I lived in a Jewish neighborhood for a while and actually encountered a match maker. A tradition. Usually a Jewish woman who makes it her business to know who is unmarried, looking for marriage, and who is eligible. As in the romantic old film "Crossing Delancy Street."
She told me that her services extended to referring men in particular for make overs and especially some better clothing. (Ah but after marriage either his wife dresses him or he goes back to slovenly looks.)
She said that it is believed in the Jewish faith that if you match make three couples, then you go to heaven. She had match made two couples. You see she got into this late and wasn't sure she would go past three.
Since then I've learned that Jewish people seem to put a lot of pressure on their own to be married. Married is the way people are supposed to go through life, it is believed. Though there is a LOT of intermarriage with other faiths, primarily Christians, there is also a lot of pressure for the Christian spouse to convert; if a person really believed in Jesus this would be impossible. But it's thought to be better after all to be unified religiously if you're going to raise children.
There are ALWAYS people who do not marry, for any number of reasons. Matchmaking works on the problem of actually meeting people in general. It can be helpful to those who are not too social maybe because they are too busy with education and work.
9/22/15
A FRIEND's VIEWS ON MARRIAGE CLASH WITH MY OWN - I'M THE CONSERVATIVE!
Over the last few months I've been getting to know - again - a friend who left town in '07, lost touch with me in '09, and has returned. I say friend because essentially that is what it was, even when we dated a short while, and most certainly is, now that he's tried to get back into my life by playing the "we used to date" card.
I know people change. I have. But back in '07 - '09 I actually thought there was some good commonality in the relationship that might sustain it. So I decided to give the relationship another try, but without any high hopes that it might return to romance.
So it hasn't.
But worse, this man has convinced me that it is I who is the conservative!
What with my "first comes love, then comes marriage, and then the baby carriage (if ever)," ideals.
In my family of origin my not marrying and not having children is considered lesbian or not natural. As I've mentioned by own godmother backstabbed me with gossip, telling others that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to hold a baby. (You can sort through these posts and find my retort.) The purpose of this blog was to support people like me who have made many micro-decisions and some big ones to not be a birth mother or parent, while knowing that there are so very many ways and reasons to be NMNK.
Now when he tells me that I'm some sort of fossil for such ancient (not just old fashioned) beliefs, because "nobody" this and that and "everybody" this and that, get's married that way, or even has those EXPECTATIONS, I feel he is mostly talking about himself.
Sure there are places on this earth and in this country, mostly places where the cost of living is low, where there are women who not only wait for love, then marry, and then have children, but also do not have careers outside the home but instead make motherhood and being a wife their career. Their choice.
I decided he and I are utterly incompatible!
Because I noticed that he lets me make dinner (and do the shopping, preparing, clean up and sending him home with left-overs) about ten times for every one time he cooks or takes me out to dinner.
I find his relationships and the "family" he has taken his ex step children to be as unstable and risky. I mean, do these now adult children who had him in their lives a few short years when they were growing up, when they all lived together, but didn't get married, actually make them think of him as dad, as in a dad that may need visitors in an assisted living someday, or a dad that needs people to bury him?
Apparently so.
I love the notion of "family as friends." I've tried it and it didn't work in a crisis.
But OK, my opinion doesn't count since it is his life.
What do I really think all this way along? That this man has been very happy for girlfriends to buy him things when they were the ones who had the money from inheritance or earning, and that is a comfort that in his generation was rare. Not exactly a free-loader but nowhere near the kind of man who marries and supports a wife and children. So he hasn't had any, while putting me down for not wanting any. You know, if you Really Want Children, there is a Very Good Chance, you Can, meet someone who Also Wants Children, and Have Them.
So he's a CLOSET NMNK!
C 2015 Sister / Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights including International and Internet Rights reserved.
I know people change. I have. But back in '07 - '09 I actually thought there was some good commonality in the relationship that might sustain it. So I decided to give the relationship another try, but without any high hopes that it might return to romance.
So it hasn't.
But worse, this man has convinced me that it is I who is the conservative!
What with my "first comes love, then comes marriage, and then the baby carriage (if ever)," ideals.
