Here between Christmas, New Years, and ... upcoming... Valentine's Day, I'm still unmarried after all these years. This morning, learning from a senior citizen cousin that a widower in town has expressed the wrong kind of interest in me, I heard myself saying to her, "I'm convinced I was not fated to have a partner in his life."
That is true.
It's also true that I have done near nothing to find a husband or partner.
Valentine's Day is such as wistful holiday.
And I think that all these holidays, but most especially Valentine's Day is when NMNK are made to feel wrong to be alone - but not lonely!
If you are really truly lonely and do not esteem your own company, or the company of your relations, friends, coworkers, and strangers you meet here, there, and everywhere, then you will likely do something about it.
After all there are plentiful socializing networking opportunities on this Internet, if the local book club isn't doing it for you.
My senior citizen cousin is married over 50 years now, and though she met a few jerks before she married, this was all before the age of 21. These days her 18 year old grand-daughter wants to marry her boyfriend and she is howling at her not to because she is too young.
I stay out of it, but I think love is love and that this 18 year old and her boyfriend do love each other. Who am I to say that based on being too young she should give him up and get busy with education and a career instead?
10/18/17
FIVE YEARS TOGETHER - SHE WANTS MARRIAGE - HE DOESN'T : MAKE UP AND BREAK UP IS A GAME FOR FOOLS
My advice?
I told her I didn't think everyone was meant for marriage and that there is nothing essentially wrong with a person who doesn't marry. However, they are incompatible in this one HUGE way.
They are both in their forties. She says they've had the discussion several times. He just does not "see himself" married. But I care about this woman, and I know that she does want to marry someday, and she wants her later years in life to be married years. Is the fact that she's hit her forties unmarried mean it's impossible? Despite "great sex," "best friendship," and "loving to pieces," should she dump him? Is it all her fault she's given five years to having love, having someone, having something, rather than nothing at all?
So I went on the Internet and there are sure a lot of people, including psychologists who are making this type of relationship pathological. So much advice by educated women coming to the old "Why buy the cow when the milk is free." They should be embarrassed to have been to college, to be feminists, and think like that.
Yes, my friend HAS in so many ways agreed to have a non-marital relationship. And it would be emotionally difficult for her to give him up. Is he taking advantage of that? Maybe. She reports all is well otherwise.
Basic advice on the net is to break up, or go to therapy seeking to find out what is wrong with the reluctant partner.
So, what is MY ADVICE?
My advice is to have a conversation in which she admits that she loves him, and it's going to be really hard to do so, but that she needs to be free of him for some time - several months at least - so she can figure out what's next for her and he needs to be free of her for the same reason. Yes, it's a break up. Not punishing. Not manipulative. Not demanding. Just standing up for herself and her needs. And she must ask that all her family and friends not get involved, not give him reports on how she is; they really need to know what it's like to NOT have each other. I imagine it will be awful. Lonely nights, sexual frustration, questioning one's state of mind, maybe even depression.
The reason I suggest this though is that basically breaking up and making up and breaking up and making up is ADDICTIVE and the EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER in doing so is simply no good for anyone. So it's time apart, the real deal. If she still wants to marry him, she cannot take him back unless he wants to. Guess who's in charge of that reapproachment? Not her. HIM.
Not easy.
Because it may be turning ones back on love and years without anyone at all. But I believe one must clear the way, and involved as she is, few men are going to invade that or risk it.
Sister
I told her I didn't think everyone was meant for marriage and that there is nothing essentially wrong with a person who doesn't marry. However, they are incompatible in this one HUGE way.
They are both in their forties. She says they've had the discussion several times. He just does not "see himself" married. But I care about this woman, and I know that she does want to marry someday, and she wants her later years in life to be married years. Is the fact that she's hit her forties unmarried mean it's impossible? Despite "great sex," "best friendship," and "loving to pieces," should she dump him? Is it all her fault she's given five years to having love, having someone, having something, rather than nothing at all?
So I went on the Internet and there are sure a lot of people, including psychologists who are making this type of relationship pathological. So much advice by educated women coming to the old "Why buy the cow when the milk is free." They should be embarrassed to have been to college, to be feminists, and think like that.
Yes, my friend HAS in so many ways agreed to have a non-marital relationship. And it would be emotionally difficult for her to give him up. Is he taking advantage of that? Maybe. She reports all is well otherwise.
