Although I spent Thanksgiving in a part of Southern California that was relatively cold and damp, the fact that tourists go to the beach in December here isn't lost on me. Especially not when much of the country is in for a horrible never ending cold and snowy winter. Which means that Seasonal Depression is more likely. For those not in the know, Seasonal Depression is a depression thought to be caused by a lack of sunlight and it might even be tied in with the need for humans and animals to hibernate or at least slow down and stay indoors a while. The longer and darker the winter is, the more likely people are also to indulge themselves in too much alcohol (and perhaps other drugs) in order to self treat for the Seasonal Depression.
Because the Holidays can be especially trying for NMNK's due to the expectation that the holidays, from Halloween to New Years be FAMILY HOLIDAYS, pressure to find a mate and/or have children and "start your own family" can be acute, and hey, maybe you do want those things and are already beating yourself up for not having a date, a marriage ready partner, or some other deficit, as you see it.... MAYBE YOU'RE READING THIS TO SEE WHAT SOMEONE WHO NEVER FELT A DRIVE TO FIND A HUSBAND OR A BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS LIKE. Well, love begins with you loving you. I know that sounds like a corny song, but there's truth to it.
I'm lucky perhaps because while I doubt there's a person alive who has never felt blue or depressed (unless they're a sociopath who cannot feel) seasonal depression isn't something I experience.
But if you do, get out in the air and sunlight (or daylight) every day for at least 20 minutes, get some physical activity in every day, even if it's indoors, and before you go to sleep, count your lucky stars. I always hear about people kept awake by active minds, cell phones, worries, or sleepless due to too much electric light, all to consider. Try to be moderate in your habits and not overindulge in self medicating. Mostly, pull yourself out and away from people who don't respect your life choices.
C 2019 NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT
12/2/19
11/7/19
EMMA WATSON IS "SELF-PARTNERED"
WASHINGTON POST : EMMA WATSON - NEW DEFINITION OF SINGLE by Lisa Bonos
EXCERPT: Whether "self-partnered" speaks to you or not, it harks to the larger trnd of SOLOGAMY, or marrying oneself. Japanese travel agencies offer "solo wedding' Packages.... A New York woman "married" her community...
9/28/19
UNHAPPILY INFERTILE and an NMNK?
Early in my blogging here at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT, I said that being NMNK is sometimes NOT A CHOICE, but just how a person's FATE is.
I know some people who are NMNK really did not and do not WANT to be. I can only assure them that a person can so have a good life without marriage or children.
I understand that sometimes people experience a seachange and want what they did not before. This can include marriage or having children. Because so many people are having multiple committed relationships today, including marriage-like living-together without the papers experiences, who is NMNK gets more difficult to define. My own person feeling, which came upon me young, that I did not WANT to have children, that I did not WANT to be married in a conventional way - be a stay at home mom - does dominate this blog. For a long time I was open to the idea that I might experience a relationship and a new desire for children but it hasn't happened and I no longer give it that chance that it will.
My experience with infertility is NOT PERSONAL but vicarious, based on knowing people who have had that seachange, wanting children after years of marriage, or as a person gets into her thirties without any husband. These women have sometimes waited until they are at an age when fertility is naturally in decline. Then it seems they get desperate fast.
I still think it's ridiculous to become a single mother on purpose and without significant familial or friendly commitment to help raise a child or children and without a high income or huge savings. I feel it's a prerequisite to afford a child or children alone. I'm being realistic. You'll have to pay for childcare for years as you work. You'll have to afford so much alone.
Even friends who were married and then divorced with children and high incomes I feel suffer in the single mom lifestyle. They are always running, always stressed, always to some degree anxious and insecure. They are eager to put my choices down by saying that I could not possibly understand since I don't have children, or even it's because I have never given birth. I think I can see what's happening clearly.
Their children for the most part have taken full advantage of their parent's guilt over not giving them a two parent family and the parents and other caregivers compensate with spoiling materially and giving into them. These children rule the house and I can only hope that there's a natural maturing process in place. I dread a younger generation of demanding brats: Narcissist Personality Disorders on the rise.
If you are a person who has wanted children and cannot have any due to infertility and expensive medical options are not yours, there are still many ways to be NURTURING. I suggest volunteering working with children or being involved in a mentoring program such as Big Sisters Big Brothers programs.
