BIG FAMILIES ARE NOT CLOSE FAMILIES - THE LOGISTICS PREVENT IT

The other day I was home in bed, not feeling well, and my mind turned to some of the horrors of relatives who do not approve of my lifestyle.  A sick body can make your thinking sick and visa versa.


You can page through this blog and read about some of this, from surprise matchmaking to an aunt who PR's against me as someone who "doesn't even hold a baby."


I started handwriting it out.  And I realized a simple reason why I don't have a close connection with most of my relatives. 


THERE WERE TOO MANY OF THEM.


Both of my parents came from BIG FAMILIES.  I never did understand the alliances they made (or not) with certain siblings, but it seemed birth order or age related.  Basically, if your oldest brother is already married and has established a family in another state before you are born, you're not likely to be close.  I'm unaware of any real rivalries or issues between them and their siblings.  It's more like how it worked out.


When I was growing up, we tended to mostly visit wherever the grandparent had been taken in.  The children who took in parents had to accept that maybe all their siblings would visit there to see the grandparent.  As a result, I got to know these aunts and uncles best because visiting their home, we were likely to encounter other relatives.


I was impossible though to even visit with each and every family, not even once a year.  The logistics were impossible and many of my aunts and uncles also had larger families (though not larger than the families they were from.)  Some of them may have even used contraception to limit the number of children they had, none had as many as the family they were from.


After a while we became "weddings and funerals" kind of family. 


So over time I got to know about four families, two on each side, somewhat. 


In the end it seems no one is both alive and close. 


THEN THERE ARE MY FRIENDS WHO COME FROM SMALL FAMILIES; two or three siblings max, maybe four aunts and uncles - and their spouses.  They all seem to be so much more close - and functioning as families.


THIS THEN MAY BE AN ARGUEMENT FOR SMALL FAMILIES.


Of course small families can also be dysfunctional or cousins who substitute in for siblings can be a problem


One of my friends is an only child and since her father deserted them, her stepfather who her mom married when she was already near 12, is the only father she has known.  She has a cousin who is also an only child, who married and had two children who were born disabled.  As things stand, my friend's step father is now supporting this cousin and the two children, as he's the only family member who has enough income to do so.  She wonders if there is going to be any money left for an inheritance that she would need to actually retire.


Then there is a friend, also an only child, who was used to two parents basically always considering her opinion.  I wouldn't say she was spoiled but I'd say this was privilege. She married the favorite son of two hovering parents, and their marriage was full of Power Struggles and Conflict, as they both wanted their way and he wasn't even considering her opinion.  Finally, he won and she let him, but her vitality has deflated.  I don't think she's happy.


So is this the future for most only children?  Is having siblings important to being socialized or considerate of others or capable of compromise?