THE "IN LABOR" ABORTION CONTROVERSY

I'm Pro-Choice.
Pro-Choice means everyone gets to choose for themselves.
Being Pro-Choice isn't the same as being Pro-Abortion.
You can be Pro-Choice without ever wanting to have an Abortion yourself.
Being Pro-Choice means that you understand that other people have different values.

Since this blog is about NMNK - Never Married No Kids people, contraception and abortion is a fair topic.  Because if you're a sexual woman, there's always a chance that your contraception will fail, or that you will be raped some time when you are not using contraception.  And then you have the choice to have an abortion.

I met a young woman recently who was very responsible at 18, both on the pill, and using protection,
She was raped by a stranger and has PTSD.
If she got pregnant by rape and wanted an abortion, an early abortion, I could understand that.

Women should not be punished by pregnancy.

At the same time, I must admit to you, third term abortions are already legal in many places, so long as you can find a doctor willing and afford it.  I know someone who did this, at about 7 months.  She'd been having an affair.  She was close to 40.  The man she was having an affair with was blond.  She and her husband black haired.  I accepted her choice.  From what I was told later, her extremely expensive (wiped out their life savings) legal third term abortion was carried out without anesthetic in a high rise building office.  She got the doctor's name from a clinic that does only first term abortions.

Still, I must admit that the thought of aborting a viable fetus, a fetus that is called a baby once outside the body of the mother, that can live and breath on it's own and is not likely disabled in any way, is upsetting to me.  Because there have been all those months before to make a decision and do something about it.

In actuality I think few women ready to give birth would opt to have their fetus aborted.  And few doctors are willing to do so, especially not openly.

Listening to discussions on this issue over the weekend on radio stations that are conservatively biased, I must admit also that I think the law is a prescient for other changes that we as a society would not like.

For instance, what about the pressure put on someone without resources to have an abortion.  This pressure can be put on a woman by a governmental agency, such as a welfare agency social worker through disapproval.

Though it is my choice to be a NMNK person, I realize that most people do not idealize this option.

I've met the women who were shamed and embarrassed by abortion clinic personnel because they could not come up with the money for their abortion early on.  In fact, my friend who had her 3rd term abortion many years ago had no way to get the money for an earlier abortion.  The financing is what sometimes makes women wait.  I said that she used her and her husband's life savings to pay for the third term abortion.  She needed to get him on her side for this and he did.  He never spoke about it with her again.

She didn't tell him she was having an affair.
She said she had not suspected she was pregnant and thought she was going into menopause.
She said she was worn out from caring for their difficult child already and felt too old to do another 20 years of childcare.
She said she had been using cocaine and other illegal drugs.
All the doctor wanted to know, off hand, was why she waited.  She lied about the cocaine and other illegal drugs to him too.

Today there are so many contraception options.
Yet it is true that many women cannot take the pill or find certain methods difficult.
So unplanned pregnancies happen.  A lot.

If you're sexual, you MUST have communication and agreement on what happens if.

C 2019 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved

WARNING! VALENTINES DAY IS AHEAD

Valentine's Day is ahead and already NMNK are feeling the societal pressure to be included in the mushy love fest that this day has become.  Not dating?  Not interested in dating?  Have no one "special."  Haven't "made love" in ages - especially because you only attract people who see sex a different way? Well, consider that there are many ways to love and that includes PLATONIC.

Valentine's Day does not have to be about long stemmed red roses, candlelight dinners, or presenting yourself for sex wearing silk undies or something wicked and stupid from a lingerie store.

Spend it with friends.  Or don't go out at all.

Send only the people you really care about Valemtines or chocolate. Such as your siblings or you dad.

Women feel more pressure than men to do SOMETHING for this day.

Men who are heterosexual feel weird to remember their men friends for Valentines.

So the pressure is on Men to celebrate this by "treating" the Women in their lives.

Men, if you ARE dating, if you are having SEX, if there is someone special who qualifies to be remembered...

