Though JENNIFER ANISTON, the actress, does not qualify as NMNK since she has been married twice, she has gone through hell as a woman who has never had children, and for that I can relate. Though the years her childlessness has been used against her, not only in attacks on her character (when she has conducted herself as a lady throughout!), but as the reason hunky BRAD PITT left her for the snarky ANGELINA JOLIE, or as the excuse for cheating on her. (Jolie had done her first adoption before the two met.) IT HAS BEEN ASSUMED THAT PITT's DESIRE FOR CHILDREN and ANISTON's RELUCTANCE (blamed on selfishly wanting her career as an actress more) or INABILITY, made her defective. TABLOIDS have had a go on all of them for years, and now all those children are being dragged through a divorce and the question of who has custody, who gets to visit, how often, and when.
ANISTON seems to have left town for New York to be out of the way as much as possible through this latest divorce with children debacle, and I'm feeling sorry for BRAD, who probably has gotten angry with a spoiled brat child and lost his temper at least once.
(FRIENDS OF MINE WHOSE PARENTS WERE VERBALLY ABUSIVE TELL ME THAT WHEN THEY HAD CHILDREN THEY FORGAVE THEIR PARENTS AND UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT IS TO HAVE A CHILD YOU WORK YOUR TAIL OFF TO SUPPORT BEING A SASSY ASS OF A KID!)
With the vast wealth of both JOLIE and PITT, there is really no reason why their children need to be seen out in public, looking depressed, as all this goes on. And if the couple were not world famous, it is unlikely the FBI, which has better things to do, like work against terrorist cells in the United States, would spend five minutes interrogating the apparently blind sided Pitt, who no doubt is probably SICK over the prospect of being separated at all from his brood.
I FULLY EXPECT, in the future, that all six children will write TELL ALL BOOKS ABOUT THEIR PARENTS, and how hard it was to grow up as they have.
It's not fair, what do I know? I think the children should live with BRAD!
JOLIE IS WRONG that children do not need structure or discipline. Discipline is possible without ABUSE. I know this because I know of people who have well behaved and respectful children who have never been verbally or physically or otherwise abused. AND IF I HAD CHILDREN, those are the CHILDREN mine would be allowed to play with!
Let me focus though on JENNIFER ANISTON. Here is a beautiful and accomplished woman who has worked hard to have and keep a career, and she has had so much projected on her. The day the news of the pending divorce came out, speculation became gossip became "truth" as she supposedly said, to an unnamed "friend," that Brad was getting his KARMA. I suspect she has long ago moved on and into her new marriage and doesn't much have Brad on her mind at all. Additionally, the poor woman cannot gain a pound and the pregnancy speculation begins...
IT WILL BE OK IF JENNIFER ANISTON DOES NOT HAVE CHILDREN, NOT ONE, NOT EVER!
ABC NEWS ENTERTAINMENT ANISTON AND KIDS
Sister
10/19/16
BUYING YOURSELF A RING OF PROMISE THAT YOU LOVE AND COMMIT TO YOURSELF
DAILY MAIL JEWELRY LINE FOR WOMEN BUYING LOVE AND COMMITMENT RINGS FOR THEMSELVES
EXCERPT:
EXCERPT:
Created by LA-based founders, Samira Far and Melody Godfred, and reminiscent of the famous 'Raise your Right Hand' De Beers jewellery campaign, the positivity-charged gems are made to inspire you to put yourself first.
'When you wear a Fred + Far Self Love Pinky Ring, you pinky promise to choose yourself, honour yourself, and remember yourself on a daily basis,' a message on their website reads.
Fashioned from 14 karat yellow, white or rose gold, the rings not only look and sound good, but come with good intentions, too.
They use lab-created white sapphires to ensure that the rings remain conflict-free, which means that the stones are not made in impoverished working environments.
10/3/16
U.S. LOWEST FERTILITY RATES IN 2015 - 3 to 4 MILLION BABY DEFICIT = BABY BUST
DAILY MAIL - 3 to 4 MILLION BABY DEFICIT Is the Great Recession in the United States to blame?
EXCERPT: Only 3,978,000 births were recorded in 2015, about 600,000 less than if women between the 'childbearing ages of 20 to 39' maintained the same fertility rates recorded in 2007, according to a study conducted by the University of New Hampshire.
***
Sister here: The article has a video that's about SMOKING effecting fertility rates. However, I think this is more about women using contraception because they know they are not ready, willing, and able to have a child.
EXCERPT: Only 3,978,000 births were recorded in 2015, about 600,000 less than if women between the 'childbearing ages of 20 to 39' maintained the same fertility rates recorded in 2007, according to a study conducted by the University of New Hampshire.
***
Sister here: The article has a video that's about SMOKING effecting fertility rates. However, I think this is more about women using contraception because they know they are not ready, willing, and able to have a child.
9/29/16
PARENTS WHO REGRET BECOMING PARENTS
DAILY MAIL FEMALE - PARENTS REVEAL WHY THEY WISH THEIR CHILDREN HAD NEVER BEEN BORN by Unity Blott For Mailonline
EXCERPT:
EXCERPT:
Mothers have been taking to social media to reveal what it really feels like to regret having children.
Posting anonymously on sites like Facebook, Reddit and Quora, the disgruntled women have made startling confessions describing parenthood as 'drudgery and monotony'.
Citing reasons from sleep deprivation to financial security - and 'not liking kids' - some go as far as confessing they wish their offspring had never been born.
... Link to read more confessionals... shot nerves, loss of friends, drudgery...
