Valentine's Day is ahead and already NMNK are feeling the societal pressure to be included in the mushy love fest that this day has become. Not dating? Not interested in dating? Have no one "special." Haven't "made love" in ages - especially because you only attract people who see sex a different way? Well, consider that there are many ways to love and that includes PLATONIC.
Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.
Spend it with friends. Or don't go out at all.
Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.
Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.
Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.
So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.
Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...
If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED. You'll be considered cheap if you forget. But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.
1/15/19
BROKE NOT CHEAP - AND WHY I DO NOT WANT A MAN
Why is it that when a man hears that I need (to earn more) money, he recommends I need a man?
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?
And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?
It's not that I don't need people.
I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.
I don't like that. I'm not like that.
One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.
I'm conscientious about that though.
I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.
He is not a "boyfriend."
Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.
When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)
I said, "Not at this time of my life."
"But you NEED someone," he said.
"I have friends," I said.
He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"
He meant take me in.
I have been taken in by friends in the past.
Generally it didn't work so well.
I didn't say that.
I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?
And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?
It's not that I don't need people.
I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.
I don't like that. I'm not like that.
One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.
I'm conscientious about that though.
I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.
He is not a "boyfriend."
Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.
When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)
I said, "Not at this time of my life."
"But you NEED someone," he said.
"I have friends," I said.
He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"
He meant take me in.
I have been taken in by friends in the past.
Generally it didn't work so well.
I didn't say that.
I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."
C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
12/28/18
WOOPS...DID I MISS CHRISTMAS? MARRIED PEOPLE WHO FEEL ALONE IN THEIR MARRIAGES
I certainly missed POSTING for Christmas. The Holidays.
So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."
Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness. In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.
Before I could feeling sorry for myself, I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them. Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.
My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years. He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities. His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession. Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there. He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home. I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not. He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.
My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else. He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall. I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house. I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons. Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.
Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships.
As I must too.
Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold. I understand it. I do. So far I haven't been offended.
Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.
C 2018 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved.
So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."
Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness. In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.
Before I could feeling sorry for myself, I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them. Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.
My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years. He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities. His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession. Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there. He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home. I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not. He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.
My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else. He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall. I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house. I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons. Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.
Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships.
As I must too.
Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold. I understand it. I do. So far I haven't been offended.
Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.
C 2018 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved.
11/17/18
THANKSGIVING PLANS FOR THE NMNK
Most NMNK have family or friends who they spend THANKSGIVING with.
But if you think you may be alone this coming holiday, here are some ideas for you.
1) Be the person who invites other people who also have nowhere to go to a a THANKSGIVING potluck.
2) Volunteer to cook or serve at a senior center, homeless shelter, or church.
3) Stay home and cook your personal pan turkey. (Seriously, I did this one year by purchasing Trader Joe's turkey, already sliced breasts. I also made an acorn squash and some stuffing and poured myself some wine. It was delicious. And I enjoyed myself.)
4) Make some long distance phone calls to people you haven't spoken to in a while.
5) Take a walk in the park, at the sea coast, in the rain - be out in nature.
6) Think of those things you really are very appreciative of.
But if you think you may be alone this coming holiday, here are some ideas for you.
1) Be the person who invites other people who also have nowhere to go to a a THANKSGIVING potluck.
2) Volunteer to cook or serve at a senior center, homeless shelter, or church.
3) Stay home and cook your personal pan turkey. (Seriously, I did this one year by purchasing Trader Joe's turkey, already sliced breasts. I also made an acorn squash and some stuffing and poured myself some wine. It was delicious. And I enjoyed myself.)
4) Make some long distance phone calls to people you haven't spoken to in a while.
5) Take a walk in the park, at the sea coast, in the rain - be out in nature.
6) Think of those things you really are very appreciative of.
10/30/18
MUST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES BE PARTNERED UP?
If you're dressing up for a Halloween party, then you know that you usually don't go alone. You're invited to bring along a friend or partner - what's called a plus 1 in Britain - and then what's popular is to wear costumes that go together - famous couples, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, male and female frogs.
But it's OK to go single and to wear something that doesn't require partnership.
*****
That said. There's me and my dog...
8/15/18
WHAT IF MEGHAN and HARRY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN?
Although I think Meghan and Harry, The Duchess and Duke of Sussex, want to have children, it's not lost on me that at 37, the Duchess might not surprise us if she doesn't become pregnant right away. Their lives are full and they are united in their desire to make positive impact on the world.
Already I'm readying speculative stories about the names of their children and other assumptions. You know what they say abut assumptions! They make an as* out of you and me. So, WHY DOES ANY ASPECT OF THE MEDIA PUT PRESSURE ON THIS COUPLE to procreate?