Basic advice on the net is to break up, or go to therapy seeking to find out what is wrong with the reluctant partner.
So, what is MY ADVICE?
My advice is to have a conversation in which she admits that she loves him, and it's going to be really hard to do so, but that she needs to be free of him for some time - several months at least - so she can figure out what's next for her and he needs to be free of her for the same reason. Yes, it's a break up. Not punishing. Not manipulative. Not demanding. Just standing up for herself and her needs. And she must ask that all her family and friends not get involved, not give him reports on how she is; they really need to know what it's like to NOT have each other. I imagine it will be awful. Lonely nights, sexual frustration, questioning one's state of mind, maybe even depression.
The reason I suggest this though is that basically breaking up and making up and breaking up and making up is ADDICTIVE and the EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER in doing so is simply no good for anyone. So it's time apart, the real deal. If she still wants to marry him, she cannot take him back unless he wants to. Guess who's in charge of that reapproachment? Not her. HIM.
Not easy.
Because it may be turning ones back on love and years without anyone at all. But I believe one must clear the way, and involved as she is, few men are going to invade that or risk it.
Sister
9/23/17
GLBTG NMNK GENDER NON CONFORMING
ALL THOSE LETTERS....
GAY LESBIAN BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS
I've been reminded that while some heterosexual people who are NMNK are accused of being one of those - gay lesbian bisexual or transgender people - some actually are, and I feel I've neglected those of you.
I learned that there is another definition that fits with the others sometimes
GENDER NON CONFORMING
In the sense that I have never been motivated to have babies, some people would think this is how I am.
Growing up I know that when my school opened wood shop and metal crafts to female students some of us took those classes. It was so sexist! At the time males were allowed to take cooking and sewing!
Some of us took electives or side classes like POWDER PUFF MECHANICS!
It was considered a good thing for females to know how to change their own oil. And soon we were all pumping our own gas and that sure eliminated some service station jobs.
If you were a woman who was good at auto mechanics it was assumed you were lesbian.
Unless you were also married to a man, a macho man.
So are we STILL assuming that a woman who is an auto mechanic is lesbian, or is she GENDER NON CONFORMING!?
I think you might be as confused as me.
Must you be in a body that LOOKS feminine to be a WOMAN and enjoy CONFORMITY OF GENDER in order to be Transgender?
I am not a girly girl.
I remember going through a faze where I despised the color PINK.
I was an artist, and an experimenter with media, including mud and dyes, from a very young age. I also drew hundreds of portraits of dancing girls, all with different costumes.
What if I was obsessed with drawing dancing men, what would that make me.
I like my body as is, and am satisfied that I'm female, but my unmarried, childless status, puts me into question, a new category.
Anyone else out there feel like me?
GAY LESBIAN BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS
I've been reminded that while some heterosexual people who are NMNK are accused of being one of those - gay lesbian bisexual or transgender people - some actually are, and I feel I've neglected those of you.
I learned that there is another definition that fits with the others sometimes
GENDER NON CONFORMING
In the sense that I have never been motivated to have babies, some people would think this is how I am.
Growing up I know that when my school opened wood shop and metal crafts to female students some of us took those classes. It was so sexist! At the time males were allowed to take cooking and sewing!
Some of us took electives or side classes like POWDER PUFF MECHANICS!
It was considered a good thing for females to know how to change their own oil. And soon we were all pumping our own gas and that sure eliminated some service station jobs.
If you were a woman who was good at auto mechanics it was assumed you were lesbian.
Unless you were also married to a man, a macho man.
So are we STILL assuming that a woman who is an auto mechanic is lesbian, or is she GENDER NON CONFORMING!?
I think you might be as confused as me.
Must you be in a body that LOOKS feminine to be a WOMAN and enjoy CONFORMITY OF GENDER in order to be Transgender?
I am not a girly girl.
I remember going through a faze where I despised the color PINK.
I was an artist, and an experimenter with media, including mud and dyes, from a very young age. I also drew hundreds of portraits of dancing girls, all with different costumes.
What if I was obsessed with drawing dancing men, what would that make me.
I like my body as is, and am satisfied that I'm female, but my unmarried, childless status, puts me into question, a new category.
Anyone else out there feel like me?