9/26/16
THE JOLIE-PITT DIVORCE and BAD PARENTING
MAY 2021 THE DIVORCE IS STILL NOT OVER. I think Angelina is dragging it out to keep Brad in her life!
Frankly, I've been sick of Jolie for a long time for a lot of reasons but I'll stick with her desire to be seen as the world's best mother, her motivation for having the innards of her breasts removed and later the removal of her ovaries, because she's convinced she will die young like her own mother. Unlike one British publicist who has written that Jolie should have settled down and been a wife to Brad rather than a globe-trotting activist and careerist (who supposedly wants to live in England, give up her citizenship, and follow in the footsteps of Lady Diana), because she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, I have nothing in particular against a woman having high career aspirations. But I do have it against people who have children, DO NOT SOCIALIZE THEM, have them and do not want to PERSONALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM, and who basically use their children to THEIR OWN EGO ADVANTAGE.
Granted the Jolie-Pitts are very wealthy, and they can afford to do world travel, have nannies, and tutors. However, it is up to the parents to oversee that their staff brings up all the children consistently and socialized, which means in sync with the way people treat other people in this world.
I do not think all children are brats. And, as I've said in this BlogSpot before, not personally wanting or having children doesn't mean I cannot have an opinion on what it takes to have children, what they deserve, and how they should be raised.
I've encountered more than one lousy, spoiled, brat in my life - other people's children. These brats didn't have the effect of making me not want children. They had the effect of my stepping aside the parents.
To discipline a child does not require abusing them physically or otherwise.
For instance, one of my professors in college had one of those bothersome mandatory potlucks at the end of the semester. This woman was not a single mother, though her husband was nowhere in sight at the potluck. Her children were running all over the place, and one of them struck me with a long plastic dagger, which could have blinded me. I said, "You're kid just struck me with that." The professor said, "She always does that." Was I to say, "Could you mind your bratty child and discipline them that they should not use their toys to possibly injure someone?" She was giving me grades.
In a work situation, a twelve-year-old son of the business owner, studying for his Bar Mitzvah yet, came in and with his hands on his hips, told me how I work for HIM and bla bla bla. They just stood there and let him talk to me this way. I hear the kid has grown up to be a doctor. I wonder how bad a parent he is.
One of my friends with a high powered and exhausting career, married and had two children, but her husband cheated on her and they divorced. His willingness to parent was not remarkable, he was mostly the absent father who stood up the kids when he was supposed to be seeing them. However, the kids took full advantage of the situation and their nanny didn't dare discipline them, and when I came to visit or called, they were selfish and demanding, screaming and yelling, and at best negotiating for material rewards for activities such as doing their homework. They defied her every wish that they not have friends in the house when she wasn't home. Last I heard from her, she realized that "professional help" was needed; therapists.
So Angelina Jolie was and is a SPOILED BRAT herself, and her idea of parenting is that an adult cannot tell a child what to do, can never get angry, can never tell them off. And she wants to use Brad's anger that he felt with their oldest son, a young teenager, against him in the divorce.
I hope by some miracle that the six children of this union turn out to be adults who can get along with others from all walks of life and know how to share, rather than egotistical, demanding materialistic and greedy. If they are truly as has been reported, it will take a miracle.
Contrast this with the reports of the children of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, who have been seen using an active listening technique to discipline and teach their royal children to behave.
C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
9/3/16
MILLENNIAL NEIGHBORS JUST MAKING IT IN A NOW EXPENSIVE NEIGHBORHOOD BY NOT MAKING IT ON THEIR OWN
MILLENNIALS are people born between the late 1980s and the beginning of the 21st century, give or take a couple years. Out walking my dog, I've made the acquaintance of several on my street. They are all living in much more modern and expensive buildings than I live in, or renting houses with more than one person contributing to the rent.
Maybe it's just the MILLENNIALS on my street, the one's I'm meeting, but they don't seem to be very independent for their ages. None of them aspires to living in their own place, but is depending on a working girlfriend, parents, a trust fund, or some other supplemental income to make it as is, even as they drive for Lyft, Uber, take in people through AirBNB, post YouTube Videos, EBay, Etsy, or find some other cell phone - Internet - computer way to have some money coming in.
I'm not saying that I have nothing to learn from them. I can see that these are opportunities they seize rather than deal with being evicted or ruining their credit when they have no regular full time job to depend on.
But just so you know, there are also OLDER people on the street who have addressed their money and work issues with DRIVING in particular, and the way they do it is that they take Lyft or Uber as their full time job, keep themselves to a regular schedule, such heading for their car every morning at the same time, and not coming home until 5 or 6 PM, when they have their dinner with their partner or spouse and then go walk the dog. These OLDER people are also using their driving experience to get full time work driving for one of the van services for the disabled, the MTA or smaller Community Shuttles.
Maybe they have given up on their dreams. I don't know.
I see part economic crisis and increasing unaffordability of the city, mixed with an unwillingness to let go of their basic need to be creative, or an unwillingness to redefine themselves in some boring, go nowhere job (of which I've had myself) that will kill their spirit, as the Millennial's dilemma..
To me the crisis point comes when someone gets pregnant and the possibility of having to financially and otherwise support offspring hits home. Luckily there is contraception and legal abortion. One couple on the street, married for seven years, both employed full time with the same companies, had their first child despite knowing that they may never afford an actual house. Another couple, living together for a couple years, and also employed full time with the same companies, got married last year, but have their parents providing a down payment while a real estate agent friend combs the neighborhood for a small house they can get into, which they see as the first step before they have a child.
These people aren't aged out of having children yet, but they are approaching it.
