I CAN BET NMNKs CAN DEAL WITH THE CORONAVIRUS-19 PANDEMIC BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE

Dear Readers,

If you've just come to this BlogSpot for the first time or after a long while, I encourage you to read posts from the very beginning.  You'll find my personal experiences and opinions of course, but also links of interest.  This blog is a labor of love - and empathy - for others who have chosen the Never Married No Kids lifestyle.  Though it's more common than ever, I feel NMNK need support. It's here.

I'm betting that those NMNKs who are self quarantined or forced to stay at home are doing better than those who don't live alone or who are in relationships that require maintenance.  That's because I think people who are childless and never married - or perhaps alone because the house has cleared out of children and are widowed or divorced - can deal with all that aloneness much better.

Consider my friend who I called recently who started out by telling me she has not had a television in years, has a pile of books to read, meditates, and otherwise has a lot of small projects to complete.  Recently retired, this woman has not been married for many years, plans not to remarry again, never had children, and has only one relative alive to check in on her.  But she feels no concern because her chances of catching Corona-19 are slim, especially because she doesn't feel the need to go out, and she loves the time alone.

I recently heard a broadcast on the radio - I think it was a PBS station and if not a Public Radio or College station - that was of interest.  One person in Los Angeles out of five has no one to look in on them.  Some people were startled to hear that.  

The virus has forced the issue of Who To Call if it's an emergency.  Though some NMNK still have family or friends to look after them, there are those who have no plan of action, no one to call.  For some this is scary, for others who have had the money to pre-plan, not so much.  For those with no money and no plan, well - you are not alone. You might even be thinking that you don't want a funeral, you don't want fuss, you don't even want an obituary in the paper.  You love your privacy and wouldn't want an expensive funeral anyway.

I personally am not worried.  Concerned yes.  Concerned for humanity.

Am I fighting depression?  A little.  It's because I was concerned for humanity before the virus forced us to conduct ourselves in a way that is not natural or human and because in my brief time out of the house, when I accompany a senior friend of mine on outings, we have encountered domestic violence occurring in the vehicle ahead of us.  I've also heard a Hispanic man call a man who was driving without a mask a "Nigger."  The Hispanic man was not wearing a mask.  He was walking with earphones on. I really do not want the tension people feel to result in domestic violence or racial violence.

That I have a dog and walk daily makes a difference.  

I too have long lists of things I want to do with my time and have been doing with my time - especially trying new recipes challenged by the ingredients I already have in the house since I didn't want to be part of the hoarding and saw so many people not compliant with wearing masks around.  So I find new recipes on the Internet or YouTube and try them - some are delicious and worth keeping.

I'm sewing.  

I'm listening to audio books.  

I'm reading the news - maybe too much - but OK. 

I wrote a long letter to a public personality that I've been meaning to write for over a year and mailed it.

And so on.

How are you doing?

Sister

WOMEN WHO DON'T WANT TO BE MOTHERS - DOCUMENTARY

THE VIDEO HAS BEEN REMOVED on YouTube
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From DW DOCUMENTARY 

EXCERPT: Women and mother - the two words are often used interchangeably.  Amid a widespread belief that women who aren't mothers are missing something, there's a stigma attached to being childless.  This documentary lets women in Germany, France, and Spain sound off about why they rejected motherhood and questions the existence of the widely accepted "Maternal instinct."

I believe the stats are that one woman in five is childless these days.

And if you raise your children right, to leave home and have their own lives, you will be "childless" most of your life.  (I understand that a family may have to get back together to help each other in times of distress.  Sadly, too many parents, and I think especially single mothers, do not raise their children to leave them.)

WHY DO MORE MEN SUICIDE THAN WOMEN?

PSMAGAZINE : SOCIAL JUSTICE : WHY MEN KILL THEMSELVES

SOCIAL PERFECTIONISM is the reason why.

Check out this article from 2015.

Men, at least take charge of your reproductivity.  Be a CO-NONPARENT!

PAUL DOLAN's BOOK HAPPY EVERY AFTER SAYS WOMEN ARE HAPPIER NOT MARRIED

VOX : MARRIED WOMEN MISERABLE? DON'T BELIEVE IT

EXCERPT:  Women should be wary of marriage - because while married women say they're happy, they're lying.  According to behavioral scientist Paul Dolan promoting his recently released book HAPPY EVER AFTER, they'll; be much happier if they steer clear of marriage and children entirely.

"Married people are happier than other population subgroups,but only when their spouse is in the room when they're asked how happy they are.  When the spouse is not present" f***ing miserable." Dolan said, citing the AMERICAN TIME USE SURVEY, a national survey available from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and used for academic research on how Americans live their lives.

