DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE BECAUSE OF YOUR RELIGION TO BE MARRIED RATHER THAN NMNK?

It's traditional that a person should be married and live their life partnered and raising children.  DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE BECAUSE OF YOUR RELIGION TO BE MARRIED or TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN?

Sister here.  I'd like to hear from you!

MAJOR GROCERY STORE VONS DISCRIMATES AGAINST THE TRADITIONAL SHOPPER - WHY WOULD I ORDER A DELIVERY WHEN I SHOP FOR SMALL AMOUNTS OF FOOD AS NEEDED?

 A while back, though I hated to do it, I signed up for Von's online deals.  The idea here is that the store is watching what you buy and so has a link between your grocery purchases, your Von's card that is your phone number and an e-mail address.  Yes I hate all that.  I THINK IT IS THE LAW THAT ALL CUSTOMERS ARE TO RECIEVE THE LOWEST ADVERTISED PRICE but like anyone else, I don't feel like calling a manager to check out of tangling with a cashier whose fault it is not.

But I did it and it seemed amazing to me that some of the thing I purchased in the past were significantly lower in price just because I went into the store website and clicked on those items.  Of course expiration dates, as with traditional paper coupons, give you the feeling that you have to hurry into the store where you are likely to purchase other items as well. 

However, I recently realized that there were MORE PRODUCTS WITH DISCOUNTS THAT WERE NOT INCLUDED FOR IN PERSON SHOPPERS if you ordered in advance to be picked up or delivered.  I guess the store is following in the steps of the Big Box stores and this might significantly change the situation with employees - specifically Union Employees.

I'm one of those people WHO REFUSES TO DO THE LABOR OF AN Employee.  People do it without realizing they are helping to eliminate jobs.  The job of a cashier is a hard one, ongoing movement, standing on one's feet for hours, and dealing with hundreds of people each day, some who are not nice and who change their mind about what they want to purchase.  However, UNION JOBS are the jobs that people can keep all their lives, as they age, and gain a decent retirement.  With this drive to have someone at the store pull items from shelves and deliver or send to pick up, I'm wondering what the future of cashiering will be.

Like many people who EAT FOR ONE, I'm a person who does not like to stock up.  I usually do not need gallons of ice cream or yogurt, I don't buy for a family and I don't want coupons that are for buying more than one of anything or bulk purchases.  To eat a variety of foods and small meals I cook for myself, I will buy what I need very close to when I need it.

Another aspect of this whole delivery system is the ASSUMPTION THAT SOMEONE IS HOME and not working or at play when boxes of food arrive. I have ordered on line only 3 times in my life and one of those times was a library book I was replacing because I lost the original and the other two times were during Covid lock downs when it was not advisable to go out.  NMNK people are usually active people into their senior years. but I suppose this is convenient for some.

It irked me as I stood in line knowing that if I were not shopping in person, my overall grocery bill would be less.  

In my area only the rich seem to avoid stores that used to be "Dollar" stores to buy grocery basics - some of which is imported from China.  Due to the economic conditions of the world which currently include dozens of ships containing imports from China waiting docking and unloading, there is word of shortages all along the line.  I do worry about food shortages.

Economics makes people search for deals on food, but I say, if you are an NMNK, protest the discrimination when it comes to stores with the deals that don't seem to include a model for the NMNK buyer.

C 2021 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot, 

ARE PEOPLE WHO BECOME PARENTS IN THEIR 60'S SELFISH? I Think So!

The fact that if you can afford it you can have a child by a surrogate has meant that many people - of any gender or sexuality can afford a child.  It has meant that women who are no longer fertile can parent. But the question is still the same: just because you can does not mean you should.

Though we cannot guarantee anything in life, we do need to think about what would happen to a child if both parents were unable to parent.

I see the crisis in affordability of everything.

I see how population is shifting due to unaffordability.

I see how contraception has allowed women to choose to have a child or not though contraception is not perfect.  Abortion also, though this is still a difficult choice for many and increasingly there are those who want to basically FORCE PARENTING.

Adoption is an option but POOR WOMEN SHOULD NOT UNPAID BABY MAKERS FOR RICH PEOPLE.

BEING NMNK does not mean you don't care about children.  

This Daily Mail UK- MAIL ON LINE article discusses the 60 somethings who have children and will likely die before they are adults.  I DO THINK IT IS SELFISH.  I seriously question people in their 50's having children for the same reason.  Wealth and a younger spouse as well as a functional family willing to step in can figure in the decision.