The other day one neighbor who has been doing ALL of the things above to pay his share of the rent on a house, while his girlfriend with a Master's Degree is out hustling, making cold calls as a sales person, and I were talking. He had just gotten his Real Estate license and had put a couple thousand dollars he BORROWED from her to pay for nice business cards and postcards which he is leaving everywhere he goes. He had some early success in a creative field but it's been bumpy, he's trying to learn the business and doing office time, makes no money, and then drives in the evenings. The other day this all went on hold when he got a call from one of the big film production companies to do some free lance work. You could never say this man is lazy, but the fact is that if his girlfriend wasn't making a reported $100,000 a year, then he would likely be living in a single apartment alone.
He told me he wants children. She however decided she does not because she fears the pain of childbirth. (When I said, "There is always adoption. There are also lots of foster kids who need a good home," the conversation stalled. )
A recent article in Daily Mail UK covered the great numbers of women who are avoiding pregnancy and childbirth for this very reason, even electing to have unnecessary cesareans.
I think, but do not say to him, that I think he should break up with her if he really wants children. He loves her for sure, and she probably loves him too, and rather than either of them break up or do something about meeting someone more compatible, they do not. They get along, there are no bad fights or abuse happening in their relationship, and they do have more time to decide. Certainly many people have chosen good partnerships without children over bad ones with. Makes sense to me.
About once a year, usually around her birthday when this couple go out with her well to do family, she announces to him that she doesn't think their relationship is going to work out. He becomes depressed and threatens to leave town and go back to his parents. They have a dog as a child, and he is the full time caregiver of the dog while his girlfriend actually owns it.
Recently the dog was injured and a vet gave the price to do surgery on it as $10,000! Poorer people would have faced the fact that their beloved pet needed to be put to sleep and suffer for it. Instead he started looking for inexpensive or free surgery for the dog. It was about that time that he revealed that she was earning $100,000.
Well, if it were MY DOG and I were earning "bank," I might get a second and third opinion, or some price quotes, but I wouldn't let my boyfriend search out cheaper or free alternatives or let the dog suffer.
I don't say it but I think, "She clearly wants a man who is making a lot more money than you are. That is the bigger issue in your relationship." Who ever heard of a true partner only LOANING money to the other, especially when it comes to using that money for something like classes, rent while doing an Internship that might lead to paid work, business cards and marketing/promo postcards. Our culture and tax system is set up to favor the married. If they were doing joint tax returns a lot of this could be taken as tax deductions and business loses. When one person is making so much more money than the other, and finds fault with their ability to make money, then I think it would be more than "nice," to help them in these practical ways.
I think these two have never been NMNK in their mind set.
Instead of being an educated, hard working, BUSINESSWOMAN who prefers really to be out in the word and someone else to care for her dog child, she has the prop of a boyfriend and the marriage substitute called "living together." She doesn't want children, be it painful childbirth or any other reason, and that's OK, especially because there is contraception and abortion, but she does not want to SUPPORT HIM.
If it were a traditional marriage-like relationship in what we used to call "role reversal," where the wife goes out and makes the living and supports the family and the husband is the person who stays at home and takes care of all the domestic duties, she would not MIND SUPPORTING HIM.
He prefers to be a STAY AT HOME HUSBAND and FATHER, and a CREATIVE, that's clear. He's not money motivated or a corporate person like she is. I think the Real Estate gig is him trying to prove to her that someday he too will make big bucks and then maybe when they are financial equals they will marry.
I like this man, very much. He is a sensitive, kind, and caring person, and his parents did tell him over a decade ago, "We've done our parenting, now you're on your own." Every time I talk to him though, I think he's going to tell me that they have realized that they don't belong together, and that he's moving out and on.
C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.
Maybe it's just the MILLENNIALS on my street, the one's I'm meeting, but they don't seem to be very independent for their ages. None of them aspires to living in their own place, but is depending on a working girlfriend, parents, a trust fund, or some other supplemental income to make it as is, even as they drive for Lyft, Uber, take in people through AirBNB, post YouTube Videos, EBay, Etsy, or find some other cell phone - Internet - computer way to have some money coming in.
I'm not saying that I have nothing to learn from them. I can see that these are opportunities they seize rather than deal with being evicted or ruining their credit when they have no regular full time job to depend on.
But just so you know, there are also OLDER people on the street who have addressed their money and work issues with DRIVING in particular, and the way they do it is that they take Lyft or Uber as their full time job, keep themselves to a regular schedule, such heading for their car every morning at the same time, and not coming home until 5 or 6 PM, when they have their dinner with their partner or spouse and then go walk the dog. These OLDER people are also using their driving experience to get full time work driving for one of the van services for the disabled, the MTA or smaller Community Shuttles.
Maybe they have given up on their dreams. I don't know.
I see part economic crisis and increasing unaffordability of the city, mixed with an unwillingness to let go of their basic need to be creative, or an unwillingness to redefine themselves in some boring, go nowhere job (of which I've had myself) that will kill their spirit, as the Millennial's dilemma..
To me the crisis point comes when someone gets pregnant and the possibility of having to financially and otherwise support offspring hits home. Luckily there is contraception and legal abortion. One couple on the street, married for seven years, both employed full time with the same companies, had their first child despite knowing that they may never afford an actual house. Another couple, living together for a couple years, and also employed full time with the same companies, got married last year, but have their parents providing a down payment while a real estate agent friend combs the neighborhood for a small house they can get into, which they see as the first step before they have a child.
These people aren't aged out of having children yet, but they are approaching it.