Here is a link: Big Sisters Big Brothers
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
I know some people who are NMNK really did not and do not WANT to be. I can only assure them that a person can so have a good life without marriage or children.
I understand that sometimes people experience a seachange and want what they did not before. This can include marriage or having children. Because so many people are having multiple committed relationships today, including marriage-like living-together without the papers experiences, who is NMNK gets more difficult to define. My own person feeling, which came upon me young, that I did not WANT to have children, that I did not WANT to be married in a conventional way - be a stay at home mom - does dominate this blog. For a long time I was open to the idea that I might experience a relationship and a new desire for children but it hasn't happened and I no longer give it that chance that it will.
My experience with infertility is NOT PERSONAL but vicarious, based on knowing people who have had that seachange, wanting children after years of marriage, or as a person gets into her thirties without any husband. These women have sometimes waited until they are at an age when fertility is naturally in decline. Then it seems they get desperate fast.
I still think it's ridiculous to become a single mother on purpose and without significant familial or friendly commitment to help raise a child or children and without a high income or huge savings. I feel it's a prerequisite to afford a child or children alone. I'm being realistic. You'll have to pay for childcare for years as you work. You'll have to afford so much alone.
Even friends who were married and then divorced with children and high incomes I feel suffer in the single mom lifestyle. They are always running, always stressed, always to some degree anxious and insecure. They are eager to put my choices down by saying that I could not possibly understand since I don't have children, or even it's because I have never given birth. I think I can see what's happening clearly.
Their children for the most part have taken full advantage of their parent's guilt over not giving them a two parent family and the parents and other caregivers compensate with spoiling materially and giving into them. These children rule the house and I can only hope that there's a natural maturing process in place. I dread a younger generation of demanding brats: Narcissist Personality Disorders on the rise.
If you are a person who has wanted children and cannot have any due to infertility and expensive medical options are not yours, there are still many ways to be NURTURING. I suggest volunteering working with children or being involved in a mentoring program such as Big Sisters Big Brothers programs.
Here is a link: Big Sisters Big Brothers
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
9/11/19
KEY TO VERY LONG LIFE? DON'T GET MARRIED! LOUISE JEAN SIGNORE TURNS 107!
Here's a NMNK I just heard about! She looks to be a sweety!
DAILY MAIL, LOUISE JEAN SIGNORE SUGGESTS ITALIAN FOOD and NEVER GETTING MARRIED
At 103 she was mugged and her bingo cards were taken from her. Born in 1912, she's lived through many Presidential administrations.
DAILY MAIL, LOUISE JEAN SIGNORE SUGGESTS ITALIAN FOOD and NEVER GETTING MARRIED
At 103 she was mugged and her bingo cards were taken from her. Born in 1912, she's lived through many Presidential administrations.
8/27/19
THESE BRATS MADE ME POP MY CORK!
Many people think that if you do not personally want or have children then you hate children. All children. Who hates children? Really, there are some people out there who do HATE CHILDREN, and many of them HAVE children; they can be abusers.
Well, I don't hate children. I actually think children deserve a lot, such as being loved, protected, nurtured, SOCIALIZED, and raised to fulfill their potential - ideally. I realize contraception is not perfect and abortion is controversial at best but it really is best to plan to have children when you can afford them and have the personal resources to do so. I don't believe you should ditch your children with their grandparents so you can party or grow up. Most likely, adoption is a better option for the child of unwed parents, or deserted single women. Life is not perfect and I know people can do a whole lot right and still find themselves in the pickle, but hooking up with someone who is irresponsible about using contraception or supporting the children they fathered is not someone I even want to be friends with. Raising children takes a lot of energy, effort, and money, but I've met children raised in poverty who have more going for them than some raised in wealth, because at least one parent if not two SOCIALIZED them.
