I certainly missed POSTING for Christmas. The Holidays.
So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."
Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness. In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.
Before I could feeling sorry for myself, I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them. Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.
My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years. He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities. His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession. Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there. He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home. I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not. He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.
My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else. He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall. I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house. I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons. Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.
Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships.
As I must too.
Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold. I understand it. I do. So far I haven't been offended.
Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.
C 2018 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved.
11/17/18
THANKSGIVING PLANS FOR THE NMNK
Most NMNK have family or friends who they spend THANKSGIVING with.
But if you think you may be alone this coming holiday, here are some ideas for you.
1) Be the person who invites other people who also have nowhere to go to a a THANKSGIVING potluck.
2) Volunteer to cook or serve at a senior center, homeless shelter, or church.
3) Stay home and cook your personal pan turkey. (Seriously, I did this one year by purchasing Trader Joe's turkey, already sliced breasts. I also made an acorn squash and some stuffing and poured myself some wine. It was delicious. And I enjoyed myself.)
4) Make some long distance phone calls to people you haven't spoken to in a while.
5) Take a walk in the park, at the sea coast, in the rain - be out in nature.
6) Think of those things you really are very appreciative of.
But if you think you may be alone this coming holiday, here are some ideas for you.
1) Be the person who invites other people who also have nowhere to go to a a THANKSGIVING potluck.
2) Volunteer to cook or serve at a senior center, homeless shelter, or church.
3) Stay home and cook your personal pan turkey. (Seriously, I did this one year by purchasing Trader Joe's turkey, already sliced breasts. I also made an acorn squash and some stuffing and poured myself some wine. It was delicious. And I enjoyed myself.)
4) Make some long distance phone calls to people you haven't spoken to in a while.
5) Take a walk in the park, at the sea coast, in the rain - be out in nature.
6) Think of those things you really are very appreciative of.
10/30/18
MUST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES BE PARTNERED UP?
If you're dressing up for a Halloween party, then you know that you usually don't go alone. You're invited to bring along a friend or partner - what's called a plus 1 in Britain - and then what's popular is to wear costumes that go together - famous couples, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, male and female frogs.
But it's OK to go single and to wear something that doesn't require partnership.
*****
That said. There's me and my dog...
8/15/18
WHAT IF MEGHAN and HARRY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN?
Although I think Meghan and Harry, The Duchess and Duke of Sussex, want to have children, it's not lost on me that at 37, the Duchess might not surprise us if she doesn't become pregnant right away. Their lives are full and they are united in their desire to make positive impact on the world.
Already I'm readying speculative stories about the names of their children and other assumptions. You know what they say abut assumptions! They make an as* out of you and me. So, WHY DOES ANY ASPECT OF THE MEDIA PUT PRESSURE ON THIS COUPLE to procreate?
BECAUSE IT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to put pressure on any couple to do so, and the pressure starts in some cases before a couple marries. Grandmothers to be a big problem with this. When a woman get's pregnant and is not married, some grandmothers tell their daughters it is time to GIVE THEM a grandchild. Sometimes these women are bored and eagerly wish to raise the child. Some just say this trying to prevent an abortion of an unplanned for child.
I say let's get the pressure of the royal couple and off everyone. For us commoners, WANTING a child is one thing, being able to raise the child to adulthood is another consideration.
Sister
UPDATE FEB 2019 Well, Meghan is pregnant and due in a couple months - April, maybe May and so having a child was top of the couple's agenda. At least they are mature adults who made a decision and very capable of affording children.
Already I'm readying speculative stories about the names of their children and other assumptions. You know what they say abut assumptions! They make an as* out of you and me. So, WHY DOES ANY ASPECT OF THE MEDIA PUT PRESSURE ON THIS COUPLE to procreate?
BECAUSE IT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to put pressure on any couple to do so, and the pressure starts in some cases before a couple marries. Grandmothers to be a big problem with this. When a woman get's pregnant and is not married, some grandmothers tell their daughters it is time to GIVE THEM a grandchild. Sometimes these women are bored and eagerly wish to raise the child. Some just say this trying to prevent an abortion of an unplanned for child.
I say let's get the pressure of the royal couple and off everyone. For us commoners, WANTING a child is one thing, being able to raise the child to adulthood is another consideration.