In my family of origin my not marrying and not having children is considered lesbian or not natural. As I've mentioned by own godmother backstabbed me with gossip, telling others that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to hold a baby. (You can sort through these posts and find my retort.) The purpose of this blog was to support people like me who have made many micro-decisions and some big ones to not be a birth mother or parent, while knowing that there are so very many ways and reasons to be NMNK.
Now when he tells me that I'm some sort of fossil for such ancient (not just old fashioned) beliefs, because "nobody" this and that and "everybody" this and that, get's married that way, or even has those EXPECTATIONS, I feel he is mostly talking about himself.
Sure there are places on this earth and in this country, mostly places where the cost of living is low, where there are women who not only wait for love, then marry, and then have children, but also do not have careers outside the home but instead make motherhood and being a wife their career. Their choice.
I decided he and I are utterly incompatible!
Because I noticed that he lets me make dinner (and do the shopping, preparing, clean up and sending him home with left-overs) about ten times for every one time he cooks or takes me out to dinner.
I find his relationships and the "family" he has taken his ex step children to be as unstable and risky. I mean, do these now adult children who had him in their lives a few short years when they were growing up, when they all lived together, but didn't get married, actually make them think of him as dad, as in a dad that may need visitors in an assisted living someday, or a dad that needs people to bury him?
Apparently so.
I love the notion of "family as friends." I've tried it and it didn't work in a crisis.
But OK, my opinion doesn't count since it is his life.
What do I really think all this way along? That this man has been very happy for girlfriends to buy him things when they were the ones who had the money from inheritance or earning, and that is a comfort that in his generation was rare. Not exactly a free-loader but nowhere near the kind of man who marries and supports a wife and children. So he hasn't had any, while putting me down for not wanting any. You know, if you Really Want Children, there is a Very Good Chance, you Can, meet someone who Also Wants Children, and Have Them.
So he's a CLOSET NMNK!
C 2015 Sister / Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights including International and Internet Rights reserved.
7/21/15
AT WHAT AGE IS A BACHELOR "CONFIRMED" and DOES THE LABLE REALLY MEAN HOMOSEXUAL?
The term "Confirmed Bachelor" is Old Fashioned and out of style but it's still used to explain why a man has not married. It's what people used to call a man who has never married and isn't expected to marry who seems just not interested. Of course sometimes a "Confirmed Bachelor" does marry - a woman - and surprises everyone.
I have a relative like that. His first and only girlfriend was the woman he met when he was 42 who he soon married. A highly intellectual person and scientist, he always had a cheerful attitude and enjoyed his work. He was loving and kind and he never abused drugs or drink. He simply wasn't one to go out on the town to meet women and he humbly admitted , "I didn't think I would ever marry!"
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes the caregiver of a parent, or simply a Mama's Boy who sticks close to his mother, even taking over the roles that her husband used to - except for the sex. Being one's mother's protector and financial support is honorable. An example would be the artist Andy Warhol.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes "latent homosexuals." They may not think of themselves as gay. They may not be gay. They may be very discreetly gay (like when they go out of town) or self identify as gay but not actively so. They may be inexperienced with women or asexual. Whatever, their employers, co-workers, even family and friends only know that they are not married, not close to it. Their own discretion keeps others from asking too many questions.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes men who simply know that marriage isn't for them.
At least not the type of marriage they are likely to make. These days two (or more) people can have a different type of marriage than the old Breadwinner and Stay at Home Wife/Mother role or even the two heterosexuals who will forever remain loyal and faithful type of marriage. This is important because the reason some people are NMNK is that they just could not imagine themselves in that traditional marriage.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved including International and Internet rights
I have a relative like that. His first and only girlfriend was the woman he met when he was 42 who he soon married. A highly intellectual person and scientist, he always had a cheerful attitude and enjoyed his work. He was loving and kind and he never abused drugs or drink. He simply wasn't one to go out on the town to meet women and he humbly admitted , "I didn't think I would ever marry!"
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes the caregiver of a parent, or simply a Mama's Boy who sticks close to his mother, even taking over the roles that her husband used to - except for the sex. Being one's mother's protector and financial support is honorable. An example would be the artist Andy Warhol.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes "latent homosexuals." They may not think of themselves as gay. They may not be gay. They may be very discreetly gay (like when they go out of town) or self identify as gay but not actively so. They may be inexperienced with women or asexual. Whatever, their employers, co-workers, even family and friends only know that they are not married, not close to it. Their own discretion keeps others from asking too many questions.
