SOPHIE TANNER STAGES HERSELF A TRADITIONAL WEDDING - TO HERSELF!

DAILY MAIL - FEMALE - SOPHIE MARRIES HERSELF  By Lucy Waterlow

WOW!  go to the article to see a picture of Sophie and her dad walking her down the isle to herself!

EXCERPT:

A single 37-year-old woman decided not to wait to meet Mr Right in order to have her dream wedding - and has instead married herself.  

Sophie Tanner, from Brighton, became a bride and tied the knot with herself at a ceremony in her home town where she was given away by her father and had ten of her friends as bridesmaids.

The bride-without-a-groom admits her plan was a little 'bonkers' but she kept up many wedding traditions on her big day by throwing the bouquet, cutting a cake and having a first dance.

A STRANGER ON A BUS BENCH ATTACKS ME FOR WHO I AM! MY NOT WEARING A WEDDING BAND WAS HER FIRST CLUE

Those of you who are new to NMNK - An Intentional Community may not realize it, but this blog serves to let me rant.  In my daily life I rarely rant. Most new people I encounter have no idea that I am actually NMNK.  But the other day I had an experience that reinforced to me the necessity of this blog, for me and those like me who are MNNK, even though the lifestyle has become so much more common and, therefore, in less need of defense.

I was quietly sitting at a bus stop, awaiting a bus that comes once an hour.  I had errands that day in a part of town that I bus to, it was beautiful out, and though when I take this particular bus I'm always a little concerned because it's often off schedule, missing, broken down, or late, at that moment my only thought was how great it would be to get home and give my dog a good walk, since it wasn't too hot or too cold out.

Therefore, I doubt that this stranger sitting next to me would have looked at me and thought anything in particular by the mood expressed by my face or any attitude,  since I was enjoying the day, but she looked at me and said, "You're not married?"

The only clue would have been that there are no rings on my ring finger, no engagement ring, no wedding band.  (My birthstone is on the other hand.)

Now something else my readers here may not know about me is that I'm usually friendly and don't mind at all getting into conversations with strangers.  I've talked to strangers about all sorts of things, so I'm not self absorbed or snooty about talking to someone I haven't been introduced to.  At first I had no idea that this woman was going to go for the NMNK jugular, that she would deeply offend me, and that I'd end up writing a post about her as a 2016 representative of the ignorant and backward!

"No, never," I said, smiling.

"Why NOT? And then she mumbled something under her breath.

"Why?," I said.  "Everyone doesn't have to be married."

"No children?"

(Ah, perhaps she was sniffing out unwed mothers?)

"No children."

At this point she shook her head disapprovingly no, and in a mocking tone said, "No husband, no children, WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU IN YOUR OLD AGE?" And then she laughed at me,  in my face, ridiculing me.

I now knew what I was dealing with and so I looked at her.

She appeared to be in her forties.  She appeared to be Asian or part Asian.  Her accent was slight. She was wearing casual clothing just as I was, not dressed to be coming or going from a job.  I did not look at her ring finger, but I figured her to be a stay at home wife and mother.

"Having children doesn't guarantee a person that someone will be taken care of or even visited in their old age.  I visit two senior citizens in assisted living places who had children, who left town for work.  They rarely visit.  It's me who visits them!  Besides, there are no guarantees in life.  One of these old people has outlived his son!"

I thought of other seniors I've visited in senior living communities, who have since passed.  One, the youngest son in a family was indeed NMNK, and his own siblings did the minimal to help him.  I recall he didn't even have shoes to fit his feet and was stolen from at the place constantly, since he was legally blind.  Another woman was widowed, had outlived her son and had a daughter who was mentally ill who never came to visit.  Besides me her only visitor was her one grandson, who himself was having medical issues.  I had become friendly with these seniors as neighbors and while never in place as a legal guardian sometimes reported in to their children.  And I enjoyed these people!  It wasn't like I was visiting just anybody because they were old.  I enjoyed their stories of their own lives through historical times, like World War II or early Hollywood.

The stranger was not satisfied with my answers.  And it was clear that she was not trying to be helpful.  I wouldn't have liked it if she'd taken this approach in hopes of actually match making me, but at the same time, at least I wouldn't have felt myself to be the object of someone's anger.

