THE CONVERSTION - MORE PEOPLE THAN EVER BEFORE ARE SINGLE - and that's a good thing by Bella DePaula, a social scientist from UC Santa Barbara
EXCERPT:
In fact, people who live alone are often the life of their cities and towns. They tend to participate in more civic groups and public events, enroll in more art and music classes, and go out to dinner more often than people who live with others. Single people, regardless of whether they live alone or with others, also volunteer more for social service organizations, educational groups, hospitals and organizations devoted to the arts than people who are married.
In contrast, when couples move in together or get married, they tend to become more insular, even if they don’t have children.
5/14/17
HAPPY NURTERERS DAY to ALL YOU NON PARENTS
Nurturer? Well, it seems there is a day on our calendar to remember dad with cards and gifts and outings to restaurants, and another on our calendar for mom.
But I think these days are gender specific and what we need is ONE DAY to HONOR ALL OF US WHO NURTURE!
Think of all the ways you as a NMNK nurture. It's taking care of parents, family members, neighbors, and people who are not related to us but who, because of our job description, are still nurtured by us. If you are a teacher, social worker, psychologist, this is a little or a lot true.
We also nurture our pets. And our plants.
We don't have to be married or personally have children to be good and kind, giving and uplifting to other people, to aid them in self realization or fulfillment, so that they can best participate in life!
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
But I think these days are gender specific and what we need is ONE DAY to HONOR ALL OF US WHO NURTURE!
Think of all the ways you as a NMNK nurture. It's taking care of parents, family members, neighbors, and people who are not related to us but who, because of our job description, are still nurtured by us. If you are a teacher, social worker, psychologist, this is a little or a lot true.
We also nurture our pets. And our plants.
We don't have to be married or personally have children to be good and kind, giving and uplifting to other people, to aid them in self realization or fulfillment, so that they can best participate in life!
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot.
5/10/17
NEVER MARRIED NO KIDS NO SURGERY?
Recently I needed minor surgery. So minor that while I was told I needed it I was also told my insurance would not pay for me to be put to sleep for the hour or so it would take. I felt I needed to be put to sleep because I have anxiety about it, about pain, and because it's not easy for me to hold still. I didn't want to be aware of what was going on.
So I was told OK, but you pay $400 out of your own pocket for the IV drip and medication. I agreed and was about ready to make my appointment for this out patient procedure. But then I was told that the surgery could not be done because I have no one to take me home. I said that I would take a cab, they didn't have to worry about me driving. No, I had to have a person with me to and fro, someone to stay with me. Since I do not know of anyone who wants to take a half day to two days off from work, I cancelled. The hell with it. I'll live with it. I'm not up for any lectures from these unrealistic medical people.
Of course this brings up the fact that currently most people who are seniors do have a son, daughter, or living spouse who can take them to hospitals and back, and be there for them when they recovery from an outpatient surgery, but that increasingly, there are going to be people like me who do not, and whose insurance isn't going to pay for a qualified stranger - a nurse or caregiver - to be in the home. There are many of these seniors who are often original home owners in my neighborhood, and I hate to say it, but those who have only one or two children have pretty much used guilt so that those children don't have the audacity to leave town for their careers or their marriages. The healthy boundaries aren't there. it's more "how dare you leave me!"
Of course, the idea that one would have one or more children selfishly, with an eye to one's own personal fulfillment or the meeting of one's needs in seniorhood, is abhorrent to me. I know that some of my friends through the years have married also to not be "alone" in life. I do feel that we have obligation to our family (when they have been and are good to us. If they have been or are abusive - NO!) As someone who has visited and looked in on more than one senior citizen neighbor who had children and grandchildren who were NOT looking in on them, I know that having children is no guarantee that you won't be alone in seniorhood. (Some of these children were given college educations, new cars, down payments on houses, and much else, but still don't much look in on their parents.)
Last year I had the experience of meeting a senior citizen's daughter for the first time, as she was incoming with her husband from Europe. Long lovingly married to his sweetheart, this senior had just experienced the loss of her after near 60 years of marriage. They seemed to be a couple that were truly soul mates. In their 80's they were still holding hands when they walked along. He was of course devastated and had lost his bearings. The fact that he still works helped a lot! So, the daughter, who goes from city to city with her husband, we can assume because they are part of a crowd that does that, decided I should look in on her dad and e-mail her about his condition, since I like her dad. In other words, this monied woman, whose parents were and are financially good to her, and who lives off a trust, and travels around, decided that I, a much poorer person, should do this out of the goodness of my heart, no charge.
