Yes and no.
Something I don't much miss is getting together with women who are trying to get married and unhappy. Now honestly, sometimes "dating hell" stories are funny (looking back on it), or tragic, or simply must be told to a bevy of women friends so that one can get support. It's women's night out and everyone is kicking back and complaining, which is no fun.
It's not easy dating for the purposes of finding someone right to marry, and really many of my women friends have put up with a whole lotta you know what in the process. They are in pain. Which is a shame. So there have been SO VERY MANY DATING SELF HELP BOOKS published in recent years in which experts (self-proclaimed) attempt to explain how to do it better.
And I DO think, based on the experience of friends, that many women are MAKING DO, so that they will not be alone in this life.
Let's say that in your late teens and early twenties, you're just out of the starting gate, and so are most of the other horses. People are mixing it up, are often sexually explorative, and very many do get married. Late twenties and mid-thirties is the "it's about time,"/ "everyone's doing it" zone. Dangerous. Mid-thirties to mid-forties, if there is any time in which a "biological clock" ticks (for some women) that's when marriage is about having a baby before it is too late. (And actually, all things considered after your mid-forties it probably is too late, even if you read about a billionaire woman having a child near 60 years old - consider that her fortune will sustain the best for a child even if she's dead.)
I think people are dating wrong, and though I know this applies to a lot of men also, I'm speaking to other women here.
First of all YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF, and this is not about your own personal philosophy (an esoteric concept) but practical things like how important income, religion, sex, and other big issues are to you.
If you are very religious no doubt you need to find a man at your church, or at least of the same or very similar religion. The more political you are - ditto. I'm telling you that if there is anything at all that others think of you as "radical" about, you probably are in some way, and differences here will end up breaking you as a couple.
Think you can "work" on big differences? You probably CAN if there is only ONE big difference. Consider that different races, different in "class," and expectations about income (who makes it, who makes more, who quits working to childcare, etc.) are all issues, as in BIG ISSUES.
So, let's say you're exceptional. You've made it out of poverty to become a Phd. You're also a Republican even though your family is a Democrat. Through hard work and sacrifice and innate brilliance you have gone way past your circumstances of birth. You will probably feel most comfortable with someone from a similar experience. (I know - good luck finding this person!)
And MOST COMFORTABLE is the thing people have dismissed as THE ALL-IMPORTANT consideration when they are dating to find a spouse.
Because HOME, your marriage/relationship, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE there, or it is not the REFUGE from the rest of the world/life that it needs to be to sustain you. This means you don't bicker every day and you don't have too many blow ups. Maybe you're not constantly verbally communicating, but because you have no to few BIG ISSUES there are other ways to know and FEEL you are on the same page.
One of my friend's divorce came down to this. He was from a Germanic Father is ruler of the home background, and even if his wife's income was much higher, and even if he was out of work, he was NOT going to do much childcare. She was from a Slavic Mother is ruler of the home background, and a working woman, who wanted a role reversal. They had a power struggle over the children constantly.
C 2016 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot/ "Sister"
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
Something I don't much miss is getting together with women who are trying to get married and unhappy. Now honestly, sometimes "dating hell" stories are funny (looking back on it), or tragic, or simply must be told to a bevy of women friends so that one can get support. It's women's night out and everyone is kicking back and complaining, which is no fun.
It's not easy dating for the purposes of finding someone right to marry, and really many of my women friends have put up with a whole lotta you know what in the process. They are in pain. Which is a shame. So there have been SO VERY MANY DATING SELF HELP BOOKS published in recent years in which experts (self-proclaimed) attempt to explain how to do it better.
And I DO think, based on the experience of friends, that many women are MAKING DO, so that they will not be alone in this life.
Let's say that in your late teens and early twenties, you're just out of the starting gate, and so are most of the other horses. People are mixing it up, are often sexually explorative, and very many do get married. Late twenties and mid-thirties is the "it's about time,"/ "everyone's doing it" zone. Dangerous. Mid-thirties to mid-forties, if there is any time in which a "biological clock" ticks (for some women) that's when marriage is about having a baby before it is too late. (And actually, all things considered after your mid-forties it probably is too late, even if you read about a billionaire woman having a child near 60 years old - consider that her fortune will sustain the best for a child even if she's dead.)
I think people are dating wrong, and though I know this applies to a lot of men also, I'm speaking to other women here.
First of all YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF, and this is not about your own personal philosophy (an esoteric concept) but practical things like how important income, religion, sex, and other big issues are to you.
If you are very religious no doubt you need to find a man at your church, or at least of the same or very similar religion. The more political you are - ditto. I'm telling you that if there is anything at all that others think of you as "radical" about, you probably are in some way, and differences here will end up breaking you as a couple.
Think you can "work" on big differences? You probably CAN if there is only ONE big difference. Consider that different races, different in "class," and expectations about income (who makes it, who makes more, who quits working to childcare, etc.) are all issues, as in BIG ISSUES.
So, let's say you're exceptional. You've made it out of poverty to become a Phd. You're also a Republican even though your family is a Democrat. Through hard work and sacrifice and innate brilliance you have gone way past your circumstances of birth. You will probably feel most comfortable with someone from a similar experience. (I know - good luck finding this person!)
And MOST COMFORTABLE is the thing people have dismissed as THE ALL-IMPORTANT consideration when they are dating to find a spouse.
Because HOME, your marriage/relationship, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLE there, or it is not the REFUGE from the rest of the world/life that it needs to be to sustain you. This means you don't bicker every day and you don't have too many blow ups. Maybe you're not constantly verbally communicating, but because you have no to few BIG ISSUES there are other ways to know and FEEL you are on the same page.
One of my friend's divorce came down to this. He was from a Germanic Father is ruler of the home background, and even if his wife's income was much higher, and even if he was out of work, he was NOT going to do much childcare. She was from a Slavic Mother is ruler of the home background, and a working woman, who wanted a role reversal. They had a power struggle over the children constantly.
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights
