ARE YOU SOMEONE WHO DISCOVERED YOU CANNOT HAVE CHILDREN ? ARE YOU HAPPILY INFERTILE?

 Are you a person who has learned that for some biological reason you cannot have children and are PERFECTLY FINE WITH THAT?

The media is full of stories of people who heroically go through medical intervention so they can conceive or carry their "OWN" children.  But what of those who learned they could not have children and thought "That's fine with me!"

I would love to hear from those of you who accepted your body or your fate, rather than fight being childless.  I know this is bit different than being CHILDLESS BY CHOICE...

I know you may have options such as adopting, becoming a step-parent, fostering or in some other way you can create a parenting experience for yourself, but what if you DON'T WANT TO?

And as we NMNK's know, there are many ways to love others and to be a nurturer or a teacher.

Sister

THE JEALOUSY OF THOSE BURDENED BY CHILDREN - IT TAKES STRENGTH TO REMAIN NMNK WITH SO MUCH PRESSURE TO MARRY

Although sometimes being NMNK is portrayed as selfishness - or complete freedom - that fact is anyone human has connections to other humans and some sort of duty or obligation. 

For instance, it is my observation that it is often the child who has no children or the child who is the only child or the oldest or the youngest who may have delayed or given up having a partner who takes on the care of aging parents. It's true that those with children, if they are responsible human beings, will do their best to raise those children to become honorable adults.  Sometimes the siblings who have marriages and children are the ones who expect the NMNK to take on the parents.

This morning when I thought about writing on this subject - the jealousy I've experienced because I'm NMNK - I thought of a particular relative of mine who in a traditional way seems to have, if not all, a whole lot more than me.

Her parents paid for her college education, she became a teacher, and while teaching met a much older and wealthy man who was divorced.  Not saying they didn't both work hard or were not deserving, but soon enough they bought property and started building a dream home.  The husband was responsible to his ex wife and children by her, and proceeded to have three children with my relative.  Their children were raised knowing their half-siblings and consider them family.  She wanted land, a dream home, and children.  In fact, she seemed to think that this was only natural.  Her children are healthy, smart, and also have had the advantage of education.  They all seem to be doing quite well.  After they were well raised, she went back to college and earned an advanced degree.  She lives on horse property and her much older husband is still alive.  I'm sure many people envy her.  She can sometimes come off as princessy or snobby.  She once said, "I got everything I wanted."

Yet, one time when I admitted I was having a difficult time, she sent me a one liner in the mail.

It said, "YOU'RE SINGLE! YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE!" I felt the sting that was intended.

Did she not know that I did not have her advantages?

Actually I could not go anywhere, not even on vacation.  I could not have afforded to up and move just anywhere, or even to the closest city. I did not have sponsorship or contacts.  I was stuck financially.  It's not true that being NMNK means you will have a career or earn enough money.  However, I was determined to not marry if it meant being significantly compromised and the men when I was still interested in dating, were not for me - nor me for them.

In fact, I think - still think - that society is set up to force women into relationships with men for their own survival. Anything as exploitative as prostitution and being sex trafficked to staying married to an abuser to simply being not paid as well as men in the same employment and not able to make it on one's own.  This is reflected in also being poor or poorer and not being able to retire.

Over time I've seen how people who want to get married and have children seem to think that at about  age 26 one should take whatever or whomever they can get, just to partner and get started.  I think this attitude is one of the reasons there is so much divorce.  Really, if you cannot afford to raise children on your own, you might consider not having any because so many of you will end up being the sole support. 

I know that more of you are being responsible about having children with partners because so very many people who want children but see the need to afford them reportedly delayed having children during the uncertainty of Covid.  I know that no-one is perfect.  I also know people can grow and change.

However, I can testify that every one of the men I had as platonic friends or dated briefly, who illustrated some serious flaw, including being horribly sexist, opportunistic or a user, or who had personality disorders or some form of mental illness that went unaddressed or untreated, every one of them has married someone.  I don't know anything about these relationships.  However, if these men did not change their thinking or their ways or get help, what of these women?

One time a woman friend told me it was better socially to be divorced than to be NMNK and I think that's sad.  

The pressure to be married is strong.

But it takes a person who is strong to remain NMNK as the best choice as well.

UGLY PORTRAYAL OF A SPINSTER

This came up when I put the word SPINSTER

into the search engine... 

She is unsmiling and therefore portrayed as unhappy.  The term comes from one of the earliest opportunities women had who were "skilled labor." Spinning yarn and thread to be woven into clothing, pre Industrial Age machinery.  Now a fine and rare art. The term indicated that the poor woman would have to earn her own living.  Though the clothing is from the pre 1920's age of beginning liberation, today the term SPINSTER is still used to describe women who remain unmarried - with a negative judgement of them for their lack of conformity to the norms. Bachlorette is an improvement. Never Married No Kids - NMNK - is the best term for women and men who remain unmarried and childless.

Things have changed though.  

It used to be that a woman who showed her intelligence was an undesirable partner.  As a result education opportunities were limited or nonexistent. The term "BLUESTOCKING" was used for women who showed their intelligence. Women were raised to be dependent and go into marriages they could not escape.  What a horrible way to be forced into 'faithfulness' and 'loyalty.

Even elite women went to school only to be turned into wives and mothers.  A little needlepoint.  A little French.  But not math or science.

Now so many are depending on themselves and so many are the sole earners supporting and raising children. More men are looking to be stay at home dads and be supported by their wives who have education and careers. 

C 2023  Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

MOTHERS REPORT THEIR REGRET OVER HAVING CHILDREN

DAILY MAIL (UK) ONLINE : FEMALE : WOMEN REPORT REGRET AT HAVING CHILDREN 

The reluctant parents, from around the world, have shared their stories anonymously in a Facebook group called I REGRET HAVING CHILDREN...

Loss of freedom, difficult decisions, feeling trapped, having children they didn't want...

I feel for them, but not having children, if you want them, is probably worse,

IT USED TO BE NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTROL YOUR FERTILITY

Many women died in childbirth or after giving birth. While no contraception is 100% reliable, especially because human beings aren't reliable, THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD BE DOING IS PRACTICING SAFER SEX. But even if you are sure of your sex partner, and they of you, unless you are ready, willing, and able to bring a child into this world, raise it and support that child to maturity, using CONTRACEPTION is the way to go. DOUBLING UP ON METHODS can increase your chances of successfully preventing pregnancy and abortion. This means using condoms along with another method.  It requires the cooperation of both partners.

ABORTION IS NASTY BUSINESS - SO IS CHILD BIRTH! BIOLOGY SHOULD NOT BE DESTINY : SISTER SPEAKS

It's funny, but when I was a teen, a teacher who was educating her students about debate had us pick a topic and take a side. It didn't have to be the side we were on, but a side.  My best friend in the class took pro-abortion and I went against. She was a genius and more sophisticated about women's liberation - feminism - at that point in our lives.She had the voice of authority while I simply said Abortion is wrong because it is wrong and it is gross.

Now, we are in the complete opposite corners.

She used to say she hated babies, but then maybe that was because after school she had to take care of her little sister who had come as a surprise in her parent's dying marriage.  She also made more money per hour taking care of children for a single mother who had to work than I did working as a cashier and seemed to be upset that the father of these children provided no support even though he had been married to the woman. As an adult, my old friend has been married and the mother of four for some time and rarely has a moment for our friendship. She's become a religious person and no doubt thinks women like me are sinners. You could say that she is no longer a feminist.

I remember as a teen going against abortion because it was and is nasty. At the time there was no abortion pill and young women in my high school seemed to be getting pregnant with ease also because they had no contraception and the young men were also as foolish.  Some had their babies and quit school, with some promise that they could go on living with parents who helped them. Some parents demanded the baby be born and be put up for adoption elsewhere or sent their daughter out of state to do the same. Some parents took their daughter to another state where she could get an abortion that was beyond the three month point.  One pitiful girl took herself to New York for the same reason, the waiting time about her having to earn the money to pay for it and to travel.  I can only think of how lonely and frightened she must have been.