Sister
UPDATE FEB 2019 Well, Meghan is pregnant and due in a couple months - April, maybe May and so having a child was top of the couple's agenda. At least they are mature adults who made a decision and very capable of affording children.
U{DATE May 2021 - Again.
UPDATE JUNE 2022 Well, and it is clear they did have two. At least these two were wanted and can be afforded.
8/8/18
WHAT THE PARENTS OF SPOILED BRATS SAY AFTER YOU WITNESS A DEMANDING TANTRUM
"Don't judge her."
"You don't know her like we do."
"You don't know, you're not a parent."
"You've never given birth."
"He's just a little A.D.D."
"It must be the sugar."
"All the other kids in his class have __________."
"Could you babysit so we can get out?"
"He'll grow out of it."
"I told him there are two kinds of people out there and we're the HAVES."
*****************************************************************
I recently took some criticism because I was looking for an inexpensive place to rent so I could teach a class, someone I know thought that I wanted to teach children, and when I said no, "Adults who want to learn. I don't want to deal with the discipline problems."
"You don't know her like we do."
"You don't know, you're not a parent."
"You've never given birth."
"He's just a little A.D.D."
"It must be the sugar."
"All the other kids in his class have __________."
"Could you babysit so we can get out?"
"He'll grow out of it."
"I told him there are two kinds of people out there and we're the HAVES."
*****************************************************************
I recently took some criticism because I was looking for an inexpensive place to rent so I could teach a class, someone I know thought that I wanted to teach children, and when I said no, "Adults who want to learn. I don't want to deal with the discipline problems."
7/30/18
AT LAST! NO MORE PRINCES WILL COME FOR HER!
I made a new friend over the last few months, a woman who was in her 50's when she met the only man she has ever loved. He died a couple years ago and she became very depressed. He died after suggesting to her that she quit her job so they could be together and hang out. He was retired. She was in love and she wanted nothing more then to spend time with him. When he died, it turned out that he had not favored her in his will. His sister and her children came and put her out of the house she shared with him and even took the car she'd been driving away. She was left with so little she was almost homeless. Why he didn't take care of her is not certain. Maybe he meant to. But he did not. She says she never asked what his plans were.
I'm sure certain people think she's been a fool. The main thing is that she has no career and at 65 needs retraining. She pays her rent and has little left for food. A brother sends her what money he can. She is a nice woman. And she says she will never ever again be with another man. There was no one like this man for her.
Because she's in poverty some of her other friends have suggested another man to take his place is what she really should do. But no more Princes will come for her and she's not looking.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
One of the main reasons marriage is considered a good idea is because it is still seen as financial protection for a spouse. I tend to think that is true. This is why gay people have fought for the right to marry.
I respect that this woman is going for the retraining.
She's going to do a two year certificate at the community college.
Maybe a job will come out of it, maybe not
Sister
I'm sure certain people think she's been a fool. The main thing is that she has no career and at 65 needs retraining. She pays her rent and has little left for food. A brother sends her what money he can. She is a nice woman. And she says she will never ever again be with another man. There was no one like this man for her.
Because she's in poverty some of her other friends have suggested another man to take his place is what she really should do. But no more Princes will come for her and she's not looking.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
One of the main reasons marriage is considered a good idea is because it is still seen as financial protection for a spouse. I tend to think that is true. This is why gay people have fought for the right to marry.
I respect that this woman is going for the retraining.
She's going to do a two year certificate at the community college.
Maybe a job will come out of it, maybe not
Sister
6/16/18
NMNK CHELSY DAVY and the HARRY and MEGHAN WEDDING : NEWS COVERAGE WAS JUST SO WRONG!
MAY 2021
I guess all concerned are married now so this is a VINTAGE ARTICLE!
********************************
Chelsy Davy is NMNK.Chelsy Davy is one of US!
Damn if she wasn't the target of some speculative "news" reportage as she attended the recent royal wedding of long time bachelor Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the American actress who is giving it all up - willingly - including her acting career, her religion, her U.S. citizenship, and her NK status, to be the wife of this royal.
Rumors were that Chelsy was shocked to not be invited to the wedding receptions. What went on there - toasts to Harry remarking on his wild times - his women - might have been insulting to her. (Were they pointed at her?)
But Chesy was invited to the Wedding itself.
There is she was, along with so many family members, close personal friends, and celebrities - who were invited to one or both of the receptions.