If you DO NOT, chances are the relationship will be OVER or at least DOWNGRADED.  You'll be considered cheap if you forget.  But I caution you NOT to say you love someone (or give them that impression) if you DO NOT.

BROKE NOT CHEAP - AND WHY I DO NOT WANT A MAN

Why is it that when a man hears that I need (to earn more) money, he recommends I need a man?
No man has ever paid my bills.
Why start now?

And why would I need a RELATIONSHIP in order to be INDEPENDENT?

It's not that I don't need people.

I must say that when you cultivate other people who depend on you being independent, they may interpret your unusual need as neediness or codependency and go away.

I don't like that.  I'm not like that.

One kind friend says he knows I'm "Short" right now.

I'm conscientious about that though.

I don't believe in lists and keeping things even compulsively but I give back when I can, in my own way.

He is not a "boyfriend."

Today I was lunching when a man struck up a conversation with me.

When he said I needed to get a man I felt he was trying to advertise himself. (He was not at all attractive to me by the way but I feel sure that I would have said the same thing if he were.)

I said, "Not at this time of my life."

"But you NEED someone," he said.

"I have friends," I said.

He said, "But are they the kind of friends who will take care of you?"

He meant take me in.

I have been taken in by friends in the past.

Generally it didn't work so well.

I didn't say that.

I did say (and this is the truth) "All my friends have taken someone in."

C 2019  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

WOOPS...DID I MISS CHRISTMAS? MARRIED PEOPLE WHO FEEL ALONE IN THEIR MARRIAGES

I certainly missed POSTING for Christmas.  The Holidays. 

So I have to admit to you, I've been feeling a bit alone, maybe not to the point of being lonely, and certainly not to the point where I thought "Gee it's all my fault that I didn't get married and have children."

Well, I had to be reminded that being married doesn't mean you never experience loneliness.  In fact it's probably awful to be MARRIED and feel ALONE IN THE MARRIAGE.

Before I could feeling sorry for myself,  I realized my two newest friends are in need of a person like me to go places with them because their partners (one in a same-sex marriage) are so busy with work and other friends and activities that do not include them.  Not that they would stop their partners from having friends or activities that they aren't interested in, but both of them admitted to me that they spent many hours alone.

My friend in the same sex marriage has been with his husband, the income earner, for 20 years.  He helped raise the man's daughter, now grown, being the one who drove her and picked her up for school and other activities.  His partner is a professional who seems to always take on more in his profession.  Sometimes, in order to spend time together, he goes on rides to this man's meetings, then finds something to do like go shopping while he's in there.  He has been like a traditional stay at home wife, making a beautiful home and so on for them so that the professional really only has to come home.  I encouraged him to speak up and say they need more quality time together, but he will not.  He says usually he likes all the alone time he has.

My friend in the opposite sex marriage married a man who she knew as a coworker for 35 years, someone who was married for 20 of that to someone else.  He's a man who lives up in his head and is rather uncommunicative overall.  I see how she always goes to him and tells him she loves him before she leaves the house.  I know they most often sleep alone for practical reasons.  Their house is rather quiet and she says she is not much of a talker - but she is with me.
One day I got a text from her saying that someone she feels alone in the world.

Neither relationship is likely to end in divorce. These people have accepted the limitation of their partnerships. 

As I must too.

Because when the partner actually wants to spend some of that quality time, one way or another I will be cancelled upon or put on hold.  I understand it.  I do.  So far I haven't been offended. 

Yet, it is also nice to have other unpartnered friends who won't do that to me.

C 2018  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved.

THANKSGIVING PLANS FOR THE NMNK

Most NMNK have family or friends who they spend THANKSGIVING with.
But if you think you may be alone this coming holiday, here are some ideas for you.


1) Be the person who invites other people who also have nowhere to go to a a THANKSGIVING potluck.
2) Volunteer to cook or serve at a senior center, homeless shelter, or church.
3) Stay home and cook your personal pan turkey.  (Seriously, I did this one year by purchasing Trader Joe's turkey, already sliced breasts.  I also made an acorn squash and some stuffing and poured myself some wine.  It was delicious.  And I enjoyed myself.)
4) Make some long distance phone calls to people you haven't spoken to in a while.
5) Take a walk in the park, at the sea coast, in the rain - be out in nature.
6) Think of those things you really are very appreciative of.