My classmates were without parents who told them about sex or contraception and some of them seemed to use abortion instead of contraception. All of this scared the hell out of me and I was determined to avoid sex.

I saw pictures of aborted fetus including cut up ones in a pan.  Still grosses me out.  I could never ever work in nursing or any profession that requires gross. I could barely dissect a worm in biology class. I would not be able to eat meat if I had to hunt or slaughter. I admit it. 

What I was NOT well educated on was how dangerous, painful, life-threatening, and otherwise icky childbirth is. During the teenage debate my friend said "All surgeries are gross." She was right.

Nothing unites us with the animal mammal kingdom than the realities of childbirth. It's an experience I never wanted to have, an experience I feared, even if just about every woman I knew growing up had gone through it.  I wasn't sure I'd become an NM but I was sure I wasn't interested in having children.  This has been interpreted as my hating children but I do not hate children.  It's just that I'm not gooey about children.  I don't think they are all cute. I also think they deserve and need a whole lot more than most get.  (Although encounters with the spoiled brats leaves me thinking that some are demanding and unappreciative and too precious.)

I read on a blog recently a young mother complaining about how painful and damaged her nipples were from  breast-feeding and the frustration of having a baby who was not gaining weight despite all her trials of attempting to feed it.  Further she'd had a traumatic birth and was becoming an advocate for other women. She said the birth was so traumatic (she meant horrible) that it changed her consciousness. 

Nature designed women to bear this trauma and all else until we die.  A very small percentage of women made it to ever go through a menopause. I had sympathy for young woman but I also hoped she would realize she is no 'natural mother' and make sure she had ended the possibility that she would put herself through this again.

The great number of women leaving their children orphaned; that was an initial reason why some contraception advocates were active a century ago.  Even spacing children so that a woman could potentially recover from a birth and feed her latest infant became controversial.  All of it - including death - were supposed to be 'natural' meaning fateful.  Biology was to be our destiny. I knew I didn't want it to be mine.

Though much of European history, women who were without a husband trying to have a child on their own or because they were widowed were almost forced to marry someone else quickly or become prostitutes or sometimes went to a "work house." In other cultures a man could have more than one wife, so long as he could afford them all.

Contraception, including sterilization and legal abortion changed that. If a person is willing to use these.  If a person is able to get health services.  If a person is able to get a legal abortion, which is the safer alternative to other methods.  If only...

What Anti-Abortion advocates do not care about is the MOTHER. Quite possibly the MOTHER OF OTHER CHILDREN ALREADY. Quite possibly someone who cannot have a relationship without being sexually active but who cannot herself or with a partner afford to raise a child. What about women who are abused but stay in relationships because they can't afford to raise their children alone?

Why is our government making CHILDBEARING regardless of a woman's self determination MANDITORY?  Aren't there already enough people on earth?

This is why I became PRO-CHOICE and still am.

C 2022 Never Married No Kids - BlogSpot

 

DID AN EARLY HEARTBREAK STOP YOU FROM DATING EVER AGAIN?

Sister has this question for you.  

Did an early heartbreak stop you from dating ever again?

I had a friend who had an engagement broken while she was in college.  She has never dated again.  To be honest, she also overate and became obese.  Still, she is an educated and beautiful woman and many people who are obese date and marry.

SOLOGAMY! KSAMA BINDU - INDIAN BLOGGER - MARRIES SELF

DAILY MAIL - INDIAN BLOGGER MARRIES SELF - SOLOGAMY! 

Excerpt: The 24 year old says the marriage will be 'a deep act of self-acceptance' and she will dedicate herself to a life of 'self love,' before taking herself for a two-week honeymoon around the southern state of Goa.

THE SINGLE KILLER - A TRAGIC COMEDY

SINGLE?  Then you must be SUSPECT!