Confirmed Bachelors are sometimes men who simply know that marriage isn't for them.
At least not the type of marriage they are likely to make. These days two (or more) people can have a different type of marriage than the old Breadwinner and Stay at Home Wife/Mother role or even the two heterosexuals who will forever remain loyal and faithful type of marriage. This is important because the reason some people are NMNK is that they just could not imagine themselves in that traditional marriage.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved including International and Internet rights
7/7/15
WHEN WE'RE HAPPY THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS HAD CHILDREN - LIKE GREAT BRITAINS ROYALS and THE LONG BACHELORHOOD of PRINCE ALBERT THRUN UND TAXIS
The other day I was reading about Prince George, his new sister Charlotte, and of course his parents, William and Katherine, his grandparents, the future King Charles, and his great-grandparents, including Queen Elizabeth.
I felt happy for them. I loved looking at all those adorable pictures that Kate took herself at home and distributed rather than be invaded by some official photographer. I felt happy for them and not sad for me.
PERHAPS NO ONE ON EARTH HAS BEEN UNDER MORE PRESSURE TO HAVE CHILDREN THAN A PERSON IN LINE FOR THE THRONE OF GREAT BRITAIN, Prince William.
Of course if you read the lists of people who are in line to inherit that throne, say if there was some disaster, may it never happen, and those who are first, second, and third in line were suddenly dead, you know that there is always a plan for the day, but as Great Britain is generally peaceful, and the Queen seems to have the genes and luck to live into great old age, it could be mid 21st century before William is King and by the time it's George's turn there might not be a monarchy.
Then, I was thinking about all the coverage of the marriage and the births of these latest royal children, and of all the other royals and aristocrats in Europe who must be parents for their traditions and, often, money, to continue.
I was thinking about the eligible bachelor and bachelorette lists that are popular, especially among the commoners who have the fantasy of marrying way up. I looked at those lists and saw that there are some incredibly wealthy and "eligible" NMNK aristocrats out there. CONSIDERING THE PRESSURE THEY ARE LIKELY UNDER and ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MARRY THEM, WHY HAVEN'T THEY?
COULD IT BE CHOICE?
Or is it that among their peers there is some knowledge or suspicion that they would be difficult as a spouse?
HERE IS MY PICK FOR THE PRINCE WHO MAY GO NMNK forever, or at least for as long as he can (like his own father).
THURN UND TAXIS PRICELY FAMILY - PRINCE ALBERT
PRINCE ALBERT was born in 1983. From reading around this family, his father, born in 1926, was likely a homosexual who went bisexual when he finally found a distant, titled, but very broke cousin, Gloria, born in 1960, who was so much younger, to marry and have children with so someone would inherit. They had three children rapidly, and he died when Prince Albert was only 7. Gloria did inherit a regal mess of an estate and somehow through hard work, dedication, and else, managed to preserve their family home in Germany. One of her daughters married this past year with a commoner she met years earlier while in art school. Another daughter seems to be moving towards honorable spinsterhood with a good career traveling and reporting on high society. Albert, a billionaire who is a race car driver, like at least his honorable spinster sister, is said to be a devout Catholic. I'm not implying here that he is homosexual or bisexual like his father, or that his unmarried sister is lesbian, but somehow reportage of the love lives of this trio has been suspiciously missing from all the media that covers other royals and aristocrats.
So I wonder if any negotiations have taken place in order to get him married off, and if so, what are his true feelings are about this.
I felt happy for them. I loved looking at all those adorable pictures that Kate took herself at home and distributed rather than be invaded by some official photographer. I felt happy for them and not sad for me.
PERHAPS NO ONE ON EARTH HAS BEEN UNDER MORE PRESSURE TO HAVE CHILDREN THAN A PERSON IN LINE FOR THE THRONE OF GREAT BRITAIN, Prince William.
