One of the notions of this blog is that ALONE isn't the same as LONELY.
I figure that few individuals are completely isolated and have no communications with other human beings. I figure that most people who don't marry and don't have children are still members of family. But what happens when everyone you used to know has died and you have no one to depend on in a crisis or to bury you?
This is one of the biggest fears anyone has. It's a fear I have. Even if it's a bit unreasonable right now.
I don't want my readers to think that I have no fear.
A few months ago I broke a tooth while eating almonds. That chunk that broke off I thought was an almond piece stuck between teeth until I removed it. Yikes! So began SAVING THE TOOTH, an expensive and ultimately hopeless ordeal because the tooth continued to break off little pieces. From the dentist's warning "I promised you that you will find yourself in a crisis with that tooth if you don't have it pulled", to the crisis (her refusal to give me antibiotics), I did nothing. I've never had a tooth pulled. I'm a coward. The options to replace the tooth are also expensive. I was warned I had to do some sort of replacement within a few months of having the tooth removed. When I asked the dentist who refused me antibiotics what would happen if she got the tooth out in her office numbed up a bit, a process she said would take about an hour, and found horrible infection underneath it, she referred me out to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon said about the same thing. I said I wanted to be put under. My insurance doesn't pay for that. I said I would pay for it.
Meanwhile the tooth continued to break, leaving less and less above the gum line to be pulled.
The day I scheduled the event, I was told "You have to have someone to bring you here and take you home and stay with you."
I said, "Don't worry. I won't drive. I'll call a cab."
"No. We mean we will not put you under unless you have someone to stay with you." Now I imagined myself laying in the back of a car stuck on the freeway, all that auto exhaust building up in the back and making me sick while still a bit under the anesthesia, a totally nauseous thing to expect a friend to deal with.
"Can't I just hang out there for a couple hours in a chair after the procedure, and then take the cab home?
"No."
"Then let's not schedule."
So, I started to feel lonely. But not so lonely as to marry just anyone or have children to take care of me in my old age!
I have friends who cannot take off work easily to attend to me.
It seems ridiculous to me that I've been refused antibiotics while being warned about an underlying infection and pending crisis. I decided the tooth as is, a bit unsightly, is worth putting off treatment for.
I started seeing people with teeth broken to the gum line and left like that wherever I went.
I realized that the simple tooth pull is no longer a possibility. It will have to be dug out. It is now oral surgery for real.
Yes, I feel alone in this.
Sister
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