Recently I popped my cork after an encounter with a couple of undisciplined BRATS. I went off to a volunteer gig I do and where over a year I've slowly learned how to handle an aspect of fund-raising and public reputation, of marketing and outreach. I bring to this some past paid employment experience and some academic education. Through this process of learning how, I experimented and I innovated. I also shared the work with other people who were at it before I showed my face and when someone else needs help there and I roll up my sleeves I ask them what they want me to do and how to do it. It's a matter of basic respect to let someone experienced teach you how they've been doing something, even if when they leave the gig you decide to do things differently. I'm not trying to turn what I do into rocket science or brain surgery here, but I want to explain all this before I tell you what happened.
I showed up early because I know we've been short on volunteers, and began to set up. I'm used to other people dropping things off for me to do when they see me and I direct them where to put things as I have my process and this helps me stay organized. These people are all adults.
Suddenly two girls, one about 6 and the other about 9 or 10 were dropped off to me by their grandparents - who were volunteering that day. No one asked me if this would be OK. So obviously what was being thought is that I would like to add babysitting onto my agenda that day. (It is not customary for volunteers to bring children with them.)
The idea was that we would play at how we do things and so at first I cooperated showing them this and that on the desk. Though I was being bombarded as usual, these two cuties were thrown into the mix. They were interruptive when I spoke to other people. They were rude. They were demanding. They moved things on me. One of them actually asked me to get out of her way physically!
They were a couple princesses who are being raised to be CEO's. The world revolves around them and their needs. Apparently they will never have to respect adults, supervisors, or bosses. They will never have to work for money at low level jobs while in high school or college. They will just get in there and do things their way.
A half hour of cuteness was about all it took for me to realize that they were overindulged spoiled BRATS. I got further and further behind on what I needed to accomplish. At 11:30 another volunteer walked in and noticed how far behind I was and I popped. When the two sisters started being abusive to each other, I told one to go ask someone else for something to do to make her go away and give the little sister a moment to accomplish something. Finally I just told them "Thank You but I have nothing else for you two to do so ask someone else."
No doubt their parents and their grandparents ask them what THEY WANT TO DO and DO IT THEIR WAY ALL THE TIME. I do think that parents like these tend to have one precious child or maybe two. The children don't learn to share, unless they are put into a preschool where the TEACHER makes them.
Now imagine if you are a parent who is raising your child or children - SOCIALIZING THEM - to be polite and respectful of others, to share.
WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE FRIENDS WITH THESE BRATS? Always find themselves playing their way? If not being bullied, being bossed?
Do you as an adult want to work with someone who is so entitled? Do we actually think that these girls WILL GROW OUT OF IT? They will not. When life throws them hardships - and most of us endure them - what will their response be? They are not developing patience. They are not learning to get along with others. Raising children to be BRATS is actually irresponsible parenting. As I age I dread that we may have generations of these children in charge. Can you imagine whole workplaces of people who all think they are the boss?
It is NOT CHILD ABUSE to SOCIALIZE YOUR CHILDREN.
Sister
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot\
All Rights Reserved
Well, I don't hate children. I actually think children deserve a lot, such as being loved, protected, nurtured, SOCIALIZED, and raised to fulfill their potential - ideally. I realize contraception is not perfect and abortion is controversial at best but it really is best to plan to have children when you can afford them and have the personal resources to do so. I don't believe you should ditch your children with their grandparents so you can party or grow up. Most likely, adoption is a better option for the child of unwed parents, or deserted single women. Life is not perfect and I know people can do a whole lot right and still find themselves in the pickle, but hooking up with someone who is irresponsible about using contraception or supporting the children they fathered is not someone I even want to be friends with. Raising children takes a lot of energy, effort, and money, but I've met children raised in poverty who have more going for them than some raised in wealth, because at least one parent if not two SOCIALIZED them.
Recently I popped my cork after an encounter with a couple of undisciplined BRATS. I went off to a volunteer gig I do and where over a year I've slowly learned how to handle an aspect of fund-raising and public reputation, of marketing and outreach. I bring to this some past paid employment experience and some academic education. Through this process of learning how, I experimented and I innovated. I also shared the work with other people who were at it before I showed my face and when someone else needs help there and I roll up my sleeves I ask them what they want me to do and how to do it. It's a matter of basic respect to let someone experienced teach you how they've been doing something, even if when they leave the gig you decide to do things differently. I'm not trying to turn what I do into rocket science or brain surgery here, but I want to explain all this before I tell you what happened.