I tried to understand. Was this meant to include her or to rub salt into wounds?
Chelsy Davy was once in a very long term relationship with Prince Harry.
Neither were married. It was not suggested that this educated woman with a lawyering background and who is now a jewelry designer, was ever Harry's Mistress. But OK, a half century ago she might have been assumed to just that. Let's be clear: it was like she was Harry's first wife, but since they never married they did not divorce. In fact, they became friends.
As I see it FRIENDSHIP IS VALUABLE. When someone is a good friend to you, you don't just throw them away.
Rumor has it that her invitation came but so did a "last phone call" from Harry saying - have a nice life - to her, ending the friendship. If so, you know what? That stinks!
Have YOU been dumped by a friend - male or female - that you once dated or were once involved with - because they got married?
What? Your friend will be too busy f*cking to remember to call you on your birthday or get together with you once in a while for coffee and not include you when they have a party?
Your friend will not introduce you to someone else you might want to date?
If so, you know what? That's really shitty!
Granted Harry and Meghan are going to be two of the busiest people in the world. They will tour the British Commonwealth and be Good Will Ambassadors, they have their charity work, and they are busy f*cking to start a family ASAP, since the Bride is ancient at 36 to start a family. (I will not be surprised to learn that fertility treatments have begun, just as I suspect Charlene, Prince Albert II's wife had them.) Meghan is as qualified to fry it up a pan and make him feel like a man as any careerist woman, I suppose, but what happens if the two of them prove to be unable to have children naturally?
Chelsy was fine about the wedding. Supposedly after this call she cried her eyes out, got it together, arrived with a smile on her face, like she was out for a good time, with her extra (called a plus one in Britain), a brother. But then her face was invaded by photographers and video cameras and she actually appeared disturbed, like she was holding back tears. These photos supposedly revealed what was going on in her mind. Such as thinking "it could have been ME!"
Actually I doubt that's what she was thinking. When a person who has been a good friend for years, and who had a difficult time finding someone who would marry him finds that person, it's emotional for you when you think they finally found happiness. Chelsy had years to accept that she and Harry would never marry. As his close friend and confidant I'm sure that he did talk to her about other women he dated. I read that Meghan gave her a warm hug. Meghan is confident in her position and does not seem to be putting in a big objection to Harry having women friends.
Maybe Chelsy was feeling invaded and maybe Chelsy was thinking it was shitty to set her apart and not invite her to the reception. After all, when Harry was depressed or in trouble because he once again did a Big Blooper, and he was infamous for them, did he actually call Oprah Winfrey? Why was she there?
I have no idea if, at 32, Chelsy desires marriage to anyone or motherhood, but consider that she may not. It's possible that her almost wifely status in Prince Harry's life intimidated other men from dating her. They are like that about royals in Britain. They don't want to effect their own status by even accidently tripping on Princely turf. But consider the husband of Camilla Parker Bowles who had a "take my wife, please!" attitude when Prince Charles took interest in her. Consider another favorite over in Britain, the recently and finally wed Pippa Middleton. who gave in to the man who had long loved her and wanted her, so married him and became pregnant almost immediately. Consider the uninterested in marriage James Middleton. Consider the long term relationship Princess Beatrice who is NMNK but also dated someone for years who broke with her and married someone else was in.
Aging in Place. Aging with Grace!
It is my hope the reportage was "rubbish" and Prince Harry will call Chelsy on birthdays, meet to have coffee, invite her to parties, and introduce her to his friends, rather than snub a very nice and fun young woman who was important in his life for many years.
CHELSY is OK NMNK!
C 2018 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
3/28/18
DEEP INSULTS BECAUSE I'M NOT A MOTHER
I happened again. I was told that I had no right to judge, that I didn't know a certain family member's child "like we do," and so on, and that basically I have no right to an opinion because I am not myself a mother. I was also mocked about how well I take care of my dog. Actually, after a few months of tolerance in which I pretended not to hear and chose to blame immaturity, months in which I had sympathized and empathized and been supportive, I was beginning to feel angry myself.
Let me explain this deep insult, from a so called feminist yet. We real feminists know that it does not take giving birth or having a personal child, or being a mother, to know when we are dealing with a spoiled brat.