BECAUSE IT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to put pressure on any couple to do so, and the pressure starts in some cases before a couple marries. Grandmothers to be a big problem with this. When a woman get's pregnant and is not married, some grandmothers tell their daughters it is time to GIVE THEM a grandchild. Sometimes these women are bored and eagerly wish to raise the child. Some just say this trying to prevent an abortion of an unplanned for child.
I say let's get the pressure of the royal couple and off everyone. For us commoners, WANTING a child is one thing, being able to raise the child to adulthood is another consideration.
Sister
UPDATE FEB 2019 Well, Meghan is pregnant and due in a couple months - April, maybe May and so having a child was top of the couple's agenda. At least they are mature adults who made a decision and very capable of affording children.
Already I'm readying speculative stories about the names of their children and other assumptions. You know what they say abut assumptions! They make an as* out of you and me. So, WHY DOES ANY ASPECT OF THE MEDIA PUT PRESSURE ON THIS COUPLE to procreate?
BECAUSE IT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to put pressure on any couple to do so, and the pressure starts in some cases before a couple marries. Grandmothers to be a big problem with this. When a woman get's pregnant and is not married, some grandmothers tell their daughters it is time to GIVE THEM a grandchild. Sometimes these women are bored and eagerly wish to raise the child. Some just say this trying to prevent an abortion of an unplanned for child.
I say let's get the pressure of the royal couple and off everyone. For us commoners, WANTING a child is one thing, being able to raise the child to adulthood is another consideration.
Sister
UPDATE FEB 2019 Well, Meghan is pregnant and due in a couple months - April, maybe May and so having a child was top of the couple's agenda. At least they are mature adults who made a decision and very capable of affording children.
U{DATE May 2021 - Again.
UPDATE JUNE 2022 Well, and it is clear they did have two. At least these two were wanted and can be afforded.
8/8/18
WHAT THE PARENTS OF SPOILED BRATS SAY AFTER YOU WITNESS A DEMANDING TANTRUM
"Don't judge her."
"You don't know her like we do."
"You don't know, you're not a parent."
"You've never given birth."
"He's just a little A.D.D."
"It must be the sugar."
"All the other kids in his class have __________."
"Could you babysit so we can get out?"
"He'll grow out of it."
"I told him there are two kinds of people out there and we're the HAVES."
*****************************************************************
I recently took some criticism because I was looking for an inexpensive place to rent so I could teach a class, someone I know thought that I wanted to teach children, and when I said no, "Adults who want to learn. I don't want to deal with the discipline problems."
"You don't know her like we do."
"You don't know, you're not a parent."
"You've never given birth."
"He's just a little A.D.D."
"It must be the sugar."
"All the other kids in his class have __________."
"Could you babysit so we can get out?"
"He'll grow out of it."
"I told him there are two kinds of people out there and we're the HAVES."
*****************************************************************
I recently took some criticism because I was looking for an inexpensive place to rent so I could teach a class, someone I know thought that I wanted to teach children, and when I said no, "Adults who want to learn. I don't want to deal with the discipline problems."
7/30/18
AT LAST! NO MORE PRINCES WILL COME FOR HER!
I made a new friend over the last few months, a woman who was in her 50's when she met the only man she has ever loved. He died a couple years ago and she became very depressed. He died after suggesting to her that she quit her job so they could be together and hang out. He was retired. She was in love and she wanted nothing more then to spend time with him. When he died, it turned out that he had not favored her in his will. His sister and her children came and put her out of the house she shared with him and even took the car she'd been driving away. She was left with so little she was almost homeless. Why he didn't take care of her is not certain. Maybe he meant to. But he did not. She says she never asked what his plans were.
I'm sure certain people think she's been a fool. The main thing is that she has no career and at 65 needs retraining. She pays her rent and has little left for food. A brother sends her what money he can. She is a nice woman. And she says she will never ever again be with another man. There was no one like this man for her.
Because she's in poverty some of her other friends have suggested another man to take his place is what she really should do. But no more Princes will come for her and she's not looking.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
One of the main reasons marriage is considered a good idea is because it is still seen as financial protection for a spouse. I tend to think that is true. This is why gay people have fought for the right to marry.
I respect that this woman is going for the retraining.
She's going to do a two year certificate at the community college.
Maybe a job will come out of it, maybe not
Sister
I'm sure certain people think she's been a fool. The main thing is that she has no career and at 65 needs retraining. She pays her rent and has little left for food. A brother sends her what money he can. She is a nice woman. And she says she will never ever again be with another man. There was no one like this man for her.
Because she's in poverty some of her other friends have suggested another man to take his place is what she really should do. But no more Princes will come for her and she's not looking.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
One of the main reasons marriage is considered a good idea is because it is still seen as financial protection for a spouse. I tend to think that is true. This is why gay people have fought for the right to marry.
