RACHEL CARGLE'S CHILDFREE BY CHOICE

TODAY : CHILD FREE BY CHOICE - WHY WOMEN OPT OUT OF PARENTING 

Article about Rachel Cargle by Kait Hanson, Today (online)

EXCERPT : Curry added that common myths about women without children involve the idea that a woman inevitably will regret a life without children, that not raising children will lead to less happiness, meaning and/or fulfillment in life, that not raising children results in greater selfishness, and that it leads to more hardship in old age due to the unavailability of adult children to provide care.

"In actuality, there is no evidence to support any of these beliefs, as pervasive as they are," she said.

NORMALIZE UNMARRIED WOMEN WEARING RINGS ON THAT WEDDING BAND FINGER

DAILY MAIL : MINDY KALING : RING FINGER NEEDS LIBERATION  Wow Daily Mail UK has actually had two articles in recent days that relate to our topic here. This article by Sameer Suri tells about Mindy's sense of privacy.  She is the mother of two children but their paternity is a secret.

She recently used twitter to tweet: NORMALIZE UNMARRIED WOMEN WEARING RINGS ON THEIR RING FINGER WITHOUT A HUBBUB.

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SOPHIE TANNER MARRIED HERSELF IN A UNITARIAN SERVICE - SOLOGAMIST SAYS THE COMMITMENT DIDN'T HURT ANYONE ELSE

DAILY MAIL FEMALE : SOPHIE TURNER MARRIED HERSELF

It's an interesting story and the article by Latoya Gayle is loaded with photos from the wedding.  Basically after being cheated upon, Sophie, who is now 42, decided not just to be committed to herself but actually have a wedding.  She had the church, the minister, the dresses.

EXCERPTS:

SOPHIE SAID SHE STOPPED EXPLAINING WHY SHE HASN'T SETTLED DOWN and FOUND EMPOWERMENT IN THE SIX YEAR SINCE HER WEDDING.

Before her ceremony she had relationships of varying lengths but had a tendency to put her partner's need before her own and was frequently cheated on.  She added that the experiences made her question if there was something 'wrong' with her.

...

The self-declared "sologamist' said self love has never been more important than in the last year.

She added: 'The enforced isolation that lockdown has brought on us this past year has meant that self care and self love have become less of a fad and more of a priority.  Personally, I've had to dig deeper into my reserves of self-love than ever before, and the experience has been humbling.

I CRY AT WEDDINGS - LABELEING YOURSELF NMNK

The other day I was reading a British publication - celebrity driven - and to get to the point here, the writer of an article basically said that the fact that Prince Albert II of Monaco's bride, Charlene, appeared to be holding back tears at her wedding proved she didn't want to go through with it and was regretting it already. Well, I thought that was ridiculous. I thought about how I am often stirred with emotion at weddings and shed some tears and how tears of happiness or feeling overwhelmed can be mistaken for tears of sadness or fear or regret. I imagine I would cry at my own wedding (though I have never had one.)

Yes, even though I personally have not married and don't think I ever will, I have been known to cry at weddings, even of weddings depicted in fictive films or on television. I'm capable of having empathy for someone else's happiness - or sadness.

I recently watched the film Four Weddings and a Funeral and enjoyed the humor.

Apparently in Britain one can attend a lot of weddings in a season, one after another.  I enjoyed that attending weddings - the whole business of it - was depicted as boring and also that some wedding guests do NOT mind their manners.

I suppose the theme of the film is that even though weddings themselves can be awful and finding the right person to marry can be awful it happens all the time.

In real life I think that the idea that everyone gets married - that everyone finds love - is omnipresent. You can love and be loved in many ways and not live with someone or marry them. You can also make a commitment and find yourself in an experience where you can not or should not go forwards. Yet there are many people who might want to marry who never get the chance to for various reasons starting with:

DISABILITY : Sorry to say but mental illness and many other disabilities prevent some people from being economically viable or being a partner. 

LOOKS  (Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder but there are also trends. Cosmetic surgery wouldn't be as big as it is if it were not for the fact that people don't want their looks to stand in the way of their success. For most people the expense of it makes it not an option) 

RELIGIOUS VOWS : While it seems that there are far fewer people joining priesthoods and nunneries that require celibacies, more people are taking celibacy as an option due to their own spiritual explorations, or as a "time out" after a break up or dating hell.

LACK OF OPPORTUNITY :  A person may live in a place where there are few options or the girl or boy next door is already taken. Long gone is the village mentality that matchmakes widows and widowers or where everyone has to be married in order to exist. The matchmaker used to be an option and now it's using the internet to meet people.

*****

The main reason I cry at real weddings is that I see the chance taking involved, the idealism and the hope for a good and happy life that the couple are making. This is especially the case because we all know the rate of success, if we think of it in terms of the vows of "till death" that so many marriages are NOT successful. If we count long term relationships in which people do or do not live together without having a wedding or a legal marriage, we all know people who have been "married" many times. I've worked with or had friends who have had three to five long term relationships and have basically never in adult life been without a partner.  I consider some of them to be OVERMARRIED.

As a result of all this, it's difficult to DEFINE who is NMNK! 

