HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO THE NMNK - MAY YOU ACCEPT OR DECLINE INVITATIONS

Dear NMNK...

Christmas is probably more than any other American Holiday  focused on Children. As a NMNK you may be an honorary aunt or uncle... You may love the children your relatives and friends have. You may even be unintentionally childless and feel your life is empty without children. Maybe you've even been "trying" to become a single mother or father.

Whatever the case, you may also be unfairly battling the stereotype that you are a selfish person because you chose not to have children, too picky to marry, or even that you hate - despise - children. 

For those of you who have NMNK friends, be sensitive!  Do not leave your NMNK uninvited because you think we have "nothing in common" with your friends who have children.

Invite us and leave us to decide if we accept or reject an invitation to be at a social event where children may be swirling around the dance floor.  (Even those of us who "hate brats" are usually too well mannered to actually say so to the parents or the brats!)

One of the things I have experienced is being considered all those things - selfish - picky - hateful by parents who have had children for the wrong reasons and are resentful of those who are not encumbered with responsibility.  I also feel it is entirely wrong to expect NMNK not to have OPINIONS about how children should be raised or behaved; too often I have been told "What do you know, you have never given birth!"

As always, be understanding and kind and giving to yourself.  There is nothing shallow or superficial in treating yourself with respect due.

See you in the New Year!

Sister

SHE'S JEWISH AND CANADIAN BUT SHE STILL CELEBRATES THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS, THE HOLIDAYS

I searched through the articles on the net about what to do for the holidays and selected the SHERRI LANGBURT article in the Huffington Post on line,  because it was one of the few that DID NOT SUGGEST THAT YOU WOULD BE DEPRESSED or come with ads for PSYCHIATRISTS or ANTI DEPRESSION MEDICATION.  Sherri has a long list of TO DO things in case you can't come up with some wonderful ways to entertain yourself with your best friend -you!

COOKING FOR ONE COMEDY

OK THIS ONE IS FULL OF THE STEREOTYPES OF US; eating over the sink, waiting for phone calls from old lovers, but hey, a sense of humor is something you hone.

GROCERY STORE COUPONS DISCRIMINATE AGAINST NMNK's!

GROCERY STORE COUPONS discriminate against those who buy for one and eat alone! 


Clipping through this weeks Sunday paper supplements, I saw dozens of grocery store and manufacture coupons.  Oh the deals!  As long as you were willing and able to buy two and three of every item.  Now I know you're going to say "I can stock up.  I can refrigerate!"  ... Especially if you actually eat twice and three times more than the average single and have a household budget twice and three times more that the average single too, you can! 


Grocery and food advertising most often shows FAMILY SIZED PORTIONS... entire tables set for a dinner party, a whole cake (keep eating those and you know what happens!)  Maybe you see a single woman sitting back - home alone - enjoying a cup of tea or coffee ALONE at the end of the day once in a while in an ad or two.


Yes, buying for ONE is about PORTIONING and since the great numbers of Never Married No Kids are on the increase (that means our weight as well as our numbers), I would like to see individual portions, well priced, and coupons for one at a time purchases!

Sister

40% of Black Women are "not married"...Well...Not Really... BLACK WOMEN WILL HAVE TO VENTURE OUT OF THEIR CULTURE?

BLACK WOMEN UNMARRIED - WHY? IS IT TRUE

IS RACISM WITHIN THE BLACK COMMUNITY THE REASON WHY SO MANY AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN ARE NEVER MARRIED?

This is just what a friend of mine suggests.  She says that African American men are going for White or Lighter Skinned African American women.  She says this leaves few good men for African American women who are darker skinned.  Just when I was going to reject this idea,  a male friend of mine said about the same thing.  He said as a result of fewer good African American men, African-American women had to share men, and had taken single motherhood in stride; after all don't most women want a child?

I thought about HIGH SCHOOL.  OK... In my high school some of the best athletes were Black.  Is that a stereotype?  I can only say it was true.  And most of these men did seem to reject the women of their own race and date White, European-Americans.  There was a catch.  These same White, European-American women were then shunned by White men!  Yes! The town was kind of small.  And I feel that everyone got along pretty well otherwise.