The other day one neighbor who has been doing ALL of the things above to pay his share of the rent on a house, while his girlfriend with a Master's Degree is out hustling, making cold calls as a sales person, and I were talking. He had just gotten his Real Estate license and had put a couple thousand dollars he BORROWED from her to pay for nice business cards and postcards which he is leaving everywhere he goes. He had some early success in a creative field but it's been bumpy, he's trying to learn the business and doing office time, makes no money, and then drives in the evenings. The other day this all went on hold when he got a call from one of the big film production companies to do some free lance work. You could never say this man is lazy, but the fact is that if his girlfriend wasn't making a reported $100,000 a year, then he would likely be living in a single apartment alone.
He told me he wants children. She however decided she does not because she fears the pain of childbirth. (When I said, "There is always adoption. There are also lots of foster kids who need a good home," the conversation stalled. )
A recent article in Daily Mail UK covered the great numbers of women who are avoiding pregnancy and childbirth for this very reason, even electing to have unnecessary cesareans.
I think, but do not say to him, that I think he should break up with her if he really wants children. He loves her for sure, and she probably loves him too, and rather than either of them break up or do something about meeting someone more compatible, they do not. They get along, there are no bad fights or abuse happening in their relationship, and they do have more time to decide. Certainly many people have chosen good partnerships without children over bad ones with. Makes sense to me.
About once a year, usually around her birthday when this couple go out with her well to do family, she announces to him that she doesn't think their relationship is going to work out. He becomes depressed and threatens to leave town and go back to his parents. They have a dog as a child, and he is the full time caregiver of the dog while his girlfriend actually owns it.
Recently the dog was injured and a vet gave the price to do surgery on it as $10,000! Poorer people would have faced the fact that their beloved pet needed to be put to sleep and suffer for it. Instead he started looking for inexpensive or free surgery for the dog. It was about that time that he revealed that she was earning $100,000.
Well, if it were MY DOG and I were earning "bank," I might get a second and third opinion, or some price quotes, but I wouldn't let my boyfriend search out cheaper or free alternatives or let the dog suffer.
I don't say it but I think, "She clearly wants a man who is making a lot more money than you are. That is the bigger issue in your relationship." Who ever heard of a true partner only LOANING money to the other, especially when it comes to using that money for something like classes, rent while doing an Internship that might lead to paid work, business cards and marketing/promo postcards. Our culture and tax system is set up to favor the married. If they were doing joint tax returns a lot of this could be taken as tax deductions and business loses. When one person is making so much more money than the other, and finds fault with their ability to make money, then I think it would be more than "nice," to help them in these practical ways.
I think these two have never been NMNK in their mind set.
Instead of being an educated, hard working, BUSINESSWOMAN who prefers really to be out in the word and someone else to care for her dog child, she has the prop of a boyfriend and the marriage substitute called "living together." She doesn't want children, be it painful childbirth or any other reason, and that's OK, especially because there is contraception and abortion, but she does not want to SUPPORT HIM.
If it were a traditional marriage-like relationship in what we used to call "role reversal," where the wife goes out and makes the living and supports the family and the husband is the person who stays at home and takes care of all the domestic duties, she would not MIND SUPPORTING HIM.
He prefers to be a STAY AT HOME HUSBAND and FATHER, and a CREATIVE, that's clear. He's not money motivated or a corporate person like she is. I think the Real Estate gig is him trying to prove to her that someday he too will make big bucks and then maybe when they are financial equals they will marry.
I like this man, very much. He is a sensitive, kind, and caring person, and his parents did tell him over a decade ago, "We've done our parenting, now you're on your own." Every time I talk to him though, I think he's going to tell me that they have realized that they don't belong together, and that he's moving out and on.
C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.
8/9/16
MORE SINGLES THAN MARRIEDS IN ENGLAND and WALES - DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR BRIDGET JONES
DAILY MAIL - REAL BRIDGET JONES WOULD BE RESILIENT AND MORE POSITIVE THAN SMUG MARRIED PALS by Rosie Taylor
EXCERPT:
EXCERPT:
For singletons have richer social lives, are more resilient and more positive than married couples, psychologists have found.
They said unattached people were more likely to value meaningful work and were more connected to their families, friends, neighbors and colleagues – unlike ‘insular’ married couples. ... According to the Office for National Statistics, there are now more singletons than married people in England and Wales.
6/9/16
SOPHIE TANNER STAGES HERSELF A TRADITIONAL WEDDING - TO HERSELF!
DAILY MAIL - FEMALE - SOPHIE MARRIES HERSELF By Lucy Waterlow
WOW! go to the article to see a picture of Sophie and her dad walking her down the isle to herself!
EXCERPT:
WOW! go to the article to see a picture of Sophie and her dad walking her down the isle to herself!
EXCERPT:
A single 37-year-old woman decided not to wait to meet Mr Right in order to have her dream wedding - and has instead married herself.
Sophie Tanner, from Brighton, became a bride and tied the knot with herself at a ceremony in her home town where she was given away by her father and had ten of her friends as bridesmaids.
The bride-without-a-groom admits her plan was a little 'bonkers' but she kept up many wedding traditions on her big day by throwing the bouquet, cutting a cake and having a first dance.
4/14/16
A STRANGER ON A BUS BENCH ATTACKS ME FOR WHO I AM! MY NOT WEARING A WEDDING BAND WAS HER FIRST CLUE
Those of you who are new to NMNK - An Intentional Community may not realize it, but this blog serves to let me rant. In my daily life I rarely rant. Most new people I encounter have no idea that I am actually NMNK. But the other day I had an experience that reinforced to me the necessity of this blog, for me and those like me who are MNNK, even though the lifestyle has become so much more common and, therefore, in less need of defense.
