip, telling others that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to hold a baby. (You can sort through these posts and find my retort.) The purpose of this blog was to support people like me who have made many micro-decisions and some big ones to not be a birth mother or parent, while knowing that there are so very many ways and reasons to be NMNK.
Now when he tells me that I'm some sort of fossil for such ancient (not just old fashioned) beliefs, because "nobody" this and that and "everybody" this and that, get's married that way, or even has those EXPECTATIONS, I feel he is mostly talking about himself.
Sure there are places on this earth and in this country, mostly places where the cost of living is low, where there are women who not only wait for love, then marry, and then have children, but also do not have careers outside the home but instead make motherhood and being a wife their career. Their choice.
I decided he and I are utterly incompatible!
Because I noticed that he lets me make dinner (and do the shopping, preparing, clean up and sending him home with left-overs) about ten times for every one time he cooks or takes me out to dinner.
I find his relationships and the "family" he has taken his ex step children to be as unstable and risky. I mean, do these now adult children who had him in their lives a few short years when they were growing up, when they all lived together, but didn't get married, actually make them think of him as dad, as in a dad that may need visitors in an assisted living someday, or a dad that needs people to bury him?
Apparently so.
I love the notion of "family as friends." I've tried it and it didn't work in a crisis.
But OK, my opinion doesn't count since it is his life.
What do I really think all this way along? That this man has been very happy for girlfriends to buy him things when they were the ones who had the money from inheritance or earning, and that is a comfort that in his generation was rare. Not exactly a free-loader but nowhere near the kind of man who marries and supports a wife and children. So he hasn't had any, while putting me down for not wanting any. You know, if you Really Want Children, there is a Very Good Chance, you Can, meet someone who Also Wants Children, and Have Them.
So he's a CLOSET NMNK!
C 2015 Sister / Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights including International and Internet Rights reserved.
I know people change. I have. But back in '07 - '09 I actually thought there was some good commonality in the relationship that might sustain it. So I decided to give the relationship another try, but without any high hopes that it might return to romance.
So it hasn't.
But worse, this man has convinced me that it is I who is the conservative!
What with my "first comes love, then comes marriage, and then the baby carriage (if ever)," ideals.
In my family of origin my not marrying and not having children is considered lesbian or not natural. As I've mentioned by own godmother backstabbed me with gossip, telling others that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to hold a baby. (You can sort through these posts and find my retort.) The purpose of this blog was to support people like me who have made many micro-decisions and some big ones to not be a birth mother or parent, while knowing that there are so very many ways and reasons to be NMNK.
Now when he tells me that I'm some sort of fossil for such ancient (not just old fashioned) beliefs, because "nobody" this and that and "everybody" this and that, get's married that way, or even has those EXPECTATIONS, I feel he is mostly talking about himself.
Sure there are places on this earth and in this country, mostly places where the cost of living is low, where there are women who not only wait for love, then marry, and then have children, but also do not have careers outside the home but instead make motherhood and being a wife their career. Their choice.
I decided he and I are utterly incompatible!
Because I noticed that he lets me make dinner (and do the shopping, preparing, clean up and sending him home with left-overs) about ten times for every one time he cooks or takes me out to dinner.
I find his relationships and the "family" he has taken his ex step children to be as unstable and risky. I mean, do these now adult children who had him in their lives a few short years when they were growing up, when they all lived together, but didn't get married, actually make them think of him as dad, as in a dad that may need visitors in an assisted living someday, or a dad that needs people to bury him?
Apparently so.
I love the notion of "family as friends." I've tried it and it didn't work in a crisis.
But OK, my opinion doesn't count since it is his life.
What do I really think all this way along? That this man has been very happy for girlfriends to buy him things when they were the ones who had the money from inheritance or earning, and that is a comfort that in his generation was rare. Not exactly a free-loader but nowhere near the kind of man who marries and supports a wife and children. So he hasn't had any, while putting me down for not wanting any. You know, if you Really Want Children, there is a Very Good Chance, you Can, meet someone who Also Wants Children, and Have Them.
So he's a CLOSET NMNK!
C 2015 Sister / Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights including International and Internet Rights reserved.
7/21/15
AT WHAT AGE IS A BACHELOR "CONFIRMED" and DOES THE LABLE REALLY MEAN HOMOSEXUAL?
The term "Confirmed Bachelor" is Old Fashioned and out of style but it's still used to explain why a man has not married. It's what people used to call a man who has never married and isn't expected to marry who seems just not interested. Of course sometimes a "Confirmed Bachelor" does marry - a woman - and surprises everyone.
I have a relative like that. His first and only girlfriend was the woman he met when he was 42 who he soon married. A highly intellectual person and scientist, he always had a cheerful attitude and enjoyed his work. He was loving and kind and he never abused drugs or drink. He simply wasn't one to go out on the town to meet women and he humbly admitted , "I didn't think I would ever marry!"
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes the caregiver of a parent, or simply a Mama's Boy who sticks close to his mother, even taking over the roles that her husband used to - except for the sex. Being one's mother's protector and financial support is honorable. An example would be the artist Andy Warhol.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes "latent homosexuals." They may not think of themselves as gay. They may not be gay. They may be very discreetly gay (like when they go out of town) or self identify as gay but not actively so. They may be inexperienced with women or asexual. Whatever, their employers, co-workers, even family and friends only know that they are not married, not close to it. Their own discretion keeps others from asking too many questions.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes men who simply know that marriage isn't for them.