I respect that this woman is going for the retraining.
She's going to do a two year certificate at the community college.
Maybe a job will come out of it, maybe not
Sister
6/16/18
NMNK CHELSY DAVY and the HARRY and MEGHAN WEDDING : NEWS COVERAGE WAS JUST SO WRONG!
MAY 2021
I guess all concerned are married now so this is a VINTAGE ARTICLE!
********************************
Chelsy Davy is NMNK.Chelsy Davy is one of US!
Damn if she wasn't the target of some speculative "news" reportage as she attended the recent royal wedding of long time bachelor Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the American actress who is giving it all up - willingly - including her acting career, her religion, her U.S. citizenship, and her NK status, to be the wife of this royal.
Rumors were that Chelsy was shocked to not be invited to the wedding receptions. What went on there - toasts to Harry remarking on his wild times - his women - might have been insulting to her. (Were they pointed at her?)
But Chesy was invited to the Wedding itself.
There is she was, along with so many family members, close personal friends, and celebrities - who were invited to one or both of the receptions.
I tried to understand. Was this meant to include her or to rub salt into wounds?
Chelsy Davy was once in a very long term relationship with Prince Harry.
Neither were married. It was not suggested that this educated woman with a lawyering background and who is now a jewelry designer, was ever Harry's Mistress. But OK, a half century ago she might have been assumed to just that. Let's be clear: it was like she was Harry's first wife, but since they never married they did not divorce. In fact, they became friends.
As I see it FRIENDSHIP IS VALUABLE. When someone is a good friend to you, you don't just throw them away.
Rumor has it that her invitation came but so did a "last phone call" from Harry saying - have a nice life - to her, ending the friendship. If so, you know what? That stinks!
Have YOU been dumped by a friend - male or female - that you once dated or were once involved with - because they got married?
What? Your friend will be too busy f*cking to remember to call you on your birthday or get together with you once in a while for coffee and not include you when they have a party?
Your friend will not introduce you to someone else you might want to date?
If so, you know what? That's really shitty!
Granted Harry and Meghan are going to be two of the busiest people in the world. They will tour the British Commonwealth and be Good Will Ambassadors, they have their charity work, and they are busy f*cking to start a family ASAP, since the Bride is ancient at 36 to start a family. (I will not be surprised to learn that fertility treatments have begun, just as I suspect Charlene, Prince Albert II's wife had them.) Meghan is as qualified to fry it up a pan and make him feel like a man as any careerist woman, I suppose, but what happens if the two of them prove to be unable to have children naturally?
Chelsy was fine about the wedding. Supposedly after this call she cried her eyes out, got it together, arrived with a smile on her face, like she was out for a good time, with her extra (called a plus one in Britain), a brother. But then her face was invaded by photographers and video cameras and she actually appeared disturbed, like she was holding back tears. These photos supposedly revealed what was going on in her mind. Such as thinking "it could have been ME!"
Actually I doubt that's what she was thinking. When a person who has been a good friend for years, and who had a difficult time finding someone who would marry him finds that person, it's emotional for you when you think they finally found happiness. Chelsy had years to accept that she and Harry would never marry. As his close friend and confidant I'm sure that he did talk to her about other women he dated. I read that Meghan gave her a warm hug. Meghan is confident in her position and does not seem to be putting in a big objection to Harry having women friends.
Maybe Chelsy was feeling invaded and maybe Chelsy was thinking it was shitty to set her apart and not invite her to the reception. After all, when Harry was depressed or in trouble because he once again did a Big Blooper, and he was infamous for them, did he actually call Oprah Winfrey? Why was she there?
I have no idea if, at 32, Chelsy desires marriage to anyone or motherhood, but consider that she may not. It's possible that her almost wifely status in Prince Harry's life intimidated other men from dating her. They are like that about royals in Britain. They don't want to effect their own status by even accidently tripping on Princely turf. But consider the husband of Camilla Parker Bowles who had a "take my wife, please!" attitude when Prince Charles took interest in her. Consider another favorite over in Britain, the recently and finally wed Pippa Middleton. who gave in to the man who had long loved her and wanted her, so married him and became pregnant almost immediately. Consider the uninterested in marriage James Middleton. Consider the long term relationship Princess Beatrice who is NMNK but also dated someone for years who broke with her and married someone else was in.
Aging in Place. Aging with Grace!
It is my hope the reportage was "rubbish" and Prince Harry will call Chelsy on birthdays, meet to have coffee, invite her to parties, and introduce her to his friends, rather than snub a very nice and fun young woman who was important in his life for many years.
CHELSY is OK NMNK!
C 2018 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)