I was quietly sitting at a bus stop, awaiting a bus that comes once an hour. I had errands that day in a part of town that I bus to, it was beautiful out, and though when I take this particular bus I'm always a little concerned because it's often off schedule, missing, broken down, or late, at that moment my only thought was how great it would be to get home and give my dog a good walk, since it wasn't too hot or too cold out.
Therefore, I doubt that this stranger sitting next to me would have looked at me and thought anything in particular by the mood expressed by my face or any attitude, since I was enjoying the day, but she looked at me and said, "You're not married?"
The only clue would have been that there are no rings on my ring finger, no engagement ring, no wedding band. (My birthstone is on the other hand.)
Now something else my readers here may not know about me is that I'm usually friendly and don't mind at all getting into conversations with strangers. I've talked to strangers about all sorts of things, so I'm not self absorbed or snooty about talking to someone I haven't been introduced to. At first I had no idea that this woman was going to go for the NMNK jugular, that she would deeply offend me, and that I'd end up writing a post about her as a 2016 representative of the ignorant and backward!
"No, never," I said, smiling.
"Why NOT? And then she mumbled something under her breath.
"Why?," I said. "Everyone doesn't have to be married."
"No children?"
(Ah, perhaps she was sniffing out unwed mothers?)
"No children."
At this point she shook her head disapprovingly no, and in a mocking tone said, "No husband, no children, WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU IN YOUR OLD AGE?" And then she laughed at me, in my face, ridiculing me.
I now knew what I was dealing with and so I looked at her.
She appeared to be in her forties. She appeared to be Asian or part Asian. Her accent was slight. She was wearing casual clothing just as I was, not dressed to be coming or going from a job. I did not look at her ring finger, but I figured her to be a stay at home wife and mother.
"Having children doesn't guarantee a person that someone will be taken care of or even visited in their old age. I visit two senior citizens in assisted living places who had children, who left town for work. They rarely visit. It's me who visits them! Besides, there are no guarantees in life. One of these old people has outlived his son!"
I thought of other seniors I've visited in senior living communities, who have since passed. One, the youngest son in a family was indeed NMNK, and his own siblings did the minimal to help him. I recall he didn't even have shoes to fit his feet and was stolen from at the place constantly, since he was legally blind. Another woman was widowed, had outlived her son and had a daughter who was mentally ill who never came to visit. Besides me her only visitor was her one grandson, who himself was having medical issues. I had become friendly with these seniors as neighbors and while never in place as a legal guardian sometimes reported in to their children. And I enjoyed these people! It wasn't like I was visiting just anybody because they were old. I enjoyed their stories of their own lives through historical times, like World War II or early Hollywood.
The stranger was not satisfied with my answers. And it was clear that she was not trying to be helpful. I wouldn't have liked it if she'd taken this approach in hopes of actually match making me, but at the same time, at least I wouldn't have felt myself to be the object of someone's anger.
"Try not to go on in this conversation," I thought to myself. "By admitting who you are, and what your life experience is, you're threatening her, maybe, so let it go," but I could not yet, because she continued to shake her head, mutter, eye me as a freak of nature, and feel sorry for me years ahead of my old age.
"Many children who are born to die. Their parents cannot afford to take care of them or even feed them. So they are born to suffer and die... This world has plenty of people without me having a child..."
Luckily the bus pulled up and ended the conversation.
C 2016 Sister / Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community Blogspot
I was quietly sitting at a bus stop, awaiting a bus that comes once an hour. I had errands that day in a part of town that I bus to, it was beautiful out, and though when I take this particular bus I'm always a little concerned because it's often off schedule, missing, broken down, or late, at that moment my only thought was how great it would be to get home and give my dog a good walk, since it wasn't too hot or too cold out.
Therefore, I doubt that this stranger sitting next to me would have looked at me and thought anything in particular by the mood expressed by my face or any attitude, since I was enjoying the day, but she looked at me and said, "You're not married?"
The only clue would have been that there are no rings on my ring finger, no engagement ring, no wedding band. (My birthstone is on the other hand.)
Now something else my readers here may not know about me is that I'm usually friendly and don't mind at all getting into conversations with strangers. I've talked to strangers about all sorts of things, so I'm not self absorbed or snooty about talking to someone I haven't been introduced to. At first I had no idea that this woman was going to go for the NMNK jugular, that she would deeply offend me, and that I'd end up writing a post about her as a 2016 representative of the ignorant and backward!
"No, never," I said, smiling.
"Why NOT? And then she mumbled something under her breath.
"Why?," I said. "Everyone doesn't have to be married."
"No children?"
(Ah, perhaps she was sniffing out unwed mothers?)
"No children."
At this point she shook her head disapprovingly no, and in a mocking tone said, "No husband, no children, WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU IN YOUR OLD AGE?" And then she laughed at me, in my face, ridiculing me.
I now knew what I was dealing with and so I looked at her.
She appeared to be in her forties. She appeared to be Asian or part Asian. Her accent was slight. She was wearing casual clothing just as I was, not dressed to be coming or going from a job. I did not look at her ring finger, but I figured her to be a stay at home wife and mother.
"Having children doesn't guarantee a person that someone will be taken care of or even visited in their old age. I visit two senior citizens in assisted living places who had children, who left town for work. They rarely visit. It's me who visits them! Besides, there are no guarantees in life. One of these old people has outlived his son!"