At least not the type of marriage they are likely to make. These days two (or more) people can have a different type of marriage than the old Breadwinner and Stay at Home Wife/Mother role or even the two heterosexuals who will forever remain loyal and faithful type of marriage. This is important because the reason some people are NMNK is that they just could not imagine themselves in that traditional marriage.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved including International and Internet rights
I have a relative like that. His first and only girlfriend was the woman he met when he was 42 who he soon married. A highly intellectual person and scientist, he always had a cheerful attitude and enjoyed his work. He was loving and kind and he never abused drugs or drink. He simply wasn't one to go out on the town to meet women and he humbly admitted , "I didn't think I would ever marry!"
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes the caregiver of a parent, or simply a Mama's Boy who sticks close to his mother, even taking over the roles that her husband used to - except for the sex. Being one's mother's protector and financial support is honorable. An example would be the artist Andy Warhol.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes "latent homosexuals." They may not think of themselves as gay. They may not be gay. They may be very discreetly gay (like when they go out of town) or self identify as gay but not actively so. They may be inexperienced with women or asexual. Whatever, their employers, co-workers, even family and friends only know that they are not married, not close to it. Their own discretion keeps others from asking too many questions.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes men who simply know that marriage isn't for them.
At least not the type of marriage they are likely to make. These days two (or more) people can have a different type of marriage than the old Breadwinner and Stay at Home Wife/Mother role or even the two heterosexuals who will forever remain loyal and faithful type of marriage. This is important because the reason some people are NMNK is that they just could not imagine themselves in that traditional marriage.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved including International and Internet rights
7/7/15
WHEN WE'RE HAPPY THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS HAD CHILDREN - LIKE GREAT BRITAINS ROYALS and THE LONG BACHELORHOOD of PRINCE ALBERT THRUN UND TAXIS
The other day I was reading about Prince George, his new sister Charlotte, and of course his parents, William and Katherine, his grandparents, the future King Charles, and his great-grandparents, including Queen Elizabeth.
I felt happy for them. I loved looking at all those adorable pictures that Kate took herself at home and distributed rather than be invaded by some official photographer. I felt happy for them and not sad for me.
PERHAPS NO ONE ON EARTH HAS BEEN UNDER MORE PRESSURE TO HAVE CHILDREN THAN A PERSON IN LINE FOR THE THRONE OF GREAT BRITAIN, Prince William.
Of course if you read the lists of people who are in line to inherit that throne, say if there was some disaster, may it never happen, and those who are first, second, and third in line were suddenly dead, you know that there is always a plan for the day, but as Great Britain is generally peaceful, and the Queen seems to have the genes and luck to live into great old age, it could be mid 21st century before William is King and by the time it's George's turn there might not be a monarchy.
Then, I was thinking about all the coverage of the marriage and the births of these latest royal children, and of all the other royals and aristocrats in Europe who must be parents for their traditions and, often, money, to continue.
I was thinking about the eligible bachelor and bachelorette lists that are popular, especially among the commoners who have the fantasy of marrying way up. I looked at those lists and saw that there are some incredibly wealthy and "eligible" NMNK aristocrats out there. CONSIDERING THE PRESSURE THEY ARE LIKELY UNDER and ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MARRY THEM, WHY HAVEN'T THEY?
COULD IT BE CHOICE?
Or is it that among their peers there is some knowledge or suspicion that they would be difficult as a spouse?
HERE IS MY PICK FOR THE PRINCE WHO MAY GO NMNK forever, or at least for as long as he can (like his own father).
THURN UND TAXIS PRICELY FAMILY - PRINCE ALBERT
PRINCE ALBERT was born in 1983. From reading around this family, his father, born in 1926, was likely a homosexual who went bisexual when he finally found a distant, titled, but very broke cousin, Gloria, born in 1960, who was so much younger, to marry and have children with so someone would inherit. They had three children rapidly, and he died when Prince Albert was only 7. Gloria did inherit a regal mess of an estate and somehow through hard work, dedication, and else, managed to preserve their family home in Germany. One of her daughters married this past year with a commoner she met years earlier while in art school. Another daughter seems to be moving towards honorable spinsterhood with a good career traveling and reporting on high society. Albert, a billionaire who is a race car driver, like at least his honorable spinster sister, is said to be a devout Catholic. I'm not implying here that he is homosexual or bisexual like his father, or that his unmarried sister is lesbian, but somehow reportage of the love lives of this trio has been suspiciously missing from all the media that covers other royals and aristocrats.
So I wonder if any negotiations have taken place in order to get him married off, and if so, what are his true feelings are about this.
I felt happy for them. I loved looking at all those adorable pictures that Kate took herself at home and distributed rather than be invaded by some official photographer. I felt happy for them and not sad for me.
PERHAPS NO ONE ON EARTH HAS BEEN UNDER MORE PRESSURE TO HAVE CHILDREN THAN A PERSON IN LINE FOR THE THRONE OF GREAT BRITAIN, Prince William.
Of course if you read the lists of people who are in line to inherit that throne, say if there was some disaster, may it never happen, and those who are first, second, and third in line were suddenly dead, you know that there is always a plan for the day, but as Great Britain is generally peaceful, and the Queen seems to have the genes and luck to live into great old age, it could be mid 21st century before William is King and by the time it's George's turn there might not be a monarchy.
Then, I was thinking about all the coverage of the marriage and the births of these latest royal children, and of all the other royals and aristocrats in Europe who must be parents for their traditions and, often, money, to continue.
I was thinking about the eligible bachelor and bachelorette lists that are popular, especially among the commoners who have the fantasy of marrying way up. I looked at those lists and saw that there are some incredibly wealthy and "eligible" NMNK aristocrats out there. CONSIDERING THE PRESSURE THEY ARE LIKELY UNDER and ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MARRY THEM, WHY HAVEN'T THEY?
COULD IT BE CHOICE?
