One of the things that horrified me in my teens was the new knowledge that, if you got married, then you were signing on for being sexually active with the same person for the rest of your life and you HAD to satisfy them. At the time I wasn't sexual with anyone and most girls seemed to be intent on fending off boys who were supposed to be the "horny" ones. It seemed to be our jobs - and our reputations - to stop them. I hated the pressure and the feeling of being pursued madly. It felt to me like all boys were stalkerish.
Married for life: This is how just about everyone who surrounded me seemed to be doing it, being married and faithful and loyal. Divorce was rare among the people in my community. Perhaps I was too young to understand that married people had all sort of understandings and contracts between them, things that sustained them, and that all marriages were really not alike, even if these people had the traditional roles of man as breadwinner and woman as wife and mother.
I had no idea really about my parents' sexuality. Or anyone's. It was a private matter, not discussed, which I agree with actually. Parents should not be talking their intimate lives with their children. It was a shocker years later to find out that one of my friend's parents had divorced after three children because he was actually homosexual and his rejection of his wife had lead her to drink and sleep around.
Still, when you're just trying to figure things out for yourself, it can be daunting to imagine that you might have to have sex for the rest of your life with the same person, granted a person who you supposedly love and who supposedly loves you, and who you made a (sacred) commitment to for life. If you have some sexual experiences with boys who have not a clue what they are doing and remain unsatisfied yourself, sex feels like a chore, an obligation, a duty, and a danger.
Well, I've got lots of love to give, always have. But I never met that "special someone" who I could imagine being committed to, in love with, and sexual with, for the rest of my life. Nor did he find me.
Am I asexual?
I've been reading around this subject and actually I don't think so. The reason I don't think so is that from what I'm reading it sounds like asexual could be a natural state one experiences their entire life. Such a person just never is very interested in sex.
Maybe we all go through questioning, doubts, and experiences, and eventually we come to come to a decision about our ORIENTATION, and our GENDER. What about when people get older and find themselves with much less libido? They are still likely to self identify themselves based on all the experiences they had as younger people.
Still, I know some asexual (by self identification) people have read NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT and left comments in the past, explaining to me that this is WHY they are NMNK.
Early on in this blog I tried to identify the various groups of people who are NMNK including priests and nuns. I said being NMNK could be a temporary lifestyle or something you have no choice in, though I myself am NMNK by choice.
So in the next few posts I'm going to look into the latest on ASEXUALITY.
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