9/16/17
HOMELESS NMNK - THERE IS NEAR NO HELP FOR THE CHILDLESS, THE CLEAN LIVING, THE LAW ABIDING
This is a sobering post, because I'm one of thousands in Southern California who loves their independence and prefers it.
Over the last year the stats are that there has been a 23 % increase in homelessness IN ONE YEAR. It's estimated by a census, which means those who were available to be counted and is probably an extremely low count, that 50,000 are homeless in Los Angeles. It's difficult to understand stats from this area, because the COUNTY of Los Angeles has many cities that are or are not included in certain stats. Some of these, such as Santa Monica, have their own stats.
Over the last few months several people I know have been effected by the RAPIDLY INCREASING COST OF HOUSING, and since over 60% of those living in the CITY of LA are RENTERS, and the cost of owning a home is making it increasingly impossible to do so, so many people are STUCK where they currently live, if indeed they are free from rental increases.
If you are young, vital, recently educated, and just starting a career in this big city, you may be able to deal with paying a couple thousand for a one bedroom apartment, or three thousand to share with a roommate. BUT IF YOU ARE NMNK, you may not WANT to deal with room mates after college days. You may equate adulthood with being able to afford independence.
My street has been effected by the construction of yet another "EXCLUSIVE" building, and we are so sick of hearing that term as well as the term LUXURY when the square footage is cramped, the parking is not adequate for the residence of the building or the street, the faucets are not gold plated, and the carpets are not plush and laid over concrete. For two years we put up with noise, violations to the city ordinances about when hammering and yelling must cease, dust and garbage, and trucks bringing materials and carting away refuse. Then the place opened, with a Major Domo kind of man, very smooth, as the leasing agent representative. He assured everyone who asked that they would have no trouble getting tenants. He said from out of state, such as from Manhattan. Overall, it sounded like to me that these would be people transferred by their companies, or who were so used to ancient buildings, small spaces, and higher prices, that they would not know better here - at least not for a while.
It took six weeks to get the place rented, and the cars overflowing our street were expensive.
A security guard/doorman was assigned to the spot, a good idea, since we have graffiti, vandalism, and so on in the area.
Soon after this, the landlords on the street began raising rents, usually with 30 days notice, a small period of time to entrap tenants, with$300 a month rent increases. As some people fled, unable to pay this rent, the signs of availability started to go up. An old building displaced a senior citizen with a rent of $1575.00 for a one bedroom. A building that had a sign up from the City of LA telling tenants to put their rents in escrow because the owner had failed to do demanded repairs, fired the management company, raised the rent, and did the repairs.
On I could go.
I presently have an associate, a mom with two children, who has been renting an RV in a driveway for nine months, another associate, a single mom, who has after two years in with her mom, been granted a single in another town for a miracle $400 a month, another person with a disabled child who after over 20 years in the same place was given 6 months notice of a DOUBLING of RENT, and at month 5, near homeless, was granted a senior building voucher and got in there, someone else who could no longer afford after 23 years living in a vehicle, and so on.
SO I STARTED LOOKING FOR RESOURCES - HELP FOR THESE PEOPLE.
If you are NMNK you have near no resources.
If you are a single mother yes, a family yes, drug addicted yes, mentally ill yes, and already on SSI or SSDI yes. But if you have not brought children into this world you can't afford, if you are employed or self employed, if you are healthy, if you are sane, THE STREET is WHERE YOU MAY END UP.
I'm asking YOU to check out what your area has when it comes to resources for people like us!
Advocate for us to be recognized as worthy of help.
Over the last year the stats are that there has been a 23 % increase in homelessness IN ONE YEAR. It's estimated by a census, which means those who were available to be counted and is probably an extremely low count, that 50,000 are homeless in Los Angeles. It's difficult to understand stats from this area, because the COUNTY of Los Angeles has many cities that are or are not included in certain stats. Some of these, such as Santa Monica, have their own stats.
Over the last few months several people I know have been effected by the RAPIDLY INCREASING COST OF HOUSING, and since over 60% of those living in the CITY of LA are RENTERS, and the cost of owning a home is making it increasingly impossible to do so, so many people are STUCK where they currently live, if indeed they are free from rental increases.
If you are young, vital, recently educated, and just starting a career in this big city, you may be able to deal with paying a couple thousand for a one bedroom apartment, or three thousand to share with a roommate. BUT IF YOU ARE NMNK, you may not WANT to deal with room mates after college days. You may equate adulthood with being able to afford independence.