"Try not to go on in this conversation," I thought to myself.  "By admitting who you are, and what your life experience is, you're threatening her, maybe, so let it go,"  but I could not  yet, because she continued to shake her head, mutter, eye me as a freak of nature, and feel sorry for me years ahead of my old age.

"Many children who are born to die.  Their parents cannot afford to take care of them or even feed them.  So they are born to suffer and die... This world has plenty of people without me having a child..."

Luckily the bus pulled up and ended the conversation.


C 2016  Sister / Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community Blogspot

YOU'RE NOT A TERRORIST IF YOU ARE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN? : SISTER SPEAKS

Terrorism around the world, especially the ISIS brand, has upset me badly.  I've been reading around the refugee crisis in Europe, what countries are willing to take how many people; sometimes they say they will take Christians, often they say they will take families.  And every time another bomb goes off and kills and mains dozens of people, I worry that Donald Trump will become President of the United States and drop an atomic bomb - OK maybe a teeny tiny one.

WHAT I'VE READ AGAIN AND AGAIN is that most terrorists are men, and that they are unmarried men without families.   This is especially so if they wish to blow themselves up in the process. I have no way of proving this is so, but because of this unmarried men without families are not looked upon favorably when it comes to granting official refugee status.  Clearly it is thought that if a man is single, if he has not made the commitment to husband a woman and father children then he is not family oriented.

I hate that.

But I wonder if this is true culturally and religiously, because of the huge emphasis on marriage and children in Islamic cultures.

The horror of refugee men being abusive, and even raping women and children in Germany, often because the woman is unprotected by a man, is warning for every other country in Europe and the Western world NOT TO TAKE IN REFUGEES.  I know that my desire to visit Europe as a tourist has gone flat.

The situation is OUT OF CONTROL and I, for one, have lost a lot of empathy because of these violent outbreaks.  I definitely wish to live in a world where I can be an independent single unmarried childless and unescorted female and remain not harassed, molested, or raped.

I think these refugees KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING and taking advantage of the cultural differences that make women seem available to them for wrong doing.

It's all sh*t!

C 2016 Sister  Never Married No Kids BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

LEONARDO DICAPRIO gets SLOGGED FOR BEING NMNK by DAILY MAIL UK JOURNALIST

Reading Daily Mail - UK, the other day, and was stunned that one of their regular columnists,  Jan Moir, a woman, was slogging the remarkable actor Leonardo DiCaprio, because he still hasn't Settled Down (have you noticed it's not Settled UP?) married, and had children.  Di Caprio is famous and he can't have a relationship without it being known and dissected.  He enjoys being surrounded by women, and appears to be a serial monogamist of heterosexual orientation, and has had some long term relationships that didn't turn into marriage, including five years with model Giselle.  Lesser men have been known to also have many girlfriends and lovers,  but they aren't famous to be targeted this way. 

WHY SHOULD HE BE?

Read the stupid woman's rant here : JAN MOIR : LOTHARIO DICAPRIO will END MISERABLE AND ALONE

Leonardo is only 41 years old, way too young to "end up" and as for veteran Academy Award winner Jack Nicholson, he has children, and is simply feeling the effects of old age as most of us will someday.  The report that he was sitting all alone waiting for death was published in a tabloid.  It probably isn't even true.  He's probably just become more selective or slowed down.

If Leonardo wants children, because he is male, there is plenty of time unless he's not capable.  It's no lie that men can and do marry much younger women and have children with them, He can also adopt or have children by surrogate.  (Note that I have not heard one negative word about Elton John and his male partner having two sons by surrogate, and Elton was about 60 when he became a first time father. 

So there is age discrimination happening here too.

MOIR thinks there is ONE WAY FOR A PERSON, even one who loves their work, affords the best, travels the word, IS VERY INVOLVED IN ACTIVISM, and is socially well connected and invited all over, TO BE FULFILLED. 

She has GOT to be kidding!

This columnist is basically so BACKWARD, it's amazing to me that she's even breathing in 2016!

Of course her distain is shown in that she does not like "Lotharios."  Let me be the one to say that most of the glamorous and ambitious models and actresses and other women Leonardo has been a Lothario with have not exactly just arrived in from the nunery.  These are aware women.  These are sexy women.  These women are not demanding they be married before they have sex.  So MOIR is blaming the man for sex when it's more like It Takes Two to Tango.