I thought of other seniors I've visited in senior living communities, who have since passed. One, the youngest son in a family was indeed NMNK, and his own siblings did the minimal to help him. I recall he didn't even have shoes to fit his feet and was stolen from at the place constantly, since he was legally blind. Another woman was widowed, had outlived her son and had a daughter who was mentally ill who never came to visit. Besides me her only visitor was her one grandson, who himself was having medical issues. I had become friendly with these seniors as neighbors and while never in place as a legal guardian sometimes reported in to their children. And I enjoyed these people! It wasn't like I was visiting just anybody because they were old. I enjoyed their stories of their own lives through historical times, like World War II or early Hollywood.
The stranger was not satisfied with my answers. And it was clear that she was not trying to be helpful. I wouldn't have liked it if she'd taken this approach in hopes of actually match making me, but at the same time, at least I wouldn't have felt myself to be the object of someone's anger.
"Try not to go on in this conversation," I thought to myself. "By admitting who you are, and what your life experience is, you're threatening her, maybe, so let it go," but I could not yet, because she continued to shake her head, mutter, eye me as a freak of nature, and feel sorry for me years ahead of my old age.
"Many children who are born to die. Their parents cannot afford to take care of them or even feed them. So they are born to suffer and die... This world has plenty of people without me having a child..."
Luckily the bus pulled up and ended the conversation.
C 2016 Sister / Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community Blogspot
3/26/16
YOU'RE NOT A TERRORIST IF YOU ARE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN? : SISTER SPEAKS
Terrorism around the world, especially the ISIS brand, has upset me badly. I've been reading around the refugee crisis in Europe, what countries are willing to take how many people; sometimes they say they will take Christians, often they say they will take families. And every time another bomb goes off and kills and mains dozens of people, I worry that Donald Trump will become President of the United States and drop an atomic bomb - OK maybe a teeny tiny one.
WHAT I'VE READ AGAIN AND AGAIN is that most terrorists are men, and that they are unmarried men without families. This is especially so if they wish to blow themselves up in the process. I have no way of proving this is so, but because of this unmarried men without families are not looked upon favorably when it comes to granting official refugee status. Clearly it is thought that if a man is single, if he has not made the commitment to husband a woman and father children then he is not family oriented.
I hate that.
But I wonder if this is true culturally and religiously, because of the huge emphasis on marriage and children in Islamic cultures.
The horror of refugee men being abusive, and even raping women and children in Germany, often because the woman is unprotected by a man, is warning for every other country in Europe and the Western world NOT TO TAKE IN REFUGEES. I know that my desire to visit Europe as a tourist has gone flat.
The situation is OUT OF CONTROL and I, for one, have lost a lot of empathy because of these violent outbreaks. I definitely wish to live in a world where I can be an independent single unmarried childless and unescorted female and remain not harassed, molested, or raped.
I think these refugees KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING and taking advantage of the cultural differences that make women seem available to them for wrong doing.
It's all sh*t!
C 2016 Sister Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights
WHAT I'VE READ AGAIN AND AGAIN is that most terrorists are men, and that they are unmarried men without families. This is especially so if they wish to blow themselves up in the process. I have no way of proving this is so, but because of this unmarried men without families are not looked upon favorably when it comes to granting official refugee status. Clearly it is thought that if a man is single, if he has not made the commitment to husband a woman and father children then he is not family oriented.
I hate that.
But I wonder if this is true culturally and religiously, because of the huge emphasis on marriage and children in Islamic cultures.
The horror of refugee men being abusive, and even raping women and children in Germany, often because the woman is unprotected by a man, is warning for every other country in Europe and the Western world NOT TO TAKE IN REFUGEES. I know that my desire to visit Europe as a tourist has gone flat.
The situation is OUT OF CONTROL and I, for one, have lost a lot of empathy because of these violent outbreaks. I definitely wish to live in a world where I can be an independent single unmarried childless and unescorted female and remain not harassed, molested, or raped.
I think these refugees KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING and taking advantage of the cultural differences that make women seem available to them for wrong doing.
It's all sh*t!
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights
2/23/16
LEONARDO DICAPRIO gets SLOGGED FOR BEING NMNK by DAILY MAIL UK JOURNALIST
Reading Daily Mail - UK, the other day, and was stunned that one of their regular columnists, Jan Moir, a woman, was slogging the remarkable actor Leonardo DiCaprio, because he still hasn't Settled Down (have you noticed it's not Settled UP?) married, and had children. Di Caprio is famous and he can't have a relationship without it being known and dissected. He enjoys being surrounded by women, and appears to be a serial monogamist of heterosexual orientation, and has had some long term relationships that didn't turn into marriage, including five years with model Giselle. Lesser men have been known to also have many girlfriends and lovers, but they aren't famous to be targeted this way.
WHY SHOULD HE BE?
Read the stupid woman's rant here : JAN MOIR : LOTHARIO DICAPRIO will END MISERABLE AND ALONE
Leonardo is only 41 years old, way too young to "end up" and as for veteran Academy Award winner Jack Nicholson, he has children, and is simply feeling the effects of old age as most of us will someday. The report that he was sitting all alone waiting for death was published in a tabloid. It probably isn't even true. He's probably just become more selective or slowed down.
If Leonardo wants children, because he is male, there is plenty of time unless he's not capable. It's no lie that men can and do marry much younger women and have children with them, He can also adopt or have children by surrogate. (Note that I have not heard one negative word about Elton John and his male partner having two sons by surrogate, and Elton was about 60 when he became a first time father.
So there is age discrimination happening here too.
