The announcement that one of my favorite NMNK women librarians was retiring made me think of all the librarians I've known through the years who are NMNK, single mothers (of adopted children), or divorced.
At least they make enough money to afford their independence.
Librarians have long been stereotyped as spinsters and intellectuals, if male then homosexual, their careers important more so than marriage, especially when linked with the education of children, rather akin to the profession of teaching, require advanced degrees in most places, provide a generally stable work environment and retirement because the work is linked to city, state, and federal government jobs more than private industry, and well... Librarians are stereotyped as nerdy loners who love to read, love alone time...and who are not desirable partners.
Is it true that being a librarian somehow makes a woman (or Ok, a man) not sexy?
I also at this moment know a forty-something librarian who is NMNK and just had a breakup that was hard on her because she really wants children. And I know a 60ish life-long children's librarian who says she has no regrets being NMNK... The former is a very attractive woman, the later very obese...
I wonder if the stereotype of a librarian is changing with the younger generations and if a person has a better chance of finding love and commitment if they are one of the younger librarians who are coming in to replace those who are retiring.
4/4/15
THE NEW NMNK SHOPPING CARTS ARE A WONDERFUL ALTERNATIVE TO THOSE BIG KID CARTS!
Off to Ralph's grocery store I went, and there in the front of the store where what I call NMNK shopping carts. I've heard these carts called "express carts" and "Two basket carts." These carts are about half the size and weight as the traditional shopping cart with the kid seat in front. There is no kid seat. They take up a lot less room in an isle so they are easier to move around crowded stores and boxy obstacle courses. And let's face it, most people aren't buying a month of food at one time...
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
I wonder if these NMNK shopping carts are a trend. If stores around the country are getting them. Or if this was just for the Ralph's I shop at, which is in an area where there are a lot of NMNK shoppers, as well as single senior citizens!
In the past on this blog I complained about Ralphs, one of the Kroger Company stores, and their "rewards" program which makes it difficult for anyone who is buying for one to achieve any rewards. Grocery store discount programs, in general, tend to focus on people who actually want to buy 10 Macaroni and Cheese or Liters of Soda at the same time, people who have homes with big storage areas or so many mouths to feed that they don't have to store their purchases for long. They are not facing the statistics with their rewards programs but they are with their new shopping carts!
3/4/15
WHY EVEN LIVE TOGETHER? IF YOU'RE SINGLE AND SELF SUPPORTING ENJOY YOUR OWN SPACE!
I was reading a magazine that focuses on the YOGA lifestyle, a healthy, spiritual lifestyle, and there was an article written by a woman who discovered she was pregnant two weeks after a break up after which He had moved out. She considers this pregnancy to be somehow fated, perhaps because now she is 38. Without knowing the specifics of the relationship and the whys of the break up, if she told him or where the hell he was, I wondered why she was so determined to go forth as a single mother bravely.
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
I had to ask myself...
WHY EVEN LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Why take the chance that your little experiment in compatibility might end with you both going your own ways?
LIVE WITH... as in "living in sin", shacking up, Cohabitation...
The unwillingness to meld households and finances with an official legal ceremony is pretty telling, isn't it? LIVING TOGETHER is mostly NOT MARRIAGE. It is mostly NOT COMMITMENT. (And here I'm not referring to those who would if they could, have same sex marriage.)
Unwed and capable of supporting yourself without being supported by someone else, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS when you are NOT REALLY SURE this person is it for you? If you were really sure you would probably marry.
Hey, I know that lots of couples are living together, some in COMMON LAW marriages, and I know that most often it is combining income and resources that makes saving money possible and sometimes real estate affordable. Most often it is combining income that makes HAVING A CHILD or CHILDREN affordable. Real estate and children - security - is a good reason to have a commitment with another person, a means of surviving and thriving.
But say you are doing fine independently. Maybe you live in a single or a room in a house with a separate entrance, if you cannot afford your own condo or single family home, but you can afford to do so.
IS THERE SOME REASON TO HAVE A SPERM DONOR LIVE WITH YOU?