Of course if you read the lists of people who are in line to inherit that throne, say if there was some disaster, may it never happen, and those who are first, second, and third in line were suddenly dead, you know that there is always a plan for the day, but as Great Britain is generally peaceful, and the Queen seems to have the genes and luck to live into great old age, it could be mid 21st century before William is King and by the time it's George's turn there might not be a monarchy.
Then, I was thinking about all the coverage of the marriage and the births of these latest royal children, and of all the other royals and aristocrats in Europe who must be parents for their traditions and, often, money, to continue.
I was thinking about the eligible bachelor and bachelorette lists that are popular, especially among the commoners who have the fantasy of marrying way up. I looked at those lists and saw that there are some incredibly wealthy and "eligible" NMNK aristocrats out there. CONSIDERING THE PRESSURE THEY ARE LIKELY UNDER and ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MARRY THEM, WHY HAVEN'T THEY?
COULD IT BE CHOICE?
Or is it that among their peers there is some knowledge or suspicion that they would be difficult as a spouse?
HERE IS MY PICK FOR THE PRINCE WHO MAY GO NMNK forever, or at least for as long as he can (like his own father).
THURN UND TAXIS PRICELY FAMILY - PRINCE ALBERT
PRINCE ALBERT was born in 1983. From reading around this family, his father, born in 1926, was likely a homosexual who went bisexual when he finally found a distant, titled, but very broke cousin, Gloria, born in 1960, who was so much younger, to marry and have children with so someone would inherit. They had three children rapidly, and he died when Prince Albert was only 7. Gloria did inherit a regal mess of an estate and somehow through hard work, dedication, and else, managed to preserve their family home in Germany. One of her daughters married this past year with a commoner she met years earlier while in art school. Another daughter seems to be moving towards honorable spinsterhood with a good career traveling and reporting on high society. Albert, a billionaire who is a race car driver, like at least his honorable spinster sister, is said to be a devout Catholic. I'm not implying here that he is homosexual or bisexual like his father, or that his unmarried sister is lesbian, but somehow reportage of the love lives of this trio has been suspiciously missing from all the media that covers other royals and aristocrats.
So I wonder if any negotiations have taken place in order to get him married off, and if so, what are his true feelings are about this.
6/11/15
SIMPLE LIVING IS NOT SO SIMPLE - NOT REALLY!
I last posted about hearing the author who wrote a book full of ideas about SIMPLE LIVING give some ideas for doing just that. I thought her ideas were more about ecology or recycling. I wanted to show respect for her efforts and public speaking, so though I made a couple comments aloud at the time, I actually felt that she was dead wrong about some of the things she thinks of as SIMPLE LIVING.
1) She suggests you take public transportation. Why bother with a car, that expense?
I've done it, and as expensive as owning a vehicle can be, with insurance, maintenance, repairs, and gas, most public transportation is not, as she calls it "relaxing." and it rarely saves you time. There are plenty of places you cannot get to easily or at all depending on it, and I think it makes you yearn for a good car. I would suggest a ride from Uber or Lyft over taking a bus.
On public transportation, which is often overcrowded, people are always jostling each other. If you're someone who can wear jeans to work, well maybe you won't mind accidently sitting on a wet carpeted seat that some kid just peed on or getting chewing gun or your jacket. It's dirty and smelly. Sometimes what you get is a good wiff of armpit when someone has to hold onto a pole. I can't concentrate or read or do anything else with the noise, the interruption, watching for stops, the transferring, or the anxiety of not knowing if a bus is actually going to show up. She suggests a cell phone ap that will tell you right where the bus is, but what's simple about continually checking it? Sometimes it's simply not safe to assume that can tune out what's going on around you, because there are pick pockets, muggers, sexual harassers, and worse. Sometimes fights break out. I've been in buses that had accidents. I've been in buses in which someone stabbed someone else and fled. (And yes I've sat on pee and ruined a suit with chewing gum.)
I think she's thinking of some suburban commuter train experience, where one might even fall back to sleep, not public transportation in the city.
2) She suggests you sign up for FreeCycle to give away things and get things you want or need without buying them. I found checking FreeCylce and thousands of messages piling up to be a real time waster and one more thing I felt I had to do.
I'm also not sure how great it is that people are showing up at your home to take away junk. Why would you want so many strangers to do just that? I wonder if they are using Google Earth to see if you live in an expensive house, broken down apartment, or how they might get in when you're not home, as part of their wanting to meet you.