Daily Mail - Woman Sparks Debate Mothers in 60's Selfish by Claire Toureille

THE REASON YOU ARE NOT MARRIED?

 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE!

SANDRA BULLOCK Quote

 

I find it weird that a woman who never married is considered strange rather than the one who did it around eight times - Sandra Bullock

From StatusMind.com

A TWENTY-SOMETHING ASKS ME IF I EVER WANTED CHILDREN....

I know a couple, she much older than he, she who at any other time in the past would be called elderly.  She is vital.  He, also officially a senior, would also be considered vital.  He is still employed.  Luckily, through inheritance, education, and hard work, they became quite comfortable financially. They also had two daughters, when she was in her 40s!  Apparently, this was easy for her.  Both greatly benefit from their largesse.

Somewhere along the line they sort of adopted the daughter of a neighbor. The child's parents were on drugs.  Unable to be parents.  This daughter experienced a mother who was often laying in bed doped up, who somehow provided the apartment but not much more.  So she would go to their house after school and do her homework.  Both of these drug addict parents are gone now.  The mother went first, the father who was never in her life next.  It must be difficult to be 18 and have to find a job that will pay half of all expenses and to do so first, not surprisingly, by moving in with a boyfriend. She works as a waitress, is now a few lovers ahead, living with a motherly housemate.

She is active on social networking sites, looking for another boyfriend.  In so many ways she is more experienced and worldly than I was at 22.  But do these sites overall give the impression that you can have everything you want in another person, or that you should break up with someone who doesn't fit all your criteria?

She found me alone, doing dishes, and in a way that suggested to me that she was worried about me, asked me if I ever considered using social networking to find a man.  And if I ever wanted children.  I said No.  NO!  

DON'T YOU LIKE CHILDREN? the 22 year old asked

I was hoping she didn't find me defective for not having a partner.  But this question DON'T YOU LIKE CHILDREN? made me feel judged negatively.

"Sure I like SOME children. But when you HAVE CHILDREN, you have to be prepared to get whatever you get."

She had not been parented.  Her housemate was trying to teach her to do the things she had never been taught by a mother (or father).  For instance, she orders her food in and doesn't know how to cook.

Did she understand what I meant?

When you have a child you get what you get. That child might be the adorable, intelligent, nice, and beautiful creature of your dreams but what if the child is NOT? Do you have the ability to cope? Do you have the financial resources?

It's my idea that financial issues are the main reason people are having no children or limiting themselves to one or two. Having to work full time also limits how much time can be devoted to parenting.  The rich, two career parents are just as not there for their children as the single mother.  

CHILDREN NEED and DESERVE A WHOLE LOT.

C 2021  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

THE CHILDLESS BY CHOICE PROJECT

CHILDLESS BY CHOICE PROJECT   = A Book, a Documentary, a SURVEY

Are these any of the reasons YOU are CHILDLESS BY CHOICE?

Lifestyle or career incompatible with raising children?

Value freedom and independence?

No maternal or paternal instinct?

Delayed having children and then decided?

AND MANY MORE.

Spend some time on this site....

SENIOR LIVING FOR THE NMNK WHO HAS NO MONEY

 A worry many people have, especially NMNK women, if that they will have no one to take care of them in old age.  I JUST HEARD A STATISTIC that in LA COUNTY  ONE PERSON IN FIVE has no one to be there for them in an emergency!

However, having children with the idea they will be there to care for you during illness or old age or emergencies is no good reason to have them.  WHY?

Well, because there is no guarantee that they will.

They may die before you, go to live far away to follow a career or dream, or you may have a bad relationship with them.  I used to visit neighbors who had gone into assisted living and can say that many a parent was neglected.  These people had resources and were not letting the government or charity take care of them.  However, they were jealous of the time I spent as a friend with an older gentleman who had never married or had children due to blindness he acquired as a teenager.  This man managed to work anyway but was dependent on an older brother who was not coping.

Covid-19 shut downs and changes that have come with being marooned or limited in our movement include reconsidering relationships. For some there is more closeness, for others more distance.  I'm encountering more people who are entering senior years feeling they can not afford to live...

Of course having some relationships you can count on does help.

I hope that NMNK seniors can find each other, honestly discuss their needs, and bond together to check on each other and help each other.

SPOILED BRAT or SIMPLY INDULGED?