Let's call the spoiled brat, who I was previously told is a chronic liar and narcissist and drama queen and so on, "Melanie." Melanie is someone I had not seen since she was in diapers, that is true. In fact, her single mother (no father in the child's life ever, but a man who not only hid out rather than pay child support but apparently has fathered EIGHT children at this point, a real inseminator!) was acting so weird towards me back in the day that I decided I WOULD NOT SEE THEM AGAIN UNTIL THIS CHILD WAS A LEGAL ADULT. By weird I mean that this single mother took my interest in her child to be jealousy that she had her and I had none. Needless to say I was not jealous of her. I tried to respect that fact that she had not had an abortion and felt confident that she could do it all alone.
Now the child is an adult of 18, I have met her, I have spent time with them, I was warned she was screwed up, and I sadly got a triple dose of her obnoxious behavior, which I'm not supposed to react to or comment on.
Upon meeting me she did a news flash. "I don't believe in bras or marriage," she said.
I thought "That's interesting." Later I realized she had said this because she thought that would put her in good with me. Actually I have always worn bras, though not always the most concealing ones. Not all women need them all the time. But damn if this young woman went and eloped soon after, came back home and expected her mother to continue to support her financially. She argued that it was OK if she and her husband slept together in their house when they were just dating, why not now? Wasn't mom and other family members supposed to keep them in medical insurance, the latest laptops and cell phones, continue to pay for their college tuition, world travel, vegetarian foods, and so on - so they could stay in school? Neither she or her young husband thought marriage meant you go live together elsewhere - get your own place - land in the same bed every night together - and afford it on your own!
This was just the beginning of her lies to me - someone new in her life as an adult - distantly related - which added on to the lies - whole plots of them - that she told her mother and other relations.
For the next few months the entire family and household was in an uproar as one thing led to another. If perhaps we might think "OK, she is NOT your child, so there should be a boundary there, well, I cared, I tried to stay out of it, I tried to be the rational voice, and I tried to be realistic. Sure her single mother was going to go through empty nest syndrome. Sure her single mother had sometimes worked two jobs to keep her in a private school, send her to special activity summer camps. She also sent her to stay elsewhere when she had a man over. Didn't she deserve one night a week just for herself, to relax, have sex, etc? She also was career oriented and could be exhausted or seem to be in her own space. Was she actually neglectful? Not really.
When had the chronic lying and other behaviors begun and WHY?
I was told "When she hit puberty and her father's genes ignited!"
I think rather that it was about this "birds and the bees" point in her own reproductive life that she really began to realize that she was illegitimate and had no father in her life at all. Never mind if a loving grandpa tried to be "dad."
Let's say we understand her reasons why. Still chronic lying is NOT OK. It is at this level a symptom of mental illness or she has been and is MANIPULATING EVERYONE. She does argument, she does emotional blackmail, she does verbal abuse, she blocks conversations. But it is also a sign that a child that needed to be raised not to lie. This child needed to be corrected. If religious school was only to be rebelled against, then there is Godless psychotherapy. Clearly my arrival had nothing to do with YEARS of lies. Of other people who should know better raising her to allow her to lie to them, to go without responsibility into adulthood, and without any consequences or punishment.
So, I was stunned to hear that now I am officially not involved, after being asked to talk to her, asked to research, asked to be involved.
I am glad I never had a child. If I had a child though, I know for sure that mine would not be a spoiled brat!
C 2018 All Rights Reserved NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT.
USA - International and Internet Rights
Let me explain this deep insult, from a so called feminist yet. We real feminists know that it does not take giving birth or having a personal child, or being a mother, to know when we are dealing with a spoiled brat.
Let's call the spoiled brat, who I was previously told is a chronic liar and narcissist and drama queen and so on, "Melanie." Melanie is someone I had not seen since she was in diapers, that is true. In fact, her single mother (no father in the child's life ever, but a man who not only hid out rather than pay child support but apparently has fathered EIGHT children at this point, a real inseminator!) was acting so weird towards me back in the day that I decided I WOULD NOT SEE THEM AGAIN UNTIL THIS CHILD WAS A LEGAL ADULT. By weird I mean that this single mother took my interest in her child to be jealousy that she had her and I had none. Needless to say I was not jealous of her. I tried to respect that fact that she had not had an abortion and felt confident that she could do it all alone.
Now the child is an adult of 18, I have met her, I have spent time with them, I was warned she was screwed up, and I sadly got a triple dose of her obnoxious behavior, which I'm not supposed to react to or comment on.