Or is it that among their peers there is some knowledge or suspicion that they would be difficult as a spouse?
HERE IS MY PICK FOR THE PRINCE WHO MAY GO NMNK forever, or at least for as long as he can (like his own father).
THURN UND TAXIS PRICELY FAMILY - PRINCE ALBERT
PRINCE ALBERT was born in 1983. From reading around this family, his father, born in 1926, was likely a homosexual who went bisexual when he finally found a distant, titled, but very broke cousin, Gloria, born in 1960, who was so much younger, to marry and have children with so someone would inherit. They had three children rapidly, and he died when Prince Albert was only 7. Gloria did inherit a regal mess of an estate and somehow through hard work, dedication, and else, managed to preserve their family home in Germany. One of her daughters married this past year with a commoner she met years earlier while in art school. Another daughter seems to be moving towards honorable spinsterhood with a good career traveling and reporting on high society. Albert, a billionaire who is a race car driver, like at least his honorable spinster sister, is said to be a devout Catholic. I'm not implying here that he is homosexual or bisexual like his father, or that his unmarried sister is lesbian, but somehow reportage of the love lives of this trio has been suspiciously missing from all the media that covers other royals and aristocrats.
So I wonder if any negotiations have taken place in order to get him married off, and if so, what are his true feelings are about this.
6/11/15
SIMPLE LIVING IS NOT SO SIMPLE - NOT REALLY!
I last posted about hearing the author who wrote a book full of ideas about SIMPLE LIVING give some ideas for doing just that. I thought her ideas were more about ecology or recycling. I wanted to show respect for her efforts and public speaking, so though I made a couple comments aloud at the time, I actually felt that she was dead wrong about some of the things she thinks of as SIMPLE LIVING.
1) She suggests you take public transportation. Why bother with a car, that expense?
I've done it, and as expensive as owning a vehicle can be, with insurance, maintenance, repairs, and gas, most public transportation is not, as she calls it "relaxing." and it rarely saves you time. There are plenty of places you cannot get to easily or at all depending on it, and I think it makes you yearn for a good car. I would suggest a ride from Uber or Lyft over taking a bus.
On public transportation, which is often overcrowded, people are always jostling each other. If you're someone who can wear jeans to work, well maybe you won't mind accidently sitting on a wet carpeted seat that some kid just peed on or getting chewing gun or your jacket. It's dirty and smelly. Sometimes what you get is a good wiff of armpit when someone has to hold onto a pole. I can't concentrate or read or do anything else with the noise, the interruption, watching for stops, the transferring, or the anxiety of not knowing if a bus is actually going to show up. She suggests a cell phone ap that will tell you right where the bus is, but what's simple about continually checking it? Sometimes it's simply not safe to assume that can tune out what's going on around you, because there are pick pockets, muggers, sexual harassers, and worse. Sometimes fights break out. I've been in buses that had accidents. I've been in buses in which someone stabbed someone else and fled. (And yes I've sat on pee and ruined a suit with chewing gum.)
I think she's thinking of some suburban commuter train experience, where one might even fall back to sleep, not public transportation in the city.
2) She suggests you sign up for FreeCycle to give away things and get things you want or need without buying them. I found checking FreeCylce and thousands of messages piling up to be a real time waster and one more thing I felt I had to do.
I'm also not sure how great it is that people are showing up at your home to take away junk. Why would you want so many strangers to do just that? I wonder if they are using Google Earth to see if you live in an expensive house, broken down apartment, or how they might get in when you're not home, as part of their wanting to meet you.
I ended up cancelling my FreeCycle without ever having found anything I wanted or needed listed. I admit I never put a call out for something I might need. I prefer to give things away to charities that can sell the stuff for their own profit.
I would suggest that Craig's List is also horrible and that E-Bay is a better place to trade.
3) She suggests that you buy one of those military surplus store gizmoz that have a knife, fork and spoon to carry with you everywhere and use that when eating fast food rather than throw plastics in landfills.
OK, here is the problem with plastic spoons and plastic everything, all of which will not degrade in our lifetime. (And yes I know about the Sea of Plastic in the Pacific Ocean, which is horrific.) To truly get rid of all the plastics and packaging, we would have to go back to living off the land, hunting, fishing, butchering, gardening, canning, and you're just not going to get the population of the earth to willingly go survivalist, old Hippie Communal, or Back to the preindustrial age, if you are not going to stay home to cook home meals every day, then personally not using plastic utensils has little impact. We get to do more with our hours by having others do all the food sourcing for us, so that all we have to do is go to the market or eat fast food, or pop something into the microwave. This even becomes a feminist issue.
If time truly is MONEY, and if you really can SAVE MONEY by going simple, then simply afford to HIRE A MAID so you won't have to waste any of your time doing the usual housework, shopping, or cooking.
I know this especially because I have cooked other people dinner and realized that I lost a day of my life doing it.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
1) She suggests you take public transportation. Why bother with a car, that expense?
I've done it, and as expensive as owning a vehicle can be, with insurance, maintenance, repairs, and gas, most public transportation is not, as she calls it "relaxing." and it rarely saves you time. There are plenty of places you cannot get to easily or at all depending on it, and I think it makes you yearn for a good car. I would suggest a ride from Uber or Lyft over taking a bus.