I ended up cancelling my FreeCycle without ever having found anything I wanted or needed listed. I admit I never put a call out for something I might need. I prefer to give things away to charities that can sell the stuff for their own profit.
I would suggest that Craig's List is also horrible and that E-Bay is a better place to trade.
3) She suggests that you buy one of those military surplus store gizmoz that have a knife, fork and spoon to carry with you everywhere and use that when eating fast food rather than throw plastics in landfills.
OK, here is the problem with plastic spoons and plastic everything, all of which will not degrade in our lifetime. (And yes I know about the Sea of Plastic in the Pacific Ocean, which is horrific.) To truly get rid of all the plastics and packaging, we would have to go back to living off the land, hunting, fishing, butchering, gardening, canning, and you're just not going to get the population of the earth to willingly go survivalist, old Hippie Communal, or Back to the preindustrial age, if you are not going to stay home to cook home meals every day, then personally not using plastic utensils has little impact. We get to do more with our hours by having others do all the food sourcing for us, so that all we have to do is go to the market or eat fast food, or pop something into the microwave. This even becomes a feminist issue.
If time truly is MONEY, and if you really can SAVE MONEY by going simple, then simply afford to HIRE A MAID so you won't have to waste any of your time doing the usual housework, shopping, or cooking.
I know this especially because I have cooked other people dinner and realized that I lost a day of my life doing it.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
1) She suggests you take public transportation. Why bother with a car, that expense?
I've done it, and as expensive as owning a vehicle can be, with insurance, maintenance, repairs, and gas, most public transportation is not, as she calls it "relaxing." and it rarely saves you time. There are plenty of places you cannot get to easily or at all depending on it, and I think it makes you yearn for a good car. I would suggest a ride from Uber or Lyft over taking a bus.
On public transportation, which is often overcrowded, people are always jostling each other. If you're someone who can wear jeans to work, well maybe you won't mind accidently sitting on a wet carpeted seat that some kid just peed on or getting chewing gun or your jacket. It's dirty and smelly. Sometimes what you get is a good wiff of armpit when someone has to hold onto a pole. I can't concentrate or read or do anything else with the noise, the interruption, watching for stops, the transferring, or the anxiety of not knowing if a bus is actually going to show up. She suggests a cell phone ap that will tell you right where the bus is, but what's simple about continually checking it? Sometimes it's simply not safe to assume that can tune out what's going on around you, because there are pick pockets, muggers, sexual harassers, and worse. Sometimes fights break out. I've been in buses that had accidents. I've been in buses in which someone stabbed someone else and fled. (And yes I've sat on pee and ruined a suit with chewing gum.)
I think she's thinking of some suburban commuter train experience, where one might even fall back to sleep, not public transportation in the city.
2) She suggests you sign up for FreeCycle to give away things and get things you want or need without buying them. I found checking FreeCylce and thousands of messages piling up to be a real time waster and one more thing I felt I had to do.
I'm also not sure how great it is that people are showing up at your home to take away junk. Why would you want so many strangers to do just that? I wonder if they are using Google Earth to see if you live in an expensive house, broken down apartment, or how they might get in when you're not home, as part of their wanting to meet you.
I ended up cancelling my FreeCycle without ever having found anything I wanted or needed listed. I admit I never put a call out for something I might need. I prefer to give things away to charities that can sell the stuff for their own profit.
I would suggest that Craig's List is also horrible and that E-Bay is a better place to trade.
3) She suggests that you buy one of those military surplus store gizmoz that have a knife, fork and spoon to carry with you everywhere and use that when eating fast food rather than throw plastics in landfills.
OK, here is the problem with plastic spoons and plastic everything, all of which will not degrade in our lifetime. (And yes I know about the Sea of Plastic in the Pacific Ocean, which is horrific.) To truly get rid of all the plastics and packaging, we would have to go back to living off the land, hunting, fishing, butchering, gardening, canning, and you're just not going to get the population of the earth to willingly go survivalist, old Hippie Communal, or Back to the preindustrial age, if you are not going to stay home to cook home meals every day, then personally not using plastic utensils has little impact. We get to do more with our hours by having others do all the food sourcing for us, so that all we have to do is go to the market or eat fast food, or pop something into the microwave. This even becomes a feminist issue.
