40% of Black Women are "not married"...Well...Not Really... BLACK WOMEN WILL HAVE TO VENTURE OUT OF THEIR CULTURE?

BLACK WOMEN UNMARRIED - WHY? IS IT TRUE

IS RACISM WITHIN THE BLACK COMMUNITY THE REASON WHY SO MANY AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN ARE NEVER MARRIED?

This is just what a friend of mine suggests.  She says that African American men are going for White or Lighter Skinned African American women.  She says this leaves few good men for African American women who are darker skinned.  Just when I was going to reject this idea,  a male friend of mine said about the same thing.  He said as a result of fewer good African American men, African-American women had to share men, and had taken single motherhood in stride; after all don't most women want a child?

I thought about HIGH SCHOOL.  OK... In my high school some of the best athletes were Black.  Is that a stereotype?  I can only say it was true.  And most of these men did seem to reject the women of their own race and date White, European-Americans.  There was a catch.  These same White, European-American women were then shunned by White men!  Yes! The town was kind of small.  And I feel that everyone got along pretty well otherwise.

I had one friend in school who was of African-American and Native American heritage and she wore braids.  I was there when a man (a boy actually) crossed the HIGH SCHOOL cafeteria and told her that she was not Black.  Not Black due to her hair style, and for associating with a group of White women (girls really.)

I don't know how this would play in today's high school generation.  To me it seems there is far less prejudice.  Am I wrong?  Maybe I don't just get it?

Let me know!

Sister

PEACEFULLY, TRANQUILLY, NEVER MARRIED

I say "Don't defend yourself when people make snide remarks to you or around you about your single, childless status...." is that easier said than done?

Do you have any special ways of dealing with this?

Let me know! (Maybe we can all use some good comebacks?)

Sister

JOINT CENTER STATISTICAL DATA

Here's the info for you statistic freaks!

SISTER SPEAKS : DEATH OF A (LONG AGO LOST) FRIEND REMINDS ME OF WHY MARRIAGE CAN BE A BAD IDEA

The other day I thought of a woman who I had been friends with for over a decade.  I had some time to spend so I decided to look her up on the Internet.  To my surprise I learned she had died an early death a year ago, leaving behind a teenage daughter, a husband (still), and a skeleton crew of relatives and friends.  I found a picture of her, a testimonial that she had survived a new innovative treatment, and reason to believe that at least some of the things she wanted out of life had been achieved. 

BUT HER ROTTEN MARRIAGE was one of those marriages that reinforced my feeling that marriage was not a lifestyle I was very interested in.

If you think she married for all the wrong reasons, she didn't.  At least at the time she told me she liked, loved, and was in love with her husband to be.  And my friend was an only child, not spoiled, but used to having her way.  She married another only child who was spoiled, and used to having his way.  It became a battle of wills, and because she was "not a feminist," slowly but surely this bright, talented woman, who held an executive position (the irony!) was doing everything his way, including not having sex most of the time because he didn't want it.

I could go on and on, but the point is, when I found out she had died, I found myself swearing at her husband.  What kind of life did she have, living around you and your wants and needs (and not needs)... My friend should have known better but she even forked over her executive paycheck and let him invest it and most of the time had no idea where their money was.

I found her daughter's MY SPACE, and there was a sad, "I just lost my mother" look in her eyes.  My friend had wanted children, but he wouldn't let her until she had put 20 years in at her company and had the big retirement.  

It's really easy for women - wives - like these to not face the reality that their relationship is UNDESIREABLE - and that the Never Married No Kids life is not all bad and in fact can be very good. 

Most of us do not say that to the parties involved.  We'll say to ourselves "It's their relationship, so stay out of it." But when we go home from the party alone, sometimes as we shut out the light to go to sleep we say to ourselves "I am just lucky I'm not in a marriage like that!"

Sister


C Sister/Never Married No Kids  2010 All Rights including International and Internet Rights Reserved

AFRICAN AMERICAN NMNK MONTH

This month I'm going to try and explore African American NMNK.  Recent reports are that African American women have very little chance of ever marrying. And though these statistics represent many who would like to be married there are those who are OK with life as is. It seems to me that African-American woman have a special challenge, and it's not about skin color as much as it is about culture, for African-American women are very matriarchal!

WHY IS EVERY STATISTIC ABOUT NEVER MARRIED WOMAN LACED WITH IMPLIED FRUSTRATION?