So, if you are willing to have a baby on your own, WHY were you "JUST living together"?
Instead of taking the anonymous sperm donation option? Considering how much involvement this person will have with you and your mutual child...
I wonder...
is she even going to TELL him he's the father? (He has the right to know.)
is she not telling him because she doesn't want him in the child's life (because once there is a child it is not all about her life!)
C 2015 Sister Speaks - NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved
2/21/15
SKIPPING VALENTINES DAY AND ALL THAT JAZZ
I kind of skipped Valentine's Day this year. In the past I've made it a point to celebrate the day by acknowledging my better friends, but this year I was feeling it was time to be on the receiving end.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
And I got no acknowledgement from said friends.
But I did have a Valentine.
A man I'm casually dating (that does not mean casual sex) called the night before to ask if I would be his Valentine. He followed through with a couple mini quotes about love which he texted and showed up (his turn to buy) with some easy to heat up food and deserts and a bottle of wine from Trader Joes. Simple enough and delicious, we enjoyed the meal, and a couple hours later he left at curfew hour (I'm joking, as an adult I no longer have a curfew) with a sweet single kiss on the lips.
I'm not sure if this relationship is destined to be more than friendship. I'm trying to keep an open mind and have decided to be lazy about it.
I don't feel like working to hard to have a relationship.
I don't even feel like dating.
But it's nice to have someone to bop around town with on occasional.
2/9/15
50 SHADES OF EVIL and THE TURN OFF OF SEX - SISTER SPEAKS!
I've been following the controversy of the books and upcoming movie, entitled FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, which depicts an S and M (Sadistic and Mean!), bondage, power-over, "relationship" between a recent college graduate who is unbelievably naïve and stupid, and an extremely powerful billionaire who is more than intimidating. He's a stereotype of a "successful" businessman, if you only consider material success as success. He is "brilliant" but also into his power and has a very dark side. He picks the naïve and stupid college grad to teach lessons to.
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
I read two of the books a couple years ago, because I was curious about a best seller. The paperbacks were on a free books shelf, discarded there by some other turned off reader, and as I confessed to a friend of mine who was over for Sunday night dinner last night, I admit that as I turned the pages I kept wondering if maybe I would get turned on, but I didn't. I got turned off.
I got angry.
Christian ministers are upset, while many businesses with a VALENTINE'S DAY EVENT are actually using the S and M theme. (One local free publication had a Valentine's article that said we were all looking forward to the release of the movie, and supposedly the release of our inhibitions.) My friend said he heard women were even presenting their lovers with handcuffs to use on them for Valentine's Day gifts.
(Hopefully as joke gifts! Though not funny.)
In some parts of the country theatres are preselling tickets to the movie. Controversy began with the induction of actors to play the roles, some who refused or quit rather than risk their careers, but there is already talk of sequels to continue the sick on-screen relationship.
The author could care less about any bad reviews because she's got a best seller, has become wealthy, and has somehow managed not to be condemned as a pornographer. If this were a literary review, which it isn't, because that's not my focus of this article, I would say it was a badly written book, with stilted dialogue. Other than having the hots for each other, there is no good motivation presented for the relationship other than sex play, and maybe some people can find all the explorations of physical pain to be somehow about deeper psychological issues and meaning, that will somehow find release, and be resolved in the end, but I couldn't.
Having taken creative writing classes and being a sometimes voracious reader, my first criticism is that the dummy college student is not a believable character. It's almost as she was written as a 13 year old but then that would have been clearly evil. Set in the present and having been to college, I simply cannot believe that any woman today who manages to make it through to her graduation could be so uninformed, and if having never been brought up with or escaped Judaic-Christian values that dominate in the Western world, then untouched by feminism, or ignorant about the abuse of women.
My fear is that these books and the film are BLURRING the Question of WHAT IS RAPE?
Abusing another person with chains, ropes, and other implements and gear is now newly fashionable, in the form of potentially painful and violent sex play because two legal adults are doing so with "mutual permission"? Well, one of them gets to "do things" to the other. So how mutual is that?