MUST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES BE PARTNERED UP?

If you're dressing up for a Halloween party, then you know that you usually don't go alone.  You're invited to bring along a friend or partner - what's called a plus 1 in Britain - and then what's popular is to wear costumes that go together - famous couples, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, male and female frogs.

But it's OK to go single and to wear something that doesn't require partnership.

*****

That said.  There's me and my dog...

WHAT IF MEGHAN and HARRY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN?

Although I think Meghan and Harry, The Duchess and Duke of Sussex, want to have children, it's not lost on me that at 37, the Duchess might not surprise us if she doesn't become pregnant right away.  Their lives are full and they are united in their desire to make positive impact on the world.

Already I'm readying speculative stories about the names of their children and other assumptions.  You know what they say abut assumptions!  They make an as* out of you and me.  So, WHY DOES ANY ASPECT OF THE MEDIA PUT PRESSURE ON THIS COUPLE to procreate?

BECAUSE IT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE to put pressure on any couple to do so, and the pressure starts in some cases before a couple marries.  Grandmothers to be a big problem with this.  When a woman get's pregnant and is not married, some grandmothers tell their daughters it is time to GIVE THEM a grandchild.  Sometimes these women are bored and eagerly wish to raise the child.  Some just say this trying to prevent an abortion of an unplanned for child.

I say let's get the pressure of the royal couple and off everyone.  For us commoners, WANTING a child is one thing, being able to raise the child to adulthood is another consideration.

Sister

UPDATE FEB 2019  Well, Meghan is pregnant and due in a couple months - April, maybe May and so having a child was top of the couple's agenda.  At least they are mature adults who made a decision and very capable of affording children.

U{DATE May 2021 - Again.

UPDATE  JUNE 2022  Well, and it is clear they did have two.  At least these two were wanted and can be afforded.

WHAT THE PARENTS OF SPOILED BRATS SAY AFTER YOU WITNESS A DEMANDING TANTRUM

"Don't judge her."  

"You don't know her like we do."  

"You don't know, you're not a parent."

"You've never given birth."

"He's just a little A.D.D."

"It must be the sugar."

"All the other kids in his class have __________."

"Could you babysit so we can get out?"

"He'll grow out of it."

"I told him there are two kinds of people out there and we're the HAVES."

*****************************************************************

I recently took some criticism because I was looking for an inexpensive place to rent so I could teach a class, someone I know thought that I wanted to teach children, and when I said no, "Adults who want to learn.  I don't want to deal with the discipline problems."

AT LAST! NO MORE PRINCES WILL COME FOR HER!

I made a new friend over the last few months, a woman who was in her 50's when she met the only man she has ever loved.  He died a couple years ago and she became very depressed.  He died after suggesting to her that she quit her job so they could be together and hang out.  He was retired.  She was in love and she wanted nothing more then to spend time with him.  When he died, it turned out that he had not favored her in his will.  His sister and her children came and put her out of the house she shared with him and even took the car she'd been driving away.  She was left with so little she was almost homeless.  Why he didn't take care of her is not certain.  Maybe he meant to.  But he did not.  She says she never asked what his plans were.
I'm sure certain people think she's been a fool.  The main thing is that she has no career and at 65 needs retraining.  She pays her rent and has little left for food.  A brother sends her what money he can.  She is a nice woman.  And she says she will never ever again be with another man.  There was no one like this man for her.

Because she's in poverty some of her other friends have suggested another man to take his place is what she really should do.  But no more Princes will come for her and she's not looking.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

One of the main reasons marriage is considered a good idea is because it is still seen as financial protection for a spouse.  I tend to think that is true. This is why gay people have fought for the right to marry.

I respect that this woman is going for the retraining.
She's going to do a two year certificate at the community college.
Maybe a job will come out of it, maybe not

Sister