I showed up early because I know we've been short on volunteers, and began to set up. I'm used to other people dropping things off for me to do when they see me and I direct them where to put things as I have my process and this helps me stay organized. These people are all adults.
Suddenly two girls, one about 6 and the other about 9 or 10 were dropped off to me by their grandparents - who were volunteering that day. No one asked me if this would be OK. So obviously what was being thought is that I would like to add babysitting onto my agenda that day. (It is not customary for volunteers to bring children with them.)
The idea was that we would play at how we do things and so at first I cooperated showing them this and that on the desk. Though I was being bombarded as usual, these two cuties were thrown into the mix. They were interruptive when I spoke to other people. They were rude. They were demanding. They moved things on me. One of them actually asked me to get out of her way physically!
They were a couple princesses who are being raised to be CEO's. The world revolves around them and their needs. Apparently they will never have to respect adults, supervisors, or bosses. They will never have to work for money at low level jobs while in high school or college. They will just get in there and do things their way.
A half hour of cuteness was about all it took for me to realize that they were overindulged spoiled BRATS. I got further and further behind on what I needed to accomplish. At 11:30 another volunteer walked in and noticed how far behind I was and I popped. When the two sisters started being abusive to each other, I told one to go ask someone else for something to do to make her go away and give the little sister a moment to accomplish something. Finally I just told them "Thank You but I have nothing else for you two to do so ask someone else."
No doubt their parents and their grandparents ask them what THEY WANT TO DO and DO IT THEIR WAY ALL THE TIME. I do think that parents like these tend to have one precious child or maybe two. The children don't learn to share, unless they are put into a preschool where the TEACHER makes them.
Now imagine if you are a parent who is raising your child or children - SOCIALIZING THEM - to be polite and respectful of others, to share.
WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE FRIENDS WITH THESE BRATS? Always find themselves playing their way? If not being bullied, being bossed?
Do you as an adult want to work with someone who is so entitled? Do we actually think that these girls WILL GROW OUT OF IT? They will not. When life throws them hardships - and most of us endure them - what will their response be? They are not developing patience. They are not learning to get along with others. Raising children to be BRATS is actually irresponsible parenting. As I age I dread that we may have generations of these children in charge. Can you imagine whole workplaces of people who all think they are the boss?
It is NOT CHILD ABUSE to SOCIALIZE YOUR CHILDREN.
Sister
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot\
All Rights Reserved
7/13/19
OLIVIA CAMPBELL ON THE CENTURY LONG BATTLE TO DISPROVE THAT ALL WOMEN WANT TO BE MOTHERS
VICE: THE CENTURY LONG BATTLE TO DISPROVE THAT ALL WOMEN WANT TO BE MOTHERS by Olivia Campbell
EXCERPT: The concept of maternal instinct had figured prominently in scientific theories since the time of Charles Darwin. Late 19th century psychologists believed women possessed a unique need to create and care for offspring. In the late 1800's experts attempted to use biology to shore up this theory, positing that maternal instinct was located in the female reproductive organs.
Hollingsworth (Leta Hollingworth, a psychologist in the early 1900's) wasn't buying it. "There is no verifiable evidence to show that a maternal instinct exists in women of such all-consuming strength and fervor as to impel them to voluntarily seek the pain, danger, and exacting labor involved in maintaining a high birth rate. We should expect, therefore, that those in control of society would invent and employ devices for impelling women to maintain the birth rate."
5/7/19
ROYAL BABY SUSSEX TO FULFILL THE NEED IN BRITAIN FOR BIRACIAL REPRESENTATIVE
Baby Sussex, a son, unnamed to this point and unshown to the public, is being commented upon in certain news articles as fulfilling a role that the British need, and that is as a royal representative of the biracial (or people of color) population. Of course, people can't wait to see what he looks like. Will he look Black? What will his hair, his eye-color, and his skin color be?
Fashionable and slim but "no spring chicken," Meghan Markle, the Los Angeles born and raised wife of Prince Harry, wanted to do a home birth and was educated and ready for this to be so, but being rather elderly for a first child, the 38 year old woman, a yoga practitioner, likely gave birth in a hospital. Markle, who seems to always be smiling, who always seems to be engaging, is not someone you can even imagine in pain.