 A friend's grandchildren are either spoiled brats or simply indulged.  Highly intelligent and home schooled, I see way too much of letting the child decide, treating them as equal adults rather than children who need to learn about obeying a parent or grandparent.  The friend began the long process of hand making marionettes with paper mache for the granddaughter. Seven years old.  It was a loving and artistic project.  However, when the child decided she was no longer interested, it all got boxed up half made.

And so it goes.  We will call the kid Betsy.  Betsy does nor does not want a desert made for her.

Betsy has learned that she can pout and create a dram over the smallest thing and get more attention. So she acts like an actress in a silent film, overly expressing her terror when a small dog barks near her, chewing at her hand, big eyed.

Do you want this?  Do you want that?

Let me put it this way.  The world is not ready for all children to become CEO's and to treat other people as their servants

C 2021

RACHEL CARGLE'S CHILDFREE BY CHOICE

TODAY : CHILD FREE BY CHOICE - WHY WOMEN OPT OUT OF PARENTING 

Article about Rachel Cargle by Kait Hanson, Today (online)

EXCERPT : Curry added that common myths about women without children involve the idea that a woman inevitably will regret a life without children, that not raising children will lead to less happiness, meaning and/or fulfillment in life, that not raising children results in greater selfishness, and that it leads to more hardship in old age due to the unavailability of adult children to provide care.

"In actuality, there is no evidence to support any of these beliefs, as pervasive as they are," she said.

NORMALIZE UNMARRIED WOMEN WEARING RINGS ON THAT WEDDING BAND FINGER

DAILY MAIL : MINDY KALING : RING FINGER NEEDS LIBERATION  Wow Daily Mail UK has actually had two articles in recent days that relate to our topic here. This article by Sameer Suri tells about Mindy's sense of privacy.  She is the mother of two children but their paternity is a secret.

She recently used twitter to tweet: NORMALIZE UNMARRIED WOMEN WEARING RINGS ON THEIR RING FINGER WITHOUT A HUBBUB.

'

SOPHIE TANNER MARRIED HERSELF IN A UNITARIAN SERVICE - SOLOGAMIST SAYS THE COMMITMENT DIDN'T HURT ANYONE ELSE

DAILY MAIL FEMALE : SOPHIE TURNER MARRIED HERSELF

It's an interesting story and the article by Latoya Gayle is loaded with photos from the wedding.  Basically after being cheated upon, Sophie, who is now 42, decided not just to be committed to herself but actually have a wedding.  She had the church, the minister, the dresses.

EXCERPTS:

SOPHIE SAID SHE STOPPED EXPLAINING WHY SHE HASN'T SETTLED DOWN and FOUND EMPOWERMENT IN THE SIX YEAR SINCE HER WEDDING.

Before her ceremony she had relationships of varying lengths but had a tendency to put her partner's need before her own and was frequently cheated on.  She added that the experiences made her question if there was something 'wrong' with her.

...

The self-declared "sologamist' said self love has never been more important than in the last year.

She added: 'The enforced isolation that lockdown has brought on us this past year has meant that self care and self love have become less of a fad and more of a priority.  Personally, I've had to dig deeper into my reserves of self-love than ever before, and the experience has been humbling.

I CRY AT WEDDINGS - LABELEING YOURSELF NMNK

The other day I was reading a British publication - celebrity driven - and to get to the point here, the writer of an article basically said that the fact that Prince Albert II of Monaco's bride, Charlene, appeared to be holding back tears at her wedding proved she didn't want to go through with it and was regretting it already. Well, I thought that was ridiculous. I thought about how I am often stirred with emotion at weddings and shed some tears and how tears of happiness or feeling overwhelmed can be mistaken for tears of sadness or fear or regret. I imagine I would cry at my own wedding (though I have never had one.)

Yes, even though I personally have not married and don't think I ever will, I have been known to cry at weddings, even of weddings depicted in fictive films or on television. I'm capable of having empathy for someone else's happiness - or sadness.

I recently watched the film Four Weddings and a Funeral and enjoyed the humor.

Apparently in Britain one can attend a lot of weddings in a season, one after another.  I enjoyed that attending weddings - the whole business of it - was depicted as boring and also that some wedding guests do NOT mind their manners.

I suppose the theme of the film is that even though weddings themselves can be awful and finding the right person to marry can be awful it happens all the time.

