6/23/23
6/3/23
ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECT
PHILANTHROPY NEWS DIGEST: ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE PROJECTS
Excerpt: Founded 1998
Mission: The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a national nonprofit organization advocating for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who chose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage. While ATMP opposes marital status discrimination it is not anti-marriage... Essentially, it believes that everyone should have the option of choosing to marry or not...
5/1/23
3/27/23
3/26/23
SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS
SPRING : FERTILITY IS IN : NMNK OUT : OMNK = ONCE MARRIED NO KIDS
The inability to have children when you want them is one of the unintentional causes for being a NMNK person, you could say it's FATE.
We're used to hearing about modern medical miracles and assume that because such things as invitro fertilization are possible that everyone has access (money / insurance) to receive these medical treatments and services. We hear about all the children who are in need of being adopted and we think that is something anyone with enough love and maturity to raise a child can do. Then we find out that it's usually expensive, at least if you want to adopt a baby, difficult, that you have to go to another country if you're older and older means 40ish! (Foster care options may be better for the NMNK's who want to nurture another human being into adulthood.)
I was thinking of an old friend of mine the other day, Lori. She was sure she didn't want children and her husband seemed to be OK with that. Then, seven years into their marriage, after they had acquired a home and had a healthy savings account, suddenly, she very much wanted children.
I've never had such a change of mind myself, but I wanted to be supportive of her.
Strangely, our friendship ended in part because she felt I was not sympathetic enough when their efforts to adopt were not successful. I admit I didn't really understand but I did try to and anything I said was probably more in error because she didn't want to hear it. I told her about someone I knew who adopted a child, about five at the time, a child who was then raised in typical family, without violence, had a lot of therapy anyway, and still turned into the kind of teenager that rages and physically abuses his own parents.
Lori, I'll call her, was not all that happy in her marriage. She was the wife who made much more than her husband, and who allowed him to continue in work that didn't support them. Personally I have nothing against one person being a stay at home mom or dad, or one person paying more or all of the bills.
One of the demands she made prior to trying for a baby was that he be the main breadwinner while she gave up her business. He managed to get a job due to connections that his father had, and so he was able to support them. However, Lori also didn't like the fact that he had to work overtime and she sometimes cooked dinner for them and he did a no- show. I told her that he probably could not be the only man at the office that went home to his wife. The man he worked for wanted to take the whole staff out a whole lot. I guess I felt she couldn't have it all her way, so the hell with the cold meatloaf and be happy she had a husband who could support them.
Some time after she withdrew her friendship, which hurt me, I found out that SHE HAD DIED. Now, if they had successfully adopted a child, that child might have suffered the loss of its adoptive mother. How much really was her husband into this adoption? Let's say that his BOSS even tried to help them get an attorney who would make their dreams of having a child come true.
Years later I realize that Lori was not happy in her life. I'm not putting her down for this. I'm just saying that was the case. She didn't want the life she had. She wanted ... more. And she didn't get it before she died.
Has her husband remarried? I don't think so. At least I haven't found him on the Internet posing with a new wife or new woman. OMNK = Once Married No Kids?
- Sister
(First published March 27, 2012)
3/25/23
VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER
VICIOUS SENIORS TARGET CHILDLESS BUT WIDOWED EX WOMAN EXECUTIVE - SHUN HER
Vicious?
I have a bad memory of visiting many times at an "exclusive" senior living building where the new resident was a ex woman executive from New York City, who had married late in life and then been widowed.
The senior I was visiting was male and NMNK. He was pitied.
The other women - her generational peers - were very mean spirited to this childless woman. When their children and grandchildren came to visit this ex-executive was friendly and talkative with them. She was trying to fit in and acknowledge their families. After all, they all sat in the common area with the fancy decor much of the day.
The traditional stay at home mother senior citizens who were living there would accuse her of jealousy and resent her friendliness to their "loved ones." I spoke to this woman several times before she moved elsewhere. I HAD TO WONDER HOW MEAN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SHE HAD ALSO NEVER MARRIED. WOULD THEY HAVE ASSUMED SHE WAS QUEER?
She was very proud of her career and had career advice for me. She dressed very well compared to these other women, who were also coming from wealth, in that she still suited up every day. Criticism of what she wore and pretty much anything she did was so prevalent, I doubt there was anything she could do right. They despised her - her type - right away and it went downhill from there.