My street has been effected by the construction of yet another "EXCLUSIVE" building, and we are so sick of hearing that term as well as the term LUXURY when the square footage is cramped, the parking is not adequate for the residence of the building or the street, the faucets are not gold plated, and the carpets are not plush and laid over concrete. For two years we put up with noise, violations to the city ordinances about when hammering and yelling must cease, dust and garbage, and trucks bringing materials and carting away refuse. Then the place opened, with a Major Domo kind of man, very smooth, as the leasing agent representative. He assured everyone who asked that they would have no trouble getting tenants. He said from out of state, such as from Manhattan. Overall, it sounded like to me that these would be people transferred by their companies, or who were so used to ancient buildings, small spaces, and higher prices, that they would not know better here - at least not for a while.
It took six weeks to get the place rented, and the cars overflowing our street were expensive.
A security guard/doorman was assigned to the spot, a good idea, since we have graffiti, vandalism, and so on in the area.
Soon after this, the landlords on the street began raising rents, usually with 30 days notice, a small period of time to entrap tenants, with$300 a month rent increases. As some people fled, unable to pay this rent, the signs of availability started to go up. An old building displaced a senior citizen with a rent of $1575.00 for a one bedroom. A building that had a sign up from the City of LA telling tenants to put their rents in escrow because the owner had failed to do demanded repairs, fired the management company, raised the rent, and did the repairs.
On I could go.
I presently have an associate, a mom with two children, who has been renting an RV in a driveway for nine months, another associate, a single mom, who has after two years in with her mom, been granted a single in another town for a miracle $400 a month, another person with a disabled child who after over 20 years in the same place was given 6 months notice of a DOUBLING of RENT, and at month 5, near homeless, was granted a senior building voucher and got in there, someone else who could no longer afford after 23 years living in a vehicle, and so on.
SO I STARTED LOOKING FOR RESOURCES - HELP FOR THESE PEOPLE.
If you are NMNK you have near no resources.
If you are a single mother yes, a family yes, drug addicted yes, mentally ill yes, and already on SSI or SSDI yes. But if you have not brought children into this world you can't afford, if you are employed or self employed, if you are healthy, if you are sane, THE STREET is WHERE YOU MAY END UP.
I'm asking YOU to check out what your area has when it comes to resources for people like us!
Advocate for us to be recognized as worthy of help.
8/16/17
BIG FAMILIES ARE NOT CLOSE FAMILIES - THE LOGISTICS PREVENT IT
The other day I was home in bed, not feeling well, and my mind turned to some of the horrors of relatives who do not approve of my lifestyle. A sick body can make your thinking sick and visa versa.
You can page through this blog and read about some of this, from surprise matchmaking to an aunt who PR's against me as someone who "doesn't even hold a baby."
I started handwriting it out. And I realized a simple reason why I don't have a close connection with most of my relatives.
THERE WERE TOO MANY OF THEM.
Both of my parents came from BIG FAMILIES. I never did understand the alliances they made (or not) with certain siblings, but it seemed birth order or age related. Basically, if your oldest brother is already married and has established a family in another state before you are born, you're not likely to be close. I'm unaware of any real rivalries or issues between them and their siblings. It's more like how it worked out.
When I was growing up, we tended to mostly visit wherever the grandparent had been taken in. The children who took in parents had to accept that maybe all their siblings would visit there to see the grandparent. As a result, I got to know these aunts and uncles best because visiting their home, we were likely to encounter other relatives.
I was impossible though to even visit with each and every family, not even once a year. The logistics were impossible and many of my aunts and uncles also had larger families (though not larger than the families they were from.) Some of them may have even used contraception to limit the number of children they had, none had as many as the family they were from.
After a while we became "weddings and funerals" kind of family.
So over time I got to know about four families, two on each side, somewhat.
In the end it seems no one is both alive and close.
THEN THERE ARE MY FRIENDS WHO COME FROM SMALL FAMILIES; two or three siblings max, maybe four aunts and uncles - and their spouses. They all seem to be so much more close - and functioning as families.
THIS THEN MAY BE AN ARGUEMENT FOR SMALL FAMILIES.