On public transportation, which is often overcrowded, people are always jostling each other. If you're someone who can wear jeans to work, well maybe you won't mind accidently sitting on a wet carpeted seat that some kid just peed on or getting chewing gun or your jacket. It's dirty and smelly. Sometimes what you get is a good wiff of armpit when someone has to hold onto a pole. I can't concentrate or read or do anything else with the noise, the interruption, watching for stops, the transferring, or the anxiety of not knowing if a bus is actually going to show up. She suggests a cell phone ap that will tell you right where the bus is, but what's simple about continually checking it? Sometimes it's simply not safe to assume that can tune out what's going on around you, because there are pick pockets, muggers, sexual harassers, and worse. Sometimes fights break out. I've been in buses that had accidents. I've been in buses in which someone stabbed someone else and fled. (And yes I've sat on pee and ruined a suit with chewing gum.)
I think she's thinking of some suburban commuter train experience, where one might even fall back to sleep, not public transportation in the city.
2) She suggests you sign up for FreeCycle to give away things and get things you want or need without buying them. I found checking FreeCylce and thousands of messages piling up to be a real time waster and one more thing I felt I had to do.
I'm also not sure how great it is that people are showing up at your home to take away junk. Why would you want so many strangers to do just that? I wonder if they are using Google Earth to see if you live in an expensive house, broken down apartment, or how they might get in when you're not home, as part of their wanting to meet you.
I ended up cancelling my FreeCycle without ever having found anything I wanted or needed listed. I admit I never put a call out for something I might need. I prefer to give things away to charities that can sell the stuff for their own profit.
I would suggest that Craig's List is also horrible and that E-Bay is a better place to trade.
3) She suggests that you buy one of those military surplus store gizmoz that have a knife, fork and spoon to carry with you everywhere and use that when eating fast food rather than throw plastics in landfills.
OK, here is the problem with plastic spoons and plastic everything, all of which will not degrade in our lifetime. (And yes I know about the Sea of Plastic in the Pacific Ocean, which is horrific.) To truly get rid of all the plastics and packaging, we would have to go back to living off the land, hunting, fishing, butchering, gardening, canning, and you're just not going to get the population of the earth to willingly go survivalist, old Hippie Communal, or Back to the preindustrial age, if you are not going to stay home to cook home meals every day, then personally not using plastic utensils has little impact. We get to do more with our hours by having others do all the food sourcing for us, so that all we have to do is go to the market or eat fast food, or pop something into the microwave. This even becomes a feminist issue.
If time truly is MONEY, and if you really can SAVE MONEY by going simple, then simply afford to HIRE A MAID so you won't have to waste any of your time doing the usual housework, shopping, or cooking.
I know this especially because I have cooked other people dinner and realized that I lost a day of my life doing it.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
6/9/15
CELIBACY (EVEN WHEN MARRIED) IS THE NEW SEXY IN JAPAN! (YOU CAN EVEN STAY A VIRGIN!)
This morning while getting ready I listened to some local morning programing and heard a snippet about how in Japan even some married people are not having sex. There is a high percentage of male Japanese who are married and still virgins!
This article is terrific and discusses how prevalent porn is in Japanese culture.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/opinions/view/why-arent-japanese-dating-and-mating LOVED THE WRITING ON THIS OPINION PIECE by Hollie Mantle.
EXCERPT: "The story of Japan’s declining birthrate is not a new one. Measures are underway to ensure that the country does not evolve into a giant nursing home. But in spite of the fact that the government is offering monetary incentives to young married couples, and that businesses are enforcing compulsory holidays, the percentage of children being born into the new generation is not increasing rapidly enough. With just an average of 1.39 children born per Japanese female, it’s time to take a look at the root causes of why such a randy bunch of Asians can’t get down and do it...The pressure to get married is a predominant conversation topic for females as young as 14. The idea of women as “Christmas cakes”—an item which begins to decline after its use-by date of the 25th—still pervades, and the desperation to get married before this “spoiling age” is visibly apparent in Japanese social circles.
Here's one that says millions of young Japanese people are not even dating and focuses on the reality of corporate careers and the economics of raising children.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex by Abigail Haworth
EXCERPT: The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61%of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
****
MY OPINION ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY IS THAT IT HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT OVERALL.
I think some people watch it hoping that they can get excited or so they can figure out what, if anything, does get them excited. But there is a disconnect emotionally watching a couple of actors who don't love each other having sex on film and I don't think you learn too much from watching it that will be useful having a relationship with another human being, hopefully with love.
This article is terrific and discusses how prevalent porn is in Japanese culture.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/opinions/view/why-arent-japanese-dating-and-mating LOVED THE WRITING ON THIS OPINION PIECE by Hollie Mantle.
EXCERPT: "The story of Japan’s declining birthrate is not a new one. Measures are underway to ensure that the country does not evolve into a giant nursing home. But in spite of the fact that the government is offering monetary incentives to young married couples, and that businesses are enforcing compulsory holidays, the percentage of children being born into the new generation is not increasing rapidly enough. With just an average of 1.39 children born per Japanese female, it’s time to take a look at the root causes of why such a randy bunch of Asians can’t get down and do it...The pressure to get married is a predominant conversation topic for females as young as 14. The idea of women as “Christmas cakes”—an item which begins to decline after its use-by date of the 25th—still pervades, and the desperation to get married before this “spoiling age” is visibly apparent in Japanese social circles.
Here's one that says millions of young Japanese people are not even dating and focuses on the reality of corporate careers and the economics of raising children.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex by Abigail Haworth
EXCERPT: The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61%of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
****
MY OPINION ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY IS THAT IT HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT OVERALL.
I think some people watch it hoping that they can get excited or so they can figure out what, if anything, does get them excited. But there is a disconnect emotionally watching a couple of actors who don't love each other having sex on film and I don't think you learn too much from watching it that will be useful having a relationship with another human being, hopefully with love.