Here is the state of things here in the Western World.
It is NOT OK to drug women for sex, because drugged or knocked out people cannot give permission, and so that is rape. It is not OK to have sex with a minor or someone who is unable due to low IQ to give permission no matter what age, because they are not able to really understand enough to give permission. It is NOT OK to have sex with corpses. It is NOT OK to molest or rape children, but the age at which one is a child rarely includes anyone over 12.
There used to be no such thing as rape in marriage because the rule of marriage was that a woman could not say no when her husband wanted to have sex - but we changed our minds about that as a culture as late as the 1970's. That reality is still played out in other cultures and microcultures but most of us in the West plan sex because we plan contraception. (That one female person cannot say no to one male person because she is not a person but an owned object is a HUGE TURNOFF towards traditional marriage as I see it.)
But if you use your "persuasion" or your "seduction" to get a woman/another person to do something, if you are manipulative or deceitful, then it's OK because the other person gave "permission" ?
It's about TRUST?
Ah, I HOPE the psychology profession is all shook up by this cultural phenomena.
PORNOGRAPHY goes terrible things to those who watch it.
It gives normal men the worry that their penis's are too small and the erroneous idea that all women want to be "banged."
(You will not find love, compassion, or gentleness, in porn.)
The women actors give great performances of loud, fake orgasms, and a lot of urging the male actors on. The male actors often have to see a lot of naked women kept aside the set who they are not performing with to get it up and keep it up. Porn gives permission for men to judge the normal women they meet for their bodies and what they will do sexually, or not, but it does not teach anyone how to have a relationship. In order to keep things "real" these actors do not use rubbers and there have been abortions, the spread of VD, and even AIDS, all for a destructive FANTASY of how sex is... when it isn't.
S and M is practiced by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill. It is written and performed by people who are spiritually ill and mentally ill.
It's a destructive behavior.
There is no good reason for it.
C 2015 Never Married No Kids - An Intentional Community / Sister
Google Blogger
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
1/24/15
IT'S ONLY ROCK "N" ROLL - 30 YEARS MARRIED TO A ROLLING STONE by JO WOOD : NMNK BOOK REVIEW
It's Only Rock "N" Roll
30 Years Married To A Rolling Stone
by Jo Wood (wife of Ron Wood) C 2013
!t books - an imprint of HarperCollingsPublishers
Book Review By Sister at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
It's not easy to write a memoir and write it so every chapter advances your story. Jo Wood did that, and she had a hell of a lot of life to select scenes from. No doubt I was attracted to this book because Jo Wood is not just an ordinary woman in a hellish, dysfunctional marriage, but because women like her keep men like Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood happy for a long long time, that is until a life long alcoholic and drug user who has NEVER GROWN UP, decides he has to womanize before he dies, and dumps his no longer co-dependent wife!
I used to study at a coffee house that was owned by members of AA and frequented by members of AA (and other 12 step groups attempting to resist addiction.) Several times I met men who were flirtatious and generally attractive to me but they never seemed to follow through. Perplexed, I brought this subject up to others there, and I learned well one thing:
A person who lives their life for years on substances, be that drugs or alcohol, who basically AVOIDS life by being high, partying a lot, etc, DOES NOT GROW, DOES NOT MATURE, and so, when they finally join a 12 Step Program and get off their substance, they are the age they were when they started avoiding life... Jo was a hard partier and addict herself, which was attractive to Ron, but it was she who had to be a bit more sensible because she was the one having children, raising them, and keeping some sanity in her own and their lives.
Therefor, when they met he was about her age (20) as a human and 30 years later, she had matured to be maybe 30 something, while he was still 20 something and having affairs with 20 year olds. That's my explanation.
Now, if Ron Wood were NOT a Rolling Stone, if there were not drugs, travel, excitement, fame, money (to be earned and invested unwisely and lost), would Jo have stuck in there and had three children with him? My guess is that there are a lot of more ordinary people who are in these hellish marriages, with and without children, in which people met as partiers or drug addicts and remained so.