I had one friend in school who was of African-American and Native American heritage and she wore braids.  I was there when a man (a boy actually) crossed the HIGH SCHOOL cafeteria and told her that she was not Black.  Not Black due to her hair style, and for associating with a group of White women (girls really.)

I don't know how this would play in today's high school generation.  To me it seems there is far less prejudice.  Am I wrong?  Maybe I don't just get it?

Let me know!

Sister

PEACEFULLY, TRANQUILLY, NEVER MARRIED

I say "Don't defend yourself when people make snide remarks to you or around you about your single, childless status...." is that easier said than done?

Do you have any special ways of dealing with this?

Let me know! (Maybe we can all use some good comebacks?)

Sister

JOINT CENTER STATISTICAL DATA

Here's the info for you statistic freaks!

SISTER SPEAKS : DEATH OF A (LONG AGO LOST) FRIEND REMINDS ME OF WHY MARRIAGE CAN BE A BAD IDEA

The other day I thought of a woman who I had been friends with for over a decade.  I had some time to spend so I decided to look her up on the Internet.  To my surprise I learned she had died an early death a year ago, leaving behind a teenage daughter, a husband (still), and a skeleton crew of relatives and friends.  I found a picture of her, a testimonial that she had survived a new innovative treatment, and reason to believe that at least some of the things she wanted out of life had been achieved. 

BUT HER ROTTEN MARRIAGE was one of those marriages that reinforced my feeling that marriage was not a lifestyle I was very interested in.

If you think she married for all the wrong reasons, she didn't.  At least at the time she told me she liked, loved, and was in love with her husband to be.  And my friend was an only child, not spoiled, but used to having her way.  She married another only child who was spoiled, and used to having his way.  It became a battle of wills, and because she was "not a feminist," slowly but surely this bright, talented woman, who held an executive position (the irony!) was doing everything his way, including not having sex most of the time because he didn't want it.

I could go on and on, but the point is, when I found out she had died, I found myself swearing at her husband.  What kind of life did she have, living around you and your wants and needs (and not needs)... My friend should have known better but she even forked over her executive paycheck and let him invest it and most of the time had no idea where their money was.

I found her daughter's MY SPACE, and there was a sad, "I just lost my mother" look in her eyes.  My friend had wanted children, but he wouldn't let her until she had put 20 years in at her company and had the big retirement.  

It's really easy for women - wives - like these to not face the reality that their relationship is UNDESIREABLE - and that the Never Married No Kids life is not all bad and in fact can be very good. 

Most of us do not say that to the parties involved.  We'll say to ourselves "It's their relationship, so stay out of it." But when we go home from the party alone, sometimes as we shut out the light to go to sleep we say to ourselves "I am just lucky I'm not in a marriage like that!"

Sister


C Sister/Never Married No Kids  2010 All Rights including International and Internet Rights Reserved

AFRICAN AMERICAN NMNK MONTH

This month I'm going to try and explore African American NMNK.  Recent reports are that African American women have very little chance of ever marrying. And though these statistics represent many who would like to be married there are those who are OK with life as is. It seems to me that African-American woman have a special challenge, and it's not about skin color as much as it is about culture, for African-American women are very matriarchal!

WHY IS EVERY STATISTIC ABOUT NEVER MARRIED WOMAN LACED WITH IMPLIED FRUSTRATION?

YERUSHA.COM ANNA OLSWANGER supports CHILDLESS JEWISH PEOPLE

A BRAND NEW WEBSITE FOR SUPPORT OF THE CHILDLESS!


According to the September 10-16th JEWISH JOURNAL, Anna Olswanger, 56 and childless, married only recently, has started Yersha.com to give SUPPORT to JEWS who DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

"Yerusha means legacy, and part of Olswanger's mission is to help childless Jews leave a legacy without having children. A PAGE OF NOTEABLE PEOPLE WITHOUT CHILDREN is there for the reading.  She's addressing the PAIN AND SHAME MANY FEEL FOR NOT HAVING CHILDREN...?

Maybe Jewish people have more problems with these issues than people from other faiths?

HERE IS THE MESSAGE I LEFT FOR ANNA and HER FRIENDS!

