This morning while getting ready I listened to some local morning programing and heard a snippet about how in Japan even some married people are not having sex. There is a high percentage of male Japanese who are married and still virgins!
This article is terrific and discusses how prevalent porn is in Japanese culture.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/opinions/view/why-arent-japanese-dating-and-mating LOVED THE WRITING ON THIS OPINION PIECE by Hollie Mantle.
EXCERPT: "The story of Japan’s declining birthrate is not a new one. Measures are underway to ensure that the country does not evolve into a giant nursing home. But in spite of the fact that the government is offering monetary incentives to young married couples, and that businesses are enforcing compulsory holidays, the percentage of children being born into the new generation is not increasing rapidly enough. With just an average of 1.39 children born per Japanese female, it’s time to take a look at the root causes of why such a randy bunch of Asians can’t get down and do it...The pressure to get married is a predominant conversation topic for females as young as 14. The idea of women as “Christmas cakes”—an item which begins to decline after its use-by date of the 25th—still pervades, and the desperation to get married before this “spoiling age” is visibly apparent in Japanese social circles.
Here's one that says millions of young Japanese people are not even dating and focuses on the reality of corporate careers and the economics of raising children.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex by Abigail Haworth
EXCERPT: The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61%of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
****
MY OPINION ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY IS THAT IT HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT OVERALL.
I think some people watch it hoping that they can get excited or so they can figure out what, if anything, does get them excited. But there is a disconnect emotionally watching a couple of actors who don't love each other having sex on film and I don't think you learn too much from watching it that will be useful having a relationship with another human being, hopefully with love.
6/9/15
5/25/15
MEMORIAL DAY - ALL THOSE GRAVES! and PREPAID PREPLANNED CREMATIONL SERVICES
A few months ago I attended a presentation about a pre-paid cremation service. You prepay the amount, carry a card with you, and there's a very good chance the company will last as long as you do or forever.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
5/19/15
SMALLER AND SMALLER LIVING SPACES AIMED AT SINGLES - HOW SMALL IS TOO SMALL? IS THIS REALLY A WAY TO LIVE SIMPLE.
I really wish economics was not the outstanding factor in so many decisions that we must make, but there is a reality to deal with. The cost of living is ever increasing as is the population, even when a country has near zero population growth by choice, which is the case in France and several other countries.
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
5/10/15
NOT BEING A MOTHER (OR PARENT) - IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T NURTURE OR CARE GIVE
Alas, today is MOTHER's DAY, and along with FATHER'S DAY coming up next month, it is a day to celebrate those who PARENT.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
4/15/15
LIBRARIANS - IS THE STEREOTYPE OF NMNK WOMEN TRUE?
The announcement that one of my favorite NMNK women librarians was retiring made me think of all the librarians I've known through the years who are NMNK, single mothers (of adopted children), or divorced.
At least they make enough money to afford their independence.
Librarians have long been stereotyped as spinsters and intellectuals, if male then homosexual, their careers important more so than marriage, especially when linked with the education of children, rather akin to the profession of teaching, require advanced degrees in most places, provide a generally stable work environment and retirement because the work is linked to city, state, and federal government jobs more than private industry, and well... Librarians are stereotyped as nerdy loners who love to read, love alone time...and who are not desirable partners.
Is it true that being a librarian somehow makes a woman (or Ok, a man) not sexy?
I also at this moment know a forty-something librarian who is NMNK and just had a breakup that was hard on her because she really wants children. And I know a 60ish life-long children's librarian who says she has no regrets being NMNK... The former is a very attractive woman, the later very obese...
I wonder if the stereotype of a librarian is changing with the younger generations and if a person has a better chance of finding love and commitment if they are one of the younger librarians who are coming in to replace those who are retiring.
At least they make enough money to afford their independence.
Librarians have long been stereotyped as spinsters and intellectuals, if male then homosexual, their careers important more so than marriage, especially when linked with the education of children, rather akin to the profession of teaching, require advanced degrees in most places, provide a generally stable work environment and retirement because the work is linked to city, state, and federal government jobs more than private industry, and well... Librarians are stereotyped as nerdy loners who love to read, love alone time...and who are not desirable partners.
Is it true that being a librarian somehow makes a woman (or Ok, a man) not sexy?
I also at this moment know a forty-something librarian who is NMNK and just had a breakup that was hard on her because she really wants children. And I know a 60ish life-long children's librarian who says she has no regrets being NMNK... The former is a very attractive woman, the later very obese...
I wonder if the stereotype of a librarian is changing with the younger generations and if a person has a better chance of finding love and commitment if they are one of the younger librarians who are coming in to replace those who are retiring.
4/4/15
THE NEW NMNK SHOPPING CARTS ARE A WONDERFUL ALTERNATIVE TO THOSE BIG KID CARTS!
Off to Ralph's grocery store I went, and there in the front of the store where what I call NMNK shopping carts. I've heard these carts called "express carts" and "Two basket carts." These carts are about half the size and weight as the traditional shopping cart with the kid seat in front. There is no kid seat. They take up a lot less room in an isle so they are easier to move around crowded stores and boxy obstacle courses. And let's face it, most people aren't buying a month of food at one time...
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
3/4/15
WHY EVEN LIVE TOGETHER? IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND SELF SUPPORTING ENJOY YOUR OWN SPACE!
I was reading a magazine that focuses on the YOGA lifestyle, a healthy, spiritual lifestyle, and there was an article written by a woman who discovered she was pregnant two weeks after a break up after which He had moved out. She considers this pregnancy to be somehow fated, perhaps because now she is 38. Without knowing the specifics of the relationship and the whys of the break up, if she told him or where the hell he was, I wondered why she was so determined to go forth as a single mother bravely.
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
2/21/15
SKIPPING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ
I kind of skipped Valentine's Day this year. In the past I've made it a point to celebrate the day by acknowledging my better friends, but this year I was feeling it was time to be on the receiving end.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
2/9/15
50 SHADES OF EVIL and THE TURN OFF OF SEX - SISTER SPEAKS!
I've been following the controversy of the books and upcoming movie, entitled FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, which depicts an S and M (Sadistic and Mean!), bondage, power-over, "relationship" between a recent college graduate who is unbelievably naïve and stupid, and an extremely powerful billionaire who is more than intimidating. He's a stereotype of a "successful" businessman, if you only consider material success as success. He is "brilliant" but also into his power and has a very dark side. He picks the naïve and stupid college grad to teach lessons to.
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
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I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
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