Jo portrays Ron as selfish, self-centered, capable of verbal abuse and unable to imagine how he hurts others, and clearly she made a lot of excuses for him and did a lot of compensating. Nearing 50 she dared to move her organic lifestyle into a product line, and she used the book to promote that a bit.
She stays clear of what their financial settlement was, though I'm sure most readers would like to know what she got (earned) after 30 years of loyalty and faithfulness.
**************
Speaking of drug and alcohol use and abuse, there are people who can use without becoming addicts. There are people who can keep it to 2 drinks or 20, people who can keep it to weekends, people who never drive themselves when they are using. Still, when you choose to be out of control regularly, even if scheduled, or at home, you may be self treating for a emotional or mental issue.
People are often wondering so I will tell you that I'm all for MEDICAL MJ and have been for years, ever since a professor at my college talked about how it would have saved her father's eyesight, and since I've met ovarian cancer survivors who used it and ate and didn't waste away. I think alcohol may be worse than MJ. However, I don't use MJ or any other illegal drug and drink very little and then usually with a meal, like dinner out, or a special occasion like a birthday. So it is really hard for me to relate to drug addicts.
30 Years Married To A Rolling Stone
by Jo Wood (wife of Ron Wood) C 2013
!t books - an imprint of HarperCollingsPublishers
Book Review By Sister at NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS - AN INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
It's not easy to write a memoir and write it so every chapter advances your story. Jo Wood did that, and she had a hell of a lot of life to select scenes from. No doubt I was attracted to this book because Jo Wood is not just an ordinary woman in a hellish, dysfunctional marriage, but because women like her keep men like Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood happy for a long long time, that is until a life long alcoholic and drug user who has NEVER GROWN UP, decides he has to womanize before he dies, and dumps his no longer co-dependent wife!
I used to study at a coffee house that was owned by members of AA and frequented by members of AA (and other 12 step groups attempting to resist addiction.) Several times I met men who were flirtatious and generally attractive to me but they never seemed to follow through. Perplexed, I brought this subject up to others there, and I learned well one thing:
A person who lives their life for years on substances, be that drugs or alcohol, who basically AVOIDS life by being high, partying a lot, etc, DOES NOT GROW, DOES NOT MATURE, and so, when they finally join a 12 Step Program and get off their substance, they are the age they were when they started avoiding life... Jo was a hard partier and addict herself, which was attractive to Ron, but it was she who had to be a bit more sensible because she was the one having children, raising them, and keeping some sanity in her own and their lives.
Therefor, when they met he was about her age (20) as a human and 30 years later, she had matured to be maybe 30 something, while he was still 20 something and having affairs with 20 year olds. That's my explanation.
Now, if Ron Wood were NOT a Rolling Stone, if there were not drugs, travel, excitement, fame, money (to be earned and invested unwisely and lost), would Jo have stuck in there and had three children with him? My guess is that there are a lot of more ordinary people who are in these hellish marriages, with and without children, in which people met as partiers or drug addicts and remained so.
Jo portrays Ron as selfish, self-centered, capable of verbal abuse and unable to imagine how he hurts others, and clearly she made a lot of excuses for him and did a lot of compensating. Nearing 50 she dared to move her organic lifestyle into a product line, and she used the book to promote that a bit.
She stays clear of what their financial settlement was, though I'm sure most readers would like to know what she got (earned) after 30 years of loyalty and faithfulness.
**************
Speaking of drug and alcohol use and abuse, there are people who can use without becoming addicts. There are people who can keep it to 2 drinks or 20, people who can keep it to weekends, people who never drive themselves when they are using. Still, when you choose to be out of control regularly, even if scheduled, or at home, you may be self treating for a emotional or mental issue.
People are often wondering so I will tell you that I'm all for MEDICAL MJ and have been for years, ever since a professor at my college talked about how it would have saved her father's eyesight, and since I've met ovarian cancer survivors who used it and ate and didn't waste away. I think alcohol may be worse than MJ. However, I don't use MJ or any other illegal drug and drink very little and then usually with a meal, like dinner out, or a special occasion like a birthday. So it is really hard for me to relate to drug addicts.