I like my neighbor, and when I'm out and about walking my dog in his neighborhood, certainly I'll want to say hi how are you? But, well, you get the idea. I don't want to take on her responsibility, as I've already been responsible with my own parents. I'm not looking to be a care-giver at this point.
It seems to me that the medical profession needs to get with it when it comes to NMNK people. Yes, some of us have friends who can and will take time off work to see us back and forth for medical procedures. But I think my NMNK situation will become more and more common.
Looking further into this, I have often been asked as a matter of routine if I have filed a MEDICAL DIRECTIVE yet. Looking into it, I learned that MEDICAL DIRECTIVES are near useless unless a family member is there to enforce it. Hospitals and doctors cannot be counted on to look yours up in their files during an emergency. So you may not want to be hooked up, but will be anyway, unless someone close to you takes the ride in the ambulance with your paperwork in hand.
Am I sorry I didn't have children?
No, I'm not.
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved.
So I was told OK, but you pay $400 out of your own pocket for the IV drip and medication. I agreed and was about ready to make my appointment for this out patient procedure. But then I was told that the surgery could not be done because I have no one to take me home. I said that I would take a cab, they didn't have to worry about me driving. No, I had to have a person with me to and fro, someone to stay with me. Since I do not know of anyone who wants to take a half day to two days off from work, I cancelled. The hell with it. I'll live with it. I'm not up for any lectures from these unrealistic medical people.
Of course this brings up the fact that currently most people who are seniors do have a son, daughter, or living spouse who can take them to hospitals and back, and be there for them when they recovery from an outpatient surgery, but that increasingly, there are going to be people like me who do not, and whose insurance isn't going to pay for a qualified stranger - a nurse or caregiver - to be in the home. There are many of these seniors who are often original home owners in my neighborhood, and I hate to say it, but those who have only one or two children have pretty much used guilt so that those children don't have the audacity to leave town for their careers or their marriages. The healthy boundaries aren't there. it's more "how dare you leave me!"
Of course, the idea that one would have one or more children selfishly, with an eye to one's own personal fulfillment or the meeting of one's needs in seniorhood, is abhorrent to me. I know that some of my friends through the years have married also to not be "alone" in life. I do feel that we have obligation to our family (when they have been and are good to us. If they have been or are abusive - NO!) As someone who has visited and looked in on more than one senior citizen neighbor who had children and grandchildren who were NOT looking in on them, I know that having children is no guarantee that you won't be alone in seniorhood. (Some of these children were given college educations, new cars, down payments on houses, and much else, but still don't much look in on their parents.)
Last year I had the experience of meeting a senior citizen's daughter for the first time, as she was incoming with her husband from Europe. Long lovingly married to his sweetheart, this senior had just experienced the loss of her after near 60 years of marriage. They seemed to be a couple that were truly soul mates. In their 80's they were still holding hands when they walked along. He was of course devastated and had lost his bearings. The fact that he still works helped a lot! So, the daughter, who goes from city to city with her husband, we can assume because they are part of a crowd that does that, decided I should look in on her dad and e-mail her about his condition, since I like her dad. In other words, this monied woman, whose parents were and are financially good to her, and who lives off a trust, and travels around, decided that I, a much poorer person, should do this out of the goodness of my heart, no charge.
I like my neighbor, and when I'm out and about walking my dog in his neighborhood, certainly I'll want to say hi how are you? But, well, you get the idea. I don't want to take on her responsibility, as I've already been responsible with my own parents. I'm not looking to be a care-giver at this point.
It seems to me that the medical profession needs to get with it when it comes to NMNK people. Yes, some of us have friends who can and will take time off work to see us back and forth for medical procedures. But I think my NMNK situation will become more and more common.
Looking further into this, I have often been asked as a matter of routine if I have filed a MEDICAL DIRECTIVE yet. Looking into it, I learned that MEDICAL DIRECTIVES are near useless unless a family member is there to enforce it. Hospitals and doctors cannot be counted on to look yours up in their files during an emergency. So you may not want to be hooked up, but will be anyway, unless someone close to you takes the ride in the ambulance with your paperwork in hand.
Am I sorry I didn't have children?
No, I'm not.
C 2017 Never Married No Kids BlogSpot All Rights Reserved.
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