If time truly is MONEY, and if you really can SAVE MONEY by going simple, then simply afford to HIRE A MAID so you won't have to waste any of your time doing the usual housework, shopping, or cooking.
I know this especially because I have cooked other people dinner and realized that I lost a day of my life doing it.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
6/9/15
CELIBACY (EVEN WHEN MARRIED) IS THE NEW SEXY IN JAPAN! (YOU CAN EVEN STAY A VIRGIN!)
This morning while getting ready I listened to some local morning programing and heard a snippet about how in Japan even some married people are not having sex. There is a high percentage of male Japanese who are married and still virgins!
This article is terrific and discusses how prevalent porn is in Japanese culture.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/opinions/view/why-arent-japanese-dating-and-mating LOVED THE WRITING ON THIS OPINION PIECE by Hollie Mantle.
EXCERPT: "The story of Japan’s declining birthrate is not a new one. Measures are underway to ensure that the country does not evolve into a giant nursing home. But in spite of the fact that the government is offering monetary incentives to young married couples, and that businesses are enforcing compulsory holidays, the percentage of children being born into the new generation is not increasing rapidly enough. With just an average of 1.39 children born per Japanese female, it’s time to take a look at the root causes of why such a randy bunch of Asians can’t get down and do it...The pressure to get married is a predominant conversation topic for females as young as 14. The idea of women as “Christmas cakes”—an item which begins to decline after its use-by date of the 25th—still pervades, and the desperation to get married before this “spoiling age” is visibly apparent in Japanese social circles.
Here's one that says millions of young Japanese people are not even dating and focuses on the reality of corporate careers and the economics of raising children.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex by Abigail Haworth
EXCERPT: The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61%of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
****
MY OPINION ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY IS THAT IT HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT OVERALL.
I think some people watch it hoping that they can get excited or so they can figure out what, if anything, does get them excited. But there is a disconnect emotionally watching a couple of actors who don't love each other having sex on film and I don't think you learn too much from watching it that will be useful having a relationship with another human being, hopefully with love.
This article is terrific and discusses how prevalent porn is in Japanese culture.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/opinions/view/why-arent-japanese-dating-and-mating LOVED THE WRITING ON THIS OPINION PIECE by Hollie Mantle.
EXCERPT: "The story of Japan’s declining birthrate is not a new one. Measures are underway to ensure that the country does not evolve into a giant nursing home. But in spite of the fact that the government is offering monetary incentives to young married couples, and that businesses are enforcing compulsory holidays, the percentage of children being born into the new generation is not increasing rapidly enough. With just an average of 1.39 children born per Japanese female, it’s time to take a look at the root causes of why such a randy bunch of Asians can’t get down and do it...The pressure to get married is a predominant conversation topic for females as young as 14. The idea of women as “Christmas cakes”—an item which begins to decline after its use-by date of the 25th—still pervades, and the desperation to get married before this “spoiling age” is visibly apparent in Japanese social circles.
Here's one that says millions of young Japanese people are not even dating and focuses on the reality of corporate careers and the economics of raising children.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex by Abigail Haworth
EXCERPT: The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that 61%of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
****
MY OPINION ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY IS THAT IT HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT OVERALL.
I think some people watch it hoping that they can get excited or so they can figure out what, if anything, does get them excited. But there is a disconnect emotionally watching a couple of actors who don't love each other having sex on film and I don't think you learn too much from watching it that will be useful having a relationship with another human being, hopefully with love.
5/25/15
MEMORIAL DAY - ALL THOSE GRAVES! and PREPAID PREPLANNED CREMATIONL SERVICES
A few months ago I attended a presentation about a pre-paid cremation service. You prepay the amount, carry a card with you, and there's a very good chance the company will last as long as you do or forever.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
The cost is low because there is no viewing, no funeral home, no gravesite, no tombstone, and you're burned up into ashes close to where you drop. Then the ashes are send to the person you identify on your paperwork.
Part of the selling is about, not only cost, but the way pre-planning for your own dead body is actually responsible behavior that lessens the scramble for money to even have a funeral and, it could be argued, makes the grief of your loved ones so much more bearable for them.