Upon meeting me she did a news flash. "I don't believe in bras or marriage," she said.
I thought "That's interesting." Later I realized she had said this because she thought that would put her in good with me. Actually I have always worn bras, though not always the most concealing ones. Not all women need them all the time. But damn if this young woman went and eloped soon after, came back home and expected her mother to continue to support her financially. She argued that it was OK if she and her husband slept together in their house when they were just dating, why not now? Wasn't mom and other family members supposed to keep them in medical insurance, the latest laptops and cell phones, continue to pay for their college tuition, world travel, vegetarian foods, and so on - so they could stay in school? Neither she or her young husband thought marriage meant you go live together elsewhere - get your own place - land in the same bed every night together - and afford it on your own!
This was just the beginning of her lies to me - someone new in her life as an adult - distantly related - which added on to the lies - whole plots of them - that she told her mother and other relations.
For the next few months the entire family and household was in an uproar as one thing led to another. If perhaps we might think "OK, she is NOT your child, so there should be a boundary there, well, I cared, I tried to stay out of it, I tried to be the rational voice, and I tried to be realistic. Sure her single mother was going to go through empty nest syndrome. Sure her single mother had sometimes worked two jobs to keep her in a private school, send her to special activity summer camps. She also sent her to stay elsewhere when she had a man over. Didn't she deserve one night a week just for herself, to relax, have sex, etc? She also was career oriented and could be exhausted or seem to be in her own space. Was she actually neglectful? Not really.
When had the chronic lying and other behaviors begun and WHY?
I was told "When she hit puberty and her father's genes ignited!"
I think rather that it was about this "birds and the bees" point in her own reproductive life that she really began to realize that she was illegitimate and had no father in her life at all. Never mind if a loving grandpa tried to be "dad."
Let's say we understand her reasons why. Still chronic lying is NOT OK. It is at this level a symptom of mental illness or she has been and is MANIPULATING EVERYONE. She does argument, she does emotional blackmail, she does verbal abuse, she blocks conversations. But it is also a sign that a child that needed to be raised not to lie. This child needed to be corrected. If religious school was only to be rebelled against, then there is Godless psychotherapy. Clearly my arrival had nothing to do with YEARS of lies. Of other people who should know better raising her to allow her to lie to them, to go without responsibility into adulthood, and without any consequences or punishment.
So, I was stunned to hear that now I am officially not involved, after being asked to talk to her, asked to research, asked to be involved.
I am glad I never had a child. If I had a child though, I know for sure that mine would not be a spoiled brat!
C 2018 All Rights Reserved NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT.
USA - International and Internet Rights
3/12/18
THE WISDOM OF MARRYING TOO YOUNG?
Soon after I read about how Millennial are delaying marriage until they have no debt, I heard about a distant family member who got married, age 18, to her boyfriend of less than one year, age 20, kept it a secret, and then continued to live with mom and dad. All hell has broken loose since. First of all, the family feels deceived as this secret is based in economics: as two college students they cannot afford to live independently, not even with house mates, due to the extreme cost of living.
Quizzed further, the two of them seem to be extremely innocent of the fact that now neither of them can be covered on their parent's health insurance. So they both got kicked out of their respective houses because they are now considered liars and manipulators.
I've tried to be the voice of reason and to empathized and understand what would motivate two brilliant college students to do such a thing. Are they truly devious, selfish, or only out to get what they want from others?
Well, I reasoned (and said), "they are in love." Actually I do think this is true.
But what to make of the plotting? It's wrong.
One says that they "knew" that no one would approve of or pay for a wedding, so they thought it best to just go to a JP and this is also why no family member was invited.
Quizzed further, the two of them seem to be extremely innocent of the fact that now neither of them can be covered on their parent's health insurance. So they both got kicked out of their respective houses because they are now considered liars and manipulators.
I've tried to be the voice of reason and to empathized and understand what would motivate two brilliant college students to do such a thing. Are they truly devious, selfish, or only out to get what they want from others?
Well, I reasoned (and said), "they are in love." Actually I do think this is true.
But what to make of the plotting? It's wrong.
One says that they "knew" that no one would approve of or pay for a wedding, so they thought it best to just go to a JP and this is also why no family member was invited.
2/25/18
MILLENIALS WANT TO PAY OFF HUGE DEBT BEFORE MARRIAGE?