Markle, a successful actress, retired that life for being a royal public servant, she and Harry eager to be present for an endless number of engagements having to do with making the world a better place. Less burdened with protocols than his someday-to-be-King brother, Prince William, the wealthy Sussex's might even decide to have a home in the United States or live in Africa.
The speculation - the people placing bets - on this innocent child's date of birth, name(s), and so on, is what gets to me. It's like betting on horses in a race, dehumanizing.
I can hope that this new person will not feel any need to fulfill the needs of Great Britain just because he was born as he is.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
Fashionable and slim but "no spring chicken," Meghan Markle, the Los Angeles born and raised wife of Prince Harry, wanted to do a home birth and was educated and ready for this to be so, but being rather elderly for a first child, the 38 year old woman, a yoga practitioner, likely gave birth in a hospital. Markle, who seems to always be smiling, who always seems to be engaging, is not someone you can even imagine in pain.
Markle, a successful actress, retired that life for being a royal public servant, she and Harry eager to be present for an endless number of engagements having to do with making the world a better place. Less burdened with protocols than his someday-to-be-King brother, Prince William, the wealthy Sussex's might even decide to have a home in the United States or live in Africa.
The speculation - the people placing bets - on this innocent child's date of birth, name(s), and so on, is what gets to me. It's like betting on horses in a race, dehumanizing.
I can hope that this new person will not feel any need to fulfill the needs of Great Britain just because he was born as he is.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
4/20/19
EASTER CELEBRATION OF FERTILITY
ARE you HOP HOP HOPING into BED?
Easter, all those bunnies, is a spring celebration of fertility.
The bunny, a rapid breeder, was selected for this reason.
Fertility was a necessity for much of human existence since the creation of a family as a support system was also necessary.
Now many of us have a family of chosen friends instead.
Easter, all those bunnies, is a spring celebration of fertility.
The bunny, a rapid breeder, was selected for this reason.
Fertility was a necessity for much of human existence since the creation of a family as a support system was also necessary.
Now many of us have a family of chosen friends instead.
3/19/19
COLLEGE SCANDALS and COMPETITIVE PARENTING
In past posts I mentioned that people with children often claim special status when it comes to dissing those of us who are NMNK - or simply NK. We are not supposed to have an opinion about how others parent their children. We are sometimes even told we do not understand, especially when encountering brats, because we have not given birth.
The recent college entrance scams that have been revealed to the world in which wealthy parents got their undeserving children into colleges - especially elite colleges - through bribes, having others take tests for their children, even offering their nonathletic children for sports, has disgusted so many who are deserving, especially deserving and without privileged.
It especially upsets me because it's ILLUSTRATIVE OF PARENTS WHO ARE COMPETITIVE WITH OTHER PARENTS, using their children to compete and imply status. And it reminds me of being surrounded by people who aspired to PhD's at one time in my life and learning that most of them got this message early "To earn our love and respect, earn your PhD and make us proud."
At at time when the general public is having doubts about the value of a college education - and the investment of time and money in a college education - this scandal is about NARCISSISM - about parents who expect their children to be something to brag about for the rest of their lives.
It reminds me of a friend who I'm no longer friends with who managed to outdistance her parents and grandparents though a hard won college education and a Fortune 500 job but soon moved into owning a house in an elite neighborhood where she took on the characteristics of every braggart in town. Every encounter with a neighbor included bragging, letting people know how well, how educated, their children were doing, name dropping who they knew. Using the children to compete started in kindergarten, the pride of the child getting a good grade. But as in everywhere there are some students who are not so brilliant, not so talented, or simply not as mature or ready for school as others - a natural human variation - as well as those who truly need special education. I often wondered how much more stressful it must have been to be one of those children who knew in their heart and soul that they could not compete in academics or sports.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
The recent college entrance scams that have been revealed to the world in which wealthy parents got their undeserving children into colleges - especially elite colleges - through bribes, having others take tests for their children, even offering their nonathletic children for sports, has disgusted so many who are deserving, especially deserving and without privileged.
It especially upsets me because it's ILLUSTRATIVE OF PARENTS WHO ARE COMPETITIVE WITH OTHER PARENTS, using their children to compete and imply status. And it reminds me of being surrounded by people who aspired to PhD's at one time in my life and learning that most of them got this message early "To earn our love and respect, earn your PhD and make us proud."