And it's true your death could happen at any time.
We are especially upset when someone dies unexpectedly in an accident and young.
Having been quoted unaffordable amounts to do things the old fashioned way, I can't help but think that the funeral business has become increasingly greedy and manipulative. No way in hell would I want to spend $25,000 or more to be drained of my blood, made up, put on view, stuck in a casket, and lowered into a cement chamber beneath the earth. I also don't want a burial at sea.
I have never dealt with ashes.
I don't know anyone who wants to deal with my ashes.
So I may go for this deal.
5/19/15
SMALLER AND SMALLER LIVING SPACES AIMED AT SINGLES - HOW SMALL IS TOO SMALL? IS THIS REALLY A WAY TO LIVE SIMPLE.
I really wish economics was not the outstanding factor in so many decisions that we must make, but there is a reality to deal with. The cost of living is ever increasing as is the population, even when a country has near zero population growth by choice, which is the case in France and several other countries.
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
And people have to live somewhere, not homeless, but in housing.
I've been reading about all the inventive small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings and apartments that are being built. Some of these are about the size of a garage or a shed. The builders say "Well, it's still home ownership." They reason or promote these spaces as for people who are rarely home anyway, meaning they won't get claustrophobia because they'll be at work, at the gym, someone else's house, OUT. They also are promoted as more ecologically correct or part of the SIMPLE LIVING TREND.
The fact is, I think it takes a special person to live in one of these small, even tiny, "houses" or single people dwellings or apartments that are being built. Some of the owners are giving them up because they realized that what they really wanted was to live in more of a cave in the wilderness. They are also on small, even tiny lots, and neighbor noise was an issue. Another issue was having to use the lot as part of the living space, but you're on display and too close to the neighbors who want to stroll on over and talk to you.
I'm one of those people who likes to go into my cave, so that I can think and concentrate, who hates constant noise or interruption (though a big city sometimes has a background "hum" that doesn't bother me). After a day, weekend, or at most a few days of hiding out, I get "cabin-fever" and I have to go out and get out. I don't really want to be isolated, just left alone at times.
Recently I attended a book author's presentation at my local library about living SIMPLE. She kept it simple! She read her chapter titles and gave one example from each. I noticed that many of the things that she categorizes as LIVING SIMPLE were really more about ECOLOGY, RECYCLING, and respecting this earth. I can respect those things and I can see how they can be associated with simple living, because LIVING SIMPLE is about reducing clutter and not having or buying too much stuff, but I also thought that when she said LIVING SIMPLE WOULD SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY, she had not thought her ideas through. (More on that in a later post.)
She did impress me as someone who might enjoy living in one of these small, even tiny "houses," but it turns out that she actually lives in houses in three different states for her work, which requires she sometimes be near New York City, Los Angeles, or the North West. None of these houses are houses she bought. Therefor, her lifestyle relies on being able to stay with others who have bought houses.
C 2015 All Rights Reserved. NMNK - An Intentional Community - Sister
5/10/15
NOT BEING A MOTHER (OR PARENT) - IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T NURTURE OR CARE GIVE
Alas, today is MOTHER's DAY, and along with FATHER'S DAY coming up next month, it is a day to celebrate those who PARENT.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
Well, if you are here on this earth you probably had a MOTHER and if she was a good mother then sure, you should acknowledge her today - as well as her birthday.
But for NMNK's under pressure to procreate by their own mothers, fathers, families, because these people are traditional, conservative, religious, or simply think that's how life is done, today is just one more day in which a person can be put down for being unconventional, not ready, aging out, or simply not being "lucky" which means fertile.
For those who are faulted for not bearing a child or bringing another soul into this very overpopulated, often starving, world, let me remind you to remind THEM that this does not mean you are not a nurturing person, and that in fact you may be or will be caregiving, in particular caregiving your own parents.
I want to point this out because those hostile to a NMNK lifestyle often find fault with our character, personality, values, more so than our possibly uncooperative bodies.
When I hear about a parent who thinks their children owe them grandchildren it makes me crazy. Some of these grand parents need to figure out something else worthwhile to do with their own retirements.
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