1/17/15
OLD MOVIE SCENE IN "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY" REMINDS ME - SOME PEOPLE WOULD RATHER BE DIVORCED SO THEY CAN SAY THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED
Is that scene OUTDATED?
Watching this old movie, I was reminded of women I once knew who definitely felt that way. (They are all married now though I have no idea how happily.)
Maybe this is now a CONSERVATIVE or BACKWARD attitude, that it is so NORMAL to at least TRY MARRIAGE, that it would be better to commit and then fail...It's like people are getting points (with parents? friends? employers? God?) for trying and LEARNING.
But don't people who commit to relationships that don't become legal marriage and fail also LEARNING ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP?
And what about LEARNING from other people's relationships, like how NOT to have one?
Recently on a free news stand I saw a publication that is called DIVORCE, i.e. Divorce magazine. It was full of ads for professions such as forensic accountants (who look for where the marital partner hid money) and of course lots of divorce attorneys who promise to "fight" for you.
All of which I will be very happy to SKIP.
The rush to marriage because it's something "everyone" is doing or does, or because it's time (i.e. 26 years old or so), without really knowing the other person well, is just stupid.
So maybe people expect points for stupidity?
Watching this old movie, I was reminded of women I once knew who definitely felt that way. (They are all married now though I have no idea how happily.)
Maybe this is now a CONSERVATIVE or BACKWARD attitude, that it is so NORMAL to at least TRY MARRIAGE, that it would be better to commit and then fail...It's like people are getting points (with parents? friends? employers? God?) for trying and LEARNING.
But don't people who commit to relationships that don't become legal marriage and fail also LEARNING ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP?
And what about LEARNING from other people's relationships, like how NOT to have one?
Recently on a free news stand I saw a publication that is called DIVORCE, i.e. Divorce magazine. It was full of ads for professions such as forensic accountants (who look for where the marital partner hid money) and of course lots of divorce attorneys who promise to "fight" for you.
All of which I will be very happy to SKIP.
The rush to marriage because it's something "everyone" is doing or does, or because it's time (i.e. 26 years old or so), without really knowing the other person well, is just stupid.
So maybe people expect points for stupidity?
1/12/15
CAMERON DIAZ GETS MARRIED AT 42 and I REALLY DO HOPE SHE and HE WILL BE HAPPY!
Actress CAMERON DIAZ got married the other day, at her home, with a good tent to hide the proceedings and keep them private. The photographers and news people had been watching her house for some time and saw the catering and floral deliveries, figured it out, and were there.
Now Cameron has pretty much been a spokesperson for the NMNK lifestyle, and be it that she changed her mind, fell in love with a soul mate, decided to give marriage a try (especially as that at 42 she has had a long experience of NMNK and might be at that point where having a baby could take forever), whatever, I REALLY DO HOPE THAT THE HAPPY COUPLE WILL BE HAPPY.
Just because I'm not much interested in marriage myself doesn't mean that I'm UNHAPPY when other people get married.
It's just that most of my friends who got married were ultimately not happy or they would not have gotten divorced. I have a couple friends who have been married twice and are divorced twice and now have partners that they refuse to marry, which is another story. In one case the children were the ones horribly effected. In another case there are no children to be effected. I also have lost contact with friends who married, would never divorced for religious reasons, have a lot of children, and who gave up on ME, not the other way around.
I'm not going to make any PREDICTIONS about this marriage of Cameron's. I'd like to think that because she is more mature and has had many relationships that she has the experience and wisdom to know what she is doing. I know nothing about her husband at all,
Now Cameron has pretty much been a spokesperson for the NMNK lifestyle, and be it that she changed her mind, fell in love with a soul mate, decided to give marriage a try (especially as that at 42 she has had a long experience of NMNK and might be at that point where having a baby could take forever), whatever, I REALLY DO HOPE THAT THE HAPPY COUPLE WILL BE HAPPY.