She needs to check her attitude but, sadly, there are a lot of people out there who still think like she does.

Sister

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all you NMNK!

For those of you who are not dating, or not dating someone who will remember to appreciate you on this, one of the most romantic dates on the Calendar here in the U.S.A,  I want to say HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. 

Looking through an old scrapbook of Valentines I received as a child, I'm reminded that not so long ago FRIENDS, SIBLINGS and RELATIVES, PARENTS, AUNTS and UNCLES, CLASSMATES - everybody gave everybody Valentines.  They could be cute, funny, dumb, corny, clever... the cards didn't have to BE ROMANTIC to be APPRECIATED.

Which means, you CAN SO CELEBRATE THIS DAY, without being involved romantically with ANYONE!

Sister

WOMEN GETTING TOGETHER TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MEN - IS THERE REALLY A SORTAGE OF "GOOD MEN?"

WOMEN GETTING TOGETHER TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MEN - IS THERE REALLY A SORTAGE OF "GOOD MEN?"

Yes and no.

Something I don't much miss is getting together with women who are trying to get married and unhappy.  Now honestly, sometimes "dating hell" stories are funny (looking back on it), or tragic, or simply must be told to a bevy of women friends so that one can get support. It's women's night out and everyone is kicking back and complaining, which is no fun.

It's not easy dating for the purposes of finding someone right to marry, and really many of my women friends have put up with a whole lotta you know what in the process.  They are in pain.  Which is a shame.  So there have been SO VERY MANY DATING SELF HELP BOOKS published in recent years in which experts (self-proclaimed) attempt to explain how to do it better.

And I DO think, based on the experience of friends, that many women are MAKING DO, so that they will not be alone in this life.

Let's say that in your late teens and early twenties, you're just out of the starting gate, and so are most of the other horses.  People are mixing it up, are often sexually explorative, and very many do get married.  Late twenties and mid-thirties is the "it's about time,"/ "everyone's doing it" zone.  Dangerous.  Mid-thirties to mid-forties, if there is any time in which a "biological clock" ticks (for some women) that's when marriage is about having a baby before it is too late.  (And actually, all things considered after your mid-forties it probably is too late, even if you read about a billionaire woman having a child near 60 years old - consider that her fortune will sustain the best for a child even if she's dead.) 

I think people are dating wrong, and though I know this applies to a lot of men also, I'm speaking to other women here.

First of all YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF, and this is not about your own personal philosophy (an esoteric concept) but practical things like how important income, religion, sex, and other big issues are to you.

If you are very religious no doubt you need to find a man at your church, or at least of the same or very similar religion.  The more political you are - ditto.  I'm telling you that if there is anything at all that others think of you as "radical" about, you probably are in some way, and differences here will end up breaking you as a couple.

Think you can "work" on big differences?  You probably CAN if there is only ONE big difference.  Consider that different races, different in "class," and expectations about income (who makes it, who makes more, who quits working to childcare, etc.) are all issues, as in BIG ISSUES.

So, let's say you're exceptional.  You've made it out of poverty to become a Phd.  You're also a Republican even though your family is a Democrat.  Through hard work and sacrifice and innate brilliance you have gone way past your circumstances of birth.  You will probably feel most comfortable with someone from a similar experience.  (I know - good luck finding this person!)

And MOST COMFORTABLE is the thing people have dismissed as THE ALL-IMPORTANT consideration when they are dating to find a spouse.

Because HOME, your marriage/relationship, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE.  YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE there, or it is not the REFUGE from the rest of the world/life that it needs to be to sustain you.  This means you don't bicker every day and you don't have too many blow ups.  Maybe you're not constantly verbally communicating, but because you have no to few BIG ISSUES there are other ways to know and FEEL you are on the same page.

One of my friend's divorce came down to this.  He was from a Germanic Father is ruler of the home background, and even if his wife's income was much higher, and even if he was out of work, he was NOT going to do much childcare.  She was from a Slavic Mother is ruler of the home background, and a working woman, who wanted a role reversal.  They had a power struggle over the children constantly.

C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot/ "Sister"
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

DO PEOPLE REALLY MAKE THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION THAT THEY WILL NOT DATE, HAVE SEX, OR MARRY?

They do!