I have a blog NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS on Google. I am a NMNK myself. I wish to give support to the childless life, without apology for choosing not to have children (though the pressure to have children when you can't or won't sometimes makes some of us defensive.) Since I'm not Jewish nor especially religious, but was raised with the option of the nunnery or other religious holy order as another dignified way to live, perhaps it is easier for me. PEOPLE WHO ARE WITHOUT CHILDREN HAVE SO MUCH MORE TIME TO BE BUSY IN THE WORLD as activists, and are able to take risks (such as having your own business) that those with children do not. I think many NMNKs leave the legacy of being excellent examples as human beings for a life that is worthy.

Sister




ANNA THANK YOU and WE LINK TO YOU WITH PRIDE!

SPINSTER MONTH

THAT'S WHAT I AM!

SISTER HERE!  SPINSTERS started out as women who spun yarn ; It must have been one of the first ways a woman could make some money to support herself, or at least earn money she didn't have to ask a father, brother, or husband for though very likely she was not supposed to actually live alone.  Maybe these women just LIKED their relative independence.  Maybe they made enough money to be free of marriage, childbearing, and all that.

TODAY SPINSTERS ARE HAVING A MUCH BETTER TIME OF IT!  Visit again because we are going to have a lot of fun with spinsterhood!

MOTHER JONES MAGAZINE and WHY IS POPULATION CONTROL A RADIOACTIVE TOPIC

Paul R. Ehrlich wrote the controversial 1968 book The Population Bomb and co-founded the group Zero Population Growth: "Overpopulation, combined with overconsumption, is the elephant in the room. We don't talk about overpopulation because of real fears from the past—of racism, eugenics, colonialism, forced sterilization, forced family planning, plus the fears from some of contraception, abortion, and sex. We don't really talk about overconsumption because of ignorance about the economics of overpopulation and the true ecological limits of Earth."

LINK HERE TO A MAGAZINE ARTICLE WITH LOTS OF EXPERT OPINIONS...

POPULATION CONTROL - A SENSITIVE SUBJECT

POPULATION CONTROL is a SENSITIVE SUBJECT.  When  you start talking about nations controlling population you enter into discussions that can seem to be about RACIAL, ETHNIC, and RELIGIOUS identity and the people who we think there are too many of.  The truth is that China has achieved population stabilization through forced contraception and abortion, something I don't think most Western women want to have to deal with. In India and China using medical tests to determine which fetus are female and sex selecting for abortion is troubling for us feminists.

FOR US in the West, SELF CONTROL IS THE KEY.   But when we SELF CONTROL and do not bring any children into the world, or just a few, because that is what we can afford, we may become resentful of paying for other people who have many more children than they can afford to receive government benefits!  Let's face it:  It is TRUE!  It may not be politically correct to pick on one ethnic group or religion or another, but you hear it all the time, when you are NOT a member of that other ethnic or religious group.

Those of us who are NMNK are often thought of as the odd because we do not create new families of blood-line relatives.  (Of course most of us are attached to our family of origin somehow.)  Are we odd if we are self responsible, and if the effect of our self responsibility is to influence the worlds resources favorably?  SISTER

C by Sister/ Never Married No Kids Blogspot.  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

IS POPULATION GROWTH MONTH - POPULATION INSTITUTE LINK

POPULATION INSTITUTE link here!  This has a lot of good information and it's scary but up on the right hand top of their page you can see the population of the world increasing, a woman giving birth every... well it appears to be every second...

Welcome to the Population Institute



The Population Institute is an international non-profit that educates policymakers and the public about population, and seeks to promote universal access to family planning information, education, and services. Through voluntary family planning, we strive to achieve a world population in balance with a healthy global environment and resource base.

ALL ABOUT ABORTION - THIS SITE DOES NOT MAKE YOU GUILT TRIP

Here's a link to a site that is clearly pro-abortion with lots of links that include testimonials.  Growing up in a time when most parents did not discuss contraception with their children I witnessed many of my classmates have babies and mostly give them up because they had no easy contraception options.  Then in my twenties I began to meet women who had abortions and I'll be honest, most of them WERE EMOTIONALLY UPSET about it at some point.  Still, unless you are really willing to go through a pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption, you must ask yourself if you are in a place in life where you can raise a child; do you have the wealth and the health? 