MOIR thinks there is ONE WAY FOR A PERSON, even one who loves their work, affords the best, travels the word, IS VERY INVOLVED IN ACTIVISM, and is socially well connected and invited all over, TO BE FULFILLED.
She has GOT to be kidding!
This columnist is basically so BACKWARD, it's amazing to me that she's even breathing in 2016!
Of course her distain is shown in that she does not like "Lotharios." Let me be the one to say that most of the glamorous and ambitious models and actresses and other women Leonardo has been a Lothario with have not exactly just arrived in from the nunery. These are aware women. These are sexy women. These women are not demanding they be married before they have sex. So MOIR is blaming the man for sex when it's more like It Takes Two to Tango.
She needs to check her attitude but, sadly, there are a lot of people out there who still think like she does.
Sister
WHY SHOULD HE BE?
Read the stupid woman's rant here : JAN MOIR : LOTHARIO DICAPRIO will END MISERABLE AND ALONE
Leonardo is only 41 years old, way too young to "end up" and as for veteran Academy Award winner Jack Nicholson, he has children, and is simply feeling the effects of old age as most of us will someday. The report that he was sitting all alone waiting for death was published in a tabloid. It probably isn't even true. He's probably just become more selective or slowed down.
If Leonardo wants children, because he is male, there is plenty of time unless he's not capable. It's no lie that men can and do marry much younger women and have children with them, He can also adopt or have children by surrogate. (Note that I have not heard one negative word about Elton John and his male partner having two sons by surrogate, and Elton was about 60 when he became a first time father.
So there is age discrimination happening here too.
MOIR thinks there is ONE WAY FOR A PERSON, even one who loves their work, affords the best, travels the word, IS VERY INVOLVED IN ACTIVISM, and is socially well connected and invited all over, TO BE FULFILLED.
She has GOT to be kidding!
This columnist is basically so BACKWARD, it's amazing to me that she's even breathing in 2016!
Of course her distain is shown in that she does not like "Lotharios." Let me be the one to say that most of the glamorous and ambitious models and actresses and other women Leonardo has been a Lothario with have not exactly just arrived in from the nunery. These are aware women. These are sexy women. These women are not demanding they be married before they have sex. So MOIR is blaming the man for sex when it's more like It Takes Two to Tango.
She needs to check her attitude but, sadly, there are a lot of people out there who still think like she does.
Sister
2/14/16
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all you NMNK!
Looking through an old scrapbook of Valentines I received as a child, I'm reminded that not so long ago FRIENDS, SIBLINGS and RELATIVES, PARENTS, AUNTS and UNCLES, CLASSMATES - everybody gave everybody Valentines. They could be cute, funny, dumb, corny, clever... the cards didn't have to BE ROMANTIC to be APPRECIATED.
Which means, you CAN SO CELEBRATE THIS DAY, without being involved romantically with ANYONE!
Sister
1/19/16
WOMEN GETTING TOGETHER TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MEN - IS THERE REALLY A SORTAGE OF "GOOD MEN?"
WOMEN GETTING TOGETHER TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MEN - IS THERE REALLY A SORTAGE OF "GOOD MEN?"
Yes and no.
Something I don't much miss is getting together with women who are trying to get married and unhappy. Now honestly, sometimes "dating hell" stories are funny (looking back on it), or tragic, or simply must be told to a bevy of women friends so that one can get support. It's women's night out and everyone is kicking back and complaining, which is no fun.
It's not easy dating for the purposes of finding someone right to marry, and really many of my women friends have put up with a whole lotta you know what in the process. They are in pain. Which is a shame. So there have been SO VERY MANY DATING SELF HELP BOOKS published in recent years in which experts (self-proclaimed) attempt to explain how to do it better.
And I DO think, based on the experience of friends, that many women are MAKING DO, so that they will not be alone in this life.
Let's say that in your late teens and early twenties, you're just out of the starting gate, and so are most of the other horses. People are mixing it up, are often sexually explorative, and very many do get married. Late twenties and mid-thirties is the "it's about time,"/ "everyone's doing it" zone. Dangerous. Mid-thirties to mid-forties, if there is any time in which a "biological clock" ticks (for some women) that's when marriage is about having a baby before it is too late. (And actually, all things considered after your mid-forties it probably is too late, even if you read about a billionaire woman having a child near 60 years old - consider that her fortune will sustain the best for a child even if she's dead.)
I think people are dating wrong, and though I know this applies to a lot of men also, I'm speaking to other women here.
First of all YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF, and this is not about your own personal philosophy (an esoteric concept) but practical things like how important income, religion, sex, and other big issues are to you.
If you are very religious no doubt you need to find a man at your church, or at least of the same or very similar religion. The more political you are - ditto. I'm telling you that if there is anything at all that others think of you as "radical" about, you probably are in some way, and differences here will end up breaking you as a couple.
Think you can "work" on big differences? You probably CAN if there is only ONE big difference. Consider that different races, different in "class," and expectations about income (who makes it, who makes more, who quits working to childcare, etc.) are all issues, as in BIG ISSUES.
So, let's say you're exceptional. You've made it out of poverty to become a Phd. You're also a Republican even though your family is a Democrat. Through hard work and sacrifice and innate brilliance you have gone way past your circumstances of birth. You will probably feel most comfortable with someone from a similar experience. (I know - good luck finding this person!)
And MOST COMFORTABLE is the thing people have dismissed as THE ALL-IMPORTANT consideration when they are dating to find a spouse.