Just because I'm not much interested in marriage myself doesn't mean that I'm UNHAPPY when other people get married.
It's just that most of my friends who got married were ultimately not happy or they would not have gotten divorced. I have a couple friends who have been married twice and are divorced twice and now have partners that they refuse to marry, which is another story. In one case the children were the ones horribly effected. In another case there are no children to be effected. I also have lost contact with friends who married, would never divorced for religious reasons, have a lot of children, and who gave up on ME, not the other way around.
I'm not going to make any PREDICTIONS about this marriage of Cameron's. I'd like to think that because she is more mature and has had many relationships that she has the experience and wisdom to know what she is doing. I know nothing about her husband at all,
1/5/15
THE SINGLE MOTHER WHO HELPED REINFORCE MY VOW TO REMAIN NK
My New Year began with the professional cleaning of a carpet, the removal of a small sofa that had in the last few months popped a spring and broken a leg, and the purchase of another sofa from a single mother across the way who was moving about thirty miles away to more affordable housing, she said with the help of her friends.
I never asked her how it was that she got stranded by the child's father, but perhaps I didn't need to know and she didn't need to tell the all too typical story. Her daughter is, I feel lucky, as I think the fatherless family unit is possibly even worse for sons. Her daughter is also very beautiful and intelligent beyond her years but perhaps does not yet have a sense that she is living in poverty. She's not in school yet. She is generally a happy child but one who knows how to throw a tantrum and disobey to get her way. I expect that in a couple years some child psychologist will chime in an opinion but maybe this single mother is simply out of control of her child.
In a previous post I pretty much ranted my opinion that unless you have lots of family support and money in the bank, no woman should have one or more children on her own. I said that there were lots of frantic women in my neighborhood who had the single mom lifestyle and from what I witnessed it was a an often desperate lifestyle.
So this situation was an example.
First I and my dog went to look at the sofa. I asked her to measure it but she never had the time.
I decided it was worth it to buy it for the price, even if it turns out to be a temporary solution. She said that her friends who were helping her move would be glad to bring it over. I told her I was having the carpets cleaned and the old sofa removed before then.
The day before the move she texted me that she needed to fax important papers. It was New Years Day and I have no home fax and most places were closed. She added that she had no money to fax so it had to be someone's personal fax. I was not about to get on the phone to ask around for her. What had she left to the last minute like this? The new lease to the landlord and paperwork for her child's school. Ah well, the texting went on and on, and I got it SHE HAD NO MONEY TO FAX EVEN IF SHE FOUND A PLACE THAT WAS OPEN. I found a place that was open on New Years Day and she said she had no bus fare to get there. I knew that on Christmas, in order to get to a friend's place where she was going to hang out for the holiday she had asked the bus driver for a free ride for herself and her daughter. He said yes. She had been begging free bus rides a lot.
I was finding all this anxiety producing. I decided to give her $10 towards the sofa and took it and a plate of food over to her apartment. There I found a lot of Christmas gifts torn open that her friends had bought from Santa for her daughter. She said she was just thinking she was hungry. Well, I suspect there was no food in the place. She also remarked that it was cold. It was. No heat. I wondered if she really needed to fax or had just managed to coax money out of me. I decided I was not going to offer to babysit for free while she took buses to the fax place.
The place was reasonably clean maybe because it was so bare.
I asked her if she maybe needed a twin bed, as I had a twin bed frame I was giving away. She said her daughter had her own room (i.e THE bedroom) and that she herself sometimes slept on the sofa she was selling me. It was clear she had been unable to sell it, would have no room for it in the next place, and that she was happy to have some money in hand. Maybe the money to pay her friends.
The next day her friends showed up in a vehicle that looked like it was held together with spackle and proceeded to tie a box springs and two mattresses onto the roof. It turned out they were not friends but for hire. She was so broke she hit me up for boxes and plastic bags. I gave her the money for the sofa and an extra $5 to tip them for bringing her sofa across the street to my place. (Apparently she didn't and kept the money, as they posed around my door awaiting tip money.) I realized that she had not wanted the bed frame because her daughter slept on a mattress on the floor and these mattresses and box springs were so mismatched and filthy, I had to wonder if she hadn't pulled them into her place when someone else on the street threw them out.