Do I consider someone who marries for the first time at 38 and, in the last moments of their fertility has a child, NMNK?  Not any more, but I did before.

Someone who was long married but childless, has been divorced for a decade and has not re-partnered?  Probably.

Ultimately a person should APPPLY the NMNK to THEMSLEVES, rather than on others.

The label has a lot to do with you NOW.

For me, no "spinster's prayer" to find a husband. No dating clubs or meet ups. I have never worn a wedding band to tell the world I'm not available. 

Am I capable of falling in love?  If the past counts, apparently so. 

C 2021 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot

REVAMP of NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY

There have been so many changes to this BlogSpot  (And to Google Bloggers) since I began this blog in 2008!  One thing that has not changed is that I'm still NMNK - Never Married No Kids.

I just made a major change in color. What looked good on a cell phone looked a bit much on the bigger screen. 

 As I looked through hundreds of posts, I knew that both FlashVortex animations and Meez Avatar had long ago expired. But I took them out of the html code anyway. I especially miss the excitement of FlashVortex banners but they just aren't working here.

Replacing expired videos is an ongoing process and not always possible

I'm hoping you'll go through the archives and find some interesting posts!

Sister

 

THE HORROR OF THE CARD GAME "OLD MAID"

I was shocked when friends of mine, a happily married couple who are HOMESCHOOLING their grandchildren, both with advanced college degrees ( a Masters and a Doctorate) and as WOKE as one can get, decided it would be appropriate to teach their granddaughters the card game OLD MAID. The object of this classic card game is to not be the one "left out" so it teaches the "normality" of marriage and basically enforces OUT DATED NOTIONS THAT IT IS UNDESIREABLE TO BE UNMARRIED, especially if you are a female.  I was so stunned I blurted, "Don't be POLITICALLY INCORRECT.  Be sure to teach them OLD BACHELOR!"

Really, there is no reason anyone should be teaching their children, whatever gender, that if you don't marry you're a looser.

By the way, this couple have one of the best marriages I've ever known of.

C 2021 NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Hello everyone.

I want to assure you I am well.

And still NMNK.

What happened is that I stepped away because of all the changes in my life due to the pandemic, which I hope is on the verge of being over.

What happened also is that I've had a bit too much time to think.

I thought about why I'm not interested in dating.

I thought about various things idiots (including sexist women) have said to me, simply because I'm not married.

For some people being divorced is better publicity than being never married.

For some people being married repeatedly is better than realizing marriage is not for them.

For some people, proving you're "normal" even if it means being with a bad man, is better than seeming to be "abnormal" because you would rather have no man than a bad man.

As a heterosexual woman, I speak for myself, but I do know that men face similar issues, even though Bachelors are rather admired.  I think men's families put pressure on them too.

I'm not against sex, good relationships, or commitment.

I am for being self aware and honest in relationships.

This is all for now.

Thanks for reading!

NMNK as VOTERS

It's my guess that NMNK's tend to be a liberal group because we are discriminated against and that has to make a person sensitive to discrimination in general.

Though many more people are CHOOSING to not marry and/or have children these days, there is still a stigma.  How intensely you experience it may have  LOT TO DO WITH YOUR ETHNIC BACKGROUND, RELIGIOUS UNBRINGING and HOW CONSERVATIVE YOUR FAMILY IS.

I'd love to hear from you NMNKs!

Did you vote?  Who did you vote for and WHY.  What party are you part of?

What legislation and laws do you think are needed to free NMNBK from discrimination?

Sister

NMNK CAN HAVE IMPACT ON VOTES FOR CHILDREN - SCHOOL BOARDS - COVID REMODELING - ETC.

I'll admit it.  Since I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - Childless by Choice - though I don't think too many women can chose to be single mothers responsibly - I know very little about schools in my city. 

I've never had to move to be in a better school district. I've never had to negotiate the private versus public versus charter schools dilemma.  I've never had to personally worry about the quality of education any child of mine might have.  I've never had to have a child tested for learning disabilities.  Or wonder how they might make it physically to a school. Or if they got along with their school peers. I never had to be part of a carpool to get children to events or sports. I can't imagine how frazzled I'd be having all this to deal with on top of everything I already deal with.

However, there's a perception out there that NMNK do not like or care about children.  Some don't but few people live a totally child-free existence.  If you're the member of a family, likely someone has children.  You may be an honorary aunt or uncle. And you may still care about children because they are the next generation.

There are so many child and school related issues to vote about, I urge you to study them.  Decisions such as who to vote for on a school board - ask a teacher or parents in your neighborhood what they think.  Funding for Covid rehab projects: I guess we can't afford not to go into debt over this.

The children in my neighborhood are all seemingly moping around.  Heck, I've been moping around too. They have had months of no school.  Some parents have been able to home school.  Others are not home or not qualified. You can ride your bike alone for only so long without wanting other kids to ride along with. You can skip birthday parties or be part of a car caravan - but hey, it's getting B O R I N G and there is worry in the air.  Will a generation be far behind in school?  In 18 years will colleges have trouble attracting enough students, if they are still in existence.

Already the rate of births is way down.  People who want children but are facing economic uncertainty are waiting to purposely have children.  This is noble of them.

Children really do need a whole lot.

Sister