5/25/15
MEMORIAL DAY - ALL THOSE GRAVES! and PREPAID PREPLANNED CREMATIONL SERVICES
A few months ago I attended a presentation about a pre-paid cremation service. You prepay the amount, carry a card with you, and there's a very good chance the company will last as long as you do or forever.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
5/19/15
SMALLER AND SMALLER LIVING SPACES AIMED AT SINGLES - HOW SMALL IS TOO SMALL? IS THIS REALLY A WAY TO LIVE SIMPLE.
I really wish economics was not the outstanding factor in so many decisions that we must make, but there is a reality to deal with. The cost of living is ever increasing as is the population, even when a country has near zero population growth by choice, which is the case in France and several other countries.
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
5/10/15
NOT BEING A MOTHER (OR PARENT) - IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T NURTURE OR CARE GIVE
Alas, today is MOTHER's DAY, and along with FATHER'S DAY coming up next month, it is a day to celebrate those who PARENT.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
4/15/15
LIBRARIANS - IS THE STEREOTYPE OF NMNK WOMEN TRUE?
The announcement that one of my favorite NMNK women librarians was retiring made me think of all the librarians I've known through the years who are NMNK, single mothers (of adopted children), or divorced.
At least they make enough money to afford their independence.
Librarians have long been stereotyped as spinsters and intellectuals, if male then homosexual, their careers important more so than marriage, especially when linked with the education of children, rather akin to the profession of teaching, require advanced degrees in most places, provide a generally stable work environment and retirement because the work is linked to city, state, and federal government jobs more than private industry, and well... Librarians are stereotyped as nerdy loners who love to read, love alone time...and who are not desirable partners.
Is it true that being a librarian somehow makes a woman (or Ok, a man) not sexy?
I also at this moment know a forty-something librarian who is NMNK and just had a breakup that was hard on her because she really wants children. And I know a 60ish life-long children's librarian who says she has no regrets being NMNK... The former is a very attractive woman, the later very obese...
I wonder if the stereotype of a librarian is changing with the younger generations and if a person has a better chance of finding love and commitment if they are one of the younger librarians who are coming in to replace those who are retiring.
At least they make enough money to afford their independence.
Librarians have long been stereotyped as spinsters and intellectuals, if male then homosexual, their careers important more so than marriage, especially when linked with the education of children, rather akin to the profession of teaching, require advanced degrees in most places, provide a generally stable work environment and retirement because the work is linked to city, state, and federal government jobs more than private industry, and well... Librarians are stereotyped as nerdy loners who love to read, love alone time...and who are not desirable partners.
Is it true that being a librarian somehow makes a woman (or Ok, a man) not sexy?
I also at this moment know a forty-something librarian who is NMNK and just had a breakup that was hard on her because she really wants children. And I know a 60ish life-long children's librarian who says she has no regrets being NMNK... The former is a very attractive woman, the later very obese...
I wonder if the stereotype of a librarian is changing with the younger generations and if a person has a better chance of finding love and commitment if they are one of the younger librarians who are coming in to replace those who are retiring.
4/4/15
THE NEW NMNK SHOPPING CARTS ARE A WONDERFUL ALTERNATIVE TO THOSE BIG KID CARTS!
Off to Ralph's grocery store I went, and there in the front of the store where what I call NMNK shopping carts. I've heard these carts called "express carts" and "Two basket carts." These carts are about half the size and weight as the traditional shopping cart with the kid seat in front. There is no kid seat. They take up a lot less room in an isle so they are easier to move around crowded stores and boxy obstacle courses. And let's face it, most people aren't buying a month of food at one time...
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
3/4/15
WHY EVEN LIVE TOGETHER? IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND SELF SUPPORTING ENJOY YOUR OWN SPACE!
I was reading a magazine that focuses on the YOGA lifestyle, a healthy, spiritual lifestyle, and there was an article written by a woman who discovered she was pregnant two weeks after a break up after which He had moved out. She considers this pregnancy to be somehow fated, perhaps because now she is 38. Without knowing the specifics of the relationship and the whys of the break up, if she told him or where the hell he was, I wondered why she was so determined to go forth as a single mother bravely.
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
2/21/15
SKIPPING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ
I kind of skipped Valentine's Day this year. In the past I've made it a point to celebrate the day by acknowledging my better friends, but this year I was feeling it was time to be on the receiving end.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
2/9/15
50 SHADES OF EVIL and THE TURN OFF OF SEX - SISTER SPEAKS!
I've been following the controversy of the books and upcoming movie, entitled FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, which depicts an S and M (Sadistic and Mean!), bondage, power-over, "relationship" between a recent college graduate who is unbelievably naïve and stupid, and an extremely powerful billionaire who is more than intimidating. He's a stereotype of a "successful" businessman, if you only consider material success as success. He is "brilliant" but also into his power and has a very dark side. He picks the naïve and stupid college grad to teach lessons to.
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
1/24/15
IT'S ONLY ROCK "N" ROLL - 30 YEARS MARRIED TO A ROLLING STONE by JO WOOD : NMNK BOOK REVIEW
It's Only Rock "N" Roll
30 Years Married To A Rolling Stone
by Jo Wood (wife of Ron Wood) C 2013
!t books - an imprint of HarperCollingsPublishers
Book Review By Sister at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
It's not easy to write a memoir and write it so every chapter advances your story. Jo Wood did that, and she had a hell of a lot of life to select scenes from. No doubt I was attracted to this book because Jo Wood is not just an ordinary woman in a hellish, dysfunctional marriage, but because women like her keep men like Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood happy for a long long time, that is until a life long alcoholic and drug user who has NEVER GROWN UP, decides he has to womanize before he dies, and dumps his no longer co-dependent wife!