Because HOME, your marriage/relationship, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE there, or it is not the REFUGE from the rest of the world/life that it needs to be to sustain you. This means you don't bicker every day and you don't have too many blow ups. Maybe you're not constantly verbally communicating, but because you have no to few BIG ISSUES there are other ways to know and FEEL you are on the same page.
One of my friend's divorce came down to this. He was from a Germanic Father is ruler of the home background, and even if his wife's income was much higher, and even if he was out of work, he was NOT going to do much childcare. She was from a Slavic Mother is ruler of the home background, and a working woman, who wanted a role reversal. They had a power struggle over the children constantly.
C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot/ "Sister"
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
Something I don't much miss is getting together with women who are trying to get married and unhappy. Now honestly, sometimes "dating hell" stories are funny (looking back on it), or tragic, or simply must be told to a bevy of women friends so that one can get support. It's women's night out and everyone is kicking back and complaining, which is no fun.
It's not easy dating for the purposes of finding someone right to marry, and really many of my women friends have put up with a whole lotta you know what in the process. They are in pain. Which is a shame. So there have been SO VERY MANY DATING SELF HELP BOOKS published in recent years in which experts (self-proclaimed) attempt to explain how to do it better.
And I DO think, based on the experience of friends, that many women are MAKING DO, so that they will not be alone in this life.
Let's say that in your late teens and early twenties, you're just out of the starting gate, and so are most of the other horses. People are mixing it up, are often sexually explorative, and very many do get married. Late twenties and mid-thirties is the "it's about time,"/ "everyone's doing it" zone. Dangerous. Mid-thirties to mid-forties, if there is any time in which a "biological clock" ticks (for some women) that's when marriage is about having a baby before it is too late. (And actually, all things considered after your mid-forties it probably is too late, even if you read about a billionaire woman having a child near 60 years old - consider that her fortune will sustain the best for a child even if she's dead.)
I think people are dating wrong, and though I know this applies to a lot of men also, I'm speaking to other women here.
First of all YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF, and this is not about your own personal philosophy (an esoteric concept) but practical things like how important income, religion, sex, and other big issues are to you.
If you are very religious no doubt you need to find a man at your church, or at least of the same or very similar religion. The more political you are - ditto. I'm telling you that if there is anything at all that others think of you as "radical" about, you probably are in some way, and differences here will end up breaking you as a couple.
Think you can "work" on big differences? You probably CAN if there is only ONE big difference. Consider that different races, different in "class," and expectations about income (who makes it, who makes more, who quits working to childcare, etc.) are all issues, as in BIG ISSUES.
So, let's say you're exceptional. You've made it out of poverty to become a Phd. You're also a Republican even though your family is a Democrat. Through hard work and sacrifice and innate brilliance you have gone way past your circumstances of birth. You will probably feel most comfortable with someone from a similar experience. (I know - good luck finding this person!)
And MOST COMFORTABLE is the thing people have dismissed as THE ALL-IMPORTANT consideration when they are dating to find a spouse.
Because HOME, your marriage/relationship, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE there, or it is not the REFUGE from the rest of the world/life that it needs to be to sustain you. This means you don't bicker every day and you don't have too many blow ups. Maybe you're not constantly verbally communicating, but because you have no to few BIG ISSUES there are other ways to know and FEEL you are on the same page.
One of my friend's divorce came down to this. He was from a Germanic Father is ruler of the home background, and even if his wife's income was much higher, and even if he was out of work, he was NOT going to do much childcare. She was from a Slavic Mother is ruler of the home background, and a working woman, who wanted a role reversal. They had a power struggle over the children constantly.
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
1/4/16
DO PEOPLE REALLY MAKE THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION THAT THEY WILL NOT DATE, HAVE SEX, OR MARRY?
They do!
But I actually never have.
One might think, because I write this blog, that I've totally given up or find distasteful the very idea of dating, having sex, or getting married. Not true.
I'm devoted though to going without a relationship unless it's right, and it's not that I think there is only one Mr. Right for me, or for anyone; I really do not expect perfection. But I also do not care to pretend someone who is not right for me is, in order to be part of society. I know I'm not perfect and others are not perfect. I get that. It's just that the longer I live, the more people I know who have divorced because they married for all the wrong reasons (or some of the wrong reasons) such as "It's about time."
I'm not talking about marriages that are abusive which should never happen at all. I'm talking about incompatibility that was overlooked or not dealt with in the first place. Years go by and suddenly the couple realizes theses things. It's tragic when there are children involved.
I think, if you're going to have even one child, first find a great partner and then willfully have that child.
I don't hate children.
I just know that I cannot give a child what all it deserves. Again, not expecting perfection. If I had a child I might even have to home school it, rather than send it to a bad school.
So there!
But I actually never have.
One might think, because I write this blog, that I've totally given up or find distasteful the very idea of dating, having sex, or getting married. Not true.
I'm devoted though to going without a relationship unless it's right, and it's not that I think there is only one Mr. Right for me, or for anyone; I really do not expect perfection. But I also do not care to pretend someone who is not right for me is, in order to be part of society. I know I'm not perfect and others are not perfect. I get that. It's just that the longer I live, the more people I know who have divorced because they married for all the wrong reasons (or some of the wrong reasons) such as "It's about time."
I'm not talking about marriages that are abusive which should never happen at all. I'm talking about incompatibility that was overlooked or not dealt with in the first place. Years go by and suddenly the couple realizes theses things. It's tragic when there are children involved.
I think, if you're going to have even one child, first find a great partner and then willfully have that child.
I don't hate children.
I just know that I cannot give a child what all it deserves. Again, not expecting perfection. If I had a child I might even have to home school it, rather than send it to a bad school.
So there!
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