So, no money for bus fare, no money to buy gifts for her daughter herself, no gift for the daughter from the "father", no money to heat the place, and food insecurity.
To her credit she has been doing an Internship and hoping for a new job and I certainly hope that in her new town this is possible and exactly what happens for her in the New Year.
I never asked her how it was that she got stranded by the child's father, but perhaps I didn't need to know and she didn't need to tell the all too typical story. Her daughter is, I feel lucky, as I think the fatherless family unit is possibly even worse for sons. Her daughter is also very beautiful and intelligent beyond her years but perhaps does not yet have a sense that she is living in poverty. She's not in school yet. She is generally a happy child but one who knows how to throw a tantrum and disobey to get her way. I expect that in a couple years some child psychologist will chime in an opinion but maybe this single mother is simply out of control of her child.
In a previous post I pretty much ranted my opinion that unless you have lots of family support and money in the bank, no woman should have one or more children on her own. I said that there were lots of frantic women in my neighborhood who had the single mom lifestyle and from what I witnessed it was a an often desperate lifestyle.
So this situation was an example.
First I and my dog went to look at the sofa. I asked her to measure it but she never had the time.
I decided it was worth it to buy it for the price, even if it turns out to be a temporary solution. She said that her friends who were helping her move would be glad to bring it over. I told her I was having the carpets cleaned and the old sofa removed before then.
The day before the move she texted me that she needed to fax important papers. It was New Years Day and I have no home fax and most places were closed. She added that she had no money to fax so it had to be someone's personal fax. I was not about to get on the phone to ask around for her. What had she left to the last minute like this? The new lease to the landlord and paperwork for her child's school. Ah well, the texting went on and on, and I got it SHE HAD NO MONEY TO FAX EVEN IF SHE FOUND A PLACE THAT WAS OPEN. I found a place that was open on New Years Day and she said she had no bus fare to get there. I knew that on Christmas, in order to get to a friend's place where she was going to hang out for the holiday she had asked the bus driver for a free ride for herself and her daughter. He said yes. She had been begging free bus rides a lot.
I was finding all this anxiety producing. I decided to give her $10 towards the sofa and took it and a plate of food over to her apartment. There I found a lot of Christmas gifts torn open that her friends had bought from Santa for her daughter. She said she was just thinking she was hungry. Well, I suspect there was no food in the place. She also remarked that it was cold. It was. No heat. I wondered if she really needed to fax or had just managed to coax money out of me. I decided I was not going to offer to babysit for free while she took buses to the fax place.
The place was reasonably clean maybe because it was so bare.
I asked her if she maybe needed a twin bed, as I had a twin bed frame I was giving away. She said her daughter had her own room (i.e THE bedroom) and that she herself sometimes slept on the sofa she was selling me. It was clear she had been unable to sell it, would have no room for it in the next place, and that she was happy to have some money in hand. Maybe the money to pay her friends.
The next day her friends showed up in a vehicle that looked like it was held together with spackle and proceeded to tie a box springs and two mattresses onto the roof. It turned out they were not friends but for hire. She was so broke she hit me up for boxes and plastic bags. I gave her the money for the sofa and an extra $5 to tip them for bringing her sofa across the street to my place. (Apparently she didn't and kept the money, as they posed around my door awaiting tip money.) I realized that she had not wanted the bed frame because her daughter slept on a mattress on the floor and these mattresses and box springs were so mismatched and filthy, I had to wonder if she hadn't pulled them into her place when someone else on the street threw them out.
So, no money for bus fare, no money to buy gifts for her daughter herself, no gift for the daughter from the "father", no money to heat the place, and food insecurity.
To her credit she has been doing an Internship and hoping for a new job and I certainly hope that in her new town this is possible and exactly what happens for her in the New Year.
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