I used to study at a coffee house that was owned by members of AA and frequented by members of AA (and other 12 step groups attempting to resist addiction.) Several times I met men who were flirtatious and generally attractive to me but they never seemed to follow through. Perplexed, I brought this subject up to others there, and I learned well one thing:
A person who lives their life for years on substances, be that drugs or alcohol, who basically AVOIDS life by being high, partying a lot, etc, DOES NOT GROW, DOES NOT MATURE, and so, when they finally join a 12 Step Program and get off their substance, they are the age they were when they started avoiding life... Jo was a hard partier and addict herself, which was attractive to Ron, but it was she who had to be a bit more sensible because she was the one having children, raising them, and keeping some sanity in her own and their lives.
Therefor, when they met he was about her age (20) as a human and 30 years later, she had matured to be maybe 30 something, while he was still 20 something and having affairs with 20 year olds. That's my explanation.
Now, if Ron Wood were NOT a Rolling Stone, if there were not drugs, travel, excitement, fame, money (to be earned and invested unwisely and lost), would Jo have stuck in there and had three children with him? My guess is that there are a lot of more ordinary people who are in these hellish marriages, with and without children, in which people met as partiers or drug addicts and remained so.
Jo portrays Ron as selfish, self-centered, capable of verbal abuse and unable to imagine how he hurts others, and clearly she made a lot of excuses for him and did a lot of compensating. Nearing 50 she dared to move her organic lifestyle into a product line, and she used the book to promote that a bit.
She stays clear of what their financial settlement was, though I'm sure most readers would like to know what she got (earned) after 30 years of loyalty and faithfulness.
**************
Speaking of drug and alcohol use and abuse, there are people who can use without becoming addicts. There are people who can keep it to 2 drinks or 20, people who can keep it to weekends, people who never drive themselves when they are using. Still, when you choose to be out of control regularly, even if scheduled, or at home, you may be self treating for a emotional or mental issue.
People are often wondering so I will tell you that I'm all for MEDICAL MJ and have been for years, ever since a professor at my college talked about how it would have saved her father's eyesight, and since I've met ovarian cancer survivors who used it and ate and didn't waste away. I think alcohol may be worse than MJ. However, I don't use MJ or any other illegal drug and drink very little and then usually with a meal, like dinner out, or a special occasion like a birthday. So it is really hard for me to relate to drug addicts.
30 Years Married To A Rolling Stone
by Jo Wood (wife of Ron Wood) C 2013
!t books - an imprint of HarperCollingsPublishers
Book Review By Sister at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
It's not easy to write a memoir and write it so every chapter advances your story. Jo Wood did that, and she had a hell of a lot of life to select scenes from. No doubt I was attracted to this book because Jo Wood is not just an ordinary woman in a hellish, dysfunctional marriage, but because women like her keep men like Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood happy for a long long time, that is until a life long alcoholic and drug user who has NEVER GROWN UP, decides he has to womanize before he dies, and dumps his no longer co-dependent wife!
I used to study at a coffee house that was owned by members of AA and frequented by members of AA (and other 12 step groups attempting to resist addiction.) Several times I met men who were flirtatious and generally attractive to me but they never seemed to follow through. Perplexed, I brought this subject up to others there, and I learned well one thing:
A person who lives their life for years on substances, be that drugs or alcohol, who basically AVOIDS life by being high, partying a lot, etc, DOES NOT GROW, DOES NOT MATURE, and so, when they finally join a 12 Step Program and get off their substance, they are the age they were when they started avoiding life... Jo was a hard partier and addict herself, which was attractive to Ron, but it was she who had to be a bit more sensible because she was the one having children, raising them, and keeping some sanity in her own and their lives.
Therefor, when they met he was about her age (20) as a human and 30 years later, she had matured to be maybe 30 something, while he was still 20 something and having affairs with 20 year olds. That's my explanation.
Now, if Ron Wood were NOT a Rolling Stone, if there were not drugs, travel, excitement, fame, money (to be earned and invested unwisely and lost), would Jo have stuck in there and had three children with him? My guess is that there are a lot of more ordinary people who are in these hellish marriages, with and without children, in which people met as partiers or drug addicts and remained so.
Jo portrays Ron as selfish, self-centered, capable of verbal abuse and unable to imagine how he hurts others, and clearly she made a lot of excuses for him and did a lot of compensating. Nearing 50 she dared to move her organic lifestyle into a product line, and she used the book to promote that a bit.
She stays clear of what their financial settlement was, though I'm sure most readers would like to know what she got (earned) after 30 years of loyalty and faithfulness.
**************
Speaking of drug and alcohol use and abuse, there are people who can use without becoming addicts. There are people who can keep it to 2 drinks or 20, people who can keep it to weekends, people who never drive themselves when they are using. Still, when you choose to be out of control regularly, even if scheduled, or at home, you may be self treating for a emotional or mental issue.
People are often wondering so I will tell you that I'm all for MEDICAL MJ and have been for years, ever since a professor at my college talked about how it would have saved her father's eyesight, and since I've met ovarian cancer survivors who used it and ate and didn't waste away. I think alcohol may be worse than MJ. However, I don't use MJ or any other illegal drug and drink very little and then usually with a meal, like dinner out, or a special occasion like a birthday. So it is really hard for me to relate to drug addicts.
1/17/15
OLD MOVIE SCENE IN "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY" REMINDS ME - SOME PEOPLE WOULD RATHER BE DIVORCED SO THEY CAN SAY THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED
Is that scene OUTDATED?
Watching this old movie, I was reminded of women I once knew who definitely felt that way. (They are all married now though I have no idea how happily.)
Maybe this is now a CONSERVATIVE or BACKWARD attitude, that it is so NORMAL to at least TRY MARRIAGE, that it would be better to commit and then fail...It's like people are getting points (with parents? friends? employers? God?) for trying and LEARNING.