Of course small families can also be dysfunctional or cousins who substitute in for siblings can be a problem
One of my friends is an only child and since her father deserted them, her stepfather who her mom married when she was already near 12, is the only father she has known. She has a cousin who is also an only child, who married and had two children who were born disabled. As things stand, my friend's step father is now supporting this cousin and the two children, as he's the only family member who has enough income to do so. She wonders if there is going to be any money left for an inheritance that she would need to actually retire.
Then there is a friend, also an only child, who was used to two parents basically always considering her opinion. I wouldn't say she was spoiled but I'd say this was privilege. She married the favorite son of two hovering parents, and their marriage was full of Power Struggles and Conflict, as they both wanted their way and he wasn't even considering her opinion. Finally, he won and she let him, but her vitality has deflated. I don't think she's happy.
So is this the future for most only children? Is having siblings important to being socialized or considerate of others or capable of compromise?
You can page through this blog and read about some of this, from surprise matchmaking to an aunt who PR's against me as someone who "doesn't even hold a baby."
I started handwriting it out. And I realized a simple reason why I don't have a close connection with most of my relatives.
THERE WERE TOO MANY OF THEM.
Both of my parents came from BIG FAMILIES. I never did understand the alliances they made (or not) with certain siblings, but it seemed birth order or age related. Basically, if your oldest brother is already married and has established a family in another state before you are born, you're not likely to be close. I'm unaware of any real rivalries or issues between them and their siblings. It's more like how it worked out.
When I was growing up, we tended to mostly visit wherever the grandparent had been taken in. The children who took in parents had to accept that maybe all their siblings would visit there to see the grandparent. As a result, I got to know these aunts and uncles best because visiting their home, we were likely to encounter other relatives.
I was impossible though to even visit with each and every family, not even once a year. The logistics were impossible and many of my aunts and uncles also had larger families (though not larger than the families they were from.) Some of them may have even used contraception to limit the number of children they had, none had as many as the family they were from.
After a while we became "weddings and funerals" kind of family.
So over time I got to know about four families, two on each side, somewhat.
In the end it seems no one is both alive and close.
THEN THERE ARE MY FRIENDS WHO COME FROM SMALL FAMILIES; two or three siblings max, maybe four aunts and uncles - and their spouses. They all seem to be so much more close - and functioning as families.
THIS THEN MAY BE AN ARGUEMENT FOR SMALL FAMILIES.
Of course small families can also be dysfunctional or cousins who substitute in for siblings can be a problem
One of my friends is an only child and since her father deserted them, her stepfather who her mom married when she was already near 12, is the only father she has known. She has a cousin who is also an only child, who married and had two children who were born disabled. As things stand, my friend's step father is now supporting this cousin and the two children, as he's the only family member who has enough income to do so. She wonders if there is going to be any money left for an inheritance that she would need to actually retire.
Then there is a friend, also an only child, who was used to two parents basically always considering her opinion. I wouldn't say she was spoiled but I'd say this was privilege. She married the favorite son of two hovering parents, and their marriage was full of Power Struggles and Conflict, as they both wanted their way and he wasn't even considering her opinion. Finally, he won and she let him, but her vitality has deflated. I don't think she's happy.
So is this the future for most only children? Is having siblings important to being socialized or considerate of others or capable of compromise?
8/9/17
WHEN ALONE IS LONELY - THE BROKEN TOOTH STORY
One of the notions of this blog is that ALONE isn't the same as LONELY.
I figure that few individuals are completely isolated and have no communications with other human beings. I figure that most people who don't marry and don't have children are still members of family. But what happens when everyone you used to know has died and you have no one to depend on in a crisis or to bury you?
This is one of the biggest fears anyone has. It's a fear I have. Even if it's a bit unreasonable right now.
I don't want my readers to think that I have no fear.
A few months ago I broke a tooth while eating almonds. That chunk that broke off I thought was an almond piece stuck between teeth until I removed it. Yikes! So began SAVING THE TOOTH, an expensive and ultimately hopeless ordeal because the tooth continued to break off little pieces. From the dentist's warning "I promised you that you will find yourself in a crisis with that tooth if you don't have it pulled", to the crisis (her refusal to give me antibiotics), I did nothing. I've never had a tooth pulled. I'm a coward. The options to replace the tooth are also expensive. I was warned I had to do some sort of replacement within a few months of having the tooth removed. When I asked the dentist who refused me antibiotics what would happen if she got the tooth out in her office numbed up a bit, a process she said would take about an hour, and found horrible infection underneath it, she referred me out to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon said about the same thing. I said I wanted to be put under. My insurance doesn't pay for that. I said I would pay for it.