AND NO, LEAVING THE CHILD TO BE RAISED BY GRANDPARENTS ... THAT IS NOT FAIR TO THEM!

Sister

ABORTION RIGHTS : PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Want to know the latest about your right to abortion?  How about checking out this site by PLANNED PARENTHOOD ?

Sister Rants : STOP BEING A LONELYHEART and APOLOGIZING TO THE WORLD !

Today I was, as I often do, browsing through the other sites that come up when I put NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS into a search engine. I'm so tired of the LONELY HEART postings in which people actually APOLOGIZE TO THE WORLD, that they are NMNK...

We do not OWE anyone to have children, especially if we don't want children. And, sometimes being unmarried and childless really is not the lifestyle choice a person wants, but for whatever reason it is their fate, at least for now. But still, stop feeling sorry for yourself on that basis already!

People who have no children to support and raise have far more time to do the things they want to. People with children are always complaining of having no time - not even for their "friends."

MAKE A FAMILY OF CHOICE !

Sister

GUTTMACHER Institute : Facts on Contraceptive Use in the United States

Here's the link to a comprehensive list of statistics...

Studies like these remind me of one of the main reasons I'm personally for legal abortion; you can practice contraception and despite your best efforts still get pregnant when you do not want to have a baby and raise a child. What is left then?  Living in poverty or giving the baby to another person to raise.

VACATION ALONE? HAVE YOU ENJOYED TAKING A VACATION ALONE?

Staying in your own hotel room alone, dining out alone, going to the beach alone... you're bound to come in contact with some people of course, but LOVING YOUR OWN COMPANY is the key... and if you  DON'T LIKE TO 'PARTY'... well, what about the joy of having no one calling you on the phone, no one interrupting you so you can sink deep into that book without interruption...

FIFTY YEARS OF THE CONTRACEPTION THE PILL

NOT "BIRTH CONTROL"  (How did it ever get that stupid name?)  but CONTRACEPTION... has never been more perfect than "the pill."  But it's still not perfect for everyone.  I've known women who got pregnant despite practicing every kind of contraception there is..

Link to this news story about the pill's 50th anniversary - this year!

HAVE YOU BEEN TREATED DIFFERENTLY IN YOUR PARENTS WILL BECAUSE YOU NEVER MARRIED

Some of the old spinsters got the family farm... Some got ignored because the husband they never had was supposed to "take care" of them... and you?

PRIESTS - GIVING GIVING GIVING

BUDDHIST NUNS TELL THEIR STORY at

IMAGINE OURSELVES is a (Feminist) Woman's Project... and this site is really amazing to me.

"In many parts of Himalayan region, the number of women joining Tibetan Buddhist nunneries is in decline, or else institutions face political and other challenges, and struggle to remain open. In Bhutan, however, nunneries have begun to flourish. In 1960, the country had two nunneries. Today, there are over thirteen."

Portraits of Bhutan’s Nuns by Miranda Mimi Kuo-Deemer

HAVE A VOCATION with THE SISTERS OF CHARITY

Here's the link for the SISTERS of CHARITY, who have groups in many places in the United States. For some being able to do good works while having basic housing, clothing, food, and medical is not just enough... it's everything they ever wanted.

POPE DEFENDS CELIBACY TODAY - ASSOCIATED PRESS REPORTS

By NICOLE WINFIELD, Associated Press Writer


"VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI strongly defended celibacy for priests as a sign of faith in an increasingly secular world Thursday, insisting on a church tradition that has increasingy come under scrutiny amid the clerical sex abuse scandal.


Benedict didn't directly mention the crisis that has rocked the Catholic Church for months in his comments to some 15,000 priests who massed in St. Peter's Square. But in an apparent reference to the crisis, Benedict spoke about "secondary scandals" that showed "our own insufficiencies and sins."


Benedict's comments came during an evening vigil service to mark the end of the Vatican's year of the priest — a year that has been marred by revelations of hundreds of new cases of clerical abuse, cover-up and Vatican inaction to root out pedophile priests."
---
SISTER HERE!  OF COURSE PRIESTS should be celibate IF THAT'S THE VOW THEY TOOK!