But don't people who commit to relationships that don't become legal marriage and fail also LEARNING ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP?
And what about LEARNING from other people's relationships, like how NOT to have one?
Recently on a free news stand I saw a publication that is called DIVORCE, i.e. Divorce magazine. It was full of ads for professions such as forensic accountants (who look for where the marital partner hid money) and of course lots of divorce attorneys who promise to "fight" for you.
All of which I will be very happy to SKIP.
The rush to marriage because it's something "everyone" is doing or does, or because it's time (i.e. 26 years old or so), without really knowing the other person well, is just stupid.
So maybe people expect points for stupidity?
Watching this old movie, I was reminded of women I once knew who definitely felt that way. (They are all married now though I have no idea how happily.)
Maybe this is now a CONSERVATIVE or BACKWARD attitude, that it is so NORMAL to at least TRY MARRIAGE, that it would be better to commit and then fail...It's like people are getting points (with parents? friends? employers? God?) for trying and LEARNING.
But don't people who commit to relationships that don't become legal marriage and fail also LEARNING ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP?
And what about LEARNING from other people's relationships, like how NOT to have one?
Recently on a free news stand I saw a publication that is called DIVORCE, i.e. Divorce magazine. It was full of ads for professions such as forensic accountants (who look for where the marital partner hid money) and of course lots of divorce attorneys who promise to "fight" for you.
All of which I will be very happy to SKIP.
The rush to marriage because it's something "everyone" is doing or does, or because it's time (i.e. 26 years old or so), without really knowing the other person well, is just stupid.
So maybe people expect points for stupidity?
1/12/15
CAMERON DIAZ GETS MARRIED AT 42 and I REALLY DO HOPE SHE and HE WILL BE HAPPY!
Actress CAMERON DIAZ got married the other day, at her home, with a good tent to hide the proceedings and keep them private. The photographers and news people had been watching her house for some time and saw the catering and floral deliveries, figured it out, and were there.
Now Cameron has pretty much been a spokesperson for the NMNK lifestyle, and be it that she changed her mind, fell in love with a soul mate, decided to give marriage a try (especially as that at 42 she has had a long experience of NMNK and might be at that point where having a baby could take forever), whatever, I REALLY DO HOPE THAT THE HAPPY COUPLE WILL BE HAPPY.
Just because I'm not much interested in marriage myself doesn't mean that I'm UNHAPPY when other people get married.
It's just that most of my friends who got married were ultimately not happy or they would not have gotten divorced. I have a couple friends who have been married twice and are divorced twice and now have partners that they refuse to marry, which is another story. In one case the children were the ones horribly effected. In another case there are no children to be effected. I also have lost contact with friends who married, would never divorced for religious reasons, have a lot of children, and who gave up on ME, not the other way around.
I'm not going to make any PREDICTIONS about this marriage of Cameron's. I'd like to think that because she is more mature and has had many relationships that she has the experience and wisdom to know what she is doing. I know nothing about her husband at all,
Now Cameron has pretty much been a spokesperson for the NMNK lifestyle, and be it that she changed her mind, fell in love with a soul mate, decided to give marriage a try (especially as that at 42 she has had a long experience of NMNK and might be at that point where having a baby could take forever), whatever, I REALLY DO HOPE THAT THE HAPPY COUPLE WILL BE HAPPY.
Just because I'm not much interested in marriage myself doesn't mean that I'm UNHAPPY when other people get married.
It's just that most of my friends who got married were ultimately not happy or they would not have gotten divorced. I have a couple friends who have been married twice and are divorced twice and now have partners that they refuse to marry, which is another story. In one case the children were the ones horribly effected. In another case there are no children to be effected. I also have lost contact with friends who married, would never divorced for religious reasons, have a lot of children, and who gave up on ME, not the other way around.
I'm not going to make any PREDICTIONS about this marriage of Cameron's. I'd like to think that because she is more mature and has had many relationships that she has the experience and wisdom to know what she is doing. I know nothing about her husband at all,
1/5/15
THE SINGLE MOTHER WHO HELPED REINFORCE MY VOW TO REMAIN NK
My New Year began with the professional cleaning of a carpet, the removal of a small sofa that had in the last few months popped a spring and broken a leg, and the purchase of another sofa from a single mother across the way who was moving about thirty miles away to more affordable housing, she said with the help of her friends.
I never asked her how it was that she got stranded by the child's father, but perhaps I didn't need to know and she didn't need to tell the all too typical story. Her daughter is, I feel lucky, as I think the fatherless family unit is possibly even worse for sons. Her daughter is also very beautiful and intelligent beyond her years but perhaps does not yet have a sense that she is living in poverty. She's not in school yet. She is generally a happy child but one who knows how to throw a tantrum and disobey to get her way. I expect that in a couple years some child psychologist will chime in an opinion but maybe this single mother is simply out of control of her child.
In a previous post I pretty much ranted my opinion that unless you have lots of family support and money in the bank, no woman should have one or more children on her own. I said that there were lots of frantic women in my neighborhood who had the single mom lifestyle and from what I witnessed it was a an often desperate lifestyle.
So this situation was an example.
First I and my dog went to look at the sofa. I asked her to measure it but she never had the time.
I decided it was worth it to buy it for the price, even if it turns out to be a temporary solution. She said that her friends who were helping her move would be glad to bring it over. I told her I was having the carpets cleaned and the old sofa removed before then.