At at time when the general public is having doubts about the value of a college education - and the investment of time and money in a college education - this scandal is about NARCISSISM - about parents who expect their children to be something to brag about for the rest of their lives.
It reminds me of a friend who I'm no longer friends with who managed to outdistance her parents and grandparents though a hard won college education and a Fortune 500 job but soon moved into owning a house in an elite neighborhood where she took on the characteristics of every braggart in town. Every encounter with a neighbor included bragging, letting people know how well, how educated, their children were doing, name dropping who they knew. Using the children to compete started in kindergarten, the pride of the child getting a good grade. But as in everywhere there are some students who are not so brilliant, not so talented, or simply not as mature or ready for school as others - a natural human variation - as well as those who truly need special education. I often wondered how much more stressful it must have been to be one of those children who knew in their heart and soul that they could not compete in academics or sports.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
2/14/19
2/4/19
THE "IN LABOR" ABORTION CONTROVERSY
I'm Pro-Choice.
Pro-Choice means everyone gets to choose for themselves.
Being Pro-Choice isn't the same as being Pro-Abortion.
You can be Pro-Choice without ever wanting to have an Abortion yourself.
Being Pro-Choice means that you understand that other people have different values.
Since this blog is about NMNK - Never Married No Kids people, contraception and abortion is a fair topic. Because if you're a sexual woman, there's always a chance that your contraception will fail, or that you will be raped some time when you are not using contraception. And then you have the choice to have an abortion.
I met a young woman recently who was very responsible at 18, both on the pill, and using protection,
She was raped by a stranger and has PTSD.
If she got pregnant by rape and wanted an abortion, an early abortion, I could understand that.
Women should not be punished by pregnancy.
At the same time, I must admit to you, third term abortions are already legal in many places, so long as you can find a doctor willing and afford it. I know someone who did this, at about 7 months. She'd been having an affair. She was close to 40. The man she was having an affair with was blond. She and her husband black haired. I accepted her choice. From what I was told later, her extremely expensive (wiped out their life savings) legal third term abortion was carried out without anesthetic in a high rise building office. She got the doctor's name from a clinic that does only first term abortions.
Still, I must admit that the thought of aborting a viable fetus, a fetus that is called a baby once outside the body of the mother, that can live and breath on it's own and is not likely disabled in any way, is upsetting to me. Because there have been all those months before to make a decision and do something about it.
In actuality I think few women ready to give birth would opt to have their fetus aborted. And few doctors are willing to do so, especially not openly.
Listening to discussions on this issue over the weekend on radio stations that are conservatively biased, I must admit also that I think the law is a prescient for other changes that we as a society would not like.
For instance, what about the pressure put on someone without resources to have an abortion. This pressure can be put on a woman by a governmental agency, such as a welfare agency social worker through disapproval.
Though it is my choice to be a NMNK person, I realize that most people do not idealize this option.
I've met the women who were shamed and embarrassed by abortion clinic personnel because they could not come up with the money for their abortion early on. In fact, my friend who had her 3rd term abortion many years ago had no way to get the money for an earlier abortion. The financing is what sometimes makes women wait. I said that she used her and her husband's life savings to pay for the third term abortion. She needed to get him on her side for this and he did. He never spoke about it with her again.
She didn't tell him she was having an affair.
She said she had not suspected she was pregnant and thought she was going into menopause.
She said she was worn out from caring for their difficult child already and felt too old to do another 20 years of childcare.
She said she had been using cocaine and other illegal drugs.
All the doctor wanted to know, off hand, was why she waited. She lied about the cocaine and other illegal drugs to him too.
Today there are so many contraception options.
Yet it is true that many women cannot take the pill or find certain methods difficult.
So unplanned pregnancies happen. A lot.
If you're sexual, you MUST have communication and agreement on what happens if.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
Pro-Choice means everyone gets to choose for themselves.
Being Pro-Choice isn't the same as being Pro-Abortion.
You can be Pro-Choice without ever wanting to have an Abortion yourself.
Being Pro-Choice means that you understand that other people have different values.