And to me they would not be priests if they were not celibate.  Look at the trouble the CHURCH OF ENGLAND is in now that PRINCE CHARLES, it's head to be, cannot be due to all that mess with Princess Diana and his current wife, his former mistress, Camilla Parker-Bowles

RELIGIOUS ORDERS MONTH - ARE YOU RE RELIGIOUS?

Many people remain "Never Married No Kids" because they become religious or spiritual and decide to devote their life to prayer or good works formally, by joining a Holy Order. They become priests, nuns, monks...

Let me say this about the vow of poverty. Many of the people who are in these orders have food, shelter, clothing, and medical insurance/care. There are plenty of people who have less. They are usually around other people for much of their day (the two sisters walking down the street together) and are not always alone or without a sense of family or community. Many of them have college educations thanks to their order.

That is MORE than a lot of poor people have! - Sister

CAVEMAN DAVE DIES IN IDAHO

Here's an interesting article from Idahostatesman.com about a fellow who lived in a cave and had no regrets. Oh he did get married once... but we'll include him in with us as we learn more about hermits!

HERMITS UNITED

One of the stereotypes of the NMNK is that we are "hermits," people who may be antisocial or lack social skills or not really want to be part of humanity, but maybe it's just that some of us like quietude and solitude. Check out the link here HERMITS UNITED! (Lots of interesting links too!) HEY, LONERS UNITING WITH LONERS - it's a good thing!

HERMIT MONTH

HERMITS are the subject this month. Many of us NMNK are accused of being hermits because we may enjoy our aloneness and not feel lonely with it. Let's explore the lives of real hermits!

ELLEN PECK an archived INTERVIEW from PEOPLE MAGAZINE 1976

ELLEN PECK is a WOMAN WE ADMIRE here at NMNK - An INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY . This is an archived article circa 1976. It goes to show you that many of our issues are still issues.


"The government is not neutral. In addition to the $750 per child exemption allowed by the Internal Revenue Service, the federal government implicitly subsidizes childbearing through welfare, social security and housing policies. The standard argument goes, "It's for the sake of the children." Doesn't it make sense to make not having children just as acceptable?"

SPRING HAS SPRUNG (Funny I think I said that last year) and LOVE IS IN THE AIR !

Hello friends. Spring is in the air. Just wanted to let you know I am still around... and no I have not forgotten about you NMNK's... how could I living it every day myself?

You know, sometimes when you're like me and you just have not prioritized getting married and having children, you feel defensive. That's because we are certainly in a minority. Our agitators like to think we are heartless, cruel, and selfish people... but I think not!

Yes! I have been in love! I'm a human being too. But thus far I have had the strength to reject those who would not make good life partners for me. I don't pray for a husband before I go to bed at night. I am not bitter. I am satisfied to live alone without being lonely! MAYBE I'm FATALISTIC or A TRUE ROMANTIC AT HEART? MAYBE it's all or nothing for me?

Recently I heard from a pen pal of mine who at 32 had never found love. My friend is from a Central American country and he really seemed to be to be "too picky!" Imagine me saying that about anyone! But since he claimed to want to get married and have children, and he seemed to have one old girlfriend he had not given entirely up on and another of several years who seemed to be keeping him at a distance and ignoring his marriage proposals, I wasn't sure what to think!
What if it was HIM?

I really am happy for him now because yes he has met someone, he is in love, she loves him too, and he is planning to marry if the relationship is still as good as it is right now in one years time.
In fact I told him I thought a year was enough to know... Whatever you do, I said, do not let this go on and on to nowhere as you have in the past with other women!

MOSTLY I'M RELIEVED that, as it turns out, all this waiting and hoping he did for the last decade of his (young!) life was not about being a commitmentphobe. He is capable of love and commitment.

That's important because CHOOSING to be a NMNK is also about being capable of love and commitment! Loving yourself above all others on this earth, there are times when sadly, you must let someone go. And a commitment to a RESPONSIBLE LIFESTYLE is very important too! It is what has lead some of us to not have children we cannot provide for, as an example.

Spring has sprung and I hope it is full of love for you - love possible in all its varieties!

Sister

C 2010 Sister/NMNK an INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
All Rights including Internet and International Rights Reserved