In real life I think that the idea that everyone gets married - that everyone finds love - is omnipresent. You can love and be loved in many ways and not live with someone or marry them. You can also make a commitment and find yourself in an experience where you can not or should not go forwards. Yet there are many people who might want to marry who never get the chance to for various reasons starting with:

DISABILITY : Sorry to say but mental illness and many other disabilities prevent some people from being economically viable or being a partner. 

LOOKS  (Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder but there are also trends. Cosmetic surgery wouldn't be as big as it is if it were not for the fact that people don't want their looks to stand in the way of their success. For most people the expense of it makes it not an option) 

RELIGIOUS VOWS : While it seems that there are far fewer people joining priesthoods and nunneries that require celibacies, more people are taking celibacy as an option due to their own spiritual explorations, or as a "time out" after a break up or dating hell.

LACK OF OPPORTUNITY :  A person may live in a place where there are few options or the girl or boy next door is already taken. Long gone is the village mentality that matchmakes widows and widowers or where everyone has to be married in order to exist. The matchmaker used to be an option and now it's using the internet to meet people.

*****

The main reason I cry at real weddings is that I see the chance taking involved, the idealism and the hope for a good and happy life that the couple are making. This is especially the case because we all know the rate of success, if we think of it in terms of the vows of "till death" that so many marriages are NOT successful. If we count long term relationships in which people do or do not live together without having a wedding or a legal marriage, we all know people who have been "married" many times. I've worked with or had friends who have had three to five long term relationships and have basically never in adult life been without a partner.  I consider some of them to be OVERMARRIED.

As a result of all this, it's difficult to DEFINE who is NMNK! 

Do I consider someone who marries for the first time at 38 and, in the last moments of their fertility has a child, NMNK?  Not any more, but I did before.

Someone who was long married but childless, has been divorced for a decade and has not re-partnered?  Probably.

Ultimately a person should APPPLY the NMNK to THEMSLEVES, rather than on others.

The label has a lot to do with you NOW.

For me, no "spinster's prayer" to find a husband. No dating clubs or meet ups. I have never worn a wedding band to tell the world I'm not available. 

Am I capable of falling in love?  If the past counts, apparently so. 

C 2021 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

REVAMP of NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

There have been so many changes to this BlogSpot  (And to Google Bloggers) since I began this blog in 2008!  One thing that has not changed is that I'm still NMNK - Never Married No Kids.

I just made a major change in color. What looked good on a cell phone looked a bit much on the bigger screen. 

 As I looked through hundreds of posts, I knew that both FlashVortex animations and Meez Avatar had long ago expired. But I took them out of the html code anyway. I especially miss the excitement of FlashVortex banners but they just aren't working here.

Replacing expired videos is an ongoing process and not always possible

I'm hoping you'll go through the archives and find some interesting posts!

Sister

 

THE HORROR OF THE CARD GAME "OLD MAID"

I was shocked when friends of mine, a happily married couple who are HOMESCHOOLING their grandchildren, both with advanced college degrees ( a Masters and a Doctorate) and as WOKE as one can get, decided it would be appropriate to teach their granddaughters the card game OLD MAID. The object of this classic card game is to not be the one "left out" so it teaches the "normality" of marriage and basically enforces OUT DATED NOTIONS THAT IT IS UNDESIREABLE TO BE UNMARRIED, especially if you are a female.  I was so stunned I blurted, "Don't be POLITICALLY INCORRECT.  Be sure to teach them OLD BACHELOR!"

Really, there is no reason anyone should be teaching their children, whatever gender, that if you don't marry you're a looser.

By the way, this couple have one of the best marriages I've ever known of.

C 2021 NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Hello everyone.

I want to assure you I am well.

And still NMNK.

What happened is that I stepped away because of all the changes in my life due to the pandemic, which I hope is on the verge of being over.

What happened also is that I've had a bit too much time to think.

I thought about why I'm not interested in dating.

I thought about various things idiots (including sexist women) have said to me, simply because I'm not married.

For some people being divorced is better publicity than being never married.

For some people being married repeatedly is better than realizing marriage is not for them.

For some people, proving you're "normal" even if it means being with a bad man, is better than seeming to be "abnormal" because you would rather have no man than a bad man.

As a heterosexual woman, I speak for myself, but I do know that men face similar issues, even though Bachelors are rather admired.  I think men's families put pressure on them too.

I'm not against sex, good relationships, or commitment.

I am for being self aware and honest in relationships.

This is all for now.

Thanks for reading!