Since this blog is about NMNK - Never Married No Kids people, contraception and abortion is a fair topic. Because if you're a sexual woman, there's always a chance that your contraception will fail, or that you will be raped some time when you are not using contraception. And then you have the choice to have an abortion.
I met a young woman recently who was very responsible at 18, both on the pill, and using protection,
She was raped by a stranger and has PTSD.
If she got pregnant by rape and wanted an abortion, an early abortion, I could understand that.
Women should not be punished by pregnancy.
At the same time, I must admit to you, third term abortions are already legal in many places, so long as you can find a doctor willing and afford it. I know someone who did this, at about 7 months. She'd been having an affair. She was close to 40. The man she was having an affair with was blond. She and her husband black haired. I accepted her choice. From what I was told later, her extremely expensive (wiped out their life savings) legal third term abortion was carried out without anesthetic in a high rise building office. She got the doctor's name from a clinic that does only first term abortions.
Still, I must admit that the thought of aborting a viable fetus, a fetus that is called a baby once outside the body of the mother, that can live and breath on it's own and is not likely disabled in any way, is upsetting to me. Because there have been all those months before to make a decision and do something about it.
In actuality I think few women ready to give birth would opt to have their fetus aborted. And few doctors are willing to do so, especially not openly.
Listening to discussions on this issue over the weekend on radio stations that are conservatively biased, I must admit also that I think the law is a prescient for other changes that we as a society would not like.
For instance, what about the pressure put on someone without resources to have an abortion. This pressure can be put on a woman by a governmental agency, such as a welfare agency social worker through disapproval.
Though it is my choice to be a NMNK person, I realize that most people do not idealize this option.
I've met the women who were shamed and embarrassed by abortion clinic personnel because they could not come up with the money for their abortion early on. In fact, my friend who had her 3rd term abortion many years ago had no way to get the money for an earlier abortion. The financing is what sometimes makes women wait. I said that she used her and her husband's life savings to pay for the third term abortion. She needed to get him on her side for this and he did. He never spoke about it with her again.
She didn't tell him she was having an affair.
She said she had not suspected she was pregnant and thought she was going into menopause.
She said she was worn out from caring for their difficult child already and felt too old to do another 20 years of childcare.
She said she had been using cocaine and other illegal drugs.
All the doctor wanted to know, off hand, was why she waited. She lied about the cocaine and other illegal drugs to him too.
Today there are so many contraception options.
Yet it is true that many women cannot take the pill or find certain methods difficult.
So unplanned pregnancies happen. A lot.
If you're sexual, you MUST have communication and agreement on what happens if.
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
1/26/19
WARNING! VALENTINES DAY IS AHEAD
Valentine's Day is ahead and already NMNK are feeling the societal pressure to be included in the mushy love fest that this day has become. Not dating? Not interested in dating? Have no one "special." Haven't "made love" in ages - especially because you only attract people who see sex a different way? Well, consider that there are many ways to love and that includes PLATONIC.
Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.
Spend it with friends. Or don't go out at all.
Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.
Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.
Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.
So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.
Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...
If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED. You'll be considered cheap if you forget. But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.
Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.
Spend it with friends. Or don't go out at all.
Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.
Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.
Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.
So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.
Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...
If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED. You'll be considered cheap if you forget. But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.
1/15/19
BROKE NOT CHEAP - AND WHY I DO NOT WANT A MAN
Why is it that when a man hears that I need (to earn more) money, he recommends I need a man?
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?
And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?
It's not that I don't need people.
I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.
I don't like that. I'm not like that.
One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.
I'm conscientious about that though.
I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.
He is not a "boyfriend."
Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.
When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)
I said, "Not at this time of my life."
"But you NEED someone," he said.
"I have friends," I said.
He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"
He meant take me in.
I have been taken in by friends in the past.
Generally it didn't work so well.
I didn't say that.
I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?
And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?
It's not that I don't need people.
I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.
I don't like that. I'm not like that.
One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.
I'm conscientious about that though.
I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.
He is not a "boyfriend."
Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.
When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)
I said, "Not at this time of my life."
"But you NEED someone," he said.
"I have friends," I said.
He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"
He meant take me in.
I have been taken in by friends in the past.
Generally it didn't work so well.
I didn't say that.
I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
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