NMNK HOMELESS SINGLES ARE PUNISHED FOR NOT BRINGING CHILDREN THEY CAN'T AFFORD INTO THIS WORLD

NMNK singles are the LAST to receive help when it comes to shelters, housing, and so on. The local "intake" people prefer to help people with children, in particular women who are mothers who have no husbands contributing to household income.  When a social services agency gives a housing voucher to such a person, they get the credit for housing several people at at time.  Their stats go up. And no one wants children to be on the street, it's dangerous.  How can you succeed in school while sleeping in a car or living in a tent.  I get it.

That said, a person who is NMNK and becomes homeless has nowhere to turn.  Meeting a person who works for an agency that claims to help the homeless get into housing. I learned that the single's expert was basically the SENIORS expert.
Age discrimination in the workplace, an episode of bad health, these are the things that can bring a previously self supporting and productive individual to the street. The street can make a person emotionally or mentally ill.  Such persons are encouraged to try to SSI or SSDI so that they can have an income.  It sometimes takes years to get these benefits.  Meanwhile they are on GR (a couple hundred a month) and their food benefits can run out before the end of the month.  Then, if they do intake at a social service agency that gets the housing vouchers, they may be out there for two or more years. The situation doesn't get better for seniors because there are not enough government subsidized housing projects and the ones that exist are full and not even taking applications.

The sympathy is just not there for people who have no family, have not created a family, who are childless by fate or choice. They are not a priority.  They may have been law abiding citizens, they may be educated, they may have supported themselves, but basically when it comes right down to it, they are out of luck.  And so, SOME NMNK who as responsible individuals did not bring children into this world they could not afford, feel PUNISHED for being that responsible.  They begin to resent all those who didn't use contraception even though they could not afford to bring a child or children into this world.  Sure, contraception isn't perfect, but let's face it.  Some people start having babies as teenagers and keep having babies. 

ARE YOU A NMNK person who feels discriminated against in this or any other governmental program?

WHY ARE MEN UNMARRIED ? LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!

PHYS ORG : REASONS MEN ARE SINGLE ACCORDING TO REDDIT 2018

According to this article, the type of men who would have been married in the days when marriages were arranged are not now because they lack social skills. I do think that a lack of social skills can mean being dateless or friendless.  Shortness or Baldness where another problem for the men who answered the questionnaire.  In my experience shortness and baldness are simply excuses. Another excuse I've heard men claim to be a problem for them is that American women are just too demanding (but the men who claimed this also seemed to always have to have their own way.)

EXCERPT: Up to 35% of people in North American and European societies are single or live on their own.

S IS FOR SINGLE

Be proud to be SINGLE with no sense of SHAME !

Keep a crummy marriage? Now that's INSANE!

I first posted this in 2009!

SEASONAL DEPRESSION and the NMNK - IT CAN HURT TO GO THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS WITH RELATIVES

Although I spent Thanksgiving in a part of Southern California that was relatively cold and damp, the fact that tourists go to the beach in December here isn't lost on me.  Especially not when much of the country is in for a horrible never ending cold and snowy winter. Which means that Seasonal Depression is more likely.  For those not in the know, Seasonal Depression is a depression thought to be caused by a lack of sunlight and it might even be tied in with the need for humans and animals to hibernate or at least slow down and stay indoors a while.  The longer and darker the winter is, the more likely people are also to indulge themselves in too much alcohol (and perhaps other drugs) in order to self treat for the Seasonal Depression.

Because the Holidays can be especially trying for NMNK's due to the expectation that the holidays, from Halloween to New Years be FAMILY HOLIDAYS, pressure to find a mate and/or have children and "start your own family" can be acute, and hey, maybe you do want those things and are already beating yourself up for not having a date, a marriage ready partner, or some other deficit, as you see it.... MAYBE YOU'RE READING THIS TO SEE WHAT SOMEONE WHO NEVER FELT A DRIVE TO FIND A HUSBAND OR A BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS LIKE. Well, love begins with you loving you.  I know that sounds like a corny song, but there's truth to it.

I'm lucky perhaps because while I doubt there's a person alive who has never felt blue or depressed (unless they're a sociopath who cannot feel) seasonal depression isn't something I experience.

But if you do, get out in the air and sunlight (or daylight) every day for at least 20 minutes, get some physical activity in every day, even if it's indoors, and before you go to sleep, count your lucky stars.  I always hear about people kept awake by active minds, cell phones, worries, or sleepless due to too much electric light, all to consider. Try to be moderate in your habits and not overindulge in self medicating.  Mostly, pull yourself out and away from people who don't respect your life choices.


C 2019  NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BLOGSPOT

EMMA WATSON IS "SELF-PARTNERED"

WASHINGTON POST : EMMA WATSON - NEW DEFINITION OF SINGLE   by Lisa Bonos

EXCERPT:  Whether "self-partnered" speaks to you or not, it harks to the larger trnd of SOLOGAMY, or marrying oneself.  Japanese travel agencies offer "solo wedding' Packages....  A New York woman "married" her community...