She had money, money she earned and put aside, as well as money from her husband's estate, enough to live elsewhere and she made that choice, and I felt sad for her that these other women were so unfair to her and hoped the next exclusive senior building she went to had kinder people. She struck me as the most intelligent woman among them.
I also learned during my visits there that a lot of these women were still supporting some or all of their children and that many of them had been generous to their children but rarely got visits... That reinforced for me that no person should be motivated to have children based on the idea that these children will "take care" of them in old age.
I WONDER IF THE RESENTMENT THAT TRADITIONAL STAY AT HOME MOTHERS OF THAT GENERATION FEEL IS WORSE than generations following when women overall have had more choices.
I have a bad memory of visiting many times at an "exclusive" senior living building where the new resident was a ex woman executive from New York City, who had married late in life and then been widowed.
The senior I was visiting was male and NMNK. He was pitied.
The other women - her generational peers - were very mean spirited to this childless woman. When their children and grandchildren came to visit this ex-executive was friendly and talkative with them. She was trying to fit in and acknowledge their families. After all, they all sat in the common area with the fancy decor much of the day.
The traditional stay at home mother senior citizens who were living there would accuse her of jealousy and resent her friendliness to their "loved ones." I spoke to this woman several times before she moved elsewhere. I HAD TO WONDER HOW MEAN THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SHE HAD ALSO NEVER MARRIED. WOULD THEY HAVE ASSUMED SHE WAS QUEER?
She was very proud of her career and had career advice for me. She dressed very well compared to these other women, who were also coming from wealth, in that she still suited up every day. Criticism of what she wore and pretty much anything she did was so prevalent, I doubt there was anything she could do right. They despised her - her type - right away and it went downhill from there.
She had money, money she earned and put aside, as well as money from her husband's estate, enough to live elsewhere and she made that choice, and I felt sad for her that these other women were so unfair to her and hoped the next exclusive senior building she went to had kinder people. She struck me as the most intelligent woman among them.
I also learned during my visits there that a lot of these women were still supporting some or all of their children and that many of them had been generous to their children but rarely got visits... That reinforced for me that no person should be motivated to have children based on the idea that these children will "take care" of them in old age.
I WONDER IF THE RESENTMENT THAT TRADITIONAL STAY AT HOME MOTHERS OF THAT GENERATION FEEL IS WORSE than generations following when women overall have had more choices.
(First published October 13, 2012)
3/24/23
WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!
WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN? NOTHING!
What's WRONG? What's wrong is all those people who think that by PESTERING YOU, INVADING YOUR PRIVACY, and otherwise being RUDE or IGNORANT, think they deserve an answer to such a question? But we know that most of them won't take "NONE OF YOUR (DAMN) BUSINESS" as an answer. So we have to come up with an answer that is satisfying. I know some of you take pride in not stooping to someone elses level, but when they aim to hurt, aim right for your sensitivities, do they really deserve to be treated with respect they won't give you?
First tactic. Turn the question around!
"What's wrong with you that... you have children? You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)? What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?" "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"
"What's wrong with you for asking? "
First tactic. Turn the question around!
"What's wrong with you that... you have children? You have many children (that you can't afford to give them a decent life)? What's wrong with you that you not wait until you were married when you could not afford children / give them what they deserve / provide a family for them?" "What's wrong with you that you did not use contraception when there are so many options these days?"
"What's wrong with you for asking? "
"Do you lack social skills?"
"Do you need a personality transplant?"
You get the idea. I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!
You get the idea. I would love to hear some real life RETORTS!
(First published May 21, 2011)
3/23/23
DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?
DO NEVER MARRIED SINGLE WOMEN Attract Men FOR THE WRONG REASON ?
One of my friends recently suggested to me that the great number of men who have been coming on to me - in various ways - over the last year and a half are doing so because word is out that I'm NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS! You see, she thinks I'm THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YET. One of these men posed as my friend for months. One day he told me "All the guys figure that one day you are going to give in. Someone is going to get you. They figure they may as well try." Actually, that worried me. A competition for me? I suppose if a woman wants to be married she might find a way to exploit the competition. But I've never been that way and I don't trust people who only want you because it seems everyone does. Are there any men out there who would like to comment on this?
Sister
(First published November 2, 2009)
3/22/23
LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP
LISA SMITH BRAVELY ADMITS SHE HATES SEX AND WANTS A HETERO RELATIONSHIP
" After trying everything in the bedroom to rid her of her disgust for the act she still felt repulsed."
(First published March 22, 2013)
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