A TWENTY-SOMETHING ASKS ME IF I EVER WANTED CHILDREN....

I know a couple, she much older than he, she who at any other time in the past would be called elderly.  She is vital.  He, also officially a senior, would also be considered vital.  He is still employed.  Luckily, through inheritance, education, and hard work, they became quite comfortable financially. They also had two daughters, when she was in her 40s!  Apparently, this was easy for her.  Both greatly benefit from their largesse.

Somewhere along the line they sort of adopted the daughter of a neighbor. The child's parents were on drugs.  Unable to be parents.  This daughter experienced a mother who was often laying in bed doped up, who somehow provided the apartment but not much more.  So she would go to their house after school and do her homework.  Both of these drug addict parents are gone now.  The mother went first, the father who was never in her life next.  It must be difficult to be 18 and have to find a job that will pay half of all expenses and to do so first, not surprisingly, by moving in with a boyfriend. She works as a waitress, is now a few lovers ahead, living with a motherly housemate.

She is active on social networking sites, looking for another boyfriend.  In so many ways she is more experienced and worldly than I was at 22.  But do these sites overall give the impression that you can have everything you want in another person, or that you should break up with someone who doesn't fit all your criteria?

She found me alone, doing dishes, and in a way that suggested to me that she was worried about me, asked me if I ever considered using social networking to find a man.  And if I ever wanted children.  I said No.  NO!  

DON'T YOU LIKE CHILDREN? the 22 year old asked

I was hoping she didn't find me defective for not having a partner.  But this question DON'T YOU LIKE CHILDREN? made me feel judged negatively.

"Sure I like SOME children. But when you HAVE CHILDREN, you have to be prepared to get whatever you get."

She had not been parented.  Her housemate was trying to teach her to do the things she had never been taught by a mother (or father).  For instance, she orders her food in and doesn't know how to cook.

Did she understand what I meant?

When you have a child you get what you get. That child might be the adorable, intelligent, nice, and beautiful creature of your dreams but what if the child is NOT? Do you have the ability to cope? Do you have the financial resources?

It's my idea that financial issues are the main reason people are having no children or limiting themselves to one or two. Having to work full time also limits how much time can be devoted to parenting.  The rich, two career parents are just as not there for their children as the single mother.  

CHILDREN NEED and DESERVE A WHOLE LOT.

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