Meanwhile the tooth continued to break, leaving less and less above the gum line to be pulled.
The day I scheduled the event, I was told "You have to have someone to bring you here and take you home and stay with you."
I said, "Don't worry. I won't drive. I'll call a cab."
"No. We mean we will not put you under unless you have someone to stay with you." Now I imagined myself laying in the back of a car stuck on the freeway, all that auto exhaust building up in the back and making me sick while still a bit under the anesthesia, a totally nauseous thing to expect a friend to deal with.
"Can't I just hang out there for a couple hours in a chair after the procedure, and then take the cab home?
"No."
"Then let's not schedule."
So, I started to feel lonely. But not so lonely as to marry just anyone or have children to take care of me in my old age!
I have friends who cannot take off work easily to attend to me.
It seems ridiculous to me that I've been refused antibiotics while being warned about an underlying infection and pending crisis. I decided the tooth as is, a bit unsightly, is worth putting off treatment for.
I started seeing people with teeth broken to the gum line and left like that wherever I went.
I realized that the simple tooth pull is no longer a possibility. It will have to be dug out. It is now oral surgery for real.
Yes, I feel alone in this.
Sister
C 2017 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids Blogspot
I figure that few individuals are completely isolated and have no communications with other human beings. I figure that most people who don't marry and don't have children are still members of family. But what happens when everyone you used to know has died and you have no one to depend on in a crisis or to bury you?
This is one of the biggest fears anyone has. It's a fear I have. Even if it's a bit unreasonable right now.
I don't want my readers to think that I have no fear.
A few months ago I broke a tooth while eating almonds. That chunk that broke off I thought was an almond piece stuck between teeth until I removed it. Yikes! So began SAVING THE TOOTH, an expensive and ultimately hopeless ordeal because the tooth continued to break off little pieces. From the dentist's warning "I promised you that you will find yourself in a crisis with that tooth if you don't have it pulled", to the crisis (her refusal to give me antibiotics), I did nothing. I've never had a tooth pulled. I'm a coward. The options to replace the tooth are also expensive. I was warned I had to do some sort of replacement within a few months of having the tooth removed. When I asked the dentist who refused me antibiotics what would happen if she got the tooth out in her office numbed up a bit, a process she said would take about an hour, and found horrible infection underneath it, she referred me out to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon said about the same thing. I said I wanted to be put under. My insurance doesn't pay for that. I said I would pay for it.
Meanwhile the tooth continued to break, leaving less and less above the gum line to be pulled.
The day I scheduled the event, I was told "You have to have someone to bring you here and take you home and stay with you."
I said, "Don't worry. I won't drive. I'll call a cab."
"No. We mean we will not put you under unless you have someone to stay with you." Now I imagined myself laying in the back of a car stuck on the freeway, all that auto exhaust building up in the back and making me sick while still a bit under the anesthesia, a totally nauseous thing to expect a friend to deal with.
"Can't I just hang out there for a couple hours in a chair after the procedure, and then take the cab home?
"No."
"Then let's not schedule."
So, I started to feel lonely. But not so lonely as to marry just anyone or have children to take care of me in my old age!
I have friends who cannot take off work easily to attend to me.
It seems ridiculous to me that I've been refused antibiotics while being warned about an underlying infection and pending crisis. I decided the tooth as is, a bit unsightly, is worth putting off treatment for.
I started seeing people with teeth broken to the gum line and left like that wherever I went.
I realized that the simple tooth pull is no longer a possibility. It will have to be dug out. It is now oral surgery for real.
Yes, I feel alone in this.
Sister
C 2017 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids Blogspot
7/25/17
FRIEND BEATS AGE 50 DEADLINE - IMPORTS CHINESE BRIDE
OOOOH how I hope this is a "miracle of love" situation. I've learned a friend of mine, a man who never seemed to find a Ms. Right, though he met a lot of possibilities, imported a woman from China to be his wife. She's an intelligent woman and speaks English. Much younger than him (I should say "of course"). Young enough that she could stay married to him for a decade, get a nice social security retirement out of it, divorce, remarry.