But I actually never have.

One might think, because I write this blog, that I've totally given up or find distasteful the very idea of dating, having sex, or getting married.  Not true.

I'm devoted though to going without a relationship unless it's right, and it's not that I think there is only one Mr. Right for me, or for anyone; I really do not expect perfection.  But I also do not care to pretend someone who is not right for me is, in order to be part of society.  I know I'm not perfect and others are not perfect.  I get that.  It's just that the longer I live, the more people I know who have divorced because they married for all the wrong reasons (or some of the wrong reasons) such as "It's about time."

I'm not talking about marriages that are abusive which should never happen at all.  I'm talking about incompatibility that was overlooked or not dealt with in the first place.  Years go by and suddenly the couple realizes theses things.  It's tragic when there are children involved.

I think, if you're going to have even one child, first find a great partner and then willfully have that child.

I don't hate children.

I just know that I cannot give a child what all it deserves.  Again, not expecting perfection.  If I had a child I might even have to home school it, rather than send it to a bad school.

So there!

MY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY FOR ONE (and a DOG)

If I could have ANYTHING for Christmas, it would be to get away for a week or two with my dog, somewhere where I know no one, no one is going to bother me, and if I really feel like chatting I can take a long walk to a coffee house to meet people and then go home alone.

I could ALMOST pull this off in the city if I didn't have my dog.  Since we have no yard, I must take her for a walk down the street a few times a day to do her business.  A little chit chat with other dog owners doesn't really bother me but I don't know how to ignore friends when I see them.  It's just that I would like to NOT SPEAK, to not use my vocal chords, and enjoy RELATIVE SILENCE, which is so rare these days.

I think I could do this for a week or two without feeling lonely.

Instead we will have our citified holiday.  I plan to make a whole chicken with apple and shallot stuffing in a slow cooker and eat it with rice, cranberry sauce, and a couple drinks.  I bought RUM which I haven't had for years, coconut milk and pineapple juice and nutmeg, and will try a drink recipe made from those ingredients. 

My dog is so funny.  I do slow cooking at least once a week and my dog has to smell the cooking all day.  When I come through the door she is excited and practically attaches herself to my ankle going from room to room so that when I start putting the slow cooked food on a plate I won't forget her.

Of course I share, mindful of the foods on the taboo list for dogs.

She mostly has dry kibble.

This year though I bought her a little SALMON and already she has her new BLUE PUPPY DOG to play with.  She shows off how she has been playing with it so that I know she knows it is hers.

Slowly, I'm easing into the holidays with some BOOKS to read in the evening while me and the dog linger under blankets together.

What my dog does all day when I'm not home, I don't know.

My friend who put a BabyCam on her dogs so she could see them from work said hers mostly slept.

I suspect mine mostly does that too.

COMMITMENT PHOBIC ???? THE THANKSGIVING A RELATIVE TRIED TO MATCHMAKE ME WITHOUT SHOWING RESPECT FOR ME FIRST

I'll never forget the Thanksgiving that I showed up at a relatives for dinner and discovered that she had invited a single man to match make me.  No she never mentioned this to me when she was extending the invitation or at any time before I walked in there.  The man was a nice man, a good man, and he had a good income.  All that was true and perhaps for her that was ENOUGH to make him eligible.  But she never asked me if I had a boyfriend, if I was seeing anyone, if I was involved, or at all interested in being match made.

And when I couldn't hide my displeasure I heard her go to him and explain that I had a problem with commitment.

BULLSHIT!

It might not surprise you to know that I no longer keep a relationship with this relative who I discovered to be dishonest in the sense that she was always manipulating and designing rather than being straightforward and candid. 

Besides all this, the fact was that this man was very interested in getting married and having a family.
She told him I was family oriented.  That was true.  To my existing family.  I had no interest in actually becoming pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, or raising children though.  Still don't.

One thing that didn't happen?
I did not go out with him to please her.
I did not go out with him against my own instincts or wishes, where I would feel ensnared and possibly feel I had to come up with explanations and apologies for not being interested.
And though he possibly felt he had wasted HIS time and been duped, I didn't worry so much about his feelings in the moment to spend time talking to him; possibly he knew that she had made an error.

So you may wonder, HAVE I EVER MATCHMADE ANYONE?

The answer is no.