The day before the move she texted me that she needed to fax important papers. It was New Years Day and I have no home fax and most places were closed. She added that she had no money to fax so it had to be someone's personal fax. I was not about to get on the phone to ask around for her. What had she left to the last minute like this? The new lease to the landlord and paperwork for her child's school. Ah well, the texting went on and on, and I got it SHE HAD NO MONEY TO FAX EVEN IF SHE FOUND A PLACE THAT WAS OPEN. I found a place that was open on New Years Day and she said she had no bus fare to get there. I knew that on Christmas, in order to get to a friend's place where she was going to hang out for the holiday she had asked the bus driver for a free ride for herself and her daughter. He said yes. She had been begging free bus rides a lot.
I was finding all this anxiety producing. I decided to give her $10 towards the sofa and took it and a plate of food over to her apartment. There I found a lot of Christmas gifts torn open that her friends had bought from Santa for her daughter. She said she was just thinking she was hungry. Well, I suspect there was no food in the place. She also remarked that it was cold. It was. No heat. I wondered if she really needed to fax or had just managed to coax money out of me. I decided I was not going to offer to babysit for free while she took buses to the fax place.
The place was reasonably clean maybe because it was so bare.
I asked her if she maybe needed a twin bed, as I had a twin bed frame I was giving away. She said her daughter had her own room (i.e THE bedroom) and that she herself sometimes slept on the sofa she was selling me. It was clear she had been unable to sell it, would have no room for it in the next place, and that she was happy to have some money in hand. Maybe the money to pay her friends.
The next day her friends showed up in a vehicle that looked like it was held together with spackle and proceeded to tie a box springs and two mattresses onto the roof. It turned out they were not friends but for hire. She was so broke she hit me up for boxes and plastic bags. I gave her the money for the sofa and an extra $5 to tip them for bringing her sofa across the street to my place. (Apparently she didn't and kept the money, as they posed around my door awaiting tip money.) I realized that she had not wanted the bed frame because her daughter slept on a mattress on the floor and these mattresses and box springs were so mismatched and filthy, I had to wonder if she hadn't pulled them into her place when someone else on the street threw them out.
So, no money for bus fare, no money to buy gifts for her daughter herself, no gift for the daughter from the "father", no money to heat the place, and food insecurity.
To her credit she has been doing an Internship and hoping for a new job and I certainly hope that in her new town this is possible and exactly what happens for her in the New Year.
I never asked her how it was that she got stranded by the child's father, but perhaps I didn't need to know and she didn't need to tell the all too typical story. Her daughter is, I feel lucky, as I think the fatherless family unit is possibly even worse for sons. Her daughter is also very beautiful and intelligent beyond her years but perhaps does not yet have a sense that she is living in poverty. She's not in school yet. She is generally a happy child but one who knows how to throw a tantrum and disobey to get her way. I expect that in a couple years some child psychologist will chime in an opinion but maybe this single mother is simply out of control of her child.
In a previous post I pretty much ranted my opinion that unless you have lots of family support and money in the bank, no woman should have one or more children on her own. I said that there were lots of frantic women in my neighborhood who had the single mom lifestyle and from what I witnessed it was a an often desperate lifestyle.
So this situation was an example.
First I and my dog went to look at the sofa. I asked her to measure it but she never had the time.
I decided it was worth it to buy it for the price, even if it turns out to be a temporary solution. She said that her friends who were helping her move would be glad to bring it over. I told her I was having the carpets cleaned and the old sofa removed before then.
The day before the move she texted me that she needed to fax important papers. It was New Years Day and I have no home fax and most places were closed. She added that she had no money to fax so it had to be someone's personal fax. I was not about to get on the phone to ask around for her. What had she left to the last minute like this? The new lease to the landlord and paperwork for her child's school. Ah well, the texting went on and on, and I got it SHE HAD NO MONEY TO FAX EVEN IF SHE FOUND A PLACE THAT WAS OPEN. I found a place that was open on New Years Day and she said she had no bus fare to get there. I knew that on Christmas, in order to get to a friend's place where she was going to hang out for the holiday she had asked the bus driver for a free ride for herself and her daughter. He said yes. She had been begging free bus rides a lot.
I was finding all this anxiety producing. I decided to give her $10 towards the sofa and took it and a plate of food over to her apartment. There I found a lot of Christmas gifts torn open that her friends had bought from Santa for her daughter. She said she was just thinking she was hungry. Well, I suspect there was no food in the place. She also remarked that it was cold. It was. No heat. I wondered if she really needed to fax or had just managed to coax money out of me. I decided I was not going to offer to babysit for free while she took buses to the fax place.
The place was reasonably clean maybe because it was so bare.
I asked her if she maybe needed a twin bed, as I had a twin bed frame I was giving away. She said her daughter had her own room (i.e THE bedroom) and that she herself sometimes slept on the sofa she was selling me. It was clear she had been unable to sell it, would have no room for it in the next place, and that she was happy to have some money in hand. Maybe the money to pay her friends.
The next day her friends showed up in a vehicle that looked like it was held together with spackle and proceeded to tie a box springs and two mattresses onto the roof. It turned out they were not friends but for hire. She was so broke she hit me up for boxes and plastic bags. I gave her the money for the sofa and an extra $5 to tip them for bringing her sofa across the street to my place. (Apparently she didn't and kept the money, as they posed around my door awaiting tip money.) I realized that she had not wanted the bed frame because her daughter slept on a mattress on the floor and these mattresses and box springs were so mismatched and filthy, I had to wonder if she hadn't pulled them into her place when someone else on the street threw them out.
So, no money for bus fare, no money to buy gifts for her daughter herself, no gift for the daughter from the "father", no money to heat the place, and food insecurity.
To her credit she has been doing an Internship and hoping for a new job and I certainly hope that in her new town this is possible and exactly what happens for her in the New Year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)