How did they meet?
Chinese-American friends made the match, then they were using Skype or equivalent for courtship. He went there to marry her, and at the same time they honeymooned as tourists, saw the Great Wall.
I'd be completely rude if I didn't wish them a wonderful life. Don't think I can't be happy for him/them because I can. Hope springs eternal.
It's just that me and my girlfriends are a bit suspicious when an American man has to import. We see the woman far from her family and support system, sometimes financially unable to leave if she wants to.
My old friend is someone who always has to have his own way. He needs someone to live around him and make his life easier. He's not someone who has ever physically abused another person, but he can be passive aggressive. He has a good sense of humor. Sometimes it's a bit wicked.
A mutual friend said, "Come on Sister, he's an A-hole! The reason you're not close anymore is that as the years went by he became less and less flexible, less willing and able to meet you half way on anything. You two used to go to films a lot. It got to where if he wasn't picking the film, he wasn't going!"
Yea.
C 2017 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot
How did they meet?
Chinese-American friends made the match, then they were using Skype or equivalent for courtship. He went there to marry her, and at the same time they honeymooned as tourists, saw the Great Wall.
I'd be completely rude if I didn't wish them a wonderful life. Don't think I can't be happy for him/them because I can. Hope springs eternal.
It's just that me and my girlfriends are a bit suspicious when an American man has to import. We see the woman far from her family and support system, sometimes financially unable to leave if she wants to.
My old friend is someone who always has to have his own way. He needs someone to live around him and make his life easier. He's not someone who has ever physically abused another person, but he can be passive aggressive. He has a good sense of humor. Sometimes it's a bit wicked.
A mutual friend said, "Come on Sister, he's an A-hole! The reason you're not close anymore is that as the years went by he became less and less flexible, less willing and able to meet you half way on anything. You two used to go to films a lot. It got to where if he wasn't picking the film, he wasn't going!"
Yea.
C 2017 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot
5/17/17
ONE IN FOUR OF YOU WILL MEET AGE 50 NEVER MARRIED
THE CONVERSTION - MORE PEOPLE THAN EVER BEFORE ARE SINGLE - and that's a good thing by Bella DePaula, a social scientist from UC Santa Barbara
EXCERPT:
In fact, people who live alone are often the life of their cities and towns. They tend to participate in more civic groups and public events, enroll in more art and music classes, and go out to dinner more often than people who live with others. Single people, regardless of whether they live alone or with others, also volunteer more for social service organizations, educational groups, hospitals and organizations devoted to the arts than people who are married.
In contrast, when couples move in together or get married, they tend to become more insular, even if they don’t have children.
EXCERPT:
In fact, people who live alone are often the life of their cities and towns. They tend to participate in more civic groups and public events, enroll in more art and music classes, and go out to dinner more often than people who live with others. Single people, regardless of whether they live alone or with others, also volunteer more for social service organizations, educational groups, hospitals and organizations devoted to the arts than people who are married.
In contrast, when couples move in together or get married, they tend to become more insular, even if they don’t have children.
5/14/17
HAPPY NURTERERS DAY to ALL YOU NON PARENTS
Nurturer? Well, it seems there is a day on our calendar to remember dad with cards and gifts and outings to restaurants, and another on our calendar for mom.
But I think these days are gender specific and what we need is ONE DAY to HONOR ALL OF US WHO NURTURE!
Think of all the ways you as a NMNK nurture. It's taking care of parents, family members, neighbors, and people who are not related to us but who, because of our job description, are still nurtured by us. If you are a teacher, social worker, psychologist, this is a little or a lot true.
We also nurture our pets. And our plants.
We don't have to be married or personally have children to be good and kind, giving and uplifting to other people, to aid them in self realization or fulfillment, so that they can best participate in life!
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
But I think these days are gender specific and what we need is ONE DAY to HONOR ALL OF US WHO NURTURE!
Think of all the ways you as a NMNK nurture. It's taking care of parents, family members, neighbors, and people who are not related to us but who, because of our job description, are still nurtured by us. If you are a teacher, social worker, psychologist, this is a little or a lot true.
We also nurture our pets. And our plants.
We don't have to be married or personally have children to be good and kind, giving and uplifting to other people, to aid them in self realization or fulfillment, so that they can best participate in life!
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
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