MARKET WATCH - MILLENIALS KILLING MARRIAGE - THAT'S GOOD
EXCERPT:
Lowry is one of many people in her age group waiting longer to tie the knot. The average age for marriage is now 27 for women and 29 for men compared to 21 years for women and 23 years old for men in 1963 — and that is if they get married at all. Only two in five millennials were married in 2015, compared to two in three in 1980.
Many couples cite high levels of student loan debt as an obstacle to marriage, and millennials are wise to wait to pay that off before tying the knot, said Brianna McGurran, personal finance expert at NerdWallet. She noted that people with more financial independence have the resources to break off relationships they may be forced to stay in otherwise just to split rent or pay the bills.
....
What happened to marrying and THEN PAYING OFF YOUR MUTUAL DEBT TOGETHER?
EXCERPT:
Lowry is one of many people in her age group waiting longer to tie the knot. The average age for marriage is now 27 for women and 29 for men compared to 21 years for women and 23 years old for men in 1963 — and that is if they get married at all. Only two in five millennials were married in 2015, compared to two in three in 1980.
....
What happened to marrying and THEN PAYING OFF YOUR MUTUAL DEBT TOGETHER?
2/20/18
WANT ROMANCE BUT NOT SEX?
THE VERGE - ASEXUAL DATING - ONLINE DATING ISN'T EASY by Julie Kleigman
Great article! But are you really "asexual" because you want to have an emotional attachment with someone (i.e. love them or really like them a lot) before you have sex? (I always worry that some Freudian psychologist or not-religious nut is going to take most people and label them abnormal for not wanting to have commitment-free, "casual" sex.) A funny article and you may be tempted to click on the "asexual umbrella" link. Yes I do think that being under that umbrella is one of the reasons why some people are and remain NMNK.
EXCERPT: Asexuality remains poorly understood by the public at large, and includes a broad spectrum of orientations; some asexual people feel no sexual attraction toward others and may be averse to sex, while others who feel no sexual attraction may still happily have sex with their partners. Other aces (the umbrella term for those on the asexual spectrum) like Cutler identify as gray asexual or demisexual, meaning they sometimes feel sexual attraction once they develop an emotional connection with someone. Some may want romance but not sex; others fall on the aromantic spectrum, meaning they sometimes or never feel romantic attraction. For those who do feel romantic attraction (to men, women, or any combination of genders), that’s where online dating comes in.
Great article! But are you really "asexual" because you want to have an emotional attachment with someone (i.e. love them or really like them a lot) before you have sex? (I always worry that some Freudian psychologist or not-religious nut is going to take most people and label them abnormal for not wanting to have commitment-free, "casual" sex.) A funny article and you may be tempted to click on the "asexual umbrella" link. Yes I do think that being under that umbrella is one of the reasons why some people are and remain NMNK.
EXCERPT: Asexuality remains poorly understood by the public at large, and includes a broad spectrum of orientations; some asexual people feel no sexual attraction toward others and may be averse to sex, while others who feel no sexual attraction may still happily have sex with their partners. Other aces (the umbrella term for those on the asexual spectrum) like Cutler identify as gray asexual or demisexual, meaning they sometimes feel sexual attraction once they develop an emotional connection with someone. Some may want romance but not sex; others fall on the aromantic spectrum, meaning they sometimes or never feel romantic attraction. For those who do feel romantic attraction (to men, women, or any combination of genders), that’s where online dating comes in.
2/14/18
A VALENTINE'S DAY WITHOUT A VALENTINE IS ... GREAT!
VALENTINE's DAY, like so many other holidays, has been marketed as a gift-giving day, a day you have to spend to prove you like or love someone. I think this day has put pressure on people to make a commitment or not too. So I decided to do a little research and one site actually has a stat that FEBRUARY is the month that has the MOST BREAK UPS. November isn't a great month for relationships either. Let's face the fact that if someone doesn't want to be with you for the holidays - because they want to go to parties to meet someone else alone or don't want to spend money on you, November (right before Thanksgiving) is a great month to break up. February is the month when the person has decided SPRING will provide them more opportunities to meet others.
If you're dating someone and they are missing in action for Valentine's Day, then it's probably true that you are not a priority, and they don't want the relationship to go forward. They may even be breaking up with you, or at least seeing how much you're going to put up with. However, Valentine's Day should not be used to pressure a person to make a commitment, to give them a deadline. When you get that commitment, especially if it's the day you get engaged, then for the rest of your relationship (note I did not say LIFE!), every Valentine's Day you've got that celebration pressure. You will have to come up with gifts - so soon after Christmas and New Years - and go out to dinner - and all that - competing with the other couples for reservations. And if the relationship does not work out, then every Valentine's Day you'll think about that. All those decorations hanging up, forcing this day at you, will remind you. You're better off choosing another day for firsts to celebrate.
I'll tell you, it feels GOOD to not have those pressures.
It feels GOOD to not be thinking or worrying "Does he love me?" or "Will he propose?"
It feels GOOD not to be in ring competition with other women; I once had a very nice ring that I bought myself. Since I lost it I have nor replaced it. I'm now ring free.
What of your friends who say things about marriage like, "We'll it's only a STARTER MARRIAGE!" or "Wonder if she'll EVER get married?"
I've got to tell you that people who think this way are not people who can be friends.
Sister
Pixneo.com image
If you're dating someone and they are missing in action for Valentine's Day, then it's probably true that you are not a priority, and they don't want the relationship to go forward. They may even be breaking up with you, or at least seeing how much you're going to put up with. However, Valentine's Day should not be used to pressure a person to make a commitment, to give them a deadline. When you get that commitment, especially if it's the day you get engaged, then for the rest of your relationship (note I did not say LIFE!), every Valentine's Day you've got that celebration pressure. You will have to come up with gifts - so soon after Christmas and New Years - and go out to dinner - and all that - competing with the other couples for reservations. And if the relationship does not work out, then every Valentine's Day you'll think about that. All those decorations hanging up, forcing this day at you, will remind you. You're better off choosing another day for firsts to celebrate.
I'll tell you, it feels GOOD to not have those pressures.
It feels GOOD to not be thinking or worrying "Does he love me?" or "Will he propose?"
It feels GOOD not to be in ring competition with other women; I once had a very nice ring that I bought myself. Since I lost it I have nor replaced it. I'm now ring free.
What of your friends who say things about marriage like, "We'll it's only a STARTER MARRIAGE!" or "Wonder if she'll EVER get married?"
I've got to tell you that people who think this way are not people who can be friends.
Sister
1/29/18
STILL UNMARRIED (and SANE) AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Here between Christmas, New Years, and ... upcoming... Valentine's Day, I'm still unmarried after all these years. This morning, learning from a senior citizen cousin that a widower in town has expressed the wrong kind of interest in me, I heard myself saying to her, "I'm convinced I was not fated to have a partner in his life."
That is true.
It's also true that I have done near nothing to find a husband or partner.
Valentine's Day is such as wistful holiday.
And I think that all these holidays, but most especially Valentine's Day is when NMNK are made to feel wrong to be alone - but not lonely!
If you are really truly lonely and do not esteem your own company, or the company of your relations, friends, coworkers, and strangers you meet here, there, and everywhere, then you will likely do something about it.
After all there are plentiful socializing networking opportunities on this Internet, if the local book club isn't doing it for you.
My senior citizen cousin is married over 50 years now, and though she met a few jerks before she married, this was all before the age of 21. These days her 18 year old grand-daughter wants to marry her boyfriend and she is howling at her not to because she is too young.
I stay out of it, but I think love is love and that this 18 year old and her boyfriend do love each other. Who am I to say that based on being too young she should give him up and get busy with education and a career instead?
That is true.
It's also true that I have done near nothing to find a husband or partner.
Valentine's Day is such as wistful holiday.
And I think that all these holidays, but most especially Valentine's Day is when NMNK are made to feel wrong to be alone - but not lonely!
If you are really truly lonely and do not esteem your own company, or the company of your relations, friends, coworkers, and strangers you meet here, there, and everywhere, then you will likely do something about it.
After all there are plentiful socializing networking opportunities on this Internet, if the local book club isn't doing it for you.
My senior citizen cousin is married over 50 years now, and though she met a few jerks before she married, this was all before the age of 21. These days her 18 year old grand-daughter wants to marry her boyfriend and she is howling at her not to because she is too young.
I stay out of it, but I think love is love and that this 18 year old and her boyfriend do love each other. Who am I to say that based on being too